Lessons from Mom...     

Things that My Mother Taught Me    

 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:  

"If you're going to   kill each other, do it outside; 
I just finished  cleaning!"     

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray  that will 
come out of the   carpet."     

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you  don't straighten 
up, I'm   going to knock you into the middle of next week!"     

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so,  that's why."     

My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you  wear clean underwear, 
in   case you're in an accident.     

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll  give you something 
to   cry about."     

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:  "Shut your mouth 
and   eat your supper!"     

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will  you just look at the 
dirt   on the back of your neck!"     

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit  there 'till all that   
spinach is finished."     

My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as  if a tornado swept  
through   your room."     

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:  "If I yelled because 
 I   saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen  then?"     

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've  told you once, I've told  
you   a million times, Don't Exaggerate!!!"     

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I  brought you into this world, 
  and can take you out."     

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:  "Stop acting like your  
father!"     

My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are  millions of less fortunate   
children in this world who don't have wonderful  parents like you do!"     

Thanks, Mom!