Leap of Faith
by Angel_Love

“I need you to trust me, Buffy.” Riley said engagingly, his tone completely changed from the Riley that Buffy had come to know.

She looked at him, and saw the mask of falseness he was wearing, but she didn’t want to think of that. She couldn’t get her mind past the images that were in her head.

And it had to happen now, just when she needed him to be there, just when she needed his protection from what she had to do.

Her eyes were wet, her cheeks streaked with mascara and the moisture from the tears she had been shedding for the past few hours. She made no effort to hide them. She didn’t think she could have the energy.

She opened her mouth to speak, and that started the tears up again. She gulped, and tried again.

“Is this some kind of punishment, Riley?” She sobbed out and paused, gathering her breath. “For Angel? Because I didn’t tell you about him? What? Come on.”

“What kind of guy do you think I am, exactly?”

“You tell me.” Buffy retorted.

For the first time since he had arrived in her dorm room, Riley looked uncomfortable.

“What do you want me to tell you?” He asked in a biting tone, that was so unlike him.

Buffy wiped her eyes.

“Oh, I don’t know, Riley, the truth, maybe?”

Riley stopped, and looked at her, then held his hands up.

“This sounds like some Saturday night movie or something Buffy. Nostaligic, soppy romance making the girl out to be the victim when she’s not. And it’s one I don’t really want to be starring in.” He turned to go, but with her slayer reflexes, she was able to stop him before he exited the door.

“Talk about left field, why can’t we talk about this? Why are you avoiding this? We need to talk!” She demanded hotly.

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“You can’t do this to me, Angel -” She flashed, then halted, realising what she had said.

Riley’s face hardened.

“Except maybe that.” He told her, and left.

The door banged the exit.

She put her hands to her face, and groaned.

She wondered how well she knew her boyfriend, her lover. Had she just seen in him what she wanted to see in him? Missing out what was there?

Riley had been kissing someone else. Had been holding someone else, whispering to her what he had whispered to her. How could he have done that? How?

She had thought that Riley was different. Different from Angel, from Parker, from guys full stop.

But she had been the one who was wrong. And stupid.

And it was time she stopped being that Buffy, and grow up once and for all. And maybe, if she did that, she could let Angel go finally, and start living.

“It seems to me, that it all boils down to Angel.” Willow remarked carefully.

But Buffy didn’t react angrily as Willow had expected.

“Of course it does.” Buffy readily agreed. “And my pathetic existence....existing round him. Every time we see each other I fall apart and forget why we split up. All I know is that I want him back, and when I finally manage to stop myself from loving him, it repeats again. It’s like that cheesy movie, Groundhog Day. Over and over again, driving you insane. Angel’s my groundhog day.”

“Buffy, you can’t stop yourself from loving Angel. You have to move on, let yourself move on. It’s not something you can turn on and off.”

Buffy made a face.

“Can’t stop me trying, right?” Her face became more serious. “Angel was such a big part of my life Will. Everything I did, I did with him, or because of him. He became part of me. And maybe, if I let Angel go, I’ll be letting part of myself go as well. The part that will always love Angel, that remembers every detail, every movement. I can’t it go. I don’t want to forget about him.”

“No one’s telling you to forget, Buffy.”

“I am. No, that’s not right. I don’t want to forget him, just let go to move on with my life. You were there, you know that my life was all Angel, and you comforted me when suddenly it wasn’t. And I had to adapt to being one person again, but that one person without Angel. In so many ways, we completed one another, my other half. But I didn’t do that, not fully. I grasped hold of the next guy, and the next after that, to keep me from falling.”

Willow smiled sympathetically, worriedly, while Buffy stared at the wall as if held all the answers. But Willow had to ask.

“What about Riley, Buffy, where does he stand in this? Just some ‘next guy’?”

Buffy’s eyes closed, then opened.

“I wish I knew, Willow. But I don’t know where he stands.” She replied honestly. “Riley reacted badly to the news about Angel. All of it, in fact. I thought he was okay about the whole history thing.” She looked at her friend. “But then I think he figured that it’s not actually history.”

“It was pretty obvious......” Willow told her. “Buffy, getting over Angel was never gonna be easy. That would be too simple. But like I said, it’s not something you can turn off and on. But you and Riley.....I honestly thought you were moving away from Angel because of him, of your relationship. And you two were getting on so great.”

“Riley’s a good person. Mortal. Loyal, and stable.” She scoffed suddenly. “Or he was until I caught him making out with some fashion victim. Trouble is, he’s Riley. And not Angel.”

Willow cast her eyes down, knowingly, and Buffy wiped her eyes in weariness and frustration.

“Sometimes I thought I was over him. Angel. But then some song would come on the radio, and I’d remember where we were when we heard it. What we said, what we were doing. I must’ve played the Sunday’s Wild Horses to death the whole summer after he left.” She frowned. “I was looking at prom pictures a few days ago. Remembering how perfect it was, all of us together, even Wesley and Anya. And in the same box, was my high school diploma and I remembered how we kicked the mayor’s ass, how I nearly killed Faith, and how I let Angel go, and that he had the strength to go.” Her eeys were sullen. “I’ve never had that strength. I wanted to run and tell him not to go.”

“But you are strong Buffy! You let him go the times he came back. You got to be all smiley and happy again for a while!”

“And back to sad Buffy whenever he’s around.” Buffy finished. “Except you forgot one thing Will. Angel’s not here anymore. He said he’s never coming back. So....maybe being sad Buffy is all I can ever be. Maybe I like being this way.”

“Grasping! You’re grasping at nothing! Buffy - that’s not true! You’re the slayer! Big, tough.....”

Buffy turned towards the window, startled, and stared hard, Willow’s voice disappearing from her mind, as she heard a floating melody filtering through the stars. She stood up and walked across to the window, staring out and up at the twinkling planets.

