Going Home
by Kookie

He knocked casually. As if they hadn’t spoken in two days, let alone ten years. She was home, he could smell her. He knocked again. And again. After the fourth time she opened the door. Her face was set in stone.

"Angel." He cracked a small smile.

"Buffy." She crossed her arms over her chest. Her face was impassive.

"Well, now that we’re on a first named bases, you wanna tell me why I’m suddenly graced with your presence?" she stated bluntly. He arched his eyebrows.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"No." the word was clipped and filled with loathing. He was a little taken back. He should have known better though.

"Why are you here? Come to tell me what I should have for dinner? What I should wear tomorrow?" she snapped.

"What are you getting at here, Buffy?" Angel stepped back. He could feel the fury radiating off of her.

"You always seem to show up and make decisions for me. What would be different now? And also, when are you leaving?" the last question caught him off guard.

"What?" Buffy stood blocking the entrance to her apartment. Angel stared at her. It had been ten years since he’d seen her. Well, he’d dreamt about her. Almost every night. But she was different, colder. Her eyes didn’t hold that fire anymore. Her hopefulness in everything was gone too. She looked like an empty shell.

"You leaving? When are you?" she interrupted his thoughts.

"I’m not." He said. He glanced nervously behind him.

"Buffy, let me in, please. The sun is going to be soon. And I still have this thing about not wanting to turn into a crisp." She didn’t move. Several long moments passed. She seemed to be sizing him up. "Buffy.." he pleaded. She shrugged. Her frame was bony. Almost skeleton-like. Her golden hair hung well past her hips. She kept in a simple braid. Her skin was pasty and there were black circles under her eyes. She was in a faded black tank top and green army pants. God, she was beautiful.

"I don’t want to clean up another mess, so fine." She moved back and motioned him in. He didn’t move.

"Fine. Come in." she spit out. Buffy moved back, further into the apartment. It was dark and kind of dank. And smelled of death. Angel had barely sat down on her decaying couch when she whirled on him and snapped.

"Why are you here?" she glared daggers at him. He felt tense. He hadn’t felt tense in many, many years.

"I,ah..well, I.."

"W-w-w—what? Enough with the stuttering, tell me what this is all about and the sooner you do, the sooner you leave." Angel jumped up.

"Why do you want me to leave so badly?" he exclaimed. Her could have sworn her eyes flashed red. She stomped over to him and stared him straight in the eye.

"Cuz that’s what you always do. You. Leave. Angel and leaving. It fits really well together." he turned away. He had never expected it to be this way. He thought she would welcome him with open arms.

"What happened?" he asked quietly.

"What HAPPENED?!" she roared, "I’ll tell you what happened! Everyone left! That’s what happened!" Angel spun around.

"What do you mean ‘left’?" she sneered.

"What? Are you daft? Everyone. Left. Me. All of them. After you went on your little escapade.. they all left." She growled. Angel growled back.

"’Escapade’? I was in China for the last eight years fighting immortal demons! I didn’t take some summer vacation! I did it because it needed to be done, I thought you of all people would understand that." Buffy threw her hands up.

"Right cuz you know me so well! Are we finished yet? I have somewhere to be!" she cried. Angel focused on what she said earlier.

"Who left you?" he questioned again, softly. He wasn’t ready for the mouthful of Buffy. The punch sent him reeling.

"Everyone. My mother. Wesley. Cordy. Willow. Oz.," her lip was trembling and her eyes brimmed with unshed tears, "Xander. Giles. And..and…Spike." she collapsed. Angel rushed to her side.

"Spike left me. After everything that happened! That stupid bastard left me! He left me, just like everyone else…he left me..he left me…" she whispered. Angel wrapped his arms around her even smaller body and kissed her hair.

"It’ll be alright, baby..it’ll be alright." Buffy shoved him away from her. She jumped up and stalked to the other end of the room.

"Don’t walk in here after ten fucking years and tell me it’s gunna be alright! It’s not alright! It’s all wrong! They were all supposed to outlast me! Not the other way around!"

"They all died?" he asked in disbelief.

"It's been ten years Angel, even I didn't have my hopes up that high. You of all people should have realized that they would have been dead by now. You never even cared."

"Don't do that to me Buffy! I care! I always cared! I left because I had to! You know that! Don't put words into my mouth!" Angel snarled.

"What? You don't like being told what to think? What to do? Well, face it Angel, the people you love and care about always leave you!" Buffy cried. Angel's rage popped. "I'm sorry that they left you, if I'd would have known..." he whispered. Buffy turned her back to him.

"You don't know. You know what it's like to watch everyone you've ever loved die in front of you?" She turned back to him and smirked.

"I'm asking the wrong person! You were the one that killed everyone you loved!" Angel rushed over to her and gripped her by her shoulders.

"What was done in the past is done. Over. I've come to terms with it, so should you." he barked.

"You aren’t supposed to out live our children!" she screamed out of the blue.

"Children? Buffy..you have children?" her chest was heaving.

"Yes! I had children! I had two beautiful girls! They were so wonderful! And when they were five, they were murdered! I had children Angel! By who, you might ask? You! You were the father to those kids! You were!" Angel about fainted. He was the father of two children? That couldn’t be possible!

"That’s..that’s impossible! I can’t have kids!"

"Oh yes you can! It all happened on the forgotten day! I remember! I told you I wouldn’t forget! It just took awhile for the babies to develop. I don’t know how or why, but I had your kids. Their names were Faith and Angelica. Spike was a father to them. He was so tender and loving…he died trying to save them." She had an overcast look in her eyes. Like she was reliving it all over again.

"I’m so sorry Buffy…"

"No you’re not! You don’t know what to be sorry for! I’m not sorry! I had to wonderful children and I’m NOT sorry!" Angel took a step closer to her.

"I’m sorry for not being there, not holding the girls’ hand as the drifted off to sleep. Not holding your hand as you had to bury them. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save them…or save you." Buffy was blinded by her tears.

" I don’t need saving! I….I need my children! I need them! Oh God Angel…" she slumped to the floor and didn’t resist him as he held her.

"I needed you so badly and you weren’t there. I was waiting for you to come and save me…I was beaten so bad…I was trying to get them, but I couldn’t. Spike broke from the chains and raced towards the girls… but the demon grabbed him and threw him through a window, it was sunny out, so Spike was gone. The demon walked over and snapped their little necks. I was chained up and I could barely breathe, but I heard my little girls’ screams was so full of rage I ripped out the whole wall and thrashed the demon until it was nothing but mush. I just lay there, dying and Spike was gone. My little girls were gone. Everyone was gone. And you didn’t come. You didn’t save me. You didn’t…why didn’t you save me Angel?" she whimpered. Her tears soaked his shirt and his tears soaked her hair.

"I’m here to save you now. I’m staying..I’ll save you now…" Buffy held tighter and so did Angel.

"My soul is permanent now. I won’t leave you….never again." More sobs wracked her slight body.

"You’re my home Angel. Please, please, take me home. I want to go home." Angel kissed her forehead.

"You’re going home baby, you’re going home."

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