AN: Alex never went away! Bit of course language not a lot though. I took initiative with Alex's middle initial.

Summary: An old flame comes back into Alex's life and she has to decide if it's for the better or worse.

Disclaimer: All characters mentioned from Law and Order: Special Victims Unit belong to Dick Wolf and associates. I own Meredith (the maid), Robyn and Darrell Stephans and the made up staff of Saint Georges Hospital. I don’t even know if it is a real hospital in New York City. Otherwise I really own nothing.

Torn

by Barnaby

What do I do? I just found out that my one of my ex's, Robyn, is back in the city. I never truly got over her and that is proving difficult. All of the old feelings that I had for Robyn all came back when my mother called me and told me that Robyn was going to be staying with her for a little while until she gets her apartment up and running. I don't want to go to dinner tonight.

Things were bad between Robyn and I when we were children. I guess that when we got older and started learning what love truly was I thought I was in love with her. It turned out to be true, we were at a party for a friends farewell and it was such a nice change from all the social parties my parents made me attend. Robyn picked me up on her way to the party, we got there had a bit to drink, which was wrong anyway we were all under age, I drank too much and Robyn and I ended up on the back seat of her car, just sleeping, I know where your minds were going. The next morning I was so hung over that she couldn't take me home, to my place or hers, so she drove me around and got me looking as sober as she could and drove me home. During the drive she told me what had happened the night before and that I had blurted out that I was in love with her.

It turned out that she loved me too but didn't want to tell me while I was wasted. We fought a lot as kids and all of a sudden we were embarking on our first same sex relationship with each other. That all changed during that summer though. Her father decided he didn't want to be in business with my father anymore. The Cabot's and the Stephans' never spoke again until my father passed away. That was really the last time that I saw Robyn. Mother always kept in touch with Robyn's mother but it wasn't until then that I realised that things with Robyn went way south during that summer. We had always planned to do the Romeo and Juliet thing but we soon found out it was never to be when her father pulled her out of the school we went to.

@--}----

I'm on my way to my mother's apartment right now. I am actually really nervous about this. I haven't seen Robyn in almost eight years. I know I'm worrying for nothing, she could be married or in a relationship or something already. I can't see why she'd be single at the moment. Robyn was always the talk around the drinking fountain in high school, light rusty coloured hair, green eyes, nice figure and always walked with an attitude that said 'don't fuck with me' yet she was always so polite and dare I say, snooty, being in a family like ours I guess she had to be. She was always the popular one while I was the studious type, I had to be on the top of everything that was happening in class or my father would have had a fit.

She became a doctor, I was told by mother. I don't really know how but she managed it. Robyn was always the 'who cares I'll do it later' student, you know the type they went to your school's too. I always thought that when she graduated that she would barely scrape through but obviously I was wrong.

Mother is always so sweet, she knew about Robyn and I but she never told father. That summer that mine and Robyn's father's stopped talking to each other I was so miserable, I remember hearing my mother and father shouting about something in his den. I did make out that mother was pushing him to make up with Darrell, Robyn's father, I think she told him that I was missing my best friend and it was eating me up inside, well it was but I wasn't missing just my best friend, I was missing the girl I was in love with too.

I'm finally here at mother's, traffic was really bad tonight. I'm at the door, my nerves haven't subsided. I feel like I'm Lexi Cabot again, that's my adolescent self from all those years ago. The only one's that were ever allowed to call me that were my parent's and Robyn.

I can't bring myself to knock. Argh I can't believe this, my cell phone is ringing. Just when I finally find my phone it stops ringing and the door opens, I shouldn't have been surprised that it was my mother calling. Robyn answers the door and I'm lost for words, she looks great.

"Hey Lexi"

"Hello Robyn. Gonna let me in or do I get to eat out here?" I know it was lame but I got a smile and god I missed that smile.

Three... Two... One "Alexandra, come over here and taste this" predictable as always, mother. Every time I come for dinner she makes me taste whatever it is we're having.

"I've already told her it's fine but she has to have your approval" Robyn whispered in my ear. Hmm so far no signs that she is in a relationship or maybe she just feels comfortable around me enough to still flirt with me.

"Mother I'm sure it's fine and by the way hello to you too"

"Hello Alexandra and cut the cheek" ouch, should never forget my mother doesn't like that!