Buffy could hear a love melody, their love melody. The night was playing it just for her. Her and Angel. Telling her something.

She smiled and she opened the window, breathing the music in deeply, and closed her eyes. The music flowed within her, touched her soul, stirring what she thought she had lost.

She saw herself and Angel, as they were more than a year ago. When he had pretended to turn in order to get information from Faith. Slayer turned Physco. They had gotten the information they needed about the ascension, but seeing Angel in the guise of Angelus had ripped her apart. She heard Angel’s voice reach out to her, when it was all done.

Angel: You still my girl? Buffy: Always.

She breathed deeply again, and the stirring stopped.

Her eyes opened, and she looked down onto the campus, and saw Riley, looking up at her, the moonlight glinting off him.

“Hey.” She greeted softly.

“Hey.”

They stood awkwardly, and Riley flexed his shoulders.

“I wanted to explain something, Buffy.” He told her softly. “I -”

Buffy’s head was raised sharply.

“I’m going to L.A.” She told him abruptly.

Riley’s face closed off, didn’t continue, and she went on.

“And I’m going because I need to see Angel.” She hurried out. “I know you don’t get the both of us. I know I don’t. And I thought I was over him. Because I was here, he was there.... and then there was you and me. Normality. Sanity. For once.” Her mouth twisted along with her stomach. “But I’m not over him. And I don’t want to be. And that is what is keeping me from loving you. Not Angel, not you. But me not wanting to ... let go of what has been my life. Can you understand even a little?”

Riley expelled an angry breath.

“No. He’s a monster, he killed your friend, he tortured the rest. And he broke your heart more than once. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to let go of that. He’s a monster.”

“Fair enough, you have your own opinion.” Buffy muttered. “And I know he hurt you with the things he said. I know I hurt you by going to him -”

“Same as I hurt you by kissing Janelle.” His voice was cold. “You better decide Buffy, because I am not doing this any more. You love me, I know you do, you know you do. I just don’t know why you’re not admitting it to yourself.”

She was frowning at him.

“Been popping some modesty pills lately?”

“So what we had means nothing?”

“I never said that.” Buffy fired.

“No.” He agreed. “But your actions sure as hell do.”

She looked at him, her face impassive.

“It’s not a movie we’re starring in here Riley, it’s some cartoon with a kids playground! Girl hurts boy, boy gets her back. It’s stupid.”

“You said it.”

“I’m going to L.A, Riley.” Buffy told him firmly.

Riley laughed grimly, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I gave up everything for you. My friends, my history, my career.” He laughed again. “I did that, and you can’t even give up something that’s given you nothing but pain and hassle and darkness. You’re going to L.A to be with some soul ridden vampire instead of being here with me. The evil Angelus.”

“He’s not Angelus anymore.” She told him coldly.

“Well, he’s hardly an angel on a good day, is he?”

“He had his reasons!” Buffy snapped.

“What’s yours Buffy? Huh? Why do you keep going to him? Tell me that.”

“I will.” She said softly. “When I know why myself.”

“You know what Buffy? That’s fine. Just fine! But don’t expect me to be here when you come back.”

Buffy smiled equally grimly.

“You said it.” She mimicked, and walked away.

Angel was looking at a newspaper in the kitchen when she saw him. She moved with graceful, silent ease, and smiled slightly when she saw the muscles in his back tense when he heard her, and calm when he sensed it was her.

She didn’t fully know why she was here. What she hoped to achieve by coming to him, or anything. Her head was messed up, and a jumble of emotions that she didn’t care to decipher.

The only sound was the rustle of the news print when Angel turned the page. He neither said ‘hi’ or acknowledged her presence other than the untensing of his muscles.

“All quiet on the L.A front?” She joked with false lightness.

“Everybody seems to have gone on holiday.” He replied in a non-committed voice.

She made a face that said he wasn’t making it easy for her.

“Cordelia?” She asked, sitting down at the side of him.

“She’s on holiday too.” He responded.

“Oh right....”

Silence.

The air sparked between them, as it always did when they were together. With the knowing why they weren’t and couldn’t be together and the memories that they had shared through the years they had been together.

“What do you want, Buffy?” He asked finally.

Buffy fixed her gaze on the water jug, and held it there.

Why was she here?

Because Riley had cheated on her?

Because she still loved Angel? Wanted him?

Or because, still, whenever anything bad happened, or whenever anything went wrong, her instinct was to run to Angel?

“Ten million dollars, a pent house and the world full of mortals.” And tacked on softly “And vampires with souls.”

He remained still, his eyes scanning the pages.

She let out a breath.

Buffy: I want my life to be with you. Angel: I don't. Buffy: You don’t want to be with me? I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me.

“I came to see my Dad, get outta Sunnydale for a while. Thought I’d drop by.” She lied, her confidence dimming drastically. She placed her hands on the table and hauled herself up, as if it was difficult to stand. She paused, and he gazed at her, his gaze shuttered while hers was wild. “So... I dropped by.” Pause. “And I’m gonna go now.”

She made for the stairs.

He watched her go, put a foot on the stairs.

He closed his eyes, and said. almost against his will

“Stay for awhile.”

She stopped, but didn’t turn around. She had a foot on the first step, and her hand on the hand rail.

She swallowed heavily, and forced the words out her mouth.

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea.” She whispered.

Angel looked away from her, and the words came like the old familiar.

“Is everything alright, Buffy?”

She still had her back turned away from him, poised to leave. As if she couldn’t bear to look at him ..... because of ..... something.

She grimaced.

“Everything? Such a wide range.” She remarked.

“With......” Angel pushed the word out of his mouth. “..... Riley ...?”

Buffy hung her head.

“I don’t want to talk about Riley.”

