Dear Lord

Dear Lord,
Do you see how these tears stain my face?
Sometimes I don’t think you do.
I want you to stare into my face,
And see the wrinkles of my expression, which show my deep-rooted pain.
I think I can escape,
That I can keep starting over.
But it’s always the same problem,
That follows me everywhere.
Just when I think I leave it behind,
It shows up in front of me.
Why won’t you make it go away,
Everyday I pray,
Everyday I say,
That I follow new ways.
But my old ways follow me.
I want to just cry a fiery rage.
Let my hands find something to throw,
Because its so hard to let go,
Of the past.
I want to stomp and scream,
Curse and shout,
Until my lungs let all the air out.
I want to curl up into a ball,
And cry in my mother’s arms.
When I was there,
There’d be no harm.
But I already declared I’m a grown ass woman,
I can’t go back.