ith this year's spectacular 53-hour Super Bowl pregame show set to start any minute now, a lot of diehard Viking fans will be forced to find other uses for their time for the remainder of the week.
Since watching the Atlanta Falcons in the Super Bowl ranks right up there with full body electrolysis or drinking a milkshake of molten glass for Viking fans, there is a need for creative alternatives. A simple paging through the newspaper has led me to the conclusion that there are many great alternatives to watching the gala that has become Super Bowl week. If you're like me, you'll have no problem picking a fun way to spend your Sunday off of this handy dandy list.
Run for DNR commissioner. As our new governor proved with his selection of Al Horner to the post, vast experience in natural resources issues is not necessary. If you can prove that you never broke a state law in any way while hunting or fishing, you are in. I bet the first person who makes up a bunch of lawn signs and scatters them in the yards of their neighbors will be a shoe-in. Another tip I heard this week from a source in the state Capitol was that preferential treatment will be given to any candidate who can avoid calling their future co-workers "Crappie cops."
Look for meteor holes on area lakes. Residents of the small town of Atwater in west central Minnesota were all abuzz late last week when two baseball-sized holes were found in an area lake. Despite assurances from geologists and space experts to the contrary, the theory that meteorites pelted the area still persist. In the last week, the number of people calling newsrooms across the state have jumped as people strive for the answer. Think of the publicity the area would receive if meteorites, or better yet, moon men, were found to have recently crashed here.
Form your fantasy Twins lineup. With such wonderful names as Cleatus Davidson, Corey Koskie, Benj Sampson and Doug Mientkiewicz expected to appear on the opening day line up, anticipation for this year's team is running high. I doubt any true Vikings fan will have any difficulty transferring allegiance from a team that almost won it all to a team that could easily find itself in the cellar of the Central Lakes Conference by season's end.
Ice fish. While I will admit that I have never quite gotten the hang of this sport, I can't imagine how watching this year's Super Bowl can hold anything over sitting and looking into a small hole in the middle of a frozen lake.
Watch C-SPAN. Action initiated in recent years by the conservatives and Christian Coalition have made television today a land devoid of the sexual depravity and violence that was the very staple of television in my childhood. Luckily for all of us, the same groups that fought to sanitize our airwaves have also taken the charge of bringing sexual depravity to the national forefront in the Senate impeachment debates. C-SPAN is carrying the debates gavel to gavel, and so kick back, grab a frosty beverage and watch TV the way it was meant to be made.
Shovel my sidewalk. If you've made it this far and have yet to find the perfect fit, here is one that is sure to please. Since the snow that has fallen in the past few days, I have not managed to get to this ever-fun task. By combining the cardiovascular workout of aerobics with the muscle building of the weight room, shoveling snow is nature's perfect workout. Can't you just see it? Suzanne Somers standing in a Hollywood back lot in a field of fake snow with her $29.99 cardio-shovel. But, humanitarian that I am, I will allow anyone interested to borrow my shovel, and clear my sidewalk, free of charge.
