Every Breath You Take:
Holding My Breath
by Cynamin

When Angel came back down the stairs, Mrs. Summers was waiting for him. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, a mug in her hand. “Do you want some coffee?” she offered politely when she saw him in the doorway. She was watching him closely, evaluating.

“No, thank you,” Angel declined hesitantly. “I don’t…”

“Drink coffee. I remember,” Joyce finished. She sighed, standing away from the counter. She crossed the kitchen easily and placed her mug on the table. “Well, I need one,” she said. She glanced at Angel, still standing in the kitchen doorway. “Sit down Angel. I won’t bite.”

She got an odd look on her face when she realized what she’d said. Angel couldn’t help but smile at that. “I promise I won’t either,” he replied as he took another seat at the table.

Despite the light words, the air was thick with tension. Angel was exhausted, nervous, and still a bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened. This was not the time he would have chosen to talk to Buffy’s mother. It couldn’t be put off, though. If this was going to continue happily in the future, there was a lot between him and Joyce that needed to be said. The air needed to be cleared now.

“We need to talk,” Angel said finally.

“We do,” Joyce agreed. She sat back in her chair. “You know I never expected to be having this conversation with you. Let alone at noon in a sunny room.”

Angel smiled very slightly. “I wasn’t expecting it either,” he said. “You know I wasn’t planning this.”

“Buffy said she went to see you rather spur of the moment,” she said, sounding somewhat doubtful.

“Yes.”

“And Willow cast this spell without telling either of you she was doing it.”

Angel nodded, unable to help his grin. “It was quite a surprise,” he agreed

Joyce was quiet once again and Angel let her think. She returned his gaze seriously. “The part I don’t understand,” she said seriously, “is why you’re *here.*”

“Because Buffy wants me here,” Angel replied. He knew, suddenly, that it was as simple as that. As much as he tried to deny it, it always had been. No more doubts, he promised himself, and smiled.

Joyce caught his cheerful expression and frowned suspiciously. Fearing she thought he had other motives, Angel tried to explain himself. “Buffy and I are connected,” he said. “Heart and soul. We understand each other. We belong together.” He reached into his coat pocket and removed the glowing spell crystal. He placed it on the table between them. “We’re connected magically too, now. It was the strength of her life that allowed me to breathe again. I can’t turn my back on this. On her.”

“Is that why you asked her to marry you?” Joyce asked, clearly not liking the idea.

“I didn’t ask her. She asked me.”

Joyce sputtered into her coffee in surprise. “What?”

Angel smiled slightly. “You were wrong, Joyce. Buffy is capable of making the hard decisions all on her own. More than capable; she does it every day. I won’t make the decisions for her any more like you wanted me to. This is what we *both* want.”

Joyce sighed wearily. “It’s just that she’s so young. And she may not live to get that much older. I know that her being the Slayer is more dangerous than you’d like me to think. How is she supposed to have a life outside of vampires and demons if she marries one?” There it was: Angel standing as a symbol of all that was ‘wrong’ in her daughter’s life.

“She’ll never have a normal life,” Angel agreed. “Being the Slayer is part of who she is. But it’s not all of who she is. She is an incredible young woman full of vibrant energy and overwhelming love.” He picked up the crystal and cradled it in his hand. “The power of her life gave me mine back. Maybe I can give her some years - happy years - in return.” He stood then and put the crystal back in his pocket. “Now, if you don’t mind, I haven’t slept in far too long.”

“Of course,” Joyce said, not standing. She took another long sip of her coffee. When Angel reached the kitchen doorway she spoke again. “Angel?”

“Yes?” Angel said, turning.

“I can’t pretend that I’m…pleased with this,” she said hesitantly.

“I know.” He’d expected as much.

“Not that I’m…upset or anything,” she was quick to explain. “But…”

“Yes?”

Joyce took a deep breath. “Make her happy. I…like seeing her happy.”

“So do I.”

