Dream Lover
by Angel_Love
Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Joss Whedon or the Buffy crew, no matter how many letters I write begging to be recognised. The songs don’t belong to me either. I didn’t pick them for the song itself, just the meaning of the lyrics. Transcript exerts do not belong to me, I just don’t have the patience. They belong to AleXander Thompson.
Plot: Lots of songs, extremely short and VERY cheesy, mushy, unrealistic talk. But hey, we all dream.
Rated:G
Buffy padded into her old bedroom, yawning widely. She looked a little out of place in the bedroom that had fitted her so well in her past. She had grown up so much, moved on, but the room had stayed the same. It was the same way she had left it when she had left for University life. And she liked that. In a mushy sentimental way.
She pulled the covers back, and stepped into bed.
Joyce, her mother, popped her head round the door.
“Goodnight Buffy.” She smiled. “Waffles for breakfast?”
“Mmmm. You spoil me!” Buffy murmured appreciatively.
“Well, it’s not often I get to do it nowadays. Mom’s perogative to spoil her only daughter.”
“If you say so.”
Joyce smiled and closed the door behind her.
Buffy smiled and rolled onto her side, tucking the covers around her.
Sleep came quickly ...... and so did the dream ......
She’s standing in the old high school parking lot, in the darkness, surrounded by smoke. After Graduation. Suddenly she turns around with a slight frown on her face. Her eyes lock on something and her face clears. Angel stands beside a fire truck, and is looking at her. They cannot take their eyes off each other, and with them, they say goodbye that they dare not utter in words. Buffy blinks and her face falls. She hugs herself in a vain attempt at protection, and Angel, is then obscured by some firemen walking by, and finally by a cloud of smoke. The smoke blows by and he steps back, slowly turns around and walks off. Buffy watches him leave. Angel disappears into the smoke, and she is alone......
I said too much, Went way too far / It’s only now, Now we’re apart / That I can see I was wrong / and you’re where I belong / So please don’t make me cry / I know you don’t believe it / but I really didn’t mean it - / when I said goodbye / When I said goodbye / I was a fool / Now I’m alone / Would you have stayed / stayed if you had known / That every thought is of you / that it’s all I can do / without you in my life / I know you don’t believe it / But I really didn’t mean it / when I said goodbye / I can’t bear to watch you fly away / I need you in my life / Don’t say goodbye / let’s give love another try / It used to be that you and me was all we need to know / I can’t believe you’re leaving / and I can’t live my life alone / We’ve changed so much / And in so many ways / Let’s work it out / There’s no need to turn the page / Your love is everything / don’t let go, we can win / if we would only try / I know you don’t believe it / but I really didn’t mean it - / when I said goodbye / Goodbye / When I said goodbye. . . . . . . . . . .
He’s in front of her, her love, her soulmate.
“You’re here....” She whispers, her gaze roaming his face in hunger.
“You called for help. How could I not be here when you need me?”
She breathes him in, every inch of him, loving him.
“I was prepared to live without you. I thought it was time to be on my own, that I was finally strong enough.” She tells him.
“Buffy, you’re never alone. Remember what you said to me when you came to L.A? You told me that I was part of you, that I completed you. You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be in your heart. And your friends love you too. How could they not? You’re Buffy.”
“Will it always be this hard?” She asks him, talking about letting him go, living without each other.
“You and I ...... we were complicated when we were at our simplest. But we couldn’t stay away from each other. We couldn’t do it. We tried to walk away in the beginning, to stop what would happen. Even then our hearts wouldn’t let the connection fade.”
“Would it have ever worked?”
They stand a little apart.
“In an alternate reality, maybe. But in the world we live in, we could never be. All we have now is what is in our hearts.”
She looks up at him, and his mouth descends down to touch hers, ever so softly.
When she lifts her head, their surroundings have been replaced by a large room of white, with bright lights and a large sign reading ‘Dream Prom 2000’. Angel’s normal clothes have been replaced with a smart, black tuxedo, and looking down, Buffy notices her PJs have disappeared, and her body is sheathed in a green sarong style dress that fits her body like it was specially made for her and what was happening.
They look around them, and a table of food appears like magic, and an attendant with flutes of champagne balancing perfectly, comes over to them.