By the time dinner is finished I've established that Robyn isn't in a relationship and that she's working at Saint Catherine's. I teased her about that too, about being a doctor, she laughed in my face and teased me right back. She didn't say it in front of my mother but I know she was thinking 'being a lawyer, going with everything you ever despised'

It's true, I never did like lawyer's growing up but somewhere my view changed, obviously. She's still the same old Robyn I fell in love with and I guess still love. My mother leaves us somewhere around ten o'clock and I think I'm actually grateful to have the chaperone gone. There's Lexi again, I feel like a teenager again, again! We laughed and talked about things that have happened, I should have known I had nothing to worry about, being able to talk like this with Robyn always was so easy. She asked me if there was someone in my life and I told her about Olivia being a good friend but nothing more.

At the moment it is something like one thirty in the morning and I'm laying in the bed that she's supposed to be sleeping in while she's out there on the couch, always so chivalrous. I feel real bad though. She insisted that I not drive all the way back to my apartment at this hour though I do it all the time when Don or one of the detectives call me. I want to go out there and tell her this is ridiculous, she told me that because I used to stay in this bed that I should stay in it now but it doesn't feel right. Just as I'm about to act on my decision the door opens and she's standing in the doorway my guess is she thinks I'm asleep and wants to watch me sleep which she used to do all the time.

"Lex you still up?" she whispers, god she sounds like we're fourteen again and she's staying at my parent's place while hers are out of town.

"Yes Robyn. I was about to go out there and tell you that this is absolutely ridiculous. I drive home all the time at odd hours"

"Not while I'm around you won't." That's Robyn, yep never changed.

"Robyn Shayne Stephans my personal body guard. You know I already know what kinds of bad things and people are out there!" I couldn't help but point to the window. She makes me feel like I'm ten again just finding out about all the bad things in the world. "I prosecute cases for SVU, Rob, they have some pretty sick cases to hand over to me too"

"Noah..." I hate it when she calls me that. My initials are ARC so instead of calling me arc or something else she decides to call me Noah as in 'Noah's Arc'

"Robyn, don't call me that. I know I never used to mind it but now is different"

"Fine. Alexandra, it's not about you being raped or whatever okay. I see what happens to people who fall asleep at the wheel everyday, I'm not worried about you falling asleep, that’s not my concern at all, my concern is that someone might hit you if they fall asleep at the wheel"

"Might is a big word Robyn. Now what did you want to talk about?" Okay I'm sick of protective Robyn I need playful Robyn back. If I wanted someone to worry about me I'd go to Olivia or one of the other detectives, right? Who is more protective a doctor or a detective? In this instance it's the doctor not the detective!

"I missed you, ya know. All that summer. You and I had it all planned out didn't we, run off to the country and spend a week together, just you, me and the birds and the bees" Playful Robyn's back woohoo. "When daddy told me we wouldn't be seeing the Cabot's again I cried that whole summer. He asked me one day why I was so upset and I out right told him that he had destroyed me. I never spoke to him for a couple of days. I called you to tell you to meet me somewhere, I was going to jump in my car and come get you so we could run off but Meredith told me you went away for awhile" Meredith? Oh right, the maid.

"She lied to you Robyn. I spent three of the twelve locked in my room, but the other nine weeks I spent despising my father too. I never forgave him for acting the way he did. Mother always told me that it was for the best but then I told her about what was really between us and she was mad at father. She tried to get him to reconcile with your dad but he wouldn't then I found out that you and I wouldn't even see each other at school" By half way through that she’s walking toward the bed and crawling in with me. Okay so chivalry just died.

"You know I loved you as much as a seventeen year old could love someone" why the sad looks? It wasn't your fault Rob...

"Hey, Rob it wasn't your fault. What happened between father and Darrell wasn't either of our faults. I missed you that summer too. I was the stereotypical love sick teenager around you and then our fathers took it away from us." Why do I feel the need to kiss her right now. The last time we saw each other was at my father's funeral and before that we hadn't seen each other in six years. "We weren't perfect but I did love you, I had so many people to be jealous of but once I knew you were mine, they were jealous of me without even knowing it"

"They never stood a chance against you. They only wanted me for either the popularity or my body but those that did want my heart wouldn't have gotten it even if they went through some sort of initiation to get it" she looked into my eyes and I saw it, she was crying I don't know why but she was. Maybe she really never got over me, no wait not maybe I'm certain of it. "You held my heart Alex and you still do"

"You've been in love with me for fourteen years and your only just telling me this why?" Certainly still shocking to hear her say what I already knew to be true but I couldn't have found a better response if I tried. She had plenty of chances to tell me.

