BANANACUE
REPUBLIC
Vol I, No. 10
Nov 10, 2004
attitudes by H. A. de Veyra
When You Seek
The Dalai Lama, the exiled spiritual leader of Tibet, is recorded to have
said that the purpose of our life is to seek happiness. "The very
motion of our life is towards happiness and we can achieve this by the
training of the mind and by constant practice."
Impossible for almost all of us, because the idea of disciplining our
minds seems to belong only to monks sitting and praying all day, going
hungry and remaining celibate. Certainly something we don't even want to
try. Worse, constant practice seems to belong only to athletes who're out
to win some gold from somebody else. Not possible for us ordinary human
beings who can't even keep our minds still for even a minute.
The Dalai Lama has sentenced us to a life of sadness. We are a doomed
species. For that's what we are. Sad. Lonely. Alone. Happiness for us is
that momentary laughter with friends and families, that momentary look
from a lover, that momentary smile of a child, that momentary sunrise,
that momentary breathing in of a landscape. Happiness is only that
elusive moment, which you cannot stretch to the end of your lifetime. The
comfort that we find in a moment, a fading memory, remains temporary.
Who among us doesn't lay sleepless at night worrying about money, about
the nasty intrigues at work, about someone sick, about a son or daughter
away from home, about the bills to pay, about keeping or finding a job,
about keeping a loved one? Or who doesn't spend time at cafés with
friends, debating about the economy, business, politics, the government,
terrorism and ineffective presidents? Who doesn't spend time at the church
asking God for help, for peace, for happiness, for contentment, for love?
Our thoughts are only in pursuit of an elusive contentment, an elusive
happiness. We seek happiness in a most distorted way, thinking and talking
about problems that are preventing us from experiencing happiness.
Happiness, we think, is outside us. We think that happiness is something
that a person or an object can provide us. We think that they hold the
answers to our happiness. So we seek, and seek, and seek...
One of my favorite examples is everyone's need to find the one, the soul
mate, the lost other half. And even if we don't consciously seek for our
other half, we get excited when we meet someone who seems to share our
likes and dislikes, who seem to understand us even before we say
something, who shakes our core being, and suddenly we become hopeful. Is
this love? Is this the answer? Does he/she hold the secret to our
happiness?
The Dalai Lama is a Buddhist. He believes in eliminating all the factors
that leads to suffering, and cultivating all those factors that leads to
happiness. That's what he means by disciplining the mind. One of his
examples is on relationships. He said that a relationship is always based
on something. It could be money, business, sex, romance, same interests or
common enemies... and when this commonality fades, then the relationship
fades too.
When our happiness lies in the hands of another, even the person we trust,
we are doomed for disappointment. And sadness. And frustration. For no one
and nothing can ever fill the void we have in our hearts, except
ourselves. Sure, some would say, Jesus can. But who is he but an 'ideal'
in our minds? And who fulfills that ideal but ourselves? Religion aside,
we seek for the answers really, in other persons. In our more worldly and
mundane pursuits, we seek for someone to provide us that answer or to fill
that empty space inside us.
I call this, feeding on someone's energy. You randomly pick on someone
whom you think can feed your lack. What feeds you? Attention from others?
Concern from those you love? Pity when there's nothing else? Wealth? Fear?
Anger? Adrenaline? And what is this inside you that you're feeding, that
needs to be nurtured, and why?
There's this classic case of a friend I used to have. She had this
messianic complex, and she was out to save the world of all its evilness.
I was drawn to this world of hers maybe because I wanted to save the world
too, but maybe because I was too young to know any better. She was good at
drawing people to her cause, she was good at pinpointing everyone's
weakness and exploiting that weakness. She fed our lack, and all of us fed
hers, the attention and adulation and power that she needed. Something
like that is doomed to fail, friendships full of disappointments and anger
and disillusionments because it was not based on a healthy exchange of
energy. It was a taking, rather than a sharing and giving of energy.
What is that lack inside us that we need to feed? And why can't we make a
conscious effort to fill that lack ourselves? Why don't we? Why look for
it in others? Why think others are responsible for our happiness? Why not
seek it ourselves, inside us?
The road to happiness is long. But it's not a lonely road. Happiness is a
state of being, something we feel and experience as we journey through
life. It is a state of being that we can achieve by looking inside
ourselves, and finding the answers there. Nowhere else.
Posted 11/09/04. Send
your comment to bananacue_republic@yahoo.com
"What is
that lack inside us that we need to feed? And why can't we make a
conscious effort to fill that lack ourselves? Why don't we? Why look for
it in others? Why think others are responsible for our happiness? Why not
seek it ourselves, inside us?"
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