“Sir? Madam?” He offers.
Each take a glass, and look around, as one by one, couples appear, in formal clothing, and all dancing to music that only they hear. Apparitions, ghostly, they move in silence.
Slowly, the white walls disintegrate into mirrors, and Buffy drops her glass in shock.
“Are you alright?” Angel asks quickly.
She exhales slowly, dazed, and her eyes, dilated with astonishment, look up at him.
“I can see your reflection.” She tells him in a softly urgent voice. “Can you see - look, Angel.”
Angel looks about him, but shows no emotion of surprise. Buffy calls him on it.
“Why aren’t you shocked? Angel, I can see you in the mirrors.”
He smiles down at her.
“When I’m with you, I’m alive. You make me alive Buffy. You make me human. You always have.” He reaches out for her, and a flower becomes visible in his hand as he places it in her hair.
Her eyes fill with tears, and she cannot find the words.
Angel bows slightly, offering his hand in a gentlemanly manner.
“May I have this dance Miss Summers?”
Buffy’s laughter rises into the air, as soft, lilting music strikes up from the band emerging on the small podium.
She nods, almost shyly, and takes his hand.
The female singer steps up to the microphone, as Angel takes Buffy in his arms for their dance.
Hurry up, love, don’t keep me waiting / Just say the words I long for /
“This is what I miss. Holding you, smelling you.” He whispers in her ear.
Right here and now / this moments for the taking /
“I miss everything.” She admits.
You are the one, that I adore / Here in your arms / I’m drifting far away / So tell me now / don’t you hesitate /
Angels hand runs through her hair, as, against his chest, Buffy closes her eyes in abandonment.
Is this love that we’re feeling? / Or are we dreaming? / Do you feel the magic too? / Make a dream come true / and if you seek the wonder / that I do inside - / then I think its love we’re feeling tonight /
Tears roll down her cheeks gently. She smiles and leans further into him.
In your eyes I see all you’re feeling / with you my love / I long to stay / you’re in my heart / oh now and forever /
“I love you so much.” She lets out on a small breath, encased within the moment, the music, and her lover.
I need to know / you feel the same / With you, you think I’d know what love can mean so hold me now, until eternity /
“I love you too. I always have.”
Is this love that we’re feeling? / Or are we dreaming? / Do you feel the magic too? / Make the dream come true / And if you seek the wonder / that I do inside - / then I think its love we’re feeling tonight /
A man steps up next to the female singer, and they finish off the song as a duet.
And in your arms it feels like paradise / I see my dreams reflecting in your eyes / Don’t you tell me I’m dreaming / cause I won’t believe it /
“I never want to let you go.”
This is love we’re feeling tonight /
“The dream can last forever Buffy.” Angel answers cryptically.
Oh, tonight / Is this love that we’re feeling? / Or are we dreaming? / Do you feel the magic too? / Make the dream come true / And if you seek the wonder / that I do inside / then I think it’s love we’re feeling / I think it’s love we’re feeling / I think it’s love we’re feeling / Tonight.
The song, ending, floats away, as the band disappears, and, couple by couple, the other people disappear.
But Buffy and Angel do not notice. They stand, inches apart, and hold hands, looking into each others eyes.
“What now?” She asks.
“Whatever is in your heart .....It will take you to it.”
They fade into the horizon, and the next image is one of brick walls and wedding chimes.
Willow stands beside Buffy as they fuss with her dress.
Both look radiant as they prepare. Willow, as bridesmaid, is dressed in a long, silk peach dress, with spaghetti straps and ties that are hanging loosely at the back. And Buffy, the blushing bride, is dressed in an intricate, delicate, soft ivory, flowing dress. Cut high at the front, and dipping dangerously low at the back, it flows out at the waist and lands at her ankles in soft ruffles of fabric.
“You look beautiful.” Willow exclaims, fixing the veil to Buffy’s head.
Her long blond hair flows from the veil, past her shoulders, onto her back. Straight and shining, it sets her dress off perfectly.
She smiles nervously.
“I don’t know. Too much?”
Willow shakes her head.
“It’s your wedding day Buffy. Too much is perfect.”
“Well, good. Because I want it to be perfect.” Her eyes sparkle. “I want everything to be perfect.”