"Alex you said it yourself earlier, I wasn't ever going to make something of myself, as it was that final year of high school I barely scraped through. I knuckled down, went through college and went to med school. I wouldn't have been able to do it if you and I had've been together. You were a distraction then and I guarantee it would have been a recurring thing"

"Rob did it ever occur to you that you might be too late?"

"I am aren't I? Too late. You told me there wasn't anyone." Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, when she moved it was lonely and it hurt.

"Rob there is..."

"Alex. Save it, you could have been honest with me before I bared my heart to you"

"Robyn there isn't anyone. I am infatuated with someone but it is totally unrequited, I think. Before you go any further through that door you need to know that my feelings for you are still as strong as they were then. They weren't until I found out you were going to be here granted but after talking and being with you all night I can tell you that they are there and they are just as strong as they were fourteen years ago. Maybe even more so now that we're both older"

I'm not sure I know that that made any sense but at least she knows that I love her too, still. She walked away from the door and closed it behind her as she went back into the living room. I know that I loved Robyn as she said as much as a seventeen year old could and after talking to her tonight and reminiscing about how we used to be. Talking about what was supposed to be our first romantic get away stirred up feelings from the past. When I say it stirred them up I mean so much that it is now four am and I am still wide awake. We had talked for at least an hour or so and now about an hour after that I feel so confused, hurt and empty.

@--}----

Hmm I feel so rested. There's a note in front of the clock so I can't see the time, damn the person who put it there. I pluck the note from it's place and look at the clock. No wonder I feel so rested it's one pm in the afternoon. God I don't think I've ever slept so much before. I look at the note 'Alexandra you lazy person. Robyn and I have gone to do a bit of shopping we'll be home before dinner time. If you don't want to wait around I will call you sometime later tonight. Mother' she never puts 'love mother' on the bottom of her notes. Oh well at least I know I'm alone and have a chance to escape without having an awkward moment with Robyn.

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me and why I can't have a normal relationship for once. I used to dream that I would fall in love and that the man I was in love with would treat me with love and respect and would do lot's of romantic things for me. Then I found out that I was in love with my best friend who was a girl. That girl taught me more in those few short months than any man could ever teach me. She treated me with love and respect just like I'd always wanted and then just before our first romantic get away our father's decide nothing is worth that much trouble. After all that had blown away I used to wonder if I was turning out like my father thinking that nothing is worth that much trouble but then I learnt that you have to fight for what you know is right.

What's right is that I love a woman which some would say was wrong but I know it's right and I will fight for it. I will fight for Robyn Stephans my first lover.

@--}----

I left a note for mother telling her that I would be home so she could call me at any time and then I left one more for Robyn. I told her to call me and that I wanted to make things right that was all. We had fourteen years of a beautiful thing taken away from us and that all I wanted to do now was salvage that friendship. I know what I want isn't just her friendship but if it is to be the closest thing I'll have I will accept it.

So now I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of wine on the table and one single glass. At this point in time I shouldn't even be drinking, it's getting late and if I have too much I'll never get up to go to work.

Neither mother or Robyn have called and I'm getting worried. I know they can take care of themselves I'm just worried about mother over exerting herself my worries about Robyn are that I damaged something we never got to rekindle. I wish my life was simple, that I could fall in love and it wouldn't be complicated like this.

Ahh the phone, why does it always manage to startle me?

"Hello?"

"Alexandra it's Robyn she was in an accident..."

"Mother don't you dare tell me she's dead"

"No Alexandra listen to me. She's hurt pretty badly, but she keeps calling your name. They called me when they found my number in her records and asked me if Alex was her husband or something and I told them that you were her best friend. They told me to call you and ask you to be there."

"Oh god. Okay are you there at the hospital?"

"Yes we're at Saint George's. The accident was too far from Saint Catherine's"

"Okay tell her to hang on I'll be there as soon as I can"

Okay, God you and I need to talk. I know I've never been the religious type but I'm asking here, no not asking I'm begging you. Don't let her die on me. PLEASE! Okay Alex you can do this just be strong. She needs you to be strong.

@--}----

Arriving at the emergency room I look around desperately for my mother. I finally spot her sitting on one of them horrible uncomfortable hospital chairs. She looks just as upset about this as me. "Mother" the worry very evident.

