BANANACUE
REPUBLIC
Vol I, No. 13
Dec 01, 2004
attitudes by H. A. de Veyra
Soul Lessons
(For W.T.)
Student1 (me): Why are we hurt by the people we love?
Student2: Should we be hurt by the people we love? Ideally, we should never feel hurt, because if we were wise we wouldn't feel hurt. Let me see, we feel hurt because (1) we have expectations, and one of those expectations is that the loved one will love, respect us, and treat us like we would want to be treated ALWAYS.... (2) We feel hurt because we ALWAYS feel that negligence on the part of the loved one is directed at US PERSONALLY, even when it's not, even when the hurt is not intentional and not directed at us. We're hurt because we bring EVERYTHING back to our own belly button. I can't really think of ONE good reason why we should feel hurt... that's why I ask "Should we feel hurt?" and if we shouldn't feel hurt, what can we do to not feel the hurt, what view of life and others should we have in order not to feel hurt ?
So this was going to be the topic for our Sunday discussion. Love, and relationships... how appropriate, I thought. Just the thing that I needed. I directed the same question at our teacher, “Why does the person we love the most hurt us? And why do we hurt the person we love the most?”
She thought this over and laughed. She asked why I was asking her this question. I said it’s for a friend. Well, this could be the classic “my friend has this problem...” kind of question, because it could as well be for me, and for the rest of us in that room. Relationships-related thoughts take up almost 80 to 90% of our thinking time, and when we’re obsessed, we’re really obsessed. Why do you think Fatal Attraction movies sell?
She said, “Well, we feel hurt because we look for our emotional needs from others. And when they don’t deliver, we’re cut off from the real source, which is the soul.” She must have seen the surprised look on my face because she almost choked from laughing. She knows about my obsession to find my soul and my highest potential and the link to my unconscious. And the appearance of the soul in this conversation was unexpected. She made a demonstration. She said, “Take two people for instance. They love each other. They know that they were made for each other. But because of circumstances beyond their control, they cannot be together. The other chooses to move on and find someone else.”
She looks closely at me and continued, “Let’s take your friend. Her boyfriend cannot, at this time, be with her or she with him. So they break up, and this breaks her heart. He finds someone else. This breaks her heart even more. I presume this is where your question is coming from?”
I tried not to blush. Is there nothing I can hide from this teacher? But she’s good so I listened without interrupting her explanations. She had this distant look on her face and I wondered if she was in semi-trance, or thinking back to her past relationships.
Teacher: “Let’s say the love between your friend and her ex-boyfriend is true love. Your friend understands this, that’s why she chooses to hold on to that love and wait for him or someone better, definitely not someone less. Her ex-boyfriend is not aware of the kind of love they have, yet he feels that he needs her in some level. In the physical level though, he needs companionship, so he seeks someone else. This hurts your friend. Why?”
Student1 (me): “Because she’s denied the love (or attention) she needs from him?”
Teacher: “Yes, but why does she need his love?”
I was stumped. Why do we really need other people's love? Don’t we have enough of it inside ourselves that we’ve to seek love from others?
Teacher: “Supposedly, our souls provide our emotional needs. Call it what you like, love, tenderness, understanding, appreciation, inspiration... it all boils down to two words. Soul energy. This soul energy, when it comes down to us is transmuted into these positive feelings that feed us and make us into kind, gentle and loving human beings. But we have to have an awareness of this dynamics or we waste that energy. We waste it in other unnecessary activities, just as we waste our money on unnecessary things. In a relationship of your friend’s kind, the love she feels for her boyfriend awakens her link with her soul. And the love from her that her boyfriend feels awakens his love for her, and his link with his soul. And vice versa. So there is a flow of love that goes on between the two, and between the souls. If they’re soulmates, then the boyfriend who’s blocking his love for your friend is blocking the link to his soul. Only by feeling that love for her will he be able to form the link with his soul. Only by feeling your friend’s love for him will his love be awakened. When he blocks the flow between them, then he will lose out. He may have other loves, but I hope it is of the soul kind.
“In this way, relationships are necessary because they show us this link between us and our souls. But eventually, we have to learn that what we need is our soul’s love (soul energy) and not our partner’s. When we are unaware of the need to link with our souls, we seek this ‘soul energy’ from others and there then, is your source of pain.”
Student1 (me): “So are you saying that our purpose is to find that link between us and our souls?”
Teacher: “Yes.”
So we seek love from our partners, then we’re denied love when the parting and betrayals and arguments start. Then we feel hurt and pain and get our hearts broken, just because we’re sourcing love from the wrong souls. From other’s, when it should be from ours. If this is the case, then what should we do when we’re feeling this pain? We can’t just say, hey soul, where are you? I need you right now! Or can we?
Student4: “I say it’s because your friend’s boyfriend is weak. When a person asks for true love, he’d better be strong enough to handle it, otherwise it turns destructive. Not only for him, but also for his partner. That’s what I think. People ask for things bigger than they are, things that they’re not ready to handle.”
Student1 (me): “So what are we to do?”
Teacher: “Your friend should continue loving her partner. She is in a way, already aware of her connection to her soul. She has more love than she needs. Her love should not diminish just because it’s not being reciprocated. True love is almost like a state of being, it remains as is regardless of the amount of love it gets in return.”
Student4, whom I think is the most advanced of us, glanced at our teacher and added, “I think your friend should leave that boyfriend alone and love as many people as she can, for love is not exclusive to one person alone. But she has to love with her whole being, each and everyone of her lovers. Variety is the spice of life.” And she went out of the room laughing. Our teacher was laughing hard. I sometimes hate it when ‘evolve’ people think of something serious like pain as something funny.
But setting my annoyance aside, I asked that if our purpose to link with our souls is done, what is next?
Teacher: “There’s still the soul purpose. You can’t imagine how much two souls that understand each other not only in the soul level, but also in the physical level, can achieve in their lifetimes. A soul’s purpose attained is a great achievement for humanity. Two souls’ is almost a miracle. That’s why we need to be linked with our souls first. Once we are, we do not feel a lack. Then we can do what we are supposed to do in this lifetime...
"As for the pain that your friend feels now... that’s why she's human, and not a soul.” And she left us laughing, too.
Posted
11/30/04. Send
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"I
directed the same question at our teacher, “Why does the person we love
the most hurt us? And why do
we hurt the person we love the most?”