“It will be.” Willow assures her, handing her the bouquet of lilac lilies.
“How about you? You like your dress?”
“Love it.”
Buffy takes one last look in the mirror, and takes a deep breath, nodding.
“It all seems like one big dream....”
Giles appears at the door behind them.
“Will you two please hurry -” He halts as he sees the two of them. “Oh.”
They stand on ceremony, smiling, teary eyed. Giles, himself, wipes some moisture gathering at the corner of his eye.
“Exquisite, you both look very attractive. Buffy ....”
They both smile more, and Willow excuses herself.
“I’ll go check on the guys.”
“You like?” Buffy asks her father figure again.
Giles seems unable to speak, and Buffy walks over to him.
“I’m really pleased you agreed to give me away, Giles. I can’t picture anyone else in the position.” She smiles.
Giles nods in emotion.
“I am ... deeply .... deeply honoured to be asked.”
Buffy hugs him impulsively.
“Don’t make me cry. It took me and Willow three hours to get this make up flawless...”
Giles coughs.
“Yes, yes, well. We better .... better get moving.” Buffy hooks her arm in his, and Giles looks down at her. “I am so proud of you Buffy. Yet no words can express what I will feel when I walk you down that aisle. Are you ready?”
“More than.”
They pause outside the church’s doors. The wedding march begins, and the doors begin to open.
Giles and Buffy stand, with Willow behind them.
Bride-to-be Buffy’s eyes immediately ignite with Angel’s, as he stands, waiting for her, next to his friend, and best man, Doyle.
He smiles, at her as Giles and Buffy begin their journey down the aisle.
Suddenly, the picture disappears, and all is dark and silent.
Then a glimmer of light sparks, the silence echoing.
The light gradually grows bigger, lighting the image of Buffy and Angel, together, in bed. They writhe in pleasure, and moan each others names.
They take each others hands and kiss in slow motion, passionately, pressing against each other with an undisguised urgency.
“Buffy .....” Angel pants.
They rise together, and explode in fire and love. It shoots through their veins like a potent drug, as they grip onto each other as the fires rage, and their bodies grow cold.
Buffy drags in breaths, licking her dry lips.
Angel, from beside her now, smiles, and brushes the sweaty hair away from his wife’s forehead.
“Hello, wife.”
“Hello, husband.”
“My only wish is to make you happy.” He tells her.
“I am at my happiest when I’m with you. You know that. My whole life, is you.”
“I don’t dare hope that all this is some kind of dream. That I’ll be alone without you in my bed. In my arms. When we wake up.”
Buffy’s hand caresses his cheek in loving tenderness.
“Kiss me.” She urges.
Angel leans toward her, and they kiss, their passions mounting once again .....
Fading to white, the picture flashes, and Buffy’s memories surface in her dream realm of L.A, when Angel had a chance to be human.......
Scenes flash in succession.
Buffy: "Angel? You okay?" Angel: "I feel weird.' Buffy with a sigh: "I know. I do, too. I mean, I only came to see you so I could tell you face-to-face not to see me - face-to-face anymore, - and I know there is a fly in the logic ointment here somewhere, but.. The next thing I knew we're being attacked by this mutant ninja demon thing, and then we're on the floor on top of each other, and it's just really confusing being around you." Angel with a slight grimace: "No, I meant I felt weird from the demons blood. (Looks down at his hand) It's powerful." Buffy looks away: "Oh. Okay. (Turns to walk on quickly) Let's just rewind Buffy's little outburst and pretend it never happened." Angel: "No. I-It is confusing. And I.. When we're apart - it’s easier. (Buffy stares at him) It hurts - every day. But I live with it. (He slowly steps closer to her) And now you're - you're right here - and I can actually reach out.. and - it's more then confusing - it's unbearable." Buffy inches closer to him: "But we have to bear, right? I mean, what else can we do? It doesn't work with us. It can't." Angel: "No, I-I can't give you a life, or a future or anything a real girl would want." Buffy inches even closer: "No matter how much we miss each other." Angel: "Or what we feel in the moment." Buffy: "If we let something happen here - we'd want more. - And nothing's changed. We'd only end up having to leave each other again."
Angel stares at his hand in disbelief: "I'm alive."
