Soulfulnickel

I reflect upon my life,
And I remember the strife.
I recall the beatings,
All the weeping,
The brusies,
The scrapes,
The sadness,
The depression.
People fell,
To my left,
And then to my right.
Everyone was leaving me.
Either someone died,
Or ignored me,
If still alive.
I remember the smell of alcohol,
Drifting through the hall,
Into my bedroom.
I remember the shouting,
The screaming,
The hollerin.
Toys broke underneath the feet,
And plates were thrown against the wall.
I remember them crying out for 911.
I remember that time not being a lot of fun.
I thought it was normal,
That everyone lived like this.
I remember heartache.
I remember the pain,
Of loving,
But to have loved and lost.
I thought maybe it was better,
Not to love at all.
I remember the arguments,
The breakups and the makeups.
I remember the other girls.
I remember the disrespect,
Of the relationship.
I remember the painful looks,
Which reflected the images in my heart.
So I hoped for a new start.
I remember the suicide,
I’ll never forget the day you died.
You said you’d come see me,
The following week,
But you never made it,
As everyone can see.
I remember the tears,
The cries,
The hurt,
And the great sadness,
Which enveloped my being.
If you look into my soul,
All these things and more I carry.
You think I forget,
But I can never erase,
These moments from
My database
Of memories.
Always vivid,
Fresh,
Clear.
When you stare into my eyes,
And see pass the dilated iris,
Through the façade,
You’ll find me.
I remember silly days,
I love to laugh and play.
I love to act,
And do my best at dance.
I love to make jokes,
To be sarcastic.
Anything to relieve stress.
In school,
I’m striving to be the best.
There must be something special,
Special about me.
I’m not extremely pretty,
Just a girl who looks thirty.
Spots decorate my face,
As specs of earthy dirt,
Decorate a white car.
My legs are as spotted,
As a leopard’s fur.
Your only famous,
When you have a sad story,
And extremely beautiful.
All I have is my story,
Which I hide inside.
But as time grows,
So does my tale.
And my past,
Spills out of this
Overflowing cup.
But everyday,
I love myself more and more.
I still laugh,
Smile and play.
Because I know everything’s gonna be okay.
What else can go wrong,
If you already live in a thunderstorm?
Having bad times,
Make the good ones seem
Ten times better.
My friends and family
I’ll love even after death.
They’ll never fully understand,
How much they mean to me.
I look up to God,
And pray.
I just get on my knees,
I cry out to him and plead,
I don’t want to bleed,
All of this pain and sorrow,
Onto the floor.
I don’t want to have to keep hiding,
Hiding my poetry,
My art,
My thoughts,
My expressions,
My voice,
My grades.
I don’t want to hide
Who I am.
But what other choice this there,
If no one,
Can relate to it.
Jesus,
The son of perfection
What would you do?
What would you do,
If you were me?
Oh Holy Spirit,
Have you found your place,
In my bleeding heart?
But I have yet to find,
The heart of the world.
See how my past,
Present,
And future,
Stain this paper?
I just gave you a taste of my soul,
But I don’t think you can handle anymore.
I can’t fully disclose myself,
My feelings,
Or my thoughts.
It’ll be like standing naked,
In the middle of the street,
In front of loved ones,
And strangers.
Then they’ll know every mark,
Every scar,
That takes away the beauty of life.
I have already wrote too much.