[The Setting: somewhere in Prax in a Alticamelus rider compound.
The Scene: a group of children are playing some sort of kickball game with a human skull
in a desultory fashion. They do not notice as a rickety, old, hunched over figure
approaches out of the glare of the noonday sun.]
--Hey you kids, whatcha you doin'?--
[the leader of the kids to another sotto voce]--Oh hyena dung, it's Grandpa, he probably
wants to tell us another of his long, boring stories. [Much louder]--Hi, Grandpa, we were
just waiting for you to come and tell us one of your great stories.--
--[Mutters to self] Sure you were you lying little bastard. [Grumbles to self in loud
voice] Damn kids these day just don't got no respect for their elders. [Louder still] Come
over here in the shade of this tent and I'll tell ya about the time one of my old buddies
was possessed by a goddess-- [Totters over to the tent and gratefully sinks into a cross
legged position. Waits for the kids to gather around him and starts into another boring
story...]
"This story took place back when we wuz in a place called
Balazar. It's a fur piece from here but our riders have raided it in the past. Not that it
ever was worth raiding the folks there being dirt poor and all, but they make decent
enough slaves I guess. Anyhoo my buddies and me wuz stuck there due to the fact that we
needed to get these Torches of Everburnin' we'd had back from one of the local kings who
had snatched 'em. I told you about them torches did'n I? They wuz supposed to be the blood
of Yemalio hisself that he'd shed at some place called the Hill of Coal?, no Gold. Anyhoo
the dark war god of the trolls had taken these drops of blood and stuck 'em somehow on the
end of some lead clubs and made torches out of 'em. We'd gotten ahold of three of 'em
through this mission we'd accepted and although we lost one of 'em we still had the other
two and their lead carrying case (bloody heavy that thing was!) My Yemalio buddy made the
mistake of showin' 'em to some locals and they wouldn't give 'em back. Anyhoo, we'd lost
'em and in the course of gettin' 'em back we got mixed up in this Lunar scheme to
introduce agriculture to Balazar by marryin' one of their goddesses to the god the place
was named after, Balazar.
Of course once we heard about this scheme we had to wreck it
somehow. (Though come to think of it some of us were keener on the idea than others. Me
and my Bison pal were agin the whole stinkin' Lunar business as was this Pentan I knew
back then (yeah, I know the only good Pentan is a dead one but when you live the
adventurer's life you make strange friends and stranger enemies). Raping the earth? [hawks
and spits] Most of the rest of us were just agin' it because the Lunars were doin' it and
this soulless sorceror we hung around with weren't agin it at all. Claimed it would be
good for the "benighted locals"). My bud Lou, the Babeester Gor weren't agin it
in principle but she wuz prepared to oppose it if the majority of us wuz. Kind of ironic
considering the role she wuz to play in the whole business.
The idea wuz that by marryin' a grain goddess into the family the
Balazarings would git access to the know-how and spells ya needs to plant crops
successfully. This would make it cheaper for the Lunars to keep troops in Balazar since
they wouldn't have to bring so much food in while at the same time wreckin' the local
culture and makin' it easier for the Lunars to introdooce their own evil lifestyle. The
bastards. They'd collected an entire weddin' party to get this marriage done right. They
had a priestess of some grain goddess to play the part of the goddess (and wuz she a
looker!) and some turncoat Yemalio bastard to pretend to be Balazar. There was some old
biddy Lunar priestess arrangin' the whole thing and the local high priest of Yemalio (who
was an unwillin' party) to marry 'em. Our first thoughts on how to go about wreckin' the
whole business wuz to kill someone vital like the priestess or the turncoat but the
important people wuz always guarded by a bunch of Lunar soldiers and a scary Lunar rune
lord who had five special flunkeys with 'im. So we reluctantly abandoned that idea and
decided to rouse the locals instead. That accomplished bupkus cause the locals were too
downtrodden to help.
Then Lou contacted this bugger called Blueface we'd met, a mighty
powerful shaman who lives in Balazar, to ask his advice. He tells her he's on his way and
that he'll be here in a coupla days. (He was concerned about the baby Lou was carryin',
the so-called Dog Boy, the Balazaring's messiah so he'd given her this stick that allowed
her to talk to him in his head somehow). We waited around for him and when he showed up he
suggested we could wreck the ceremony by attracting the attention of the Wild Mother, the
earth goddess of Balazar. She'd be sure to wreck the weddin' cause she hates agriculture.
