Me: nyahahaha!!! Hello people!

Lina: You again!?

Me: Who else?

Lina: It could be another one…

Me: face it, I own this page. I am Rina-chan’s schizophrenic mind and you can’t do anything about it.

Rina-chan: Hey if you’re mistaken, I don’t have schizophrenia! I am not sick! I don’t belong to the mental hospital! I…

Me: *pushes Rina-chan away* I’ll deal with you later… Well anyway, lemme introduce the good ‘ol characters for this fairyfic!

Lina: They know me already!

Me: *ignoring Lina.* For our Princess, it’s this little redhead beside me who’s always complaining and complaining about anything and everything…

Lina:*twitch*

Me: for the king, we have…um…lessee…*looks at the script*

*the others started to arrive*

Me: …okay, the king is Xelloss.

Xelloss: My, a decent role…for the FIRST TIME!!! I don’t like it…*pout*

Me: Well start liking it coz you are the king! *turns to script again* and the queen will be Shilfiell.

Shilfiell: WHAT?!

Me: I never knew you could react like that?! *looks down at the script* The prince? We have Gourry.

Lina: *turn to Gourry* *blush* you?

Gourry: *smile* Hi, Lina!

Me: for the servants, we have Xelas Metallium, Luna Inverse, Filia and Amelia.

Xelas: *facefault* Hey,! I’m a maid!? A ser…vant!? Are you insulting me!?

Valgarv: you should be thankful she didn’t turn you into the one who picks up the poo of the horses…are there horses here?

Me: yes, there are! Anyway, you should be thankful, Xelas. I included you here coz I think you look so perfect…I don’t wanna leave you behind. Plus, you can spy on your minion!

Xelas: right…I can see if he’s doing something stupid…*looks at Xelloss*

Luna: I’d rather work as the waitress…

Filia: whew!

Amelia: It’s injustice! I don’t wanna be the maid! I wanna be the princess…or the queen!

Me: enough royalty, Amelia, try being a low-classed citizen.

Amelia: *mutter mutter mutter…*

Me: and the Prince’s guards, we have Valgarv and Zelgadiss…and the horse…it’s Garv.

Garv: oh goody! I get to play horsey! *sarcastically with a nerv on his head*

Me: anyway, let’s all get started!!!

Shilfiell: what’s this fairy tale all about, anyway?

Me: You’ll know…*turning away*

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Me: Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a King Xelloss and his dear Queen Shilfiell…

Xelloss: You heard that, Shilfiell?

Shilfiell: *turn away* No…

Me:…who had an only son named Gourry.

Gourry: *smile* hi!

Me: Now Prince Gourry is a very handsome guy who has a kind and considerate heart, he was trained very well by his private tutors which his dad had hired for him when he was quite younger. One day, Queen Shilfiell came to Gourry and told him…

Shilfiell: Gourry-sama…

Me: you’re not supposed to respect him!

Shilfiell:*blush* sorry… um… Son, I think you should get married now! You have reached the right age for marriage!

Gourry: but Shilfiell…

Shilfiell: it’s mom.

Gourry: Oh…okay,…. But mom, I don’t know I cannot decide what to do…

Zelgadiss: just let him take mass communications…

Valgarv: how about home economics?

Lina: Will you nincompoops stop it!? I wanna finish this so that I could run away! I don’t wanna take part of this thing, you know!?

Me: well, I guess you’re coming along now, huh?

Shilfiell: Then marry me instead, Gourry-sama!

Gourry: huh?

Lina: Why the nerve…

Xelloss: *drags Shilfiell out of the scene* Yare, yare, Shilfiell! You are feverish! Lemme take you to the doctor!

Me: that’s it, take her away with you…

Xelloss: (after taking Shilfiell away) Gourry, why don’t you go look for a bride. Make sure that she is worthy of you and this kingdom or…Xelas Metallium might eat me… *gulp*

Gourry: sure, dad!

Me: and off he went with his servants Zelgadiss and Valgarv and his horse, Garv.

