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On what can only be described as a super-duper night for running, both our teams put in solid efforts to keep our final prospects alive. Due to upcoming Victorian championships and the Canberra Grand Prix this weekend, numbers were down across the board. Given that last week’s results are as yet unavailable on the AV website, what hope this week?
The women started the night without auspicion? having no walker and one hundred runner. All of a sudden it appears that our depth is out the window, but fear not, all will hopefully be fine come finals time. Luckily, Emma Cochrane held the team glory early on with a second place finish to Elly Hutton of Doncaster. At the same time in an immaculately raked Triple Jump pit, Jeanette Bowles showed off her biggest hop in town, leaping to 12:20 in the event. More importantly, Jeanette appeared to get through the night without injury, which makes us all very happy.
Similar happiness when an ever-smiling Tessa Densley turned up unannounced and offered to compete in four events for the night, jumping 1:75 in the High Jump and running 16.34 for the hurdles in the official Bayside colours. If only she would return her unofficial Bayside top, all would be well with the world.
In the Javelin, Tessa’s throwing companion was Natasha De Niese, one of those unheralded athletes who exists in the Bayside world under the cover of darkness. Whilst Tash doesn’t make too many appearances at Bayside central (she wasn’t alone last night), she always gives her best on the Javelin runup, particularly last night where she threw over 42 metres, which is getting very close to pb conditions.
The 1500 was no doubt the highlight of the night with Anna Thompson running a lone race up front and crossing the line in 4:18, surely one of the best performances by a Bayside athlete during the State League season. Equally encouraging was the run by Karen Thorp who ran what I believe to be a season pb of 4:30ish and will no doubt put in another bold showing at the upcoming Victorian Championships. And another solid run by Delwyn Hewitt who scored some Bayside points for the first time when also running a season pb of 4:50.
No steeplers and an injured Emma Cochrane prevented us from scoring some points in the relay, much to the relief of Megan Boyes, our standby 100 metre sprinter. Miss Idaho was luckily based over at the Discus cage and was more than happy to get the Stealth Discus in her hot little hand. For the non-Discus minded, she is currently throwing a super-discus, which is not only see through but has the majority of its weight in the rim. 92% in fact. Who said athletes aren’t clever.
Gabrielle Neighbour and Bec Neilsen continued the Mentone presence in the Bayside colours, throwing their respective implements 58 and a half metres and 13.08 metres, which can only lead to the conclusion that Gab is a better athlete by 45 metres. Any athletics officionado will tell you that. However overall the quantity of Bayside performances was down a little. However with luck on our side, we were drawn away from the supergroup of Ringwood, Melbourne Uni and Essendon.
The last event of the night reminded Tara Gleeson who we were up against with Doncaster fielding three sub 55 second 400 runners. This wasn’t good news for Tara as Katerina Dressler went out super fast in Heat one. Tara, to her credit, ran a great race and whilst there is no official time as yet, it would not be surprising to find that Tara has dipped under 60 seconds for the second time this season.
Overall, my guess is that the women may have finished 2nd or possibly third. This may cause us a little grief as unofficial reports were spreading that we were on the top of the ladder prior to last week. One thing is for sure, we should know the Round nine ladders by mid-June at the very latest.
Judging by anecdotal evidence, it is becoming apparent that the match reports are focussing less and less on athletic achievement. This week’s men’s report is no exception. Styled in the writings of ‘The Onion’, (see The Onion ) please try not to take offence.
Hurdler refutes that hurdles are metaphor for life Young up and coming hurdler Paul Harlond claims that there is no way he’d get up again if he crashed three times in life. Showing the scars of clobbering three late hurdles in Heat Two of the 110 metre hurdles, Harlond claimed that he’d happily hang around Smith Street if life was going bad. ‘Are you kidding? I’d be there begging for cash in a minute.’ He complained that if he’d been a Pole Vaulter, nobody would even question whether his event had symbolism. They’d simply expect him to walk around topless.
‘We’re just friends’ responds sprinter who loves his sport Even though he has been in a steady relationship with sport for the last 15 years, Justin Lewis claims that they’re ‘just good friends’. I know people are going to talk, Lewis said as a gaggle of junior athletes walked past, pointing and giggling at the man who couldn’t stop blushing. When questioned about the redness in his cheeks, he replied ‘Come on, man. I just finished running.’
‘Disco Stu’ never been to Disco in life Tired and out of breath, blonde-haired sprinter, Stuart Laidlaw can’t understand the fuss about his nickname. For as long as he can remember, team-mates have called him Disco Stu, even though he has never been to a nightclub in his life. Sure, he remembers being at some bar, which late in the evening cleared an area to create a dancefloor, but Disco didn’t partake in any hip gyrating activity, that is until My Sharona came on late in the evening. Disco had just finished dancing his way down the 100 metre back straight, having run solidly earlier in the individual event.