(She's a mite like Eritha 'cept she don't even like tamed animals. Her concern is wild
critters and plants). We asked how we wuz to git her attention and Blueface sed we'd have
to have a volunteer to embody the goddess. He figgured that Lou bein' an earthie was the
best candidate. Lou wuz worried about the baby and Blueface couldn't reassure her as he'd
never done nuttin' quite like this before but she said she'd do it anyway. He told us Lou
would have to fast and we'd need a blood sacrifice to attract the goddess' attention.
Somethin' big though, not no little critter, not even a bunch of little critters. Hooman,
the Pentan, Svart the Humakti and myself were all keen on nabbin' a Lunar as our sacrifice
but the rest were a li'l squeamish about that so we went huntin' instead. Three whole days
we hunted and diddlysquat wuz all we found.
So we headed back to the Lunar occupied citadel of Elkoi near where
the weddin' was gonna happin (and where we'd left Lou and Blueface) and got back the night
before the invokin' wuz to happen. Svart, Hooman, Durnfal, (the Yemalio who'd lost them
torches) and myself went to get ourselves a Lunar. Greystone, that wussy Bison, Gerhardt
the Orlanthi and Burnin' Willow, the Votanki refused to help and went off lookin' to
rustle up some pigs. We approached the Pig's Gate where they always had one Lunar on guard
duty and I wuz supposed to confuse him with a spell so we could nab 'im. Damn spell didn't
work so Svart hauls off and hits him with his sword which knocks 'em down. Then we tied
him up and healed 'im up. Svart cut 'im and told 'im he'd finish his death rune later.
This scared the poor bastard piss-less. The bastards then got me to schlep the bugger back
to our hideout by myself while they snuck into the citadel for some damn reason. I think
they wuz lookin' for an extra Lunar in case one wasn't enough. There they go, bold as
brass saunterin' up and down the narrow pigshit strewn streets on Elkoi lookin' for a lone
Lunar. The gits wandered over to the main gate and started openin' it so that they could
leave. The two gate guards who were safe up on top of the wall asked 'em what the hell
they wuz doin' and Svart actin' like he wuz pissed tried to tell 'em he wuz goin' outside
to take a wiz. Them guards may have been Chaos lovin' Lunars but they wasn't that stupid.
Why go outside when there wuz plenty of walls all around ya? One of 'em started blowin' a
horn and those three morons managed to get the gate open and start runnin' for it. Lucky
for 'em neither of the guards had a light spell or they'd have been in deep sheet. As it
wuz Hooman took a lucky shot through the thigh with a javelin and the other two had to go
back and grab 'im and drag 'im away from the gate.
Meanwhile Gerhardt and Greystone wuz tryin' to beg, borrow or steal
some pigs. Unfortunately all the dogs them Balazarings keep made this kinda hard. Gerhardt
snuck around but Greystone made enough noise to wake the dead and some irate pigtender
told him to bugger off before he set his doigs on 'im. They tried to find some food to
steal so they could lure some pigs away but they couldn't find inny. They thought about
bashin' a hole in on of the pens or startin' a fire but they weren't nuttin' to burn so
they changed their minds. So they just returned to the clearing we wuz usin' as a hideout
and where we'd left Lou and Blueface.
