Big D Says...

This section is intended to be a diary/journal/rant or whatever the hell you want to call it. I make guarantees on how often this page will be updated, since it's pretty much dependent on how much time I have and what kind of mood I'm in. Be forewarned that you may very well see some shit you may not like.

Wednesday August 8, 2001

It has been on my mind to sit down and write another entry sooner, but I haven't been in the right mindset to sit down and really concentrate on what I'd like to say. First, the Symphony At Sea cruise was the bomb. I only wish I could have had at least one friend or relative go with me that would have really made my trip. I have some pictures that will be getting scanned very soon so they will be on The Total Experience. I loved seeing New York's harbor, that was a first time thing, passing Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty, and passing under the Verazano Narrows bridge, as well as being able to see the edge of Brooklyn where Coney Island is. Sunday night, we were laying out on the deck while we were at sea at night looking at the stars, it was the shit I had never seen so many! (after all, I am a city boy you know!) Seeing the deep blue water, and then waking up Monday and seeing the clear water off the coast of Bermuda. Meals were the bomb and they go all out, even if I didn't necessarily like most of the shit they served, but that's why they have a kid's menu!!

St. George's was a nice small town, they had some good shops, I endeavoured to stay away from the touristy places, I went into one store and asked about kilts, which I was told cost around $500-to start...I'll get a kilt, but on another day. Went to St. Catherine's beach, it was beautiful, first time I had been to a beach in a few years so I lived it up. Went back to the ship, which was a nice hike away, but I didn't mind. There were a few nags here and there, the smuts-I meant pretentious ass girls that sat at our table for dinner was the biggest one. I also watched The Love Boat and was looking for the specific features on the show that were on our ship, and I did see a few things, and I was able to say "hey! we were just there!" so that was cool. Another sort of nag although it was a necessary evil was the guy that played on the Sun Deck in the afternoons, he'd play some nice reggae stuff and the tropical pop type stuff and that fuckin Shaggy song that uses the underpinnings of "The Joker". He did something else that was pretty bad too, and he had guitar but if you looked at him for 5 seconds you could see he wasn't really playing it. Later on that night in St. George's, we went to one of the bars albeit pretty late, and we were gettin our groove on to some ill reggae and dancehall. The guy from the ship was the one singing, he kicked it too!

Saturday July 14, 2001

Welcome to the first Big D says in over a month. Not a whole lot going on, but leave to go on the cruise tomorrow. If I haven't previously mentioned it, I will be going on a cruise to Bermuda, I'll be gone for a week, which is the longest I've been gone from this place in a while. No annoying ass camp kids and their idiot parents to annoy me, no nasty fuckin commons food, what will I do? We're playing twice, once on the ship, which happens to be Princess Cruise Lines' Pacific Princess-The Love Boat, and again somewhere in a park in Bermuda, should be a good time although a large part of me wishes there was someone close to me could go too. I haven't been very excited about it thus far, but it's starting to build a little now.
As I type this, I'm debating going to John's and partying there tonight. Not a whole lot going on here, and do I really need to see another night of fucking monster trucks and sal's pizza?
I've been wanting to mention a little of the Sixers and how they played against the Lakers and the refs that whole fucking series...pissed me off. They laughed at the Bucks' Ray Allen for suggesting the NBA had some kind of conspiracy going. Well, all I'll say is listen to how Bill Walton and Marv Albert rode the Lakers' dick, and all those bullshit Shaq and Kobe commercials. I drank a fifth of Bacardi Limon watching that shit thanks to Dom's innovative game, where we took shots every time one of those sorry ass commercials came on.
More bullshit...the Destiny's Tramp lead singer, who I won't even give the respect of typing out her name, was up on MTV and their bullshit poop music celebration, talking about how N-Stinc and all them were "Hip-Hop"...bitch please. And then we have those Chicken McNOTHINGS 0-Town (that's a zero-that's what they are) talking about (something to the effect of) "People don't think we're real because have really good marketing..." Well, I don't like to overstate the obvious but didn't they only come together as a result of a fuckin shitty music version of survivor (I won't even go there on that), put together by a ABC, who was desparate to have their own "reality" show, and that disgusting child molester who put out all that other trash you see on TRL every day? Man pop culture eats shit. Oh I forgot-MTV acting like they were down with Hip Hop and R&B music from day one-very funny.
Stone Cold Steve Austin turning heel was the shit and he's been funny as hell in the past few weeks. Sing along with him "Kum-ba-ya my lord, Kum-ba- ya...". I'll be back from the cruise in time to see the WWF Invasion pay-per-view, and now that ECW is back and in the mix, Invasion is looking pretty good. But I am holding my breath for THE GREAT ONE to come back and layeth the smacketh down on someone's candy ass. Speaking of the one named Dwayne Johnson, I finally got to read his autobiography, The Rock Says... a great book. The picture of him when he was younger,and Andre the Giant holding him is priceless. I did a very rare thing a bought a CD after only hearing one song-and a song whose video is playing on MTrashV. Last week whilst at the palace of basura blanco, Columbia Mall, and being followed around by a poor fucking excuse for rent-a-pigs, I bought the Craig David CD, and I have to say I've been pleasantly suprised. It's a tight ass CD.
Did I mention I've moved up in the RAM world? 320MB it's true, it's true! (I know it doesn't make me a high roller but my only contention with my computer has been that it only had 64MB of RAM.) Now if I can get my hands on a second hard drive.
You know, this cruise makes me think of a joke I heard on Def Comedy Jam and I've repeated a few time before-about black people avoiding cruises, because of that series of cruises our ancestors took starting in 1555 and lasting for only 200-some years, and of course I'm not trying to experience that myself.
Bermuda get ready...trouble is coming.