At the top of the stairs once again, Angel hesitated for a moment, deciding between the endless desire to see Buffy and the more immediate desire to let his exhausted body rest. The desire to see Buffy won…not much of a contest, really. He leaned in her doorway and smiled. Buffy lay on her side, facing the door, her eyes closed and a slight smile on her lips. Her injured leg stuck somewhat awkwardly out from under the covers.

Almost without thinking about it, Angel found himself kneeling at the side of her bed. Gently he moved a strand of hair from her face. His hand hovering about a centimeter from her cheek he whispered, “I love you.”

Buffy’s lips twitched into a genuine smile, though her eyes did not open. “I love you, too,” she whispered back.

Angel smiled. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t. I was listening to you and Mom - making sure I wasn’t going to have to rescue you.” She opened her eyes and grinned at him.

Angel gave her an odd look. “Listened?” he asked, confused.

“The air vent,” Buffy explained, pointing at the one next to her bed. “Sound carries quite clearly from the kitchen.” She looked at him seriously. “Did you mean what you said? About me making my own decisions?”

“Of course,” Angel replied simply.

“Does this mean you’re actually going to talk with me before making decisions now? No more crazy, noble heroics or ‘for my own good’ crap? ‘Cause you now trying to protect the Slayer from everything is pretty ridiculous. Not to mention counter productive.”

“Counter productive, huh?” Angel asked with a grin.

“Yup!”

“No more, I promise,” Angel said seriously. “Not that I’m going to stop trying to protect you. I couldn’t bare it if anything happened to you. But I want to make decisions with you. I want to fight by your side. As much as I always want to be here for you, I think I realize now that I also need you to be here for me.”

Buffy smiled back at him. “Good.”

Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, Angel stood to leave.

“Where are you going?” Buffy asked suddenly.

Angel stopped to smile at her affectionately, then yawned. “I need to go to sleep,” he explained.

“Then stay with me,” Buffy said. “There’s room enough for two.”

“But your mother…”

“You seemed to be getting along well enough,” Buffy said. “Besides, she needs to get used to us together sooner or later. Might as well be now.”

Angel hesitated, even though he really didn’t have the energy to argue.

Buffy smiled at him. “Get over here before you fall asleep on your feet.”

Angel did not need any more urging, and he stopped trying to leave the room.

Instead he took off his shoes and slipped into the bed next to Buffy. She smiled happily and moved her head from the pillow to his shoulder. Angel kissed her on the cheek and she tightened her arms around his chest.

“I missed this,” she whispered.

Angel held her tighter. “So did I,” he said.

“We just have to make sure we never do again,” Buffy said firmly. “I am keeping you right here.”

Angel couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Part Four

Hours later, Joyce stood in the doorway looking at her daughter and her boyfriend…fiancé…sound asleep in each other’s arms. As much as the sight disturbed her, she had to admit they looked right together. She just wasn’t ready to think about her daughter getting married. She didn’t even a guy and her daughter did. It felt strange.

Buffy smiled in her sleep, shifting a little closer towards the man who held her. Joyce couldn’t help but smile slightly at that. For the moment, Buffy looked so peaceful…they both did, like they hadn’t a care in the world. Like they didn’t have demons and darkness to fight when they were awake. Joyce wished that she could make all that disappear so the Buffy would smile like that all the time.

Angel’s own presence here, however, was a reminder that the darkness and demons were always going to be a part of Buffy’s life. Maybe it was about time she realized that.

Joyce tapped lightly on the open door, and both of the sleeping occupants were instantly awake. Buffy blinked at her sleepily.

“Hi Mom,” she said softly.

Angel stretched slightly and began to pull away from Buffy. She grasped his retreating arm, however, holding it securely around her waist. The display of possessiveness was not lost on Joyce.

“How long have we been asleep?” Buffy asked after a moment.