Rock-star model - elite athlete longs for quieter life ‘Every time I stand up at a gig in front of a 20,000 strong crowd, who are chanting my name, I can’t help but wish I was a scientist.’ Nfa Forster-Jones commented after winning his hurdles race in a time of 14.65 against an international representative from Japan. ‘I’d love to be locked away in some small cubicle, counting Drosphylia flies. Did you know they have a breeding cycle of twelve hours? How cool is that?’. Wearing a lab coat borrowed from a friend, the champion athlete can’t see what all the fuss is about and is sick and tired of the attention he receives.
Invisible thrower not sighted again Three independent reports came through last night that unheralded thrower Paul Peulich had not been sighted and was most likely not competing - again. Peulich, who threw the hammer 54 metres and the shot 14.64 metres last night and who has not ever been seen at Camp Bayside miraculously has competed in every competition since Christmas. Even though he was not there, he was not unavailable for comment. Forensic evidence did show shoe patterns in the arena that mimicked those found on a Shot Putter or possibly a ten pin bowler.
Hurdler finds not jumping hurdles easier Tobby Sutherland ran a superlative 48:66 seconds for the 400 metres, taking out the first heat and was surprised to learn that the 400 is easier with obstacles. ‘After 44 metres, I wanted to jump something, but then the urge left me.’ He was later seen running over to a band of steeplers to tell them the good news.
Relay Team tactics are not a blueprint for war in Iraq Tobby Sutherland, Justin Lewis, Stuart Laidlaw and Nfa Forster Jones have denied that their relay performance last night was a mock run done for the American Defence forces to ascertain potential weaknesses before commencing a war against Iraq. ‘They never contacted us, no,’ claims Lewis, whose scintillating burst of speed in the first leg was seen as an indicator that the US forces are likely to go in hard in the first days of war. Secretary of State, Colon Powell was unavailable for comment. There was also no truth in the rumour that their winning time of 42.06 seconds was the expected length of the war.
Javelin thrower tired of questions Blonde and muscled Tom Farr cracked it yesterday when some meathead in the crowd yelled out ‘How far, Farr?’ This was the twelfth time the up and coming Javelin thrower has heard this remark this season and he unleashed. He ran up to a four foot eight official, chesting him and asking for the perpetrator to be removed from the stadium. Over at the High Jump, after clearing 1:80, he jumped off the mat and yelled ‘Come on!’, challenging anyone to try and think up a silly retort for this event.
Triple Jumper baffled when he finds there aren’t three jumps Audible groans were heard from the Triple Jump pit as it was revealed to MatthewWoodruff that all three phases are not ‘jumps.’ The young athlete was seen by the side of the track with his head in his hands, bemoaning the fact that nobody ever told him the news until tonight. ‘Why call something something when it is clearly not. This hurts me more than the day I found out that ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ was not not butter. Luckily the insight didn’t stop Woodruff find his way into the beautifully raked sand pit 14.60 metres from where he started.
Area Man runs with shoes on his hands Clocking up yet another win in the 1500 metres last night, Zac Ashkanasy was again seen leaving the stadium with a pair of shoes on his hands. Ashkanasy, who beat a small field of six is yet to give any insight whether the hand shoes, or ‘whoes’ are likely to become a new fashion essential on the streets of Melbourne. Rumours abound that the practise has been fashionable in Queensland for some time now.
Discus thrower acts cool for first time As a man who has cut out ‘hot or not’ gauges from the Hit magazine in the Herald Sun for over five years now, Matthew Brown unknowingly did something cool for the first time when he attempted to placate an angry runner who had nearly been struck by a Discus along the back straight last night. A confused Brown, who got on the Brittany Spears bandwagon after she was deemed ‘hot’ and was two weeks late taking down her posters when she was deemed ‘not’, looked comfortable and calm when he told the flustered runner to ‘just chill.’ Unfortunately, Mr Brown lost all his newfound cool when he learned from a fellow Discus thrower that he acted ‘pretty cool’. He proceeded to then do a handstand in the middle of his competition just to prove the point.
Overall, it was probably a reasonable result again for the men, who are still fighting for their spot in the finals. A finish in the top three in the competition last night is possible, which will not do our chances any harm.
Keep in mind that there are only two rounds of State League left. Are you eligible for final? Have you paid for your singlet? There are so many exciting questions out there.
Results are here.
The last Report was Round 9.