Gourry: (riding on Garv’s back) Ya! Faster, Faster!

Garv: you idiot! You moronic !@@#$%^*&*(& what do you think of me, a horse?

Zelgadiss: (riding on a real horse) Hey, Prince Gourry, wait for us!

Valgarv: (riding on another real horse) Geez… I can’t believe I’m doing this…

Me: and Prince Gourry arrived at Zoana, and met Princess Martina, but she didn’t seem to suit her.

Martina: Aww…nuts! I was looking forward to uniting my kingdom with his!

Zanglus: Shut up, Martina, you’re already hitched to me!

Me: SHHH! Anyway, Prince Gourry traveled far and wide, still searching for his bride, but neither seemed to please his taste.

Valgarv: what kinda taste does he have anyway!? Maybe he would like bugs to be his wife!

Filia: will you stop talking!?

Me: okay, stop talking and lemme proceed….(faces audience) Okay, so some princesses were too fat, some too lonely, some too thin and frail. Others didn’t seem to like him at all…coz he was dumb…

Gourry: I’ll take that as a complement.

Me: With Pleasure, your majesty!…anyway, till he gave up and returned home, sad and disappointed, because he wanted a REAL princess for his bride.

Gourry: Hey, I am not a quitter! I can still look for a bride!

Me: follow the story, mister.

Zelgadiss: (dragging Gourry with him) Let’s go, your majesty…

Gourry: oi…don’t pull my hair…oq…

Valgarv: (dragging Garv with him) *mutter, mutter, mutter…*

Garv: let go of me, you traitor!

Valgarv: @#$^*&&^%$#!!@$%(&^(&^)(&*_

Me: When he arrived home, King Xelloss and Queen Shilfiell were also very disappointed with their son.

Shilfiell: poor son…come here and let me and your father serve you some food, we know you are very hungry and disappointed…

Xelloss: your mother is right. (joining along)

Gourry: (sad look on his face.) Yeah… sure…*lightening up* food?!

Xelloss: let’s go, Gourry, just leave your horse to the SERVANTS!

Zelgadiss and Valgarv: *glare*

Val: what did you mean by servants and you stressed that word!?

Xelloss: nyehehe! Sore wa himitsu desu…

Zelgadiss: don’t mind him, he’s always crazy.

Valgarv: I oughtta !@#$^&^…

Me: that night, there was a storm. Then, as they were having dinner and Prince Gourry was enjoying a chicken dinner for 2, there was a knock on the castle’s door.

Xelloss: *standing up* I’ll get it…

Shilfiell: (pulls Xelloss back to his seat) No, Zel will get it!

Xelloss: No, I will get it!

Shilfiell: no, you stay here, dearie!

Xelloss: *pout…*

Shilfiell: Zel, answer the door!

Zelgadiss: (in a pink apron with purple laces) Yes, your highness… *mutter, mutter, mutter*

Me: and the servant Zelgadiss opened the door and found a hooded young girl standing in the rain, all soaked in cold rain water.

Zelgadiss: oh…are you copying my get-up?

Lina: No, I’m not. Now let me in you…

Me: You should be gentle and soft-spoken!

Filia: doesn’t fit her at all…

Me: well live with it! You’re only acting things out anyway…

Lina: *sigh*…(trying to look pitiful) Oh, dear sir! Please, let me in…I am a real princess and… and… whoops…I forgot what to say…(gets the script and looks at it)…Oh! I see…(turns pitiful again)…and I don’t have a place to stay! A group of bandits stole my horse and my jewelry and the way home is too far from here. The storm is here and…I am all drenched!

Zel:*sweatdrop* Ugh! You poor thing! Wait here.

Lina: You’re gonna make me wait here outside!

Luna: if my sister gets sick, you’ll pay for her medicines and I won’t do anything.

Zel: yeah, yeah, sure, Luna-chan! I’ll get the King and Queen first and tell them that they have a guest…(runs off)Your highnesses! A girl at the door claims to be a real princess!