Buffy is walking in a park overlooking the beach. She feels something and turns around to see Angel stepping through a shadowed arch in a hedge. She watches as he walks out into the sun towards her and they kiss. Angel gets up with a sigh and moves to the chair next to her: "I'm not saying I don't want you. You know how much.. I'm just saying it's worth the wait to be sure this is right. I need to be sure you won't get hurt again." Buffy gets up: "You know it's a good thing I didn't fantasise about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. - So how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?" Angel gets up and steps over to her: "We stay in touch - just not.." Buffy: "Literally. - Funny. (They stare at each other, then Buffy walks past him) Okay, I'd better.." Angel turns to look after her: "Right. Remove the temptation." Buffy spins back towards him: "So, we'll - talk soon." Buffy puts her hand on top of his on the counter. They both stare down at their hands. Angel turns his hand to grab hers then reaches out and pulls her into a kiss. They stumble up against the fridge and Buffy jumps up to wrap her legs around his waist. Still kissing, Angel carries her over to the kitchen table, sweeps the stuff on it on the floor and lays her down on it. Buffy wearing a black robe smiles at him: "The perfect yum. (Angel feeds her a spoon of ice cream) Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge." Angel: "God, I love food." Buffy feeds him some ice cream on a chocolate waffle: "Food is good." They kiss. Angel: "Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" Buffy: "Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know? By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart." Angel with a smile: "Too much." They kiss and some ice cream drips from his spoon on his chest. Angel: "Okay, mortal co-ordination leaving something to be desired." Buffy: "Wrong. It's just right." Angel laughs as she licks up the ice cream then pulls her down into a kiss. Cut to Angel and Buffy lying peacefully in bed. Buffy with her head on Angel's chest: "It's a good sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump." Angel smiles: "It feels pretty amazing." Buffy: "I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" Angel: "We will." Buffy: "Oh, I'm so sleepy, - but I still want.." Angel: "What? You couldn't possibly.. Not that I wouldn't.." Buffy: "No, no. I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?" Angel smiles: "For now." Buffy: "No, I - want to stay awake - so this day can keep happening." Angel kisses her on the forehead: "Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow."
Buffy: "Where have you been?" Angel: "I went to see the Oracles. I asked them to turn me back." Buffy: "What? - Why?" Angel: "Because more then ever I know how much I love you." Buffy backs away from him: "No. No, you didn't." Angel follows her: "And if I stayed mortal one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said." Buffy: "Mohra is dead. We killed him." Angel: "He said others would come." Buffy: "They always come. And they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours, remember?" Angel: "No, I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone." Buffy: "Then we fight together." Angel: "You saw what happened last night. If anything I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me, and that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help." Buffy: "So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?" Angel: "You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others? (Buffy just stares at him and after a moment he takes her into his arms) I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure - if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning." Buffy sniffling: "I understand. - So, what happens now?' Angel: "The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal." Buffy: "When?" Angel looks over at the clock (it's 9:00): "Another minute." Buffy crying: "A minute? No. No, it's not enough time!" Angel: "We don't have a choice. It's done." Buffy: "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?" Angel: "You won't. No one will know but me." Buffy: "Everything we did." Angel: "It never happened." Buffy shakes her head: "It did. It did. I know it did! (Puts her hand on his heart) I felt your heart beat." Angel: "Buffy.." They kiss. Buffy looks over at the clock. The minute is almost up. Buffy: "No! Oh God. It's not enough time." Angel is crying too now: "Shh, please. Please." The hold each other tightly both crying. Angel: "Please, please." Buffy: "No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget." But she had. But then she had remembered .... Buffy (voice hard): “Angel? Would you like some cookie-dough-fudge-mint ice cream? No, not now you wouldn’t, my bad! I’m just phoning to enquire about your co-ordination. You know, just checking in. Got anything you’d like to tell me? Anything I took part in, but don’t remember.... - At All?!”
The picture shifted to the graveyard where he had come to explain.