Monday June 4, 2001

Finally...The SIXERS HAVE COME BACK TO THE FINALS!!!

The Sixers, the only team keeping me remotely interested in the NBA right now, whipped the Milwaukee Bucks' ass and advance to the finals against the lakers. According to many the Sixers are a huge underdog blah blah blah...fuck that!! Anyway, peep this out, this is what I think has to happen for the Sixers to pull off "the upset" (some of this is quite obvious by the way):
1. Continue to be stifling on defense
2. Cause turnovers as much as possible
3. Minimize Mental Mistakes as they won't be able to afford very many
4. Play hack-a-shaq...use make that 8 Million Dollar Jabroni, Matt Geiger as well as Todd MacCollough hack the hell out of shaq (total of 12 fouls), going for ball each time to eliminate continuations (3-point plays). Geiger's a waste, so foul him out first, then Todd, strech out the process though to Keep Dikembe fresh.
5. Keep the game close. The Sixers have had to battle back a lot in the playoffs this year, and they have succeeded much of the time. However LA feeds off of shit like that so digging a deep hole early can spell disaster and a short series. Keep the game within 6 and do it in the clutch. 6. Dig deep in the bench. Two Guys I'd like to see have more time are Jumaine Jones and Raja Bell. Raja Bell has proven that he's bout it bout it.
7. Statistically, if Aaron can get 10-12 pts. and 8-10 assists, Mutumbo can pull 10-15 boards, block some shots and add 15 points, Eric can get 8-10 pts. and the same number of assists, the bench outscores LA's bench, and Allen having a half-decent (26-30 pts.) scoring game and 6-8 assists as well, it would go a long way toward the cause. These numbers are kinda high but definitely attainable, and of course assumes that Allen doesn't have monster scoring game that night, which is possible. Of course with those numbers and Allen with a 40-50 point performance or two and I really like our chances of having a parade down Broad Street.

Enough of Coach D, Coach Brown is tha man wit tha master plan. He ain't win coach of the year for nothin'.

RajahWWF has columist positions open, yours truly is considering a submission. The only thing is that you HAVE to update regulary, but that's no biggie.
Where the hell is Dom it's time to go lift!