"Alexandra, she's okay. They've taken her to the operating suite. They waited as long as they could before they had to take her but she told me to tell you she's sorry about last night. I don't know what happened Alexandra and frankly I don't want to know but that was the message I was given"

"Nothing happened we just talked some more and it ended with an argument. It's not her fault I started it I should have been the one apologising..." before I can say anymore we're interrupted by one of the ER doctors.

"Mrs Cabot? Doctor Stephans is in recovery. She should make a full recovery once they wake her up..."

"What do you mean wake her up?" Okay I know I am feeling guilty but that's no reason to take it out on the doctor.

"They had to induce a coma, she sustained some pretty bad head trauma, to give her head time to get over the pain and the initial healing process they've had to put her in a medical induced coma. She is fine so long as she wakes up after the sedatives wear off. You can go on up to the recovery suite and await her transport to another ward"

"Thank you Doctor" Okay mother you don't need to be so sweet. "Do you need to go call your boss or something? I can wait here until you do"

"No I'll have to go to work, my earliest tomorrow is ten am so I don't really need to be in my office until nine-thirty. Lets go see Rob"

I know my mother was shocked to hear me call her Rob. I haven't ever called Robyn Rob in front of my mother, it just always felt to weird to do.

@--}----

Walking into Robyn's room was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do, emotionally I mean. She looked so small laying there in that hospital gown, bandages everywhere, tubes sticking out of her going into machines that seemed so loud against the quiet of the room and all of those bruises starting to show themselves a little more forcefully. I know I just heard mother gasp, she would have seen all of this in the ER but not quite like this. It's always difficult to see someone covered in their own blood but to see them cleaned up and like this is totally different.

"Robyn..." I whisper only out of respect for the other patients and the fact that it would sound so very loud in the quiet room "Robyn, sweetie after they wake you up you have to make a full recovery, you have to take me away on that trip you promised me fourteen years ago. Robyn I know what I said last night and I am truly sorry too" I reach for her hand and find it in a cast, not going to like that are you Rob! "I love you and only you, no one else, it's always been you"

"Alexandra. What trip?" I know she's purely curious but do I really want to tell my mother who thinks I was really innocent in my teens that my girlfriend at the time was planning to take me on a week long sex session in the country somewhere?

What the hell "Robyn was going to take me away for a week in the summer that father stopped talking to Darrell. We'd worked it all out, a cabin in the country, some food to keep us going, just her and me alone for a whole week." Okay mother you can wipe that look off your face it never happened. "Of course we never got the chance as father was being... well father and decided that talking to the Stephans' wasn't worth his time before summer even started."

"Thus effectively breaking you two up in more ways than one, I remember, Alexandra"

"I really hated him for doing that. He took Robyn away from me, well pushed is a better word to use. Then I decided to hate Darrell for pulling her out of school..."

"He didn't do that because of the thing between him and your father Alexandra he did that because she wasn't getting the grades. Do you want to know where Darrell sent her? He sent her to boarding school in Boston until she graduated and then he put her into NYU."

"So that's why I never saw her at any of the places we used to go to. She wasn't even in the state. You know she told me last night that I was a distraction, maybe I should have noticed."

We get interrupted by a nurse coming into check her vital signs. She tells us that visiting hours are just about over. I asked her if she knew where Robyn was going to be moved to and thanked her when she told me. I drove mother back home and then spent the night worrying about Robyn, they said they had to keep her in the coma but they didn't say for how long. I hate it when they don't tell you things like that.

@--}----

Going to work was easy, for some reason I thought it'd be harder. I actually slept last night albeit for only a few hours but I've survived in court on less. I got through the first part of my day rather quickly and without thinking too much about Robyn.

It's just after lunch time and I don't have to be in court for the rest of the day unless SVU give me someone to arraign. I called Don and asked him to only call me if it was necessary claiming that I wasn't feeling well today. He obviously got worried about me and called Liz because she just invited herself into my office.

"Liz what can I do for you?"

"Captain Cragen called me and told me to send you home if you weren't feeling well I asked him what he meant and he said you called him and told him you weren't feeling well. Alex you don't look well, are you sure your well enough to work?"

"I am Liz, just tired and worried"

"Well go home and get some..."

"I can't sleep even if I wanted to. I'd probably end up at the hospital sitting there staring at nothing"

"Alex, you don't need to go to the hospital to sleep." Okay Liz, are you smart enough to be a lawyer? You are? Are you sure?