Gourry: *choking on the chicken and taking a gulp of wine* NANI!? A real princess?

Xelloss: that’s good!

Shilfiell: Perfect! Let her in at once and take care of her! Give her a bath and clothe her and feed her and give her a nice room!

Xelloss: You’ll make Zel give Lina a bath!? Are you nuts!…though interesting…

Gourry: no! that can’t be! I’ll give her a bath!

Luna: You do something stupid to my sister and you’re dead meat!

Xelas: calm down, Luna…

Lina: Good evening, King Xelloss and Queen Shilfiell… my name is Lina Inverse and…

Xelloss: you told our servant that you are a real princess?

Lina: yeah…I am a real princess *drag look*

Me: but Shilfiell wanted to be sure…

Shilfiell: hm… okay, Luna, Xelas, Amelia and Filia, come here!

ENTER LUNA, XELAS, FILIA AND AMELIA…

Amelia: Yes, your majesty? *glare at Zel and blush*

Zel: *looks away*

Shilfiell: Luna and Xelas, why don’t you give our dear Princess Lina a bath? She might get sick because of the rain and she needs it. And you, Filia and Amelia, could you prepare the vacant room upstairs? I’ll help you in preparing…

Lina: What!? Give me a bath!? Hey! I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself!

Me: we’re following the story, Lina.

Luna: just shut up, sis or I’ll…

Lina: Okay, okay! *quiver*

Gourry: couldn’t I give her the bath instead?

Xelloss: No, sonny! You stay here! *pushes Gourry down the chair but Gourry fell anyway*

Gourry: *hitting the floor hard with his butt* OW! Dad!

Xelloss: oh, did I hurt you?

Shilfiell: Xelloss dear! How dare you hurt our dear son! You oughtta be punished! You…!@@#$#%^ %^!!!!! Filia, lemme borrow your mace!

Filia: *gets her mace* uh…sure, your highness…

Shilfiell: *grabs Filia’s mace and chases Xelloss with it* You come back here this instant my dear husband! I shall behead you this time or never! I oughtta !@@##%^&*

Zelgadiss: are priestesses supposed to act that way?

Filia: guess I overdid influencing her…

All: *glare at Filia* huh?!

Me: well, anyway, so the maids gave the princess a bath…

Lina: Ow! Stop scrubbing my skin with a scouring pad!

Luna: Oh! Who put this detergent here?

Lina: You mean you’re bathing me with detergent and a damned scouring pad used for dishes!? How dare…

Xelas: No, your majesty! This is milk!

Lina: How can this white thingy where I’m in right now be milk if it’s bubbly and smells…bad???*glare suspiciously*

Luna: You’re right…it stinks…

Xelas: Ugh…what a stench!

Lina: this can’t be bubblebath or detergent or milk if it smells like this!?

Luna: Yeah…and it smells like spoiled milk…

Xelas: You mean this is expired milk!?

Lina: WHAT!? THE TWO OF YOU ARE BATHING ME WITH EXPIRED MILK!?

Luna: shut up, sis!

Lina: lemme outta here! I can’t face the world stinking! I don’t wanna smell bad in front of others! I don’t wanna….*hysteria*

Luna: *trying to make Lina stay inside the tub* hey, the Queen told us to give you a bath and that’s what we’re doing.

Xelas: my best friend is very right! Now hold still!

Luna: don’t worry, what are perfumes for?

Lina: but…but…

Xelas: ah, yare yare, Lina-san! Don’t worry, after this, you’ll feel totally refreshed!

Lina: NOOOooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Me: boy…talk about spoiled milk…meanwhile, After Queen Shilfiell have chased Xelloss all around the castle and she got tired of it, she returned to an unoccupied room and Filia & Amelia were there, fixing it for Princess Lina.

Shilfiell: Okay, Filia, tell Zelgadiss and Valgarv to bring in 20 bed spreads and Amelia, please get me 20 mattresses, and …

Filia: aren’t mattresses too heavy for Amelia? Why not let the guys get those mattresses?

