The Jakarta Post, June 13, 2006
Being a Chinese-Indonesia
Wijanto Hadipuro, Jakarta
Once I happened to meet a Chinese-American lawyer. When she found out I had
married a "native" Javanese woman, she asked me, "Has that made your life easier?"
Her question really made me realize some things about my position.
I remember what happened when I went to get my marriage certificate. I went to the
office alone, without my wife. The woman who waited on me picked up a big book and
tried to find my name. She looked two or three times but could not find it.
She looked at me several times before asking me whether my wife was a "native".
When I nodded, she was angry and asked me why I didn't tell her in the first place.
She then picked up another book.
I do not care what kind of book they use to register my marriage. What I care about is
her expression when she found out my wife was "native".
Marrying a woman from another ethnicity and religion has not actually made my life
easier. I have to think things over for a long time before I bring my wife and my
daughter to visit my family, because most of my relatives cannot accept my wife's
background.
My wife has also had bitter experiences. We got married according to my religion. We
both believed in Jesus Christ, but we had different religions. She was told by her
religious leader that she did not belong to the faithful anymore because she got
married outside her religion.
I have a Chinese-Indonesian friend who is Muslim. He married a "native" woman.
During the riots of in May 1998, I told him he was lucky that he could go anywhere
safely, because he had successfully assimilated with the Indonesian majority. His
answer surprised me: "Nobody will ask about my religion or my wife," he said.
"People will look at my face and because I look like a Chinese, my religion and my
wife will not save me from harm."
When I visited Atlanta, I was accompanied by a black officer from the Public Works
Office.
"Charles," I said, "there are so many black people living in Atlanta, and you can work
at government offices. I think it is good that there is not any discrimination against
black people here."
His answer, too, was a surprise. "Government rules can't make discrimination
disappear from my social life." he said. "Not all white people want to interact socially
with black people like me."
A place without social discrimination would be utopia. Charles' remark reveals another
fact we must accept: that government regulations can't abolish social discrimination.
My wife was discriminated against in terms of her salary. She earned less than her
Chinese-Indonesian friend, just because they worked at a company owned by a
Chinese-Indonesian businessman. My wife with more than five years' experience at
the company got only half the salary of her Chinese-Indonesian friend, who had
worked for just a month at the same managerial level.
Once I read an article about indicators of social tolerance. According to the article,
there are three degrees of social tolerance. The worst is when somebody does not
tolerate the existence of anyone from outside his group. Such a person will try to
banish "different" people if it's not possible to make them the same as him- or herself.
In the case of religion, for example, somebody from a certain religion might say
someone from another belief system will go to hell. Another, less extreme example is
when somebody does not tolerate other people's religious activities.
A better level of social tolerance is when someone accepts the existence of "different"
people. He or she may work together and cooperate with them, but cannot accept the
"different" person becoming a family member, for example, through marriage.
The most tolerant people are those who not only accept "different" people, but can
welcome them as family members. This group of people is the smallest. There are
only a few people who can do that, and my experience shows that people like this are
marginalized both by their own groups and their spouse's groups. If you belong to this
group, believe me, your life is more complicated than the lives of the other two groups.
We are born with differences. That is true. But some differences are significant for
certain people, and some are not. We have to accept that. It is no use to claim
equality among all those inherited differences, even by way of the law.
My experience proves that if you are not strong enough, you should keep your group
identity as strong as possible. Assimilation and regulations cannot remove social
discrimination from every corner of the world.
I have never regretted my decision to marry a Javanese woman, and I will not claim
equal rights to citizenship. I am happy with that as long as everybody can accept my
existence. If you are Chinese-Indonesian you will be better off going to a school where
there are a lot of Chinese-Indonesians and working for a company owned by a
Chinese-Indonesian. It will help you avoid a lot of discrimination.
The writer is a Chinese-Indonesian who married a pribumi (native) woman.
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