Wednesday May 30, 2001

Well I've resigned myself to the fact I will be a Resident Advisor no longer, not that it's a bad thing. I had thought about writing a letter explaining the circumstances of me missing that desk shift April 30th, the fact that I was out of town for the Husky Singers concert at Immaculata College the night before and didn't get back to town until 12:30, to go straight to the concert band rehearsal, to another Husky Singers dress rehearsal before our concert that evening. Between the rehearsal and the concert I had exactly 1 hour to get showered, dressed, and to find a replacement. I tried, the people I called couldn't do it, there was still one other person to work a ONE HOUR desk shift, and the concert was about an hour, so I wouldn't be gone long. Now if that 2-faced Two-Dollar Tramp (that's with a capital T y'all) Kathy Kollar had understood this...I take that back she understood it, but that didn't matter to her, for whatever reason, must be her do-good daddy's girl logic. Fucking whore smiled in my face all the while my ass was about to be rejected for next year. Even had the fucking audacity to show up to the Concert Choir concert the next week and leave a note in my mailbox saying nice job...FUCK YOU!! And by the way, thank you Donald Young for not "firing me immediately" what a fucking favor considering it was the middle of finals week when your spineless asses told me what the deal was. Now, I concede that better planning would have helped this out tremendously. I've been somewhat good at balancing things so they don't conflict, unfortunately I messed this one up. Now for a lesson I learned, you see, I saw he letter that the bitch was going to send to res life that would lead to my undoing. I actually fought myself over whether to take it, read it for my own entertainment and throw it away. Now that's no guarantee that I would still have my job for the fall, but at the very least Kathy's whore ass would have to write that letter again and I would have caused a nuisance. I was closer than the space between these letters to gankin that letter, but that motherfuckin "do the right thing" snuck up on me. The moral...do the right thing, unless you know you'll be fucked in the end.

More on the disgruntled employee tip, these assholes didn't pick me to be an RA this summer. Fine with me, I found a somewhat better hustle anyway. But today, after I was at the rec gettin' my diesel on (well trying to), I hear a message about "picking up hours at Schuylkill and Montour". Then I get the call later on tonight with the same thing. Well, thank God I haven't finished scheduling yet. These motherfuckers are on crack, if you didn't want me to be a RA don't ask me to do their fucking work-i.e. these desk shifts they have to work during the day even though there are approximately 20-25 people in TWO builings. When I was a RA last summer, we were grossly understaffed and still had to work all these damn desk shifts. You mean to tell me that you have a full fucking staff and you still can't get those hours covered? Why not hire receps, I've had 2 people ask me about it already. The worst part of it is having my time that's reserved for my workouts, to be there. A retraction is due, only in the event that I am paid for this extra work.

So to something cool now, I spent Memorial day weekend in Lancaster, I took a somewhat weird travel plan though. Since some idiot lost his account information at the bank Friday afternoon, Dom and I get held up at the damn bank, it didn't help that I was running very close myself, but I ended up missing that damn bus. So I ride with Dom to Allentown, got to see Jenn for a few, they took me to the bus stop, I took Bieber's line service to Philly (aboard a brand new MCI D4500 thank you), after some thought decided to get off at Broad & Erie to take the Broad Street Line to City Hall, then the El to 30th, made it just in time for the Amtrak train to Lancaster. I got to hang out and all that stuff, very cool. My new training program started, today was leg day, they are going to hurt like hell tomorrow, but it's all good. I think sometimes I lift just to take the soreness from one part of my body to another. (lol).

Monday May 21, 2001

Updating twice in 4 days shit I must be bored. (I am-really) A huge congratulations to my boy for forever, Ommie and Jodie on their engagement. I just found out and I can't be happier for them. I'm singing at your wedding hahaha (I'm gonna let my hair grow real long and get me a 70's suit...the Barry White look-he is my favorite singer after all.)

In other news, I had to fuckin count out $5.45 and hope that I could go to Weis and get food for at least the next 3 days. Nothing like poverty to make your ass a smart shopper. Got a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, cheezy poofs (why I don't know), onions, and scrapple (old school baby) for right around $4.50, not too shabby I'd say lol.