Shilfiell *blush in embarrassment* oh…sorry…

Amelia: but what are you planning to do with those things, your highness?

Shilfiell: please keep quiet about this, but I just wanted to make sure that Princess Lina is a REAL princess, so underneath those mattresses and bedspreads, I’ll put a pea.

Filia: a pea?

Amelia: what for?

Shilfiell: I don’t want my son to just marry any girl. So, If Lina feels something hard underneath those things, then she is a real one.

Filia and Amelia: oh…I see…

Shilfiell: now get going, girls!

Me: afterwards, before Luna and Xelas brought in Lina to her bedroom, the bed was ready.

Zelgadiss: how is Lina gonna climb up there?

Valgarv: getta ladder, Zel.

Zel: how dare you order me? are you my master!

Valgarv: yeah…

Zel: why you…

Shilfiell: There! All set! Now…Zel, why don’t you tell Luna and Xelas to take our dear Lina here?

Xelloss: I tell ya, Shilfiell dear, you can lose sev’ral pounds just chasing me around every night! Why don’t we do it vice versa? I chase you around this time?

Shilfiell: *shiver* Please, Xelloss-san!

Xelloss: ^_~

Shilfiell: Wait till I tell Xelas Metallium!

Xelloss: *panic* no! don’t tell her! She’ll make me eat dirt!

Filia: then learn to respect women, you namagomi!

Zelgadiss: and learn to respect men as well…*recalls the YAOI fics he’s seen…*

Xelloss: come on, you believe those?

All including Me: YES WE DO!!!!!

Xelloss: aww…do you hate me that much…*sniff*

ENTER LINA, XELAS AND LUNA…

Lina: Okay, I wanna go to bed! …*stares up at the tall bed* whoa…what is this!? What kinda bed is this?

Shilfiell: this is your bed, Lina!

Lina: you call this a bed?

Luna: okay, sis, climb up the ladder…

Lina: hmf! *flies up*

Valgarv: show-off!

Lina: what did you say!?

Valgarv: I said that I hope you twist and turn so bad and then you’ll fall outta there and break your neck!

Gourry: how mean!

Me: yeah, how mean!!!

Valgarv: just doing my part…

Shilfiell: now I want you to become comfortable there, Lina! Just tell us if you need any help!

ALL OTHERS EXIT EXCEPT LINA WHO’S STUCK UP THERE.

Lina: so what…I don’t need them…

Me: you will if you want some food.

Lina: speaking of food! They haven’t fed me yet!

Me: uh-huh!

Lina: hey, get me some food!

Me: they can’t hear you…

Lina: *more louder that the ground shook* HEY NITWITS! GET ME SOME FOOD!!!!!

ENTER LUNA.

Luna: NOW YOU SHUT UP THERE, LINA OR I’LL TELL OUR MOTHER THAT YOU’VE BEEN YELLING AT ME AGAIN, DISRESPCTING YOUR ELDER SISTER!!!

Lina: *in a small squeaky voice* sure, onesan…

EXIT LUNA.

Lina: well, I think I will just go to bed…besides, Gourry is going to feed me tomorrow! More and more and more food…

Me: next thing I’ll know is that you’re gonna weigh 700lbs and look like the fattest lady on earth…

Lina: I’ll take that as an insult, Lina-chan.

Me: thank you, Lina!

Me: *turns to audience* and so Lina decided to sleep. But, she couldn’t, for she felt something hard underneath those sheets and mattresses.

Lina: n..nani? Kore wa nani?…

Me: and she hated the feeling…

Lina: damn! What is this!

Me: so she wasn’t able to sleep and just stayed there, up all night… but the next day…

Lina: ugh…I’m so sleepy…*groggy*

ENTER SHILFIELL, XELLOSS AND XELAS.

Shilfiell: good morning, Lina, how was last night?

Lina: boy…what a night…as if I’ve been hit by a truck! What’s underneath these things anyway?

Xelloss: Oh goody!!!