When I got back to the clearing prodding that damn Lunar wit my
sword I saw Lou sittin' before a fire chantin' somethin'. She looked spaced out and was
buck nekked. Her face wuz covered with soot and ashes and her belly wuz stickin' out a bit
seeing as she wuz a fur bit gone in her pregnancy.. Blueface looked just as creepy and he
wuz jumpin' around and chantin' something evil soundin' also buck nekked. When the idiots
three got back to the hideout Peracles the sorceror cast some evil, soul-suckin' spell
that started healin' up Hooman's leg. Finally the pig pirate wannabes returned empty
handed. Once everyone had gathered Blueface dug this long trench in the ground and just
before dawn he got Svart and me to hold the Lunar up. (Gerhardt had gone to watch the
Lunars as he didn't want no part in no human sacrifice). Svart held 'im by the shoulders
and I held his feet. We held 'im over the trench and once the first light of dawn showed
Blueface slit his throat while chantin' something powerful. The Lunar kicked and squirmed
while his blood spurted. I held his legs up high so all the blood would come out and once
it wuz finished drippin' out we dropped 'im and Blueface cut his heart out and threw the
still beatin' organ into the fire. The fire kicked up somethin' fierce and all of a sudden
like it got real quite and then this little wind picks up startin' to kick li'l leaves
around in a swirlin' pattern like a whirlvish but not so rough. Some of the leaves settled
on top of the blood and this giant bird that looked somethin' like a swan and somethin'
like an eagle dependin' on when you wuz lookin' at it landed. As soon as it landed it
looked mostly like a beyootiful woman. Burnin' Willow told us this wuz a vily, a nature
spirit that some people called huntin' nymphs. She wuz buck naked cept for a quiver of
javelins she wuz carryin' on her back. Soon another vily settled and then all of a sudden
Lou opens her mouth and with this awesome voice asks, "Why have you summoned
me?" Blueface tells her what's goin' on and she grabs him and pulls him closer. She
says, "I know you and you are not unworthy." Then she walks over to the trench,
throws herself flat on her face and drinks it dry. With the blood all down her face and
front and flanked by the vily she starts walkin' towards the new Earth temple the Lunars
had built at this farmin' village called Lesser Bykotus.
The rest of us followed with our weapons out and our spells readied.
As we reached the clearing's edge Gerhardt joined us. As soon as Lou and the vily stepped
out from the clearing they wuz spotted. (I'd sure like to know what the Lunars thought
about three buck nekked wimmen steppin' out from the woods, one with her face covered with
ashes and blood all down her front.) Anyhoo, we could see the village with the temple in
the middle. There wuz some sort of canopy stickin' out from the front under which the
weddin' party members wuz gathered and off to one side wuz the royal family from Elkoi.
All the villagers were standin' in a big group off to one side and there were about twenty
peltasts standing guard around the perimeter of the village. There wuz also a dozen
citadel guards as well, Yemalio spearmen mounted on horseback. When all this lot spotted
the three nekked wimmen they all reacted differently, the farmers screamed and buggered
off in the opposite direction as fast as they could go. The peltasts went into formation,
the weddin' party kept on doin' their bizness and the horsemen charged us. The scary Lunar
rune lord, Marduk the Scarlet and his five initiates sort of formed up between us and the
weddin' party right in front of the peltasts. The horsemen barrelled up as fast as they
could go but before they could even get in javelin range the vily started huckin' javelins
at their horses. Whenever one of those javelin's hit a horse that horse balked and
wouldn't come any closer. Then they started chuckin' 'em at the horsemen and one of 'em
dropped dead outright and the rest peeled off. This accounted for half of the horsemen by
the time the javelins finished flying and the other half charged us instead.
Lou and the vily ignored the horsemen, just kept on marchin' up and
we got to fight 'em. Our javelin and bow fire wuz pretty useless and they started whaling
on us. We hadn't planned our assault very good so we had all our best fighters on the same
flank with the lighter armed and armoured ones on the other flank. Durnfal and Svart took
care of their three pretty quick with two gettin' killed and one yieldin' once he saw
which way the fight wuz goin'. At the other end of the fight it wuz a different story.
Burnin' Willow managed to keep herself alive with her dodgin' and her javelin but that
poor Orlanthi bugger Gerhardt got hisself speared right through the chest. Poor bastard
was killed outright. (I can just imagine what he would have said if he'd had the chance
for some last words, "Ha, ha Tamerlan, I finally beat you in the dead boys
club!") Greystone tried to call on Waha for aid but I guess he was busy elsewhere.
Hooman was havin' trouble keepin' himself alive as well until I got around behind the
horsemen and started choppin' at them damn horses. This caused the horses to shy and
Greystone and me killed one of 'em and took the other two prisoner.
