APHORISMS AND BUMPER STICKERS

APHORISMS AND BUMPER STICKERS

A. MacDarragh Burke, MD

No part of this book may be stored in any data retrieval system, translated, photocopied, recorded, reproduced in any way without prior written permission of the publisher,except for the use of brief passages for review purposes.

A. MacDarragh Burke,

MD10645 N. Tatum Blvd.,

Suite 200-126,

Phoenix, AZ 85028.

INTRODUCTION

Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines an aphorism as, 1: a concise statement of a principle, 2: a terse formulation of a truth or sentiment.

In the Oxford American Dictionary an aphorism is 'A short, wise saying, a maxim', while the Encyclopedia Britannica calls an aphorism 'A principle expressed tersely in a few telling words of any general truth conveyed in a short and pithy sentence, in such a way that once heard it is unlikely to pass from the memory'.

While it is not stated in these sources, it is generally felt that only famous people have the intellect and wisdom to aphorize. Nothing could be farther from the truth as ordinary citizens have the experience and know-how to encapsulate life's problems. Bob Irwin, a friend of mine, said one of the truest aphorisms I ever heard. "Never marry a woman you met while she was cheating on her husband" is Bob's aphorism. What a lot of bother would be avoided if people heeded that piece of advice.

The bumper sticker is further evidence of the ability of the ordinary person to give good advice in a pithy form and usually with a fine sense of humor. I have found that bumper stickers also tend to be very forthright in their sentiments as there are few holds barred here.

Bumper stickers and aphorism have much in common and tend to nudge us in a direction we ought to take.

The sayings in this book have been collected over many years, often without proper notation or attribution to an author. However, it is our belief that that quoting small isolated excerpts such as appear here, when properly accredited to the author in a reference work of this kind, is legitimate under the laws of copyright.

We have made every effort to attribute quotations correctly, but in any instance where we have failed we apologize. In such circumstances we will make the needed corrections in any future editions of this book.

For ease of reference all the quotations in this book are arranged under group headings and in alphabetical order. To distinguish aphorisms from bumper stickers, aphorisms will be in normal print while bumper stickers will be in Italics. There is no differentiation as to whether a famous person made a particular statement or not.

A. MacD. B.

Scottsdale, Arizona.

October, 1998

Excerpt: -

Marriage

Except for the presents elopement would be preferable.
Ade.

Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
Anonymous.

Marriage is that relationship between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.
Louis K. Anspacher.

I married beneath me. All women do.
Nancy Astor.

He that hath a wife and children hath given hostages to fortune; for they are impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.
Francis Bacon.

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
Balzac.

A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.
Balzac.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me as toxic waste.
David Bissonette.

Unmarried men rarely speak the truth about the things that mostly concern them; married men, never.
Samuel Butler.

If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
Chekhov.

Married couples tell each other a thousand things without speech.
Chinese Proverb.

The most happy marriage I can picture ... would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
Coleridge.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has
overlooked.
Bill Cosby.

I've sometimes though of marrying and then I've thought again.
Noel Coward.

Marry an architect. The older you get, the more charming he will find you.
Agatha Christie.

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
Benjamin Disraeli.

So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, sometimes three.
Dumas.

A deaf husband and a blind wife always make a happy couple.
Danish Proverb.

To marry once is a duty, twice a folly, thrice sheer madness.
Dutch Proverb.

Keep your eyes open before marriage and half shut afterwards.
Thomas Fuller.

In today’s marriages, they take each other for better or worse - but not for long.
‘Graffiti’

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry.

Matrimony, - the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented.
Heine.

Love-making is radical, while marriage is conservative.
Hoffer.

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls into the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.
E. Hubbard.

Marriages are all happy; it's having breakfast together that causes all the trouble.
Irish Proverb.

Never marry a woman that you met while she was cheating on her husband.
Robert Irwin.

Don’t stay long when the husband is not at home.
Japanese Proverb.

Marriage has many pains but celibacy has no pleasures.
Dr. Johnson.

To marry a second time represents the triumph of hope over experience.
Dr. Johnson.

Anyone who thinks that marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t know the half of it.
Franklin P. Jones.

After marriage husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still stay together.
Herman Joshi.