He turned to her, eyes flickering.

“What did you want to talk about? What did you ‘drop by’ for Buffy? To show me your oh so perfect world, rub my face in the fact that you’re moving on? And I can’t?” Angel’s voice was taut with control.

She swung around.

“Yeah. Yeah I did. I came here to show you how fun it is being me! How good it is being in Sunnydale - being stuck there for the rest of my life! Without you!” She yelled, and burst out crying.

She sobbed with shame and grief.

And ran out, up the stairs, out of ‘Angel Investigations’, and into the sunshine.

The night seemed warmer than the day, as she walked along the shore. The wind whipped at her hair, drawing it away from her face, as it clawed at her flimsy dress while she paced through the frothy tide.

I’m fading fast, yeah I’m fading fast / I need someone to save me / you don’t know til you’ve been in love / I need to find a way back and I don’t know if I’m strong enough / I know I’m running for yesterday / I guess there’s really nothin’ left to say / cause now it’s just a memory / Since you took your love away /

Sandals in her hand, she wrapped her arms round her, trying to warm herself up. She supposed she should go back to Sunnydale. But Willow had offered to patrol for her, and Buffy had seized the favour with relish. A night off was just what she needed to try and clear her head. But being in L.A probably wasn’t such a good place to do it.

I’m trying not to hate you, for pushing me aside / but my whole heart is breaking / well it’s hard to hide, yes it’s hard to hide now /

She looked at her wrist watch, at the time, and decided she should try and find a motel, or an overnight room somewhere. She had to decide whether she would leave in the morning or not. Or do what she came here to do, whatever that was.

You took your love, you took your love / It’ll never be the same / No, it’ll never be the same / I need someone to save me....

Ahead of her, two people were making out feverishly on the sand, and Buffy stepped out of the soft surf, and went off at a tangent, trying to avoid them.

But her sixth sense kicked in, and she took a closer look at the couple, which wasn’t really a couple at all, but a greedy vampire feeding on a young girl.

Buffy’s Slayer power kicked in, and her eyes roamed the beach for a makeshift stake. Spotting a sharp piece of driftwood, she dropped her sandals, and rushed to it.

She grabbed the wood, and lunged at the vampire, grabbing his shirt and flinging him up into the air. He growled, jumped up, and wiped his mouth, grinning at the piece of wood she had aqquired, in curiosty.

“What ya gonna do with that?” He asked.

Buffy sighed dramatically, and lessened her fighting posture.

“Why do you monsters always have to use small talk? I am so not in the mood!”

With ease, she punched the vampire in the face, kneed him in groin, and for extra effect and kicked him in the chest, driving the driftwood deep into his chest.

She tutted.

“Y’see, I think actions speak better than words. Dontcha think?”

The vampire exploded into ashes, and she turned to the woman, unconsicious next to her. The Slayer knelt down and checked the pulse, reassuring herself that she was still alive. She checked the puncture wound, and then wondered how she was going to get the girl to hospital. She had no idea how far she had walked, had no idea where she was.

Someone was coming across the sand to her, and stood beside them.

He was fair headed and blue eyed, tall, with jeans and a sports shirt on. Buffy tensed up.

He smiled at her, and handed Buffy the sandals she had dropped.

He stooped down, and looked at the young girl, then Buffy.

“There’s a hospital just up the road. I’ll help you take her, if you like.”

Buffy softened a little, but was still suspicious of this stranger.

“Thanks. I’m Buffy, by the way.”

The man hoisted the girl into his arms, and smiled again at Buffy.

“Lexus.”

“Lexus?” Buffy murmered.

They started walking across the beach to the lights of the road.

“My folks were into folklore. Nice to meet you Buffy. Tourist?”

“Visting an old friend.” She replied, and wondered why he didn’t seem shocked or even surprised to find a girl lying there unconsicious with bite marks in her neck.

He seemed to read her mind.

“Twenty girls have been found dead on that beach in the past month.” He explained. “I’m an investigative journalist with the L.A Times, you’re lucky it’s not you in my arms. Those girls....”

“I can take care of myself.” Buffy mumbled.

“I saw.” He remarked.

Buffy tensed again.

“Saw what?” She asked cautiously.

“You kill a vampire.” He remarked offhandly, stepping carefully over the rail that ran along the road next to the beach.

Buffy slipped her sandals on quickly, head reeling.

“You’re mad.” She retorted shrilly.

Lexus stopped and looked at her peculiarly.

“Where do you come from, lady? This is the twenty-first century. You think that people don’t know what goes on out here at night? Because they do. They just choose not to believe it.”

His pace was quicker when he started walking again.

Buffy caught him up effortlessly.

“I’m just not used to people being so offhand about it.” She said by way of apology.

He let it go.

“Pretty nifty moves back there. Where’d you learn to kill the monsters like that?”

Buffy smiled a little.

“School.”

He frowned.

“They give classes in slaying now?”

“No, not classes. More like lessons.” Buffy replied wryly.

But he chose to bring it up again.

“And you still think that the population doesn’t know about these happenings - right in front of their face?” Lexua enquired.

Buffy didn’t know who this guy was, or what he was doing. But he seemed to be a little too inquistive for her liking.

“Most people that do know, don’t fully understand what happens when the sun sets, even if they do know how to pronounce all the technical terms correctly.” Buffy quirked pointedly.

They had reached the hospital, and Lexus laughed.

“Fair enough.”

They walked through the emergency room doors, and the hour that followed passed in a blur.

Walking through the streets of L.A later, the girl in safe hands, Lexus explained how he came to know about the world that few knew of and understood.

