POEM OF THE MONTH

Heroes and Hairdoes

A consultant from Bristol Water is telling me
That men are being turned into females
Via oestrogen wee'd in the water supply by Pilled women.

I believe him, even though he's a Rovers supporter,
And a scientific gym-workout, racquet-muscled he-man,
Because from fish up the earth is turning female:

Low sperm counts, impotence, collapse in male fertility,
Smooth pretty boybands singing speyed Cat Stevens' songs
Without the bass counterpoint they depend on

From the top of a chart chock-full of girlies in suits
(And the women aren't much better either);
A dance troupe of neutered dolls piping Tragedy

In a way that makes even the Bee Gees sound like Lee Marvin;
But, most, because these days I want to be Sheryl Crow
Snarling Making A Killing in ballsy black leather

Whereas when I was a boy I wanted to be John Lennon
Singing Girl (and looking, so my dad said, like one
With his cute fringe) every note hairy with testosterone

And because the Grail is a female symbol,
A vessel of life, bloody and holy,
The womb and its waters. It's not a fancy.

And, most, because when George Harrison was asked in '64
By some US drip what he called his hairstyle, he said
ARTHUR, like a king. These days he'd simper and say Nancy.

© Gareth Calway, September 2001

This poem is available on the 'Bristol City Ruined My Life... But Made My Day' CD. See the purchase page for further details.