"Liz, a friend of mine well actually my best friend from childhood and my first lover was involved in a really, really bad car accident last night and is in a coma albeit a medical induced one but a coma nonetheless"

"Take some time off then Alex, sit with your friend and rest. You are no good to me exhausted."

"I've worked like this for six years Liz surely you noticed. I'm fine just a little worried. It's not distracting me from what I have to do and I'm not in court again until tomorrow morning. I'll be fine once they wake her up" oops slip of the tongue there Alex.

"Her? You're..."

"Gay yeah but Liz can we keep that between us please. I haven't been with a woman in a long time" fourteen years to be exact. Robyn was my first and only, quite sad when you really look at it.

"Okay that is definitely staying between us. Off the record how long is a long time?"

"Fourteen years. She was my first then a family rift between our two families split us up and I haven't been with a woman since"

"Are you telling me you've gone without sex for fourt..."

"Not going there with you Liz, and no it hasn't been fourteen years, I was saying I haven't been with a woman in fourteen years" Sheesh definitely not going there with you Liz! Talking about sex with your boss rates right up there with hearing your parents talk about sex.

"Ah okay well if you want to take the rest of the day do it. I'll handle anything that SVU needs. If you do decide to take off you'd better let the detectives know to call me not you"

I might just do that Liz "thanks Liz"

@--}----

"You'd have been so proud of me Rob, even if I only accidentally came out, I still didn't bother denying it. Mother is worried about you, she even called your mother and told her what happened and your mother said that you have to call her the minute you're awake. Please Robyn Shayne Stephans you have to get better for me, you need to take me away and take me on that trip out in the middle of nowhere, just you, me and the birds and bee's. I love you and need you, I never realised til now just how much I missed you"

I know that a lot of the time people in comas never actually hear what you say but I need to tell her this stuff. "From now on I am going to be the Alex Cabot you fell in love with Rob, please you have to come back to me so that I can show you" The doctors around here have really bad timing. The doctor just told me that he's going to try and wake her up. It's been nearly a week. They gave her the last sedative earlier this morning he informs me. He goes on to tell me all of the mechanics of what’s going to happen. Obviously the doctors around here aren't blind or my mother opened her mouth and told them about me and Robyn.

It takes them a few minutes to actually get organised enough to do the actual waking up of Robyn. I can't believe she's actually awake. She's spluttering, I guess she just wants the tube that's stuck in her throat out. The doctor's asked me to wait outside but thanks to the genius who put the glass in this room I can tell they're explaining everything that has gone on in the past week. Unfortunately I've been busy for most of it and haven't been able to be around. The nurse comes out and tells me some stuff about how she's still a bit groggy and stuff but I tune her out. The doctor comes out not long after and tells me I can go in.

"I'm sorry Rob" First words out of my mouth should have been at least 'good to see you again' but noooo.

"No you aren't Cabot you're just feeling guilty but for what it's worth I love you too."

We sit there for a while and talk until I finally convince her that I'll be back after court tomorrow and that she needs to call her mother and that I need to call mine.

@--}----

"Good morning Alexandra" Oh god noooo.

"Too chipper for this early in the morning Liz" I like that I can get away with insulting my boss.

"What, not a good morning Alex?"

"Actually it is and I have already arranged with Don to call you if they need anything this afternoon, I am taking the afternoon off"

"Really, so your friend is still in the coma"

"No they woke her up yesterday but I promised her I'd be by after court and seeing as court takes up my morning today, I called Don and told him not to contact me this afternoon. I know I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I need this time with her"

"It's okay, when do you plan on taking that weeks leave?"

"I'm not sure yet, I haven't even talked about it with her, but it definitely wont be until she's recovered enough, so maybe a couple of months time"

@--}----

"So this is where the trust fund kids all live? I wonder why I didn't ever think about it til now" That's my Robyn always acting like nothing ever happened.

"Not all trust fund kids live here just me... My apartment isn't big enough to fit all of those kids in it."

"So why am I staying here and not at your mother's where I was originally staying? I like it there"

"I thought maybe you'd appreciate the time you'll have alone while I'm at work, my mother wont disturb you all day long trying to fuss all over you. She can be really bad now that father isn't around. How's the head?"

"I'll live besides I've got a bigger headache to worry about now. She's about this tall, blonde hair and absolutely still as gorgeous as she used to be" she's wrong though, but I know that smirk it means she wants something.