“My predescor, Iain Cartwright. Marvelous man, though most condemn his because of his account a spate of killings in main L.A. He reached depths that no other writer has ever managed, and yet they all sent him off to a therapist and the county phsych ward. Fifty deaths in one short month, and it puzzled the police to hell. All crimes were committed at night, a different hot spot every time, anyone and everyone. Iain, allowed to examine the bodies, found that each of them had what seemed to be bite marks at the side of the neck. I, as his gofer, was allowed to go with him, and I saw his face as he looked at one of the first bodies. It went chalk white with unadulterated fear. He knew what they represented, his own family had died with bite marks to the side of the neck. His mother, father, sister....” He shook his head. “The exact details are a little sketchy, but he was a believer in the ‘forces of evil’, as he called them. He poured over every book her could find to try and gain some knowledge, he even tried to find the killer himself.” Lexus’ face was wiped of emotion. “Until he got killed.”

“How were the vampires caught, y’know, the killings?” Buffy asked curiously.

“Ah, they just dried up, the murders, I mean. Just stopped. Dead. Maybe they did die. Who knows? They just stopped, and the police were happy. They didn’t have any leads, no clues as to the idenity of the murderer, but the killings had stopped anyway, and they didn’t have to believe what Iain was writing in the paper about there being other forces at work. Actually, I too didn’t believe him at first, but I like to think that I’ve taken up where Iain left off.” He looked at Buffy and his eyes were haunted. “I’ve seen things happen that would send even the most sane crazy.”

“Tell me about it!” Buffy exclaimed, and then winced at her incompetence.

The Slayer was still wary and extremely suspicious of this stranger that talked of vampires and demons. She didn’t know why ...... just .... one of those feelings she got.

She pulled herself back to the present and realised that he had asked her something.

“Sorry, what did you say?” She asked.

“I was just inquiring about how you knew to stake that vampire in the heart with a piece of wood. It isn’t the first thing that pops into your mind when you’re faced with a scene such as a fanged man feeding on a young girl.”

“I watch movies a lot.” Buffy evaded.

Lexus continued, ignoring her comment.

“I mean, you didn’t even hesitate, just grabbed the wood and rushed him. It was amazing to see.”

Buffy frowned.

“How long were you there for? If you were there, why didn’t you help her?”

“I got there just to see you flying at him. Very impressive.” Lexus offered.

“Thanks.” Buffy gave reluctantly.

“You seem to have some skill in that little body.”

“Have you ever killed any vamps?” Buffy asked hurriedly.

“Alas, no. I’ve never come across any situation where I’ve needed to help in that way. Usually I’m too late, and the victim has already bitten.”

Buffy found this strange, and her slayer-awareness kicked in overtime.

“Guess I was just lucky.” She murmered, stopping. “Well, nice to have met you Lexus. I’ll see you around.”

Lexus stopped her walking away by placing his hand on her arm.

“Have you got somewhere to stay? Do you want me to walk you somewhere?”

What Buffy wanted was to get the hell away from him.

“I can take care of myself.” She told him, trying to remain polite.

But her awareness stepped up another notch, telling her to go, and go now.

“You can’t go yet, there’s so much we haven’t talked about. I want to get to know Buffy Summers.”

She stopped cold.

“I never told you my surname.”

His grip reflexed, and grew tighter.

“You did.”

“No I didn’t. I just gave you Buffy.” Buffy stated.

“You must have, how would I know it otherwise?!” Lexus exclaimed.

His grip continued to grow tighter.

“Who are you?” She demanded to know.

“What is this?!” Lexus requested loudly. “You know who I am. Why are you being like this?”

Buffy looked at him.

“You know who I am. You were following me.”

“Oh, come on!” Lexus protested.

“Oh come on, Lexus! Tell me who you are, what you’re doing here. How you seem to know more about me than I know about you!” She demanded to know again.

His grip was like a vice. His expression changed into one of coldness.

“You weren’t meant to be here.” He said cryptically.

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Could this weekend be any more prozac induced?!”

“It’s not you I’m after.” Lexus went on.

“Reassuring but, I’ll kick your ass anyway if you don’t mind.”

“Leave L.A, Buffy.” Lexus ordered.

“I don’t take orders, Lexus. Especially not from some punk stranger I haven’t touched fists with. Yet.”

“It’s not your city. Take yourself home before you get caught in something that’s nothing to do with you.”

Buffy’s eyes were narrowed.

“No, it’s not my city. Why are people always saying that to me?!” Her eyes widened. “It’s Angel’s city...... God, you’re after Angel?!” Buffy realised with a tumble of feelings.

“Angelus.” Lexus confirmed. “The monster you came here to slay. But he’s mine. He’s my kill.”

Buffy did a double-take.

“Slay Angel? Are you crazy? What are you on about? I came here to - to - not to slay him. And you’re not going to either!”

Lexus face was a tavern of disgust.

“He’s a monster, and he was recently on your turf. You’re the slayer. And I have four masters degrees. So, tell me where I’m going wrong. Vampire, slayer. Ashes.”

“You are not going to kill him Mr Four Masters Degrees!”

Lexus laughed.

“How about I just kill you instead? That should kill him enough.” He offered maliciously.

Buffy let out a laugh, grim and dark. She would not let this guy harm Angel.

“Again, with the small talk. Don’t you people ever learn?”

He twisted her arm round to her back, but Buffy easily unfooted him, swinging him over her shoulder, and dropping him onto the lukewarm tarmac. Lexus drew a gun from his shin, and aimed it at Buffy. Reacting quickly and with precision, she kicked at the automatic into the air. Lexus leapt at Buffy, and they fell, struggling on the ground. He kneed her in the gut, and she coughed with the force. Swinging her legs up in the air, Buffy jumped up, round house kicking Lexus as he fought to stand up. Crouching, Lexus pulled another gun from his other leg and Buffy dived behind some dumpsters. Lexus got up and strolled towards her. But when he reached the dumpsters, Buffy had disappeared down an alley. Lexus smiled and followed her, gun at the ready. The alley, dank and dark hid Buffy well.

