Operation Cot

THE PLAN OF ATTACK

Attentionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,

Thanks men, please stand at ease.

Once again we face a mission that takes some of you into enemy territory. Our next skirmish if you choose to take it will be to again infiltrate the racks of the Guerilla outfit known as the Southern Vets in C company. As witnessed before, if caught (breaking away or doing a turn) , this lot will use outright sledging as a weapon of interrogation to break your very sole. Stand tall men and reframe from the quick quip that might seem appropriate, we must use our ammo wisely and remember our oath!! (N.B. let the El Pres know as well as we have mis-placed the original copy). Priv Mel Way's initial report suggests the battle will start at 0900 hours at co-ordinates 165 D10, or as the locals know it, Crib Point. Hence our supreme commander, has proclaimed this exercise as "Operation Cot". We are to attack along a 8 kilometer perimeter in an anti clockwise (digital watch types please read instructions) direction and should circle the enemy 6 to 7 times.

Stand by men as I read to you a dispatch from our dearly beloved and respected leader who spent many late hours penciling this original address in honor of his Dido's whilst interrogating a POW (port or wine).

"Men, we will fight them on the beaches (road) we will fight them in the air (port at Mildura), we will never surrender. Remember, never before have so few fought so many with so little (cold weather does this). Your training ensures you are faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and who disguised as week end warriors, fight a never ending battle of truth, justice and a clear lead out in the true traditions of Racing Dido's of Bayside. Thank you men and I hope you return safely or at least your equipment does to your garage or in the case of some of you, your bedroom. I will now return and interrogate a local by the name of Bin Merlot from the notorious 76 group but fear not troops, I will squeeze every drop of information from the local (poor bastard)" I salute you.

Please men wipe that tear and take hold of yourself or in the case of some of you privates, FOE CHRIST SAKE,.... LET IT GO.

Our meeting point will again be the Beaumaris car park on Reserve Road at 0700 hours. Col Elvis in the ATV (if not on loan) will travel to Station Street with his aide de Campe (??), Trooper Mavis, also within the said ATV should be local underground freedom fighters Trevsy (Trevsy) and Mel Gibson (Ricardo as undercover cover) without the hazard lights, high beam on this time and to the sounds of Enya. Sgt. Collard in the Scud racked scout car will be found in the aforementioned shadows of same with my good self. Brigadier (retired) P.B. Smurf will be trying to get the 60 seater troop carrier (post code 3480) across the divide (ing strip of the Peninsular Highway). There was mention that if weather conditions deteriate there will be a 12 lap crit mission around the troop carrier. This is yet to be confirmed. If our numbers climb above 8 we will make use of other landing craft. Due to the nature of this mission we can only take volunteers so please advise so I can make the appropriate funeral, I mean travel arrangements.

Rest easy and long men for history beckons our brave hearts and for those there can be little rest (freshment) till after the battle.

Over and out
Priv Brooks

From: Corporal Clark <corp.clark@barracks.com.au>
To: Fans, Spectators and Hangers On
Subject: Re: Racing Dido's do Battle - AGAIN
Date: Tuesday, 28 May 2002 10:34

Corporal Clark will also be there, this time not as a corner marshall but on the tredley; travelling down in his trusty ute........ or was that rusty ute. I warn you, the word has spread and the heavy artillery may be out and snipers will abound.

Fear not though it's an easy circuit. With all you lot there the above forementioned Corporal may seek solace in D Grade.....it the handicapper will let him
.
10.......4 over and out
Corp. Clark

From:  <Lance.Corporal.Hamster@cippolini.com.au>
To: Fans and All
Subject: Operation Cot
Date: Tuesday, 28 May 2002 10:38

Very good Sah!
Corporal Hamster reporting for duty Sah!
The Armoured Hamstercruiser is available for transit operations and able to accommodate 3 guerillas with their weapons. (Possibly 4 if the weather is really cold)

Will be storming the enemy guns with the trusty Specialized SLX. Canon artillery will remain in the Armoured Hamstercruiser (AHC) for post operation reconnaissance