Sometimes, as much as I like to keep my black ass out of Lancaster, Bloomsburg isn't exactly utopia either, but I have a bit more breathing room and I can stomach the people a hair more as they tend to have an equal amount more sense here. Also, part of my motivation in getting in better shape is to make myself more attractive to whoever that potential "special person" may be. Lately I've been questioning myself about the worthwhileness of both of the above. The following excerpts come from a good friend of mine, who just happens to be one of those lucky people with body and brains, but at the time, we were discussing our frustrations at how people don't see beyond his looks (somewhat familiar be it in the completely opposite way of yours truly), and just the general shallowness and stupidity of what it seems, many people out there. I'm using these because one, I probably couldn't have said it better, since much of it is applicable and two, I don't feel like doing that much typing, so here it be:

...DATING OLDER PEOPLE IS RIDICULOUS. DATING YOUNGER PEOPLE IS AS WELL THE SAME. YOU NEVER FIND ANY STABLE PEOPLE OUT THERE, MUCH TO YOUR DISMAY. TAKE ME FOR INSTANCE, I DATED YOUNGER GUYS BUT FELL INTO THE WHOLE FICKLE BACKSTABBING BS ASSOCIATED WITH DATING THAT KIND. SO I WENT THE OLDER ROUTE, SAME SCHTICK DIFFERENT TONE, EVERYTHING IS BLAMED ON BEEN THERE DONE THAT, AND YOUR BEING YOUNG AND NAIVE...SO YOU WOULDN'T KNOW. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME, I COULD PROBABLY RUN CIRCLES AROUND YOU INTELLECTUALLY, STUPID OLD CODGER....TAKE YOU GERITOL.

...DATING IN ITSELF IS RIDICULOUS, THE WHOLE RITUAL IS BARBARIC, WE ARE IN THE WHOLE NEO-TOKYO ERA, BIGGER BETTER FASTER...YOU'D THINK THIS AGE OLD PROCESS WOULD HAVE BEEN REINVENTED...BUT NO....SAME HARDSHIPS, ALWAYS END UP FUTILE. I'M VERY CONFUSED ON THE MATTER, I SHOULDN'T DATE...I'M NOT THE TYPE...I EASILY FIND MYSELF WANDERING AROUND IT LIKE A SLACKJAWED FOOL. 'NO CHEEZYPOOFS FOR YOU CARTMAN'....GO TO HELL...I WISH THINGS WERE EASIER, I WISH PEOPLE WERE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE BETTER, I WISH THINGS WERE IDEAL...CAN'T HAVE ALL YOUR EGGS IN A BASKET THOUGH, SO I GUESS THE SAYING 'BETTER TO HAVE LOVED ONCE, THEN NEVER AT ALL' COMES TO MIND....I THINK I FAIR THEE WELL JUST BLOWING STUFF UP BETTER, IT'S MORE CONDUSIVE TO CHARACTER, ESSENTIALLY MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE, EASIER ON THE MIND.

...SO BACK TO THE GAY ISSUE, YES I'M A RUMPRIDER, BUT I COULD STILL BEAT YOUR ASS. NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT ME, SAVE CLOSE FRIENDS AND A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS, AND NOW THE WORLD....EXXXXCCCEEELLLEEENNT SMITHERS. BUT ANYWAYS...WHAT DOES IT REALLY MATTER? 'DON'T ASK DON'T TELL'...SAVE ME THE PAINS...I HATE BEING CLOSETED, BUT PEOPLE SAY IT'S FOR MY 'OWN GOOD'. WITH A WORLD OF NEW THINKING AND OPENMINDEDNESS...WE HAVE GONE A SHORT WAY WITH ALL THESE BREAKTHROUGHS. WE ARE SO STUCK ON OUR OLD WORLD LOGIC, WE'LL NEVER PROGRESS...WHY FIGHT THE FIGHT. LET THEM THINK THEY WON. I TAKE THAT BACK, I'M GLAD I'M CLOSETTED, IT'S LIKE BEING ON STEALTH MODE...GOD SAVE STONEWALL, VIVA LA BUENOS AIRES!

I can't think of anything else at the moment so off to bed I go...unless I'm delayed by RollerCoaster Tycoon.