"Okay what do you want?" smirking is good.

"How about a nice hot bath, some wine, okay not the wine. Pain killers and wine don't mix, but the bath sounds like a good idea. What do ya say Cabot feel like taking care of me?"

"I'll help you into the bath but you do the rest, I'll start dinner while you're in there" hmm what to have she knows I never was a really good cook and can only manage to cook a few things "Chinese sound good?"

"Sounds very good, two weeks with out my indulgence can do that to me. How about some mushu and some fried rice like old times"

"Mmm I like your way of thinking now go on get in that bath tub"

I like having her here. I can't believe we missed out on all of this. As I only have one bed I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch, not going to let her sleep on the couch with so many of her body parts still sore.

"Hey Lex stop day dreaming and get in here" wonder how many times she was calling my name "I need you to wrap my arm, can't get the plaster wet" uh oh naked Robyn. "You know we're both adults Alex you can look all you want and it isn't the first time you've seen me naked"

"Still it's been fourteen years though, I feel like I lost the right to look at your body the day my father told me we'd never see each other again"

@--}----

That's what I love about Chinese, so filling. Robyn's browsing my cd collection while I'm just sitting here going over a brief Olivia gave me today on the way out of the office.

"Taylor Dayne?" oh god don't tell me she's putting that on.

"You gotta admit Rob she's good" so she puts it in the cd player anyway and she's singing along.

"Love will lead you back

Someday I just know that

Love will lead you back to my arms

Where you belong

I'm sure, sure as stars are shining

One day you will find me again

It won't be long

One of these days

Our love will lead you back

One of these nights

Well I'll hear your voice again

You're gonna say, oh how much you missed me

You'll walk out this door

But someday you'll walk back in

Darling I know, I know this will be

Sometimes it takes, sometime out on your own

To find your way back home

"Who would have thought that Robyn Stephans would ever agree with Alex Cabot's cd collection. I love this song, I think when it came out it became the theme of my life. That night you went to your mothers for dinner I thought of this song" That's the Robyn I fell for...

"That right there is exactly why I fell in love with you, you always knew how to sweet talk me and sweet talk your way out of something. My mother used to go around telling me you were a bad influence on me because I started to try to sweet talk my way out of things. Can you believe she used to go around saying 'that Robyn, she's a bad influence on you Alexandra'"

"When in fact it was the other way 'round. She knows now that it was you who was the bad influence when daddy told her that he was pulling me out of school because I was always with you and never studying under his watchful eyes..."

"About that Rob why didn't you tell me that he sent you to boarding school in Boston? I mean that night in bed when we were talking"

"How did you find out? Oh wait you're a lawyer you have ways. I never planned to tell you. Do you know the kinds of things that go on at an all girls boarding school? No that's right you've never been. I tried so hard to be quiet and shrink away.

I planned on coming back to New York and running away with you, but after I was forced into having sex with my roommate all my hopes went out the window, I realised that if I told you about what had happened you wouldn't want to speak to me again. After I finally learnt to accept my fate I truly forced myself into believing that you'd moved on and it made it a little bit more bearable." Oh Rob...

"I would have been there for you had I've known. I know now that what happened to you was rape and that back then I wouldn't have thought much of it but I still would have been there for you AND for your information I found out from Mother the night of your accident. I don't want to argue about this with you the point is that I know about it and I know now that it wasn't your choice to outright abandon me." I feel an overwhelming need to hug her right now. Sounds like a good idea. She doesn't try to resist my hug but she does flinch a little when my arms come in contact with her bruises.

It's been a few hours now and I think her pain killers have kicked in because she's asleep. My couch seems to be a good place for us to sleep tonight, I don't want to move her in case I hurt her, so settling her into a more comfortable position right here on the couch seems like a good idea.

@--}----

"Lex" I don't want to get up Mother it's not time for school yet. "Lexi" No Mother ten more minutes. "Alexandra"

"What? Okay I'm awake. What is it?"

"Your boss Liz is on the phone"

@--}----

What feels like five years later Liz finally stops telling me that all of my court appearances have been postponed due to a few problems with security that wont be fixed before the afternoon and all of my court appearances are in the morning so she told me I get until lunch time off. Woohoo. I have all morning to spend with Robyn.