Shilfiell: why don’t you come down here now, Lina!

Lina: *used the ladder* Okay…*she got down finally.*

Xelas: Hmm…nice eyes… you need cucumbers.

Lina: yeah…

Shilfiell: *delighted* Lina-san! I’m so glad you weren’t able to sleep!

Lina: *suddenly awake* huh?

Xelloss: yeah!

Lina: you mean… you planned all of this!?

Shilfiell: to know if you are a real princess…

Lina: what the…I am not a princess? I am a sorceress!!!

Me: Lina, follow the script.

Lina: NO!

Me: Lina….*warning*

Lina: sure! I’m a princess! *smiling happily*

Me: there!

Lina: *mutter, mutter, mutter*

Shilfiell: Xelas-san!

Xelas: yeah? *turns to me* Why should I take orders from her anyway? She is not LON or Shabranigudo?!

Me: but she’s your queen right now.

Xelas: yeah, sure…*turns back to Shilfiell* What is it, your highness?

Shilfiell: give our dear Princess another bath and feed her! She is going to marry my son!

Lina: *blush* marry Gourry?

Luna: so, I’m gonna have a brother-in-law? Interesting…

Lina: sis!!!???

Luna: I’d better phone our parents to tell them that their youngest daughter is gonna get married to a prince! *runs off*

Lina: SIS!!!

Shilfiell: This is gonna be the grandest wedding!!!

Lina: Shilfiell, remind me to dragon slave you after this play…

Me: This is getting nowhere…who is the real narrator anyway?

Xelloss: What do you mean? You are the narrator!

LON: not for long!

Me: get outta here!*kicks LON aside*

Shilfiell: hey, I’m following the script, Lina-san!

Gourry: What? You found me a bride? A real princess?…*stops to look at Lina*

Lina: What are you staring at?

Gourry: hm…she has a small chest…mom, don’t I have other choices?

Xelloss Ohohoho! Shut up, sonny! *punches Gourry on the face*

Shilfiell: How dare you hit our son! *raises right hand but unaware that Lina was behind her so she hit Lina’s face.*

Xelloss: How dare you hit our princess!

Lina: Ow….. You…Shilfiell…

Shilfiell: uh-oh…

Xelloss: yare, yare…

Gourry: what happened?

Xelloss: *grabs Shilfiell* let’s get outta here, my queen! Nyahahahaha!!!!

Lina: DRAGON…..*stops when Luna grabs her and takes her away, while Filia dragged Gourry with her.

Lina: Lemme go, sis!

Gourry: hey, what’s the fuss?

Luna: Come on, the priest is waiting…

Lina: Oh well…guess I’ll just stick to the script.

Me: it’s not in the script…

Lina and Gourry: WHAT!?

Gourry: *smile* you mean we’re really gonna get married?

Me: well, in the script, you get married…but…I haven’t finished the script yet.

Lina: then…

Luna: Stop moving, Lina, you’re ruining your hair…

Gourry: Whooohoooo!!! I’m gonna marry my dream princess!

Lina: I am not a princess *blushing*

Me: live with it, I’m going now! Thanks a lot, Luna! *runs off*

Luna: You’re welcome, Lina-chan!

Amelia: You mean you were behind all of this, Luna-chan?

Luna: not really.

Xelas: and it’s a SECRET!

Valgarv: you sound like Xelloss

Garv: hey! Get me out of these damned stables! I wanna go home!

Luna: No, we’re gonna use you as horse for the Prince and Princess’ carriage!

Garv: !!@@#^&* I don’t deserve this!!!

Me: well, what happened?…Hm…goodbye, anyway…

All: BYEEEE!!!

Valgarv: I am not satisfied…

Filia: Me too…

Xelloss: ditto…I didn’t even had the chance to catch Shilfiell.

Xelas: You maniac! I didn’t raise you to be maniac! Come here and I’ll give you 10 good spankings, you !@@#$%^**~&^% delinquent!

Xelloss: *runs off* BYEEEEE!!!