“So what are you?” Buffy called from the side of him, in the darkness. “Vampire? Demon? Just plain old murderer?”

Lexus eyed the sides of the alley way in caution.

“Wouldn’t you just like to know?”

Buffy slid from wall to wall.

“Just making small talk!” She sang out.

Lexus’ eyes darted from side to side.

“Don’t you just hate small talk?” He asked distractedly.

“Yeah, I do.”

Buffy jumped out, and kicked Lexus in the face, making him stumble backwards, and drop the gun. He crawled on his hands and knees to behind a pile of crates, and, sensing his presence, Buffy leapt over them and tackled him to the ground. She jumped up and adopts a fighting stance, and Lexus jumped up too, eyeing the gun.

“So how about you tell me why you want my boyfriend.” Buffy bit out.

Lexus seemed stunned, half crounching, half standing.

“So the texts are true.” He muttered.

“Texts?”

Lexus wiped his hand over his forehead and shook his head.

“You were never meant to be together, Buffy. Don’t you see that?”

“How do you know that? I’ll have you know that Angel and I were very happy when we were together!” Buffy snapped primly.

“But you had your bad times. And you’re not together anymore. When he came to your town he was Angelus right?”

“He was a addicted to happy pills.” Buffy dismissed.

“And you couldn’t kill him.”

“I was willing to, but I didn’t have to. And I have. I did. He came back. He came back good. He’s good now. What does that say about you?”

“It says that I get to hurt him more.”

“So not understanding this cryptic. I don’t have any masters degrees.”

Lexus stood up fully, and relaxed against the wall.

Buffy frowned at him and he looked at her, sumarising.

“Relax for a bit. Let me tell you why I want to kill your boyfriend.”

She continued to stay in her fighting stance.

“Actually, I’m more interested where I can get these ‘texts’ to copyright them. Never been in a book before. Unique experience. Kinda liking it.”

“Angelus has been in them for more than two centuries.”

“Actually, I think you’ll find Angelus was in them for about a century, then he disappeared.” Buffy corrected. “He was cursed. With a soul.”

“Yes, I know. In Romany.”

Buffy’s eyes blinked.

“Not many people know that.” Buffy told, a little put-out.

“I do my research.”

Buffy glared at him and her voice was snappish.

“You never answered my question. What the hell are you?”

Lexus laughed, and wagged a finger at her.

“You never even let me explain.” He laughed.

“Hurry up then, I don’t have all night.”

“My name is Lexus. Lexus Cartwright. Iain Cartwright was my father. We are demons, yes. Calm, half breeds. Callula origin. My father had just been born when Angelus killed his family. This was just before he got cursed. My father swore revenge, and all his life he searched for this Angelus. But he had disappeared. He was not seen anywhere. Rumours surfaced that he was in America. Somewhere near here. And then the vampire killings became common knowledge, and my father thought that it was him. Then he was killed. By Angelus.”

“He’s not Angelus anymore!” Buffy told him loudly. “God, get a clue! How many times do I need to say this to people?!”

“But he was. He came to you as Angelus not that long ago.”

“It was a false turn.”

“He was still evil.”

“He didn’t kill your father.”

Lexus took over the story with a twist of the mouth.

“I took over my father’s vow. And made one of my own. I would kill Angelus. And bring righteousness back to my family.”

“That’ll only make you a murderer, Lexus Cartwright, calm halfbreed of the whatever clan. It’ll make you the same as Angelus was.” She placed a slight emphasis on the ‘was’.

“I don’t care. I want to see him turn to ashes. I want to see him dead for what he has done to me. I want him punished.”

Buffy’s eyes grew dark.

“Do the texts say how he left me? And Sunnydale, his home, to take over the fight for this city? Did they tell you how he’s known as the dark avenger, how he saves the lost and helps them? Did they tell you he got a chance to be mortal again, to live as a human for the rest of his human years, but that he gave all of that up in order to save humanity? Did they tell you all that Lexus?” Buffy spat.

“I don’t care whether evil has a soul. I knew that already. What matters is that he didn’t when he killed my father’s family, and my father himself.”

“Angelus may have killed your father’s family, I’m not denying that he was evil at one point. But he’s not now. This is not his war, Lexus. You’re asking him to die for something that he had no hand in. He couldn’t stop what the demon inside him was doing. It was a vampire. But you ..... you can. You can stop this. And I swear, if he turns again, you have first kill. Swear.”

“Buffy. You can’t stop me. I’m going to kill him. I have to kill him.”

“Because you made some pact with your father? Because your father made some pact to his father? He lived for over around a hundred years and he didn’t kill Angel. Okay, so maybe he couldn’t find him, but that’s because he wasn’t the monster that your father knew anymore. Don’t you see Lexus? Angel and I, we’re fighting against a whole different world that we don’t control. That we can never control. But we continue fighting. The scenes on the beach, the dead and injured, it’s much more than that. And Angel’s pledged his life to helping. I didn’t have a choice. I was ‘chosen’. But Angel .... he chose this.” She swept her arms around the still dark alley, though dawn was in the air. “He’s trying to redeem himself. Give back what he took. I know that you won’t get your family back, and I’m really, truly sorry about that. But Angel’s not the one you should be killing, that you should have all this anger towards. It’s all the other vampires out there that are evil, and that do kill people’s families. The ones that have pledged to make happy meals out of every human on the Earth. Not those who gave up everything they loved..... in order to save those same people.”

Lexus frowned, taking in what she said.

“My whole life, I’ve been taught every little thing about that mon - ..... guy. To have you, who loves him, say all this to me ..... tell me to give up everything I believe in....”

Buffy stood normally, inched closer towards him.

