I remember when I was a teenager my friends asked me what I wanted to be later in life. I didn’t tell them anything for fear of not knowing the answer and truthfully, I was uncertain if I could live long enough to realize my goals. I was caught up in a world of struggles both in the society and my own, personal kind. The former being propagated by forces meant to destabilize a regime of conflict whose doom would be the ultimate answer while the latter being my own, self-inflicted skirmishes characterizing the complexity of my being.

Yes I was constantly challenged by choices I was making particularly on career decisions. I wanted to be a typical, successful career person with a fat wallet and loving family to share my glory but on the other hand, I was living in isolation conquering the piano with all my energy just so I could be onstage with an orchestra behind me. This was perceived to be a painful task because it would be a solitary existence I had to bear amidst friends who constantly swayed me to make correct choices. To them, a concert pianist dream was not challenging enough, not an intellectual pursuit because there was not enough academic challenge. They believed that my talent was only enough to pursue piano as a mere hobby.

There was not enough positive energy to keep me going with my dream. I remember how many times I played in recitals and not even my closest friends would come and listen. They were busy spending holiday elsewhere or just hanging out with other friends oblivious of me. I felt a disturbing recluse. Not that I wanted attention, but the idea of someone else who cared about my passion would have been enough to keep me going.

This uncertainty stuck in mind all the way to college. But this time, I moved to the big city where opportunities couldn’t be taken for granted. Yes, there were innumerable piano performances in my new environment. I met new friends who were of my kind. They were serious pianists whose regimen of 6 hours on the piano each day was an inspiration to me. Yet I was still not happy because my old friends did not enjoy the adventure except for the bountiful refreshments that was served after the performances.

I moved on, determined to continue this uncompromising attitude. I despised the idea of becoming a banker or a clerk in a dead office. I was into adventures of the mind and spirit, things I won’t experience in a cubicle. So I decided to be a pianist. Until now, I still want to be a pianist because I don’t think I have conquered the piano with all my energy.

It is not a mere hobby that one can enjoy and simply ignore later. I hate parents who enroll their kids to piano during summer with the idea that it is a good hobby to enjoy. What a sinful thing to say! How shallow and ignorant they can be?

Anyway, I don’t encourage piano teaching because I have very little patience with kids. To me, it is a holy activity learning how to play the piano. So all these years I have been reinterpreting my classical pieces after being exposed to several artists. It is a masterful craft and certainly worth my time trying to achieve perfection.

I have no idea what will become of me years from now if I will still be alive. I live each day dreaming further into my dreams. It is a quest of unknown destiny. I sometimes feel I am lost in a world of commerce because my craft is not a craft. It is a passionate choice that does not mingle with mundane events and people. It is solitude that elevates artistry. It is admonition and happiness that make a true artist.