Thursday May 17, 2001

A little over a day from leaving Toronto, it was a lot of fun. Got the grand tour courtesy of the TTC found The Beer Store, and a nudey bar along the route of the 501 trolley. Mad fun getting to hang out with everyone and maxin and relaxin, especially at Hooters with Dr. Baker. We spent Sunday night at a palace of a hotel in Niagara ON., went to the casinos, lost $5, went back and crashed. Slept most of the bus ride into Toronto until somehow I realized I should wake up, and I saw Toronto's beautiful skyline. Matt, Pete, and I walked around downtown after realizing how overpriced it was to take an elevator to the top of CN tower-C$20 as opposed to C$7 for a TTC day pass to see the whole city. We didn't get to see the whole city, but we saw a good bit of it. Queen Street East reminds me a little of Southwest Philly in better days. The regret I had was finding out about the beach Tuesday afternoon instead of Monday, and the guy at The Beer Store was going to take us around more if we were going to be in Toronto longer than we were. Not to worry-Big D guaran-damn-tees he's going back to the T.O. and soon. [(transport related) Some firsts-First trolley I've been on outside of Philly/first articulated LRV/first TTC vehicle I've ever ridden: UTDC ALRV #4219 on Eastbound route 501. First NovaBUS RTS-06 WFD sighted(they're still ugly but a little less offensive seen up close): TTC #7212 on Route 72A in front of our hotel, First NovaBUS RTS-06 WFD ridden: TTC 7203 on Route 72. First UTDC CLRV Ridden on: TTC 4004 on route 502, First rapid transit line rode on outside of Philly: TTC Bloor-Danforth Line between Pape and and Bloor-Yonge, transferred to Yonge-Univesity-Spadina line for first ride aboard the new Bombardier T-1 cars, rode to King. Also rode on routes 504 and 503 repectively]
How does early august before class starts sound?

Sunday May 6, 2001

The motherfuckin semester is over, it's finals week. Drama with the job, hopefully this shit can be worked out. On the more positive side, a week from now I should be chillin up north in Canada, with concert choir, should be a very good time. Part of the reason for the long time since the last update, is what I call concert season, since just about every weekend in April there was a concert to perfrom in, those went fairly well. I do have a complaint about my lack of solos (saxes got most of them-fuckin suprise right?) but I'll let that ride. I'm looking forward to the summer, since this less than perfect time will be behind me, and I'll have time to (finally and throughly) sort through things and straighten myself out. I missed out on a trip to Allentown this past weekend, what should be called The Council's first reunion, since we had our concert this weekend. From what I heard it was a good time, hopefully they drank some for me. The weekend was cool, Sesame jumpin 3 days straight and going to the WT-Giant high at 6 in the morning to buy breakfast hahaha. Thanks go out to Daymon for the conversation Thursday night, you know what I'm talkin' bout, don't make Miss Cleo take you to church young man.

Thursday April 19, 2001

Well it's been a pretty mixed few weeks. One concert down (Orchestra-4/7), and 3 more this weekend. I was going to go see Romeo and Juliet since it opened tonight but I didn't feel like rollin solo although it was highly likekly I'd see a friend or a few friends there, I'll go see it another time. Last weekend I finally got to take my trip, Pat and I finally hung out, shit was tight, got our club on Friday night went to Shampoo and 2-4(which is members only, but lucky for me Pat's a member), then Dom, SueAnn and I hit South Street on Saturday after I spent the day helping my Grandmother get her house situated. Went home Sunday, then, back to good ol Bloomsburg Monday night, now I'm fuckin sick, but feelin better today than I did Tuesday when I holed myself up in here, and didn't almost pass out in rehearsal like I did Wednesday in concert band. I'm fuckin tired but everyone wants me to go out tonight, fuck it maybe I will.

It is sometimes said, within our clique, The Council, that I, Darnell Maurice Scott, am regarded as the sane one. Sometimes I question that, and of course they don't realize how much effort I have to put forth sometimes, to retain my sanity. Shit, emotionally I'm drained right now, fighting depression can be a motherfucker too. {Pause to see this report on Channel 9 about this ass-clown who burned himself trying to do some shit he saw on Jackass (hey I used ass-clown!)} I am in a better mood overall though. I need to go somewhere and clear out my head, there's some changes I need to make and shit I need to sort out. Til next time, this is your RA (Relationship Advisor thank you) saying like Jerry Springer, take care of yourself, and each other.