“When Angel left me, when he decided he couldn’t be with me.... It was like everything I believed in, everything I stood for ... went with him. But even before that, the texts probably told you that Angelus was back for a while.” She swallowed, and looked down. “I turned him. Me. And as Angelus, he had this ... kinda fixation on me. He tortured my family and friends. He... he even killed one of them. And he killed parts of me too. So I killed him. I did what you want to do. I plunged that sword into his chest, and he wasn’t even Angelus. He was Angel. Good soul boy. Cursed for a second time.” Buffy bowed her head. “I thought that I could kill him and walk away, be the strong one for the first time in my life. I prepared and I prepared. I have never prepared so much in my whole entire life, and I got good results on my SATs!” She swallowed. “Have you even met Angel, talked to him? Gotten to see what you’re lusting to see in ashes?”

“I researched, staked the place out.” Lexus admitted offhandedly.

She walked closer to him.

“Meet him, as my friend.” She offered softly. “Then see what you feel afterwards.”

“What did you come here, Buffy? I saw you in Sunnydale. What he did to you. And that guy of yours.”

She looked down. She had been asking herself the same question. It - Angel, Buffy, past, present - was tearing her relationship with Riley apart. And for once in her life, she had gotten stability, normality and all out, complete understanding and love. Not to mention sex and sunshine. And some happiness.

“I came here to finish it.”

“Let me give you a piece of advice, Buffy. It’ll never be over. Mainly because neither of you want it to be. Neither of you want to be apart from each other, am I right?”

“He left because he couldn’t give me what I wanted. And he was right.” Buffy said sadly. “He’s a vampire, even if he’s good. He’s going to stay the same age he was when Darla sired him, and I’m going to grow old, with grey hairs and flabby skin.” She scowled and scrunched her nose up. “But Angel .... he will always be part of me.”

“The same as my father’s vow will always be part of me.”

He swung the block of wood to her head, and, stunned, she fell to the ground, her eyes closing.

The sunlight was blinding, and she blinked, groaned and shut her eyes.

She struggled up, groggy and disorientated. She had no idea how long she had been out, or much of anything as she swept her hair off of her face, and gingerly placed a hand on her head.

She opened her eyes, and saw the bright morning light shining through the haze.

“Angel!” She muttered, remembering.

Angel heard the lift come down, and again, he didn’t turn round. The lift stopped, and Angel sighed.

“Buffy, I need -”

“Buffy’s, ah, feeling a little off right now. But if you leave a message after the tone, please, go ahead.” Lexus sounded in a metal tone.

Angel spun around.

“Who the hell are you?”

“You know, I’m kinda bummed out already from telling your girlfriend the sordid details.” Lexus shrugged. “So I’m gonna choose to ignore that question.”

Angel advanced toward him.

“What have you done with her?! If you’ve hurt her, I swear I’ll -”

“Kill me?” Lexus finished. “Go ahead. Y’know, your girl, she’s a looker, Angelus.”

Angelus morphed into his game face, as he always did when faced with Buffy in danger.

“I’ll kill you.”

“Or maybe I’ll kill you.”

They faced each other, and walked in a circle. Facing, confronting each other. Taking each other in.

Angel’s eyes were bright with wanting to know if Buffy was alright, and what he would do to this interloper if he had harmed her.

Lexus’ eyes were black balls of fire.

“How many people have you killed over the centuries, dear Angelus?” He asked conversationally.

“Ball point figure, or precisness?” He fired.

“Off the top of your head’ll do.”

“Too many.”

“My family was included in that figure. Your girlfriend, alright, she convinced me that you didn’t kill my father - but his family, you did kill.”

“Well, I apologise. But it’s been a while since I did anything like that.”

“But he’s always there, right? Angelus? Under the skin? Waiting for you to achieve one moment of pleasure with your slayer, or for you to pop some happy pills?”

Angel snarled low in his throat.

“I try not to think about that.”

They were still circling.

“You must have balls of steel. To have the slayer look at you with those big eyes she’s got, and walk away from her.”

“She’s done her share of walking too.”

“But you still love her, right?”

“What is this?”

“Just answer the question!”

Angel looked at him strangely.

“Yeah. I do.”

“And you had a chance to be mortal? To give up being a vampire?”

“Who told you that?!”

Lexus stood up.

“You could have had a heart that beats. Buffy. A whole new life. And you gave that up? For what?!”

“To .... to ... who are you?! Why do you want to know these things?”

Lexus sat on the couch, and Angel, perplexed, stood up, at a loss.

“I want to see whether what she said was the truth.” Lexus picked up a book, checked the title. “Eccletic tastes. Nice.”

Angel looked confused.

“Oh. Well - what did she -” He lunged, grabbed him, and picked him up. “What did you do with her?”

“She’s safe.” Lexus assured him.

Angel put him down, straightening the other man’s shirt.

“What did she say to you?”

“That I shouldn’t kill you. That you’re all goody goody now. And that you’re trying to rid the world of evil, and you gave up a lot for it. You’re trying to give back what you took from people. That you chose this existence. Stuff like that. Very sentimental.”

“Buffy talks a lot.”

Lexus inclined his head.

“I saw you both in Sunnydale.”

Angel looked away.

“That wasn’t me.”

Lexus looked at him.

“It scares you that you’re so vulnerable. That he’s so close. That the person you love can become the trigger so easily.”

“Very insightful. I thought you came here to kill me. Can we get on with it?”

Lexus face screwed up.

“I’m debating that right now. Some of what she said is actually eerily making sense. One half of me is saying, just kill him, fulfil the vow you made to your father. The other’s saying that you’re all soul ridden now, and that kinda defeats the purpose. So....”

I don’t get you. You come in here, all vigilante, and now you’re sitting down reading my limited edition almanac.”

Angel picked up the book and placed it on the shelf.