Standing by for instructions Sah!
Lance Corporal Hamster

THE BATTLE REPORT

0800 Hours
Notting Hill Bunker - Vic
Operations communication

El Pres,
I know you have been up all night awaiting news from the battle field. Unfortunately Sir, civilian P. Clarke who was part of our assault team into enemy C division went MIA at the front of the attack and we have yet to make contact. However, I am pleased to report all other men have returned triumphant and safe. Dido's Col Elvis his Aide de Campe, Trooper Mavis, Sgt. Collard, Lance Corp Hampster and our under cover team of Trevsy (Trevsy), Mel Gibson ( Ricardo), La La ( Col Pyper), and your private infiltrated C division with all men continually in the front lines and one of your finest in Trooper Mavis storming the enemy to be second over the their line(s). Mario Cavalieri (THE MARIO) decided to risk his all and infiltrate the enemies D division. By all accounts equipped himself very well and just missed out getting across the enemy line as well in the final scramble.

More reports to follow from the battle weary. Our next operation time table due out shortly.

Best regards and over and out.

Your very Priv Brooks
p.s. Our under cover agent Trevsy (Trevsy) has mentioned that his code mane might be a bit of a give away. With your permission I have made a significant change to this and added an (e). Hence Trevsy code name is Trevsey. This should fix things up.

Report From: Mel Gibson [Feild.Marshall.Ricardo@FullOn.com]

Statistics:
June 2, 2002 , Start 9.00am
Location : Crib Point, Victoria
Organiser : Southern Vets
Bandidos in Attendance and Grade :
C Mavis
C Elvis
C Darl
C Hamster
C Privates
C Codds (Privates 2)
D Mario
C Lar Lar
C Ricardo

Circuit : 8 Laps of an 8km loop
Average Speed : 37km/h

Obstacles :
One Horse
Four D graders ( in a catatonic state)
One Mavis : Very difficult to pass


Events as I saw them :

A now familiar site in the ranks of the Southern Vets. No oohs, no arrrrr, just a large group of very frightened cyclists with mouths open.

"They're back", "Not again", " There's more of them".

But they're on to us. Everyone in C grade with the exception of Mario. The officials insist he rides in D grade. Despite numerous protests he was separated. Banished to a lesser grade. The officials claiming there were too many Bandidos in C grade. I suspect he wanted to spread the punishment around. We are Legends!!!!!!!

8.51am Nervous wee wee
8.53am "Ditto"
9.00am We assemble. A grade is let loose. They are not human.
9.02 am Nervous wee wee
9.04 am Again
9.05am B grade
9.07am I've got a leak, again
9.08am Crib Point renamed Crib Lake, Yes again.
9.09am Darl, can you hold my bike, I need .........
9.10am C Grade. We're away. 8 Bandidos with a single purpose. Break legs.
9.11am I wish I'd had one more before we started. Darn!!!!

The circuit was a simple loop with 3 small rises. 2 into the wind and one leading up to the finish line. The fastest section, down the main street of Crib Point.

Already the peleton pace is being set by the Bandidos. Elvis, Mavis, Codds gliding through their turns. Smmmmmmooth. Very little attacking. Ricardo off the front for a look-see but soon brought back to the bunch.

Lap 4 sees the first obstruction. A horse rears up and bolts down the road away from the peleton. A few old hands react and take up position behind the frightened steed. Lucky no land mines were dropped. Horse retrieved and we press on.

A grade pass us at pace. Mavis, holding his usual position at the front, stays too close to the faster grade. Ricardo requests Lar Lar to sprint up and warn Mavis of the penalties for pacing off another grade. Mavis relents. Thanks Lar Lar. Would have gone up the road myself but you looked soooo strong.

Into the final lap, Bandidos up front. Powered by Elvis is just that, POWERED. Tension rising. Into the last 500m and............. STOP,STOP. A crash up ahead in D grade. Where is my Mario?. His first race. Surely he can't be that unlucky to have fallen in his first race. If he has fallen maybe he needs an injection. I'm first!!! Spot Mario at the cars as we pass by on our extra lap. This time more Bandidos at the front but less in total. Privates and Darl hadn't heard the extra lap call and had pulled out. Spotted in the bushes checking out wombat holes. As IF!!!!

