BANANACUE
REPUBLIC
Vol I, No. 15
Dec 15, 2004
attitudes by H. A. de Veyra
Without
Expectations
"Whatever thought is held with certainty, that very thing comes into existence" -Yoga Vasistha.
"Thoughts are living things". That's what I learned from a
Kriyashakti class I attended. When we hold on to a thought long enough,
the thought is manifested into reality. Kriyashakti is the art and science
of thought-form building and the mastery over energy to manifest our
desires. Some would call it magic, but it's a simple science of
visualizing what you want, holding on to it, and letting it go. Religious
people identify it as 'prayer' (what's called passive wishing), I call it
knowledge of how energy works. Once a desire is visualized, it's released
to give it a chance to materialize on its own. For this to happen, you
have to maintain a kind of expectation that everything will go according
to plan.
Expectations... This word has been puzzling me all week. In the Kriyashakti class, I was taught to expect what I will or wish, yet these 'expectations' cannot be used when other people's wills are involved. Expectations only work with objects and events, but not with the people around you. I guess that's why there's a rule that says, when you desire something for yourself, you will it; when you desire something to happen that involves another person, you merely wish it. When you impose your will, you're denying a person's right to choose. His right to learn. His right to evolve at his own pace. That's why, expectations also play a major part in relationships. You could get trapped in a web of expectations that's full of misunderstandings and maybe even separation, but it could also be the catalyst that leads to your liberation. Am I making sense yet?
Recently, I had one of those 100kilowatt lightbulb moments. I realized that what makes us miserable sometimes are our expectations of the people around us. And usually these are the people we care about, people we love. Somehow, they never seem to measure up to the image we have of them in our heads, they don't do the things we would want them to do, or they don't choose the right choices we think is best for them. Why can't people just fit into the image we have in our heads and make everyone's lives easier?
The lightbulb was still flashing, so I continued thinking. What if, we let go of ALL our expectations of people? What if every time we want someone to call us, we stop expecting him to call. What if every time someone makes a promise, we don't expect him to deliver. What if every time we want someone to behave a certain way, we stop expecting him to behave our way. What if every time choices need to be made, we respect the other person's 'emotional' choice and stop expecting him to be the Dalai Lama. What if we rid ourselves of all expectations we have of the people around us. Of people in general? Of the world?
Having no expectations... Do you know how liberating that feels? Other people's fate will not be our responsibility anymore. They can do what they want to do with their lives. They can choose to call or not call, we'd still be all right and not be waiting. They can choose to deliver their promises or not, we'd still be doing our thing and be prepared with our own plan B's. They can choose to go a different path, and maybe we'd lose a constant companion, but not a friend and certainly not our souls to them. Life moves on after all, and the expectations we have of other people are nothing compared to the expectations we have of ourselves.
Now the dilemma. If you were a mom and you expect your teenage son to clean his room and he doesn't, what do you do? You know the room has to be cleaned somehow. When you have expectations of him behaving a certain mom's way, you're disappointed when he doesn't deliver. Or you get mad, or become controlling or nagging. I'm not a mom so I don't know what I'd do. I just know that the important thing is not to be affected by our emotions and not be miserable, and not to be miserable means to have no expectations. In relationships, I'd rather communicate to the other person what I want or what I prefer to happen, and allow him to make his own choices. It is what I'd want to be extended to me after all, to be my own self, and not someone else's expectations of me. I feel that since there will be no expectations, forgiveness is possible even before the mistake is done. The relationship becomes more of a giving and sharing, rather than the usual asking and taking.
Now the other dilemma. In Kriyashakti, we manifest the things we want to happen. We expect something to happen because we desired it and we willed it. In wanting something, we already expect it to become manifest even before we go through the steps of manifestation. Without that 'expectation', there is no certainty that it will happen, and when there is no certainty, it won't. It's a good thing that we're also taught ethics, otherwise these willed 'expectations' could be abused, for there is an abyss (as a friend once said) between what we think is 'good for someone' and what someone thinks is 'good for himself'. It's a good thing we're taught not to use this power over another person's choices. The individual's right to choose always comes first, even if we think it's not good for them. Of course you can use reason to persuade another, but the final choice is still his. Not yours.
So to expect or not to expect. When to expect and when not to. I haven't merged my lightbulb moment with this knowledge I was taught into one coherent belief, or knowing. I guess it'll take more experience and practice for me to do that. For now, the liberation I feel of having no expectations is serving me well. Instead of expecting people to fit the picture I have of them in my head, I should continue to focus on the expectations I have of myself, and work on those. Put myself out of my misery...
Posted 12/14/04. Send your comment to bananacue_republic@yahoo.com
"Life
moves on after all, and the expectations we have of other people are
nothing compared to the expectations we have of ourselves."