Lexus looked up at him.

“You know what I’m thinking now, Angel?” Lexus asked, then answered. “I’m thinking that maybe you’ve been punished enough. That your life, your existence - minus Buffy - is hell enough for you. Right?”

“Barely bearable.” He frowned.

Lexus grinned.

“I think my vow to my father has been fulfilled. He wanted you to suffer. You are. He wanted you to see what you did to hundreds, thousands of people. You do. Just having a soul, fulfils my father’s vow. Because you are not the monster who killed his and my family anymore.” He nodded, and stood up.

Lexus held out his hand.

“Nice meeting you Angel, I’ll be going now. As they say in the movies, ‘my work here is done.’.” He smiled and rolled his eyes. “Keep up the good work.”

Angel shook his hand with some trepidation and embarrassment.

“Thank you.”

Lexus smiled, and they both faced each other, silent and their faces grave. Remembering. Lexus remembering his family, his years of looking and waiting for Angel. Angel remembering himself so many years earlier as Angelus.

With a tilt of his head, Lexus turned to leave, but caught Buffy’s fist hard on the jaw. He fell to the floor, holding his jaw and looked up at her.

“Oh hey, you’re wakened.” He greeted ironically.

“And not in a very good mood.” She warned, fists up.

Lexus looked up at Angel from his vantage point on the floor.

“A little rough with the morning blues.”

Angel helped him up.

“What are you doing?” Buffy exclaimed. “He’s here to kill you! What did he say he was blood salesman?”

“Angel and I had a talk.” He smiled sadly. “My father would be pleased.”

Buffy stood back, eyebrows up.

“You knocked me out.” She pronounced slowly.

“I’m sorry about that.” He apologised.

“Buffy, um, he, -” Angelus realised he didn’t know the demons name.

“Lexus.” Buffy and Lexus supplied in unison.

“Lexus was just leaving.”

“Not until I kick his ass.” Buffy disagreed. “Nobody hits me on the head and gets away with it. This hairdo cost me fifty bucks! Look at it!”

Both Angel and Lexus coughed to hide their laughs.

Buffy squeaked in protest, and spun away, up the stairs.

“You know what? I am so tired of this! I need a break!”

Lexus looked at Angel, and Angel shrugged.

“Hormonal.” Angel supplied using the excuse the Scooby gang gave to Riley.

“Gotcha.”

Riley saw her coming over the lawn, toward him. He stopped and let her come the rest of the way herself.

His face was controlled, indifferent. Or trying to be.

“How was L.A?” He asked in a compact tone.

Buffy’s mouth twisted into a smile, and she picked at a thread on her jumper.

“A leap of faith.” She muttered, smiling slightly.

“What?”

Buffy’s eyes were clear as she looked up at him.

“It was an experience.” She replied honestly.

“Did you get everything sorted out?”

“I ...... I’m going to be brutally honest with you, Riley.” Buffy told him, her voice delicately sad. “There was a chance that I could have lost Angel this weekend. And I couldn’t let that happen. The thought of him dead, never a chance that I could see him again. It was like Senior year all over again. Except worse.”

“Buffy what are you saying?”

“Before I went to L.A, I said that I didn’t want to be over him, and that is why I keep pulling away from you. Well, I am getting over him. I just have to wait and see whether it’s temporary or not, or if I’m gonna stay over him. If he comes back, will I jump into his arms, or stay where I am? I don’t know. I tried to talk someone out of killing Angel, and when I did, I reminded myself of everything that I ever loved him. And hated him.”

“You’re still in love with him.” Riley stated robotically.

“Yeah. Yeah I am. No matter what he does to me, what Angelus does to me. It never stops the love. It just broadens it. Opens new doors, makes me realise things that I hadn’t even thought of. I like feeling that way about him. Even though he’s all those miles away, it still feels as if he’s here. Inside me. He completes me in ways that no other person will. And because of that, we’ll always be together where it matters. And that’s what I’m going to focus upon now. That’s what gives me the strength to grow up, and go on without him - or anyone else. I’m sorry.”

“Well, that’s it then.” His voice was catching.

Buffy’s voice was catching too.

She didn’t want to do this, but she had to. She had to be honest with herself. And him.

“I love you too, Riley, but in a completely different way.”

“Let me guess. Nice, stable, human guy.”

“And there’s a loyal, beautiful, non-screwed girl out there for you.”

“Don’t dish out the cliches and expect everything to be alright. Don’t be that person!” Riley broke out.

A tear slid down her cheek.

“I’m sorry! I am! Please believe me.”

Riley nodded grimly, blinked and nodded again.

“I know. I do. You’re that type of girl.” He stilled for a moment. “You’ll never be happy Buffy. Loving him but never having him. He can’t give you what you need. He’s in L.A. You’re here. You both have different lives, views. He’s a vampire, you’re the slayer. I want you to be happy.”

“I will be, when I figure this all out Riley. Right now, I can’t think past Angel.”

“I’ll say it again because I think it bears repating. You’ll never be happy.”

“And that’s my leap of faith. Loving him, but knowing I can never have him -”

“Why do that to yourself?” Riley demanded.

“Because I have to. I want to. Because it’s enough right now.”

“What kind of leap of faith is that?”

“My kind.”

Riley shrugged.

“I don’t like this. I don’t accept this.”

“I’m not asking you to like it Riley. I’m not asking you to even accept it. I’m just telling you how I feel.”

“We’re over because you -”

“We’re over because I can’t love you. Because there’s someone else, there’ll always be someone else. And because I need to be alone with that, right now.”

“I might not wait for you Buffy. I don’t think what you’re doing is right. For you or for us.”

“That’s your choice. I’m not asking you to wait for me. Because I will love Angel for as long as I live, and there may be no room in my heart for anything else.”