“About four hours. You both looked tired,” Joyce said. “I hated to wake you, but you have to go back to the dorm tonight, and I was hoping to have dinner with you before you go. Both of you,” Joyce amended.

“Oh, right,” Buffy agreed. “Not quite awake yet.”

“And I have to go back to L.A.,” Angel said softly.

Buffy shot him a surprised and slightly hurt look. “But I-“

Angel opened his mouth to say something and Joyce interrupted him. “I’ll leave you two to discuss in just a minute,” she said. “You will at least stay for dinner?” she asked Angel.

“I will…be happy to,” he replied.

Joyce nodded and left the two of them alone.

As soon as she left the room, Buffy sat up and looked at Angel in shock. “Alright, mister, what do you mean you’re going back to L.A.?”

“Buffy,” Angel said strongly, taking both of her hands in his own, “I’ll be back.”

Buffy bit her lip and looked slightly doubtful. “You promise?” she whispered. She couldn’t bear the thought of him disappearing from her life once again.

“I promise,” Angel assured her. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“But why do you have to go at all?”

Angel sighed. “I have two friends and employees who I have to tell there is no longer an Angel Investigations in L.A. That’s not the sort of news you tell over the phone. Plus I have other related stuff to do - moving, things like that.”

Buffy couldn’t help but grin. “Moving. That sounds good.” Then her smile faded and she frowned at him once again. “But do you have to go now? I mean, I’m all injured. Don’t you want to stay and take care of me?” She pointed at her injured leg and gave him an exaggerated pout.

Angel couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “You have school,” he reminded her. “And I don’t have a place to stay yet. As much as she seems to like me, I don’t think Willow would appreciate me for a roommate.”

Buffy grinned in response. “So I guess that just means we’ll have to live together somewhere else once you get back.”

“I guess it does,” Angel agreed. He was grinning like she’d never seen him before. “More incentive for me to return as soon as possible.”

“As if you needed more,” Buffy said softly, leaning towards him to capture his lips in a kiss. Angel met it eagerly.

When they broke apart Angel chuckled. “If we keep going like this I’m never going to leave.”

“Then don’t leave,” Buffy said, still only a centimeter away from him.

“Your mom is waiting for us for dinner.”

“Make her wait.”

“We have a wedding to plan.”

“Oh!” Buffy sat back with a huge grin on her face. “We do, don’t we?”

“Yes, we do,” Angel replied, sounding amused. “But after dinner.”

Suddenly Buffy laughed outright.

“What’s so funny?”

“You,” Buffy replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “You rediscovered food a day and a half ago, and you’re already thinking with your stomach.”

Angel laughed right along with her.

The dinner was a not entirely comfortable affair, but it lacked the tension of the discussions earlier in the day. Still, Angel didn’t eat much. Of course, that may have had something to do with his body still trying to decide whether it craved food or blood. Buffy looked at him in amusement as he pushed the food around his plate a bit with his fork. Angel couldn’t help but smile in return. Joyce noticed them looking at each other like there was no one else in the room and couldn’t help but chuckle. Neither of them noticed.

The phone rang loudly in the quiet kitchen. Buffy jumped in surprise. “I’ll get it,” she said quickly and got up from her chair. She was managing much better with her broken leg and picked up the phone after it had rung twice. “Hello?” she said quickly.

“Hey Buff,” came the voice on the other end.

Buffy grinned. “Hey, Xander. What’s up?”

“We - that’s Giles, Willow, and I - wanted to congratulate you and Dead Boy,” he said brightly. Buffy could faintly hear Willow’s scolding voice in the background. “Sorry, I mean Angel,” he amended. “Anyway, we wanted to congratulate you and give you an early wedding present.”

“A present?” Buffy asked pleasantly surprised. Angel stopped eating and looked up at her. Buffy winked at him. “Will I like it?”

“That depends,” Xander replied. “Do you like your demons fried or dismembered?”

“Xander!” came Willow’s voice clearly over the phone. There was a moment where the phone was changing hands, then Willow spoke again. “Hey Buffy.”