We moved into the bedroom where Robyn could be more comfortable. It felt nice spending the morning together and talking. I told her what I'd said about her taking me away on that trip and I think she really wants to take me now. She talked about going to the lodge that we had originally picked out. She said that she'd see if it was still there when she wasn't sleeping all day (after she stops taking the pain killers). I left her asleep at around lunch time to go to work.

I don't know how I managed it but I actually managed to keep my mind on the arraignment rather than on Robyn. When I got back to my office I was actually expecting to see Liz waiting for me with some sort of comment but surprisingly she didn't even show up.

"Alex" Uh okay amend that little statement.

"Liz. What do you need?"

"How's uh..."

"Robyn"

"Right Robyn, how is she?"

"I don't know Liz you spoke to her this morning, how do you think she is?"

"Okay. We didn't much talk about that rather we talked more about you. She told me what you used to be like. That you were never the stereotypical rich girl."

"Liz, okay enough. She'd never say that because I was actually the stereotypical rich girl back then anyway. After that little family rift I changed." Which is true.

"Ha, that worked. Bad day?"

"Nope just... I don't know the only time I wasn't distracted was while I was in court otherwise for the rest of the afternoon I haven't really wanted to be here"

"You've got it bad Alex. You can't even be away from her for the afternoon how are you gonna handle it when it's full day again?"

"It's not that Liz it's just we had an incredible morning just talking about all we've missed happening in the other's life. I found out that she'd been put into boarding school in Boston while she was in hospital but I didn't know what had gone on. My best friend was forced into doing the one thing in this world I most despise, the very thing I try to prevent happening in the future. It was an all girls boarding school Liz imagine that. She'd worked on her father who had a self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head. It tore me up hearing about it I can't imagine what she went through, she didn't have a choice they were understaffed that day and they needed her in that room."

"That's got to be hard. Sounds like the two of you missed out on a lot. Wait you said that she was forced into doing the one thing you despise, she was raped?"

"Forced into having sex with her roommate. She never told me until last night because she was afraid I'd never speak to her again. Compared to Robyn's life after our separation mine has been bliss. I hated hearing about it all but I'm glad that I know what's been happening in her life. She's a doctor so she knows how her patient's feel when they're in hospital"

"How'd it happen anyway do you know? I mean the accident"

"No I don't. The hospital thought it was a drunk driver but we won't know until the police contact us. I can't imagine how her mother is feeling, she's on the other side of the world while her daughter is recovering from a massive head injury"

"Alright I'll let you get home, you're probably jumping at the anticipation"

"Actually I'm not. I know that if I stay here a bit longer I'll actually do some work, oh wait I have a whole weekend to get all this done. In that case I'm out of here, Liz I'll see you Monday morning"

@--}----

My apartment sounds rather quiet. Robyn must be still asleep. I go through the whole routine of entering my apartment putting my car keys on the breakfast counter etc and then I find the note. 'Alex, I waited as long as I could before the headache set in. Talk to you later hopefully. Love Rob' awe now that's a note, my mother could take lessons from Robyn.

I go through the rest of my night as quietly as possible, I know she'll be out like a light for a while yet but I still don't want to disturb her. I've been sitting here for the last hour thinking about all that I told Liz today. I know that she wont repeat any of it but I feel like I betrayed Robyn somehow, well I know I betrayed her confidence but I feel like I betrayed her in some other way.

The rest of my night is rather uneventful, I do however manage to get most of my work out of the way so that I have most of the weekend to spend with Robyn. The doctor's said that she should only be taking the pain killers for a few days after she gets out of hospital so she might not have to take any tomorrow. I honestly can't wait until we can spend some time together without her falling asleep half way through our time together.

"Lex" Oh God.

"Uh don't you know it isn't good to sneak up on people"

"Sorry. Guess what, my headache is gone and I don't have a constant pain in my ribs... That could be because my pain killer's haven't worn off yet but I feel good. Did you have a good afternoon?"

"I guess, the only time I could take my mind off of you long enough was when I was in court. I'm sorry"

"For what Alex?"

For blabbing to Liz about all that you told me last night. "Because I betrayed your confidence in me. I told Liz some of what you told me last night, I'm sorry I really didn't mean to."

"Lex stop worrying, I'm not angry or anything. So you told her, there isn't anything either of you can do unless she's done it again recently and it isn't a secret that my father went mad and killed himself, Lex he was very sick, I don't just mean mentally, when he found out he had incurable cancer that was when he shot himself. Darrell Stephans, attorney at law, socialite, long time friend to Richard Cabot, I could go through all of the headlines but what’s the point." Her father's death was indeed a very public thing especially in the social circle we belonged to.