It’s never a good idea to marry for money. It’s cheaper to borrow it from a bank and pay interest.
Ann Landers.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and the ones inside desperate to get out.
Montaigne.

The woman cries before the wedding, the man afterwards.
Polish Proverb.

Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, marriage ring, and suffering.
Marriage is when a man and a woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage the 'Y' becomes silent.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Quotes On The State Of Marriage.

It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning that it was someone else.
Rogers.

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.
George Bernard Shaw.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
George Bernard Shaw.

Female murderers get sheaves of offers of marriage.
George Bernard Shaw.

Marriage: a friendship recognized by the police.
Robert Louis Stephenson.

Marriage is a covered dish.
Swiss Proverb.

Better to sit up all night than to go to bed with a dragon.
Jeremy Taylor.

Remember it's as easy to marry a rich woman as a poor one.
Thackeray.

When women hold off getting married it is called "independence", when men do, it is called "fear of commitment".
Jay Trachman.

Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Voltaire.

Nowadays, all married men behave like bachelors, and all bachelors like married men.
Oscar Wilde.

Marriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree.
Oscar Wilde.

Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious: both are disappointed.
Oscar Wilde.

Forty years of romance makes a woman look like a ruin and forty years of marriage makes her look like a public building.
Oscar Wilde.

The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.
Oscar Wilde.

When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
Oscar Wilde.

A man too good for the world is no good for his wife.
Yiddish Proverb.

BUMPER STICKERS.

In Only One State (Oregon), Do They Define Marriage As Being Between A Man And A Woman.
Marriage Is Like A Hurricane, In The Beginning There Is A Lot Of Sucking And Blowing But In The End You Lose Your House Anyway.
"I Am" Is Reportedly The Shortest Sentence In The English Language. Could It Be That "I Do" Is The Longest Sentence?
I Still Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Getting Better.
I Got This Motorhome For My Wife... Best Deal I Ever Made.
Love Is Blind, Marriage Is An Eye-Opener.
Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog.
Make Love Not War. Hell! Do Both, Get Married.
Anonymous.

Scientists Have Discovered A Food That Greatly Reduces Sex Drive - It’s Called A Wedding Cake.
Laura Estes.

My Wife Ran Away With My Best Friend. I Sure Miss Him.
A Man Is Not Complete Until He's Married; Then He's Finished.
175 Funny Bumper Stickers.

Dad's The Boss. Right Mommy?
Brian Gugala.

Man Is Incomplete Until He’s Married, Then He’s Finished.
Joke Post Bumper Stickers.

Marriage Converts A Man With A Future Into A Man With A Past.
Popular Wisdom.

We Are Staying Together For The Sake Of The Cats.
I' m The Man Of The House And I Have My Wife's Permission To Say So.
Urszula & Waldo Mochalski.

I Think Men Who Have Pierced Ears Are Better Prepared For Marriage. They Have Experienced Pain And Bought Jewelry.
Rita Rudner.

Marriage Is Not A Word, It's A Sentence - A Life Sentence.
Marriage Is Very Much Like A Violin: After The Sweet Music Is Over, The Strings Are Attached.
Marriage Is Love. Love Is Blind. Therefore Marriage Is An Institution For The Blind.
Marriage Is An Institution Where A Man Looses His Bachelor's Degree And A Woman Gets Her Master.
Marriage Is A Thing That Puts A Ring On A Woman's Finger And Two Under The Man's Eyes.
A Marriage Certificate Is Just Another Name For A Work Permit.
Getting Married Is Very Much Like Going To A Restaurant With Friends ... You Order What You Want, And When You See What They Other Fellow Has, You Wish You Had Ordered That.
It Is True That Men Are Born Free And Equal - But Some Of Them Get Married.
A Happy Marriage Is A Matter Of Giving And Taking; The Husband Gives And The Wife Takes.
There Was A Man Who Said "I Never Knew What Happiness Was Until I Got Married ... And Then It Was Too Late!"
Love Is One Long Sweet Dream And Marriage Is The Alarm Clock.
They Say That When A Man Holds A Woman's Hand Before Marriage It's Love; After Marriage It Is Self Defense.
Letitia Yao.