Buffy (harshly): “Well, well, look who’s back already. Short but sweet, Angel. What brings you back to li’l ol’ Sunnydale? Any monsters needing annihilation? Yourself maybe?” Pause “I didn’t mean -” Angel (hurt): “You think I’m a monster?” Buffy: “I only wish I did. And you think I didn’t understand before - when you left? Well, I sure as hell don’t understand now. And it’ll take more than some idiotic piece of poetry to make me see why, whatever happened, happened. I’m ...” Angel: “I know. Believe me, I’ve felt all you have, and more. I was human. What I-.” Pause. “I was told by the powers that erased the day, that I would be the only one who would know. That it would be my burden as a result of what I asked for. I thought -” Buffy (bitterly) “Let me guess. You thought you did what was the best. For both of us, and ‘the people we were meant to help’. Well, no offence Angel, but I am not liking your definition of ‘the best’.” Angel: “I could not have stayed a mortal Buffy, it’s not who I am. What I’m supposed to be. Like you’re the slayer, no one else.” Buffy: “I’ll always be the slayer Angel, that’ll never change! But being human - it was your redemption! It was what you - we - have waited for!” Angel: “It was no redemption, Buffy.” Buffy (angry): “I guess not. Being human can’t be much of a redemption, huh?” And later...
Giles: “If, whatever it is, is enough to make a girl like Buffy go out to, to some pub and drink herself, well, witless, thus forgetting all her principles, and her duties, then yes. I do think that ‘the situation’ as you put it, is that ‘bad’. I have no idea what is going on. But when she’s ready, she’ll come to us. And as for Angel doing what is best for Buffy, then I do believe he does Xander. He’s always known that a vampire in love with a vampire slayer would never work. No matter how much he wants it to. And I applaud him for carrying through with what he believes is best for the woman he loves.”
And when Buffy realised what he had given up, she also realised what she had to do....
Buffy: “Why deny me that remembrance? If we couldn’t be together, if you had to erase the day, why not let me feel the same as you, Angel? Why take that chance to at least be happy ..... remembering?” Angel: “I didn’t want to give you up, or being human, Buffy. They are the two things I want most in this world. And my other beautiful moments, the three in two hundred and forty four years, was meeting you for the first time, kissing you for the first time.......and making love to you on your seventeenth birthday. I know that Angelus became free in doing so, but I was given one moment of pure happiness.” Buffy: “I feel the same. Now, when I remember my seventeenth, and how we made love that night, I remember what I felt then, not afterward. Nothing mattered but the then and there. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, when I remember, the second, and the third, and the fourth time, we made love.....I’ll remember how it felt to have you near, and to feel your heart beating next to mine. The then and there, not the aftermath.” Angel: “I did take that away from you though, I -” Buffy: “You didn’t think of telling me, when I was standing there?” Angel: “Every second. But I couldn’t do it, because you wouldn’t have understood. You couldn’t have. Why tell you something that in your memory, never existed? Why put you through that? The agony of knowing, but not remembering. I had both. The knowing and the memories. In the end, all I had was that.” Buffy: “Is it enough?” Angel “Sometimes ...... All I’ve ever done is bring you grief and pain.” Buffy: “And love. What you did, giving them back the day, you did out of love. And loyalty to what you believe in. And that’s why I believe in you. I’ll never joke about what we shared that day Angel. Never. Because I remember every little feeling, every sensation and emotion now, and I will remember them whenever I’ll remember you. I told you that day, that I would never forget, but I did. And I’m sorry for that, but know now, that I never will. Seeing you in the sunlight, seeing you walking towards me, what I felt, I’ll always remember how beautiful you looked. And I’ll not only remember what we shared and what I felt, but what you did when you faced the Mohra for the second time.” Angel: “I miss cookie-dough-fudge-mint ice cream.” Buffy “I don’t know what to say, or to say this, without sounding crass or extremely lame. But it’s because that I love you all the more now that I have to be strong too. Or at least try to be, because we both know, I never was when it came to loving or leaving you. And I can’t keep waiting on you to be the one to be strong. I can’t keep relying on you, I’ve gotta see if I can make it on my own..... I guess. I keep saying that I’m a big girl, and I guess I should show that I am. So, I’m gonna leave now. And you’re gonna go back to LA and save everybody’s ass. And I’m gonna to stay here, and ..... well, go to class and be ‘The Chosen One’. And continue flunking psyche. But I’ll fight easier, knowing that I have you fighting with me. And that you’re watchin’ my back. Like old times. No goodbyes this time, I don’t think I could stand this strong stuff if you looked at me. One more thing, though........ maybe .... if you find another Mohra demon, you could capture it, and keep it for a time when we can be together. Preferably when I’m not seventy and you’re ..... you ..... I love you.” Angel: “I love you too.” Buffy: “I’ll never forget.”