Around again, better position for all. Into the final stretch. This is hectic. Mavis, Codds, Hamster and Elvis charge for the line. Ricardo takes the scenic route. Across the line and and and who knows who was where and who was second.

Officials compare notes and finally there's an announcement:

2nd Mavis
3rd Darl (no one had seen Darl lap the field) Protest and money returned to the club
Some suggestion Privates get the money for introducing the Bandidos to the Vets. Clearly we have been accepted. Well Almost.

Off to coffee, as usual. Huge plate of chips, Cappuccinos and 12 wee wees.

What an outing, what a race. We are Legends!!!!!!!!!!!

Selected Highlights:

Hamster : Competitive from race one.
Mavis : Ensuring his third head stem is only weeks away
Privates : The true field commander (All part of his plan)
Elvis : Strong but dumb as (Not my quote)
Codds : Magnificent form again
Lar Lar : Everyone needs a mate like Lar Lar
Darl : Leg definition to die for
Ricardo : A piddling effort

An Aside : Elvis decided to have a family outing and insisted I drive his beast home. Only problem was the overspeed alarm. Had to set it at 200 to stop it complaining. Lovely to drive....


Next race. 4-5 weeks. Hills this time.



Report From: Corporal Clark <corp.clark@barracks.com.au>
Subject: Re: Racing Dido's do Battle, "OPERATION - COT"
Date: Monday, 3 June 2002 1:14

P. Clark signing in sahhh ! Found the pace a tad hot after 6 laps and sought solace on the back of D Division. Much to my liking I might add.
I reference to Infantryman Mario, I can attest to his bravery as he led the charge on several sortees (?). D Division came unstuck within sight of the finish line with many soldiers hitting the tarmac, not a result of incoming enemy fire but from movement within their own lines.
Sickening sight but mainly shrapnel wounds, with one suffering what looked like a heavy dose of concussion. One injured female soldier with the bum out of her knicks. I offered to pick the shrapnel out of her ring, errrr bottom but she declined.

Un-nerved (by the accident not the female), I left the scene of the battle without reporting in.

Sir............I respectfully suggest you (and Trooper Tom Piper) seek a transfer to B Division as I feel your objectives to the soldiers under you command have been met. I believe the Dido Patrol now have the necessary skills and knowledge to blaze their own pathway to glory. In passing may I suggest Dido Patrol test their skills in mountainous terrain.

My suggestion is Sunday 21 July at Lang Lang. A scenic route to be sure, but one to test the prowess of the men.

P. Clark (Army Reserve)

Report from Mario Cavalieri (THE MARIO)

Great stuff men.
Now a view from D grade.

"You can't ride in C grade you're one of Brooksy's mates".
"No C grade for you"!
"But, but, but"!!!
"No C grade, D grade for you"!!!

Yeah rite, D for, Dud's

Oh well I'll just go and kick the "D" duds, ass.

Well not quite, its lonely out there.

1st lap, so slow, I had trouble balancing the bike. "Anyone want to set a pace"? "Anyone"?
"D" Dick head. Bugger it, I'll go up front for a while.

2nd lap, Mario at the front.

3rd lap, I get some help from another bloke with no mates.

4th lap, 2 riders make a break. The bunch just sits. The break builds, 100 meters, 200 meters.
"Shit" Mario goes for it, jumps from the pack and joins the breakaway.
"Anyone want to help keep us away"? "Anyone"?

Start of the 5th lap the paleton reels us in. The pace lifts 7 riders take turns at the front.

6th lap, another break, Mario brings the pack back together.

Start of the last lap, SLLLLLooooowwww. O.K. I'll go to the front. "D" Dick head.
The pace picks up, Suuuuurge, then another, then another.
Into the last turn and the "D" dud's have managed to put the "D" Dick head, Mario at the front, again.
A number of surges places me back in 5th place, 150 meters to go Mario stands up and sprints.
I've got it, I can hold this lot out.
The sounds of a pile up from behind are quickly drowned out by the sound of 3 or 4 "D" duds passing "D" Dick head.
We hit the line, about a bike length in it.
Mario a very "D" DUMB 4th or 5th.

Just wait I'll be back with my mates next time.


De Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaario

the end….

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