"So Doctor, when do you and I get to take that week off?"

"I don't know if it will be a week and it won't be until I am completely healed"

"You promised me a whole week back then I expect you to fulfil it"

"You and I both know it will be almost impossible to take a whole week off. I mean with your being an ADA and all."

"I asked Liz while you were still out of it and she said she'd get someone to cover any and all SVU cases if and when I decide to take a weeks leave. We could go that last week before you return to work. What do you say? Please Robyn I want to do everything we had planned, just you and me, enough food to stop us starving, in a small lodge with nothing to distract us from what we're doing or what we want."

@--}----

It's been two weeks since that conversation with Robyn where I convinced her to take me away for the whole week. I notified Liz the next day about taking that week off. Rob's injuries are all healed properly and she's set to return to work in about two weeks time. We're heading to a small lodge just the other side of Albany and we have a whole week to ourselves. No work, no detectives asking for warrants and certainly no mother's. Robyn's mother flew into New York the day after we had our little conversation about going away for the whole week or not. She's still in the city staying with my mother and catching up on 'old times' as they called it.

When I blurted out to mother that Robyn and I were going away on our trip and had actually rekindled what we did have all those years ago I think she just about fainted. I think it finally hit her during mine and Robyn's fourteen year separation just how happy I used to be around Rob and now I'm just as giddy as little Lexi Cabot was.

"Alex whatcha thinking 'bout?"

"How happy Lexi used to be and how happy Alex is now. I think when I told mother you were taking me on that trip she just about fainted. I think it finally hit her just how happy you used to make me and how happy I am now" Okay I know I have a huge grin on my face but I just can't seem to stop. "I feel just as giddy as I did when you and I would do this. Even if we didn't go on week long vacations together but just drive around the city all day. I never forgot that day after the party we went to how you drove around with all the windows down trying to sober me up."

"That was some party wasn't it. I can't believe that you got totally trashed. Your father would have killed me for letting you drink let alone drink that much. As it was he almost killed me for keeping you out all night."

I think this week is going to be the beginning of the rest of my life. I wonder if this is how I would have felt if my father hadn't ruined our plan fourteen years ago. would I have been sitting here thinking about how the rest of my life was going to turn out while Robyn, the love of my life, drove us to a remote location for a week long sex session. There is no question in my mind that I did love Robyn, as much as a seventeen year old could understand. I guess I always knew that only true love could turn back time and now I definitely believe it.

We have arrived at the lodge that we're going to be staying at for the next week and a bit. I can't wait to get Robyn in there, she and I both agreed that she was still recovering a bit during that first week after our conversation and with her mother around we didn't have much time to ourselves during that time between here and now, so this week is going to be the first time in fourteen years that I have been with Robyn and with any woman, I know I wasn't completely truthful to Liz that day I said I hadn't been with a woman in fourteen years, I have I just haven't been in a relationship of any kind with any other woman than Robyn.

@--}----

I don't think my body has ever felt like this not even when Robyn and I first slept together just before that disastrous summer. I love having her laying next to me snoring lightly, she's curled up behind me with her arms around me. I feel so safe and warm just laying here like this.

I never realised until now just how much I missed having her hold me like this. There could be a wild storm blowing around out there and it wouldn't change my mood or the fact that right here, right now my world is perfect even if there are still bad guys waiting to be put away in New York.

*Growl* Darn stomach, don't you ever think about anything other than food?

"Someone worked up an appetite. Just as well we brought as much food as we did"

"God Rob you got to stop doing that" She always manages to scare the day lights out of me when she sneaks up on me. "Besides you made me work up that appetite. C'mon it's about dinner time anyway." I know I look stupid crawling out of bed this dishevelled but that’s what happens I guess.

"Hey Lex"

"Mmm"

"Have I told you recently just how gorgeous you are?" Not that I recall nope.

"Ah no... Okay what do you want?"

"Nothing. This isn't one of those sweet talking things I do Lex this is me complimenting the woman I love. This is me admiring a beautiful creation. This is me telling you that I love you."

Sweet talker. She said she wasn't sweet talking me, whether she means to or not she is always sweet talking someone. "I love you too Stephans, now my stomach is telling me it needs food and can't wait any longer."

Yep this week is definitely the beginning of the rest of my life.

¬ Return to SVU home