And the picture flashes white again as it flicks back to the bed that Buffy and Angel share as husband and wife.
The fires consume them once again, burning them in the flames of passion.
“I love you.” He manages to gasp out.
“Me too.” She gasps back, and they smile at each other. “Do you think we’ll always be this happy?”
“All I have to do is remember this - you .... and it’ll keep me smiling for a hundred years or more.”
“We will make it, won’t we?”
“There’s no reason anymore why we shouldn’t, wife of mine.”
Buffy lifts her hand to look at her wedding band, but it’s not a typical gold band, but the claddagh ring that Angel had given her on her 17th birthday, and they admire it, it flashes in the light.
“We’ll always have this.”
“Didn’t we before?”
The picture grows blurry, and fades out of focus.
Images collide together: when they first met, their first kiss, finding out Angel was a vampire, being killed by the Master, Halloween when she dressed as a medieval princess, fighting off Spike to save Angel as Drusilla fed from him, their first night as lovers, Angelus, Jenny Calendar, slicing the sword into Angel’s chest, chaining him to a wall in the Crawford Mansion, kissing him, when they deceived Faith, when they broke up, the Prom, when they said goodbye after graduation ..... and her dream mixes in: their alternate prom, their wedding, their honeymoon .......
In her sleep, Buffy moaned and tossed and turned.
The picture fades to the alternate prom, where Buffy and Angel dream style, continue to dance.
Is this love that we’re feeling / Or are we dreaming / Do you feel the magic too / Make a dream come true / and if you feel seek wonder / that I do inside - / then I think its love we’re feeling tonight / In your eyes I see all your feeling / with you my love / I long to stay / you’re in my heart / oh now and forever / I need to know / you feel the same / With you, you think I’d know what love can mean / so hold me now, until eternity /
He looks down at her.
“Time to wake up Buffy.”
“Let’s just stay like this, just for a little longer.”
Her head stays on his chest.
And in your arms it feels like paradise / I see my dreams reflecting in your eyes /Don’t you tell me I’m dreaming / cause I won’t believe it / This is love we’re feeling tonight.
“Are you ready Buffy?” He asks her.
Her eyes were confused.
“For what?”
“For finishing what you started.”
“Our honeymoon?”
“Letting go.”
The picture grows smaller and smaller, disappearing from view, as Buffy began her descent from her dream reality, to the real world.
Buffy’s eyes opened in a flare of light.
The morning sun was filtering through her window, and Joyce was shouting up the stairs that the waffles were nearly ready.
Frowning, and yawning, Buffy slipped out of bed, and into the bathroom.
Not long after, mother and daughter sat down at the kitchen counter, eating breakfast together.
Joyce smiled at her daughter.
“So, how did you sleep?”
Buffy smiled back.
“Like a baby.”
“I thought I heard you call out a few times in the middle of the night. Were you having a dream?”
Buffy frowned, thinking, then shrugged.
“No, I don’t think so.”
Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander are all sitting in Giles’ apartment, laughing and joking about some television show they had all just watched, after a gruelling night.
“I loved the bit where the caretaker said to the .......” Xander was saying.
But Buffy’s mind had wandered. She looked out of the window, at the sun rising, heralding a new dawn. And she didn’t know why, but she thought of him. Angel.
It's daybreak, and you are asleep / I can hear you breathe now / Your breath is deep / But before I go / I'll look at you one last time / I can hear a heart beat, is it yours or is it mine? /
She was finally ready. She didn’t know how, or when it had happened. She was ready for whatever lay ahead, whatever happened now she had accepted that Angel was never coming back. And that she could live with the memories he had given her.
I look at your lips, I know how soft they can be / Did they know what they wanted, the times they kissed me / And your hands, that I've held in mine / Now they're reposing on the pillow / Will they ever miss me sometime? /
She thought it would have taken longer than this. But her strength was more powerful than she had imagined. Than she had ever dreamed.
