"THE ISLAND"

Gossip

Week Five:

News from the mainland washed ashore in a bottle this week. The women(and man) read up on Élian Gonzalez, the election campaigns and the announcement of Barbra Streisand's last four concerts. Katie, always the political queen looked off into the horizon, covered her mouth and cried. She longs to be back in New York running Hillary's Senate campaign despite Lazio's boyish-Hubbel quality.

Esther reacted to the news of the concert. She became angry about Cheryl leaving The Island before her. "She was smarter than she looked," Esther sneered. "As the only other songwriter on The Island I bet Cheryl got voted off on purpose so she could write Barbra a new song for her farewell concert!" Good Fanny confided in Esther telling her she would have loved to be the opening comedy act. "The two people I admire most are Mista Zieg-field and Ms. Streizzzand," Fanny said. "I've just gotta get on the stage somehow!" she quipped.

Meanwhile, Dolly was racking in the bucks. Without the other knowing Katie, Esther and Good Fanny each paid Dolly $50 to help them get voted off The Island. Dolly sang "Just Leave Everything To Me" three times that night! That had to be a record, not to mention annoying for Margaret Reynolds who occupied the adjacent hut.

Margaret's lack of sleep seemed to make her hallucinations worse. Dolly ran to tell the group about her neighbor cracking up. Everyone gathered around as Margaret began to breakdown in tears at the thought of Élian Gonzalez returning to Cuba. She told her fellow castaways outlandish stories about Castro really being a woman and being seducing by him/her back in New York. She went on to say that the boy in the photo with his father wasn't really Élian. "Élian should be raised in a free country where he could write 'Lesbians Unite' in elevators if he wanted to," Margaret screamed. She went on to say, "If Élian lives on the same island as Castro he'll grow up to be a narrow-minded overweight prejudice schnook." Katie saw RED as she defended Castro, Communism and The Boggie Man. "How is that different from growing up in New Jersey?" she retorted. Lowenstein feared The Island was finally taking its toll on Margaret's mental health.

All the talk about Castro being a woman masquerading as a man made Anshel very uncomfortable. He ran off into the woods. Lowenstein ran after him asking if he was all right. Anshel answered her in song as he ran, "There's no chill and yet I shiver, there's no flame and yet I burn…"  Claudia, being an instigator, yelled to Lowenstein "Ask him if he wants to go swimming".

With Lowenstein away in the woods looking for Anshel, Margaret seemed to get worse. She began yelling something about blowing up The Statue of Liberty on the other side of The Island, Moses/Charlton Heston with apes and her husband lurking in the Dark Shadows howling at the moon like some sort of wolf at Collinwood. 

This was too much for the group. When Lowenstein and Anshel returned the group had no choice but to restrain Margaret by shoving her face in an anniversary cake before voting her off The Island.

As the Tribunal walked back to camp Dolly passed out cards explaining her no refund policy which no doubt angered Esther, Fanny and Katie. Dolly winked at Margaret who was being escorted on to a plane headed for New York's JFK Airport. Margaret winked back, $500 poorer but happy. You see, on a Lazy Afternoon there may be a cloud unfolding like a Rose and Daisys running riot but thanks to Dolly's plan, if you sit real still you can hear Margaret softly singing "If I Close My Eyes I can fly"... back home in time to buy tickets to Barbra's farewell concert<g>.

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