Buffy’s head was clear, her back straight. This was the right thing for her. And for Riley too. Soon, he would understand that, and maybe, in time, she would learn to forget and live without Angel. But for now, the memories and the night was enough for her.

“You’re choosing a guy who doesn’t even live in the same city over me who’s here?”

“I’m choosing what I feel is right, what is enough, over lust and security, Riley. When you kissed Janelle, I was upset because I could see my protection fading away. It wasn’t because of anything else.”

Riley bowed his head.

“Some leap of faith.” He remarked.

“I leap good.”

She smiled, and placed her hand on his arm for a split second, and then walked away from him.

He looked at her and called her name.

“Good luck. You’ll need it.”

She smiled, and nodded, and then continued walking away.

And Riley watched her go.

Buffy entered the empty dorm room feeling a little light headed, but better for having told Riley part of what she was feeling.

Her gaze fell on her unpacked bag that she had taken with her to L.A. She strolled over to it, and picked out a newly purchased CD from the side pocket. She read the label, and turned her stereo on.

Buffy: “Sometimes I thought I was over him. Angel. But then some song would come on the radio, and I’d remember where we were when we heard it. What we said, what we were doing.” She placed the CD in the drive, and inserted it, turning the volume up slightly. It wasn’t her normal taste, more Giles than anyones. But in it’s own special way, it reached her. The lyrics, familiar and warm, floated out of the speaker, and approached her where she lay on the bed, arms across her eyes.

If I leave here tomorrow / Would you still remember me / For I must be traveling on now / There's too many places I've got to see /

She thought back to L.A, when she had gone back to Investigations, to say goodbye to Angel. The song had been playing on the stereo, and Angel had been mouthing the words, sitting at the table, working out some figures from his accounts. She had smiled, laid down her bag on the sofa, and started humming along to the tune. He had turned to look at her, and his whole face eased, and his smiled - ever so slightly.

If I stay here with you girl / Things just couldn't be the same / 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now / And this bird you cannot change /

“Angel, I’m going back to Sunnydale on the next bus. I thought I’d come to say goodbye.” Buffy told him, the song playing in the background. He nodded, and half bowed his head.

“Should we talk about what happened in Sunnydale? What I said to you, what happened between us?”

“I know what happened, I was there. There’s no need to analyse it.” She refused. “Don’t you think we should -” She cut him off.

“When I was explaining to Lexus, all the reasons he shouldn’t kill you, they were the reasons I should keep on loving you. And I explained to him how you had changed. How your life had changed, your way of thinking, your beliefs. I never said this to you as much as I should, but I have faith in you Angel. When I was saying those things, I said them because I believed in them. And you.”

Oh, and the bird you cannot change / And this bird you cannot change / Lord knows I can't change /

Angel had looked away, and back at her again.

“I have always have believed in you, Buffy.”

“I know.” She wrinkled her nose. “Kinda spoiled, amen’t I? You were right about that.”

“But you’re growing out of it.”

Bye-bye babe, it's been sweet, love / 'Though this feeling I can't change /

“Glad to hear it. That’s why I came here, I guess. To tell you .... ” She walked closer to him. “It’s over with Riley. Or rather, it will be, when I get back. I don’t want you getting a giant ego or anything, it’s not because of you. Well, not just you. I feel as if something’s been holding me back from fully giving myself to him. Because the part that he wants, the part that I can’t give ..... you still have. You complete me, Angel. And I’ll never lose that, I don’t want to. It’s what will give me the strength to live without you, and walk away from you today. It’ll give me the strength to love you when I can’t have you.” But please don't take this so badly / 'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame /

“Buffy, I -”

“I know I’m having an emotional overload here, but I need to tell you that I realise and understand all that you told me before you left Sunnydale. I’m not sorry for anything that we did, but I am sorry if my wanting to remember that, whenever you came back, hurt you. I know we won’t be together anymore. I do realise that. It just.... hurts so much.”

“I know.”

“You being in L.A was bad enough for me. Me being in Sunnydale was painful for you. I just didn’t want to face the fact that the .... the love that kept us together was what was keeping us apart too. But I have. And, having that .... having the memories is enough. It will be enough.”

But if I stay here with you girl /

Angel bowed his head.

“Lexus told me what you said -” Buffy sensed his understanding of what she was saying, the guilt that he felt for his harsh words, and his reluctance to discuss what had happened. But she had said what she had come to L.A to say, even though she didn’t know it when she stepped off the bus.

“I went a little overboard, but at least it worked. Y’know. You’re still here. You’re not ashes.”

“Will you let me finish what I’m saying?”

“No.”

“I want to apologise -”

“Don’t. What you said in Sunnydale, you said what you were feeling. And that’s good. And anyway, God knows I speak what’s in my heart like, all the time.”

“You wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s an attractive feature.”

“And a bloody one, too.” He voice was teasing with laughter. “I guess, I just wanted to say that, I am proud of you, for what you do. And keep on doing. And I love you, and have the hugest amount of faith in you, and what you fight for. Totally sappy, I know, but, hey, what would our goodbyes be without sappiness?”

“Boring.”

“Yucky.”

“Normal.” Angel grinned, a trifle ruefullly. Buffy burst into laughter.

Things just couldn't be the same / 'Cause I'm as free as a bird now / And this bird you cannot change /

“I don’t do normal.” She teased.

Oh, and the bird you cannot change / And this bird you cannot change /

They both looked at each other for a long period of time. Their eyes speaking volumes, telling of their love, their passion, their forgiveness, their faith in one another. Buffy’s smile was waterery, but wide. “I’ll see you around, Angel.”

Lord knows I can't change / Lord help me I can't change / “See you, Buffy.”

Oh No, I can't change.

The End

Next and final part in 'The Prologue Series': Dream Lover

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