Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a
really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat
hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the
fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body,
except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat
flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to
the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever
possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the
people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach
just about any countertop that has anything
remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he
gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is
served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for
very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a
human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created
nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little
energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by
a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough,
someone will come along and take out something
good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump
into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the
most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a
cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to
show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly
proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Continuous Replacement
A cat sheds enough hair to re-upholster a cat half its size
daily, without showing the slightest hair loss.