Meanwhile Lou and the vily just kept marcin' forward. Marduk called
on 'em to halt and when they did'n he left 'em to the peltasts. His men moved aside and
the peltasts let 'em have it. The vily screeched and jumped up into the air while Lou just
dodged out of the way of most of the javelins chucked at her. One hit her in the leg but
she just ignored it. The vily swooped down hurling javelins at the peltasts and those
brave buggers just kept standin' there huckin' javelins back at 'em. When Marduk and his
boys realized Lou wuzn't gonna stop they charged her and got ready to chop her. (By this
point half of our fight wuz over and Durnfal grabbed a horse and charged in to help Lou.
Svart ran up on foot and as soon as the rest of us were done we joined in leaving Peracles
to guard the prisoners. Blueface was holdin' back doin' some more chantin' that seemed
important so we did'n wanna bug 'im).
Lou laughed at Marduk and his boys and lifted her head back and
howled. Sent a cold chill down our spines and the weddin' party and the royal party
realized the fun wuz over so they took off. The Yemalio horsemen who had been hit by the
vily's javelins took off with 'em (to guard 'em no doubt). Lou started changin' growin'
fur and fangs. A couple of the initiates hit her but their scimitars just bounced off her.
Marduk's blows she dodged. When the initiates realized they couldn't hurt Lou they
switched to Durnfal and Svart. Durnfal held his off but Svart wuz double teamed and the
one he wuzn't parryin' almost took his arm off with his scimitar. Since he'd been hurt
before he went down like a ton of bricks. (Of course he'd taken care of the other one
first). Hooman wuz tryin' to help by firin' his bow into combat but it wuzn't helpin' much
what with us havin' to dodge his shots too. Greystone and I ran up too and all I managed
to do was to get myself knocked out. The peltasts and the vily wuz exchangin' fire but
then one of the vily got herself shot down. The remainin' vily came in for one more attack
but got herself shot down too. By this point the peltasts were out of javelins and most of
'em had loss their will to fight. They decided to retire in good order (mighty smart of
'em!) and took off after the royal party and the weddin' attendees.
Durnfal took care of another of Marduk's initiates. He killed the
bugger but the bugger called on his god and wuz healed up! (Guess he figgured it was his
lucky day). Right then Lou ripped Marduk's throat out with her teeth. She turned to an
initiate next and ripped his throat out too! This was enough for the rest of the
initiates, including the guy who'd just come back from the other side and they all tried
to run. Unfortunately Lou was faster than 'em and she ran 'em down ripping 'em to shreds
with her claws one at a time. (Guess it wuzn't that guys lucky day after all). Then all
these wild critters started comin' out of the woods and wreckin' the crops and the huts.
Lou took a big leap onto one of the huts crushin' it into the ground and then marches into
the temple. She does somethin' inside and the whole place collapses to the ground. Then
she starts comin' back our way and we all get this oh oh feelin' like we wuz in big
trouble. Fortunately Blueface comes outta the woods chantin' and tells her to begone.
Nuthin'. She gets closer and he tells her begone agin. This time she shudders and
collapses. Durnfal says, "We better get the hell outta here but first, in the time
honoured tradition, loot the bodies!" So we quickly strips all the Lunar dead and
getting the captives to carry all the loot and haulin' Lou and Gerhardt's body we got the
hell outta there.
We decided to head back to Dykene so we could get them damn torches
back. Svart had taken Marduk's head along but he'd tossed it in the bushes a coupla miles
away from the scene of the fight. There wuzn't anything we could do for poor Gerhardt so
we burned 'im a coupla days later on a nice high spot with a nice smoky fire. It wuz the
least we could do. It took Lou almost three whole days to wake up and when she did she
said she had one almighty foul taste in her mouth. She also woke up with slit eyes like a
cat and when we told her this she joked that this "would make it even harder to get a
boyfriend". (What a woman!) We let the three Yemalios go back with a promise to bring
their ransoms to Highbridge (without the Lunars followin' 'em preferably!).
And so died a good man. Gerhardt Frei, an Orlanthi, but a good man
anyway.
--Uh, Grandpa? Does that story have a point?--
[Rising slowly to his feet and shaking his head sadly]
--Silly little buggers. So who says stories gotta have points? When you get to be my age,
stories is all ya got.--
[Totters off into the glare of the sun]
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