Buffy chuckled. “Hey Willow. What was Xander babbling about?”

“Well,” Willow said calmly, “since you’re injured and all…and no doubt very busy with Angel…”

“What is it?” Buffy asked.

“We got your demon.”

“My demon?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“The one on the beach, in the cave,” Willow said quickly. “We thought you’d like to know that it is officially no longer of the living.”

Bufy laughed outright. “You guys are too much, you know that?” she said happily. “Not that I’m exactly happy you went and faced the demon by yourselves…”

“Oh, we were completely safe,” Willow assured her. “Giles made sure of that. He did all this research and everything…we didn’t even have to get close to the demon to take him out. Well, at least until he was already dead. Then we had to go chop him up and get rid of him, which let me tell you you really owe us for.”

Buffy grinned. “Thanks Willow. I hope you gave that demon everything he deserved for breaking my leg.”

“Yeah, well…anyway, congratulations. I know you want to get back to Angel and all.”

“Actually, we’re having dinner. I’ll see you later at the dorm, alright?”

“See you later Buffy.”

Smiling, Buffy hung up the phone. “I feel better now,” she said with a grin. “The cave demon got what was coming to him.”

“Oh?” Angel asked.

“Yup! He was chopped up into little pieces by Xander and Willow. An early wedding present, they said.”

Angel laughed slightly. “How sweet of them,” he said with a grin.

“Just what we always wanted, huh?”

Joyce stood up from the table. “Well, I’m not hungry any more,” she said, somehow managing to look both amused and disgusted at once.

Buffy couldn’t help but laugh and sat back down as her mother and Angel cleared the table.

About an hour later, Buffy and Angel were standing outside Stevenson Hall. After dinner, Angel had offered to drive her back to school before heading back to L.A. It was nice and gave them a couple more minutes alone together. “You’d better be back soon,” Buffy said leaning forward on her crutches so that there was barely ant space between them.

“I will be,” Angel promised.

“And you’ll call me every night,” Buffy insisted.

“Every night,” Angel agreed.

“And we’ll find some place to live together right away.”

“Happily ever after,” he assured her.

Buffy sighed happily and Angel wrapped her lightly in his arms. They said nothing, just reveled in each others presence. “I want this,” Buffy whispered. “You and me, every moment of every day.”

Angel smiled back. “Forever,” he said and kissed her sweetly.

When they broke apart, Buffy was smiling, her eyes shining. “I know how I want our wedding to be,” she said.

“You do?” Angel whispered back.

“Mmmhmm. Not too many people, no matter who my mom wants to invite. Just you, me, our friends…”

“Your parents.”

“Well, yeah,” Buffy said with a chuckle. “If my dad can make the time in his busy schedule to show up.” She frowned for a second, then smiled when she looked up at Angel once again. “I want to get married on the beach, right near those caves, right as the sun comes up. Then we’ll have a big party and go off on our honeymoon somewhere where we don’t have to think about the Hellmouth at all. No demons - just you and me.”

“So this would be after classes are out,” Angel said slowly.

“Well, the honeymoon part,” Buffy agreed.

“It sounds lovely.”

“You like it?”

Angel held her gently. “I love it. I bet the bride will be even more beautiful. No one will notice the sunrise.”

Buffy laughed. “Only if they’re staring at my cast,” she said, drawing attention back to her leg.

“You’re always beautiful,” Angel said certainly. Buffy sighed and they kissed once again.

When they broke apart Buffy took a deep breath and looked at him happily. “Go on,” she whispered finally. “The sooner you get out of here, the sooner you can come back.”

Angel grinned. “You’re right,” he pulled away just slightly, still holding her. “be careful.”

“Always am, Love.”

Angel sighed happily. “I like hearing that,” he said.

“What, love?”

“Mmm hmm. Exactly.”

Buffy grinned. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Hurry home.”

The End

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