Friday March 16, 2001

It isn't often that I'm genuinely pissed, but when I am, sometimes trivial things fuel the fire. There are a few things that had me pissed this week. One, the Roni Size/Reprazent concert I should be going to Philly to see tonight, but can't due to my lack of planning and correct handling of my finances, basically my own fault, so fuck it, move on. The second I'm still debating on where to place the blame-Wednesday I was supposed to go to JP's basketball game in Pottsville with my Mom, I really didn't want to go that bad, but it was something to do. Tuesday night Matt calls and asks if I want to go to Philly, not a hard decision for me to make. Wednesday morning I tell my Mom of my new plan and she gets pissed. Now I must note that it was also important for me to go there because my boy Pat and I were supposed to hang Friday since he leaves for Cali at the end of the month, but since I was broke, I was going to make it Wednesday since Matt was going to drive down and I wouldn't have to spend money on the train. I tell my mom this but it still doesn't matter, since in her mind, I said I was going to go to the game Monday, fuck you and your friends. That afternoon I start re-thinking the whole thing, saying maybe I should go to the game, Mom calls from work, and makes a plea for me to go to the game and said she would give me money to go to Philly, so I feel like shit and as bad as I wanted to go to Philly instead, I caved in and went to the game. There was something in me that I knew I would kick myself for that decision. We get ready to leave for the game, and I'm thinking get in Mom's car and bounce-NO-one of the girls that went with us said "We're taking my car, I'm glad you're going I don't like driving long distances..." put it together, I got fuckin played! I'm thinking "What the fuck is wrong with this tramp that she couldn't drive her own goddamn car?" I don't say anything but I'm hella mad. I bring it up to my mom the next day, and she still discounts it as "you said you were going to go..." and "Me and Nika don't drive in the night", lame ass bullshit excuses for me wasting my night and not even the fucking decency to acknowledge the sacrifice I made, since now I fucked up my own plans and I'm going to take next weekend to go to Philly and hang with Pat (and spend more money that I don't need to). She did give me the money to go to Philly-but I also needed money to get back to school Sunday, but she "didn't have anymore money to give me..." So there it is, who should I be pissed at, My mom for deceiving me or myself for being the fucking nice guy that I am? Well both, her for the obvious reason, she made it sound like if I didn't go, their hopes of seeing JP take that ass whippin to Williamsport would be killed.

Now I have more venom to spew about my family, this time about my sister and her obsessive-compusive clean/order freak ways. She has no tact about the way she says things and I guess it goes over most people but I don't play that shit. I don't come at anyone else with anything less than respect, and I expect the same in return, but my sister, when she feels the need to tell me to clean something up or put something in place, has to start name-calling and all kinds of shit like that so, I (not that I necessarily needed to) responded with some words of my own, just being caught in the heat of the battle. She makes little smart-ass comments like "I should get my boyfriend to beat your ass", trying not to get any more pissed than I already am, I tell her to go get him, knowing that if he even thinks of stepping to my, I'm gonna beat the shit out of him for being stupid enough to listen to her, but I'm also to the point where if this shit comes to pass, I'm going to beat her ass too for putting him on me.

Later on in the night, Ommie and Whitey come by, we're going to the Conestoga, where everyone's crowded around to see a chick strip and this idiot there offering lap dances for a 20-spot-motherfucker please. It's dead there, some guy I don't know from a hole in the ground asks me what did I do to my hair, I laugh at him just at the risk that I might react and knock his ass out and have to deal with 10 more punk motherfuckers and their weapons. We go to McFly's and I already know this shit is going to be wack, but I'm hangin with my boys trying to let loose and cool down, so fuck it. We get there, and I'm already offended by the obviously anti-ghetto/anti-fake gangsta (you might think you know I'm going there with that but I'm trying not to)dress code, no jerseys and something else, but didn't include what I had on, a hoodie. The asshole at the door says I can't wear my hoodie in there, I almost just said fuck it and called it a night and went home, but I didn't want to ruin the night for Ommie and Whitey. We go in there,me with a damn undershirt on, McFly's beat just like I thought it would be but at least there's the wet t-shirt contest right? FUCKIN WRONG I'm don't feel like seeing that shit and the people passing by me keep putting their fuckin hands on me and I'm about to knock the dog shit out of the next person to put their dirty ass hands on me. The girls show titties, we leave, thank God, this fuckin night is over. I'm at Ommie's now typing this at 6 in da mornin, but I feel better having vented all this out. thank you Ommie for letting me crash here and cooling down, and Whitey I apologize if I managed to fuck up everyone's night. Maybe (cross my fingers) they decided to mail our paychecks and it will arrive later today, and I'll be in Philly tonight, watching Roni Size/Reprazent, if not, I don't work next weekend any damn way.