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart / I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do / But I'll remember /
She will always remember Angel. Their lives, their love, their passion, and their hate. And even though he wasn’t here with her, would never be with her in that same way.... remembering was enough.
Your eyes, that always make me shiver / Now they're closed, they just sometimes twitch a little / And your body, I could hold for an hour / It sent me to heaven, with its heat and power /
And it was enough to last five lifetimes and more.
I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart / I'll remember you, but that is all that I can do / But I'll remember /
The future wasn’t going to be easy. The world that Angel and she fought against grew bigger by the night. But they would continue the fight. With the same devotion, the same heat and energy, and passion as they would continue loving each other.
I’ll remember.
Giles noticed Buffy’s vacant stare.
“Buffy, are you feeling alright?” He asked.
Buffy’s smile was sad, but held the hope that would keep her warm on the cold nights she was alone.
“Yeah. I’m good.” She answered.
Angel, Cordelia and Wesley sat around Angel’s table, talking about the latest kill. They smiled and laughed a lot, munching on potato chips, ice cream and animal crackers.
“God, that demon needed to learn how to use dental floss .....” Cordelia was saying.
Her voice grew faint, as Angel lost focus on his surroundings. He could smell the dawn in the air. A new day. He thought about Buffy. He didn’t know why she came into his head at that particular moment, but there she was .....
Bend and I'll break you / Leave and I'll take you back again / So, bend and I'll break you / Leave and I'll take you back again / If she bends and she breaks / She loves you, but then she takes it away /
He had been cruel to her, more than cruel, he had been harsh. Yet his words had done some good. She had listened. And more than even that ... she had grown from what he had told her, and what she had taken from it.
She bends and she bows / She's cold, but she melts like snow / Bend and I'll break you/ Sleep and I'll wake you tonight / Hey, don't you want to understand / Understand / If she bends, then she breaks / She loves you, but then she takes it away /
He was glad. Maybe even more than he was sorrowful. She had a strength within her that he had recognised right away, even if she had not. And she was beginning to notice it. Live from it. Grow. And move on.
She bends and she bows / She's cold, but she melts like snow / She bends and she breaks / She hates you, but then she makes a mistake / Confused that our lives are shaking / That's the thought I am weighing /
He loved her. There was no speakable amount that told of how much he did. But it vast, and it was potent. She told him that remembering their love would be enough for her. As it was for him, in a different way.
Hey, yes / She won't come to you / I hate the way that I am / I hate the way I am / So, bend and I'll break you / Leave and I'll take you back again /
Different because he had left her to give her the life she deserved. The life her family and friends, and the male population was willing to give her.
Hey, don't you want to understand / Understand / If she bends, then she breaks / She loves you, but then she takes it away / She bends and she bows / She's cold, but she melts like snow / She bends and she breaks /
But the life she eventually chose for herself, even for the present, was one that featured him in some capacity. He was enough for her. The memory of him, was enough to give her the strength that she needed.
She hates you, but then she makes a mistake / Bend and I'll break you down / She bends and she breaks /
And it was possibly the greatest gift anyone had ever given him.
She bends and she bows /
He didn’t know what the future held, for any of them. Their mission, their destiny, went on, and it would grow with them as they battled each night. But they would continue their fight against the other world. Perhaps they would win, perhaps their cause was lost amongst the darkness. But out of the darkness, hope always survived. Along with his love for Buffy Summers.
She's cold, but she melts like snow.
Cordelia noticed that Angel wasn’t paying attention to her story.
“Angel! You aren’t even listening to me! You could at least look as if you’re paying attention.”
He gave her a wry grin.
“Sorry. I should know better.”
“Yes you should.” Cordelia nodded primly.
“Please continue.” Angel offered.
As Cordelia took up her story again, Wesley looked at Angel with an enquiring gaze, asking him silently if he was okay.
The smell of the new dawn filled his senses like a summer perfume.
Angel smiled, and inclined his head in answer, his eyes glowing with a special spark.
Yes. He was okay.
The End
And that, is that, as they say. But stay tuned for my new series, 'Call of the Heart' ....!
Feedback to lesley@angel_love.fsnet.co.uk
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