Monday February 26, 2001

Don't say it, I already hear it,"...almost 3 months into the new year and you finally decide to update this motherfucker." I have no grand and noble reason for waiting so long other than I hadn't felt like doing it.

There's some shit to talk about, this is the first Big D says that I am doing on my own computer, I finally bought one, got a hell of a deal on it, and although I have a lot of hoes (you know who you are hahaha), this is my baby right now. 40 gigabyte hard drive but in the 24 days I've had this thing I managed to damn near fill half of it with what? 3300 MP3's baby, Audiogalaxy and Napster, I love y'all!

The only snag in this whole thing is that it gets hella addictive, and by the time I find one song I think of five more to look for, so it takes time away from other important things like THE REC and CLASS!! I thought the novelty would have worn off long ago, but it is now finally starting to wear off.

Allean (Grandmom) has moved from the place she's called home since a little after I was born, it was a kind of sentimental time for me, but it's cool, her new crib is nice too and she didn't even go that far! I went down 2 weeks ago to help get pack stuff, I finally got to ride the M-4 (arguably the other highlight of the trip). For the uninitiated, the M-4 is the new rapid transit car used on SEPTA's Market-Frankford Line, 1998, they were built by the (then) DaimlerChrysler/ABB joint venture known as ADTranz. They were hella late and from what I read there were problems with them. When I saw pictures of them I thought what they were ugly as fuck, but after riding them I'm starting to warm up to them. The railfan seat kicks ass, and they even whine a little like the old-soldier Budd A49's, but they need to do something with that wimpy ass horn they have.

This semester is kind of so-so thus far, I'm still feeling a little burned out, but not depressed. I'm enjoying things a little more than I have in a while. I know my role and I'm ready to stick to it. Finally, there's an annoncement I may or may not make in the next few weeks, don't be mad at me if you're not the first to know, (some of you may already know) it's not anything against you, I just need to be difficult and do it my way. One more thing...The Brahma Bull is now six-time WWF Champion, he layeth the smacketh down on our olympic hero Kurt Angle's candy ass last night at No Way Out.

Tuesday December 26, 2000

Happy Holidays and all that good stuff. I'm writing from my Aunt Enola's house in New Jersey. My GPA didn't take the hit I thought it would, I consider myself lucky there. I needs to find something productive to do for the next 2 weeks I'm home. It was kinda cool to sit around for a week and do nothing though. I'm trying to figure out what the hell to do for new year's. I'm leaning towards going to Philly though.

I'm doing the diet thing once again, but I feel better about it this time than I did before. I think I understand the psycology behind it a little more. Lose 60 pounds by may? I think I can do that-or I should say I have to, there's a lot on the line this time around.

Thursday December 7, 2000

In a little less than 8 hours I will be leaving here to go to Florence Alabama to see our football team play for the NCAA division II national championship. I'm not enamored with the idea of being on a bus for 18 hours, but I'm the fool that committed to it, so I guess I'm stuck. But then again, it could be a lot of fun, so I should just lighten up a little. Well, this semester is almost done, not the greatest semester, but it's a learning experience of a different kind-a lesson on how not to let my worst feelings cloud the larger picture and detract from what I want to achieve. The ol' GPA might take a beating this semester though. Well, miss me while I'm in good ol' Alabama, BTW the game is on EPSN Saturday @ 2. Maybe they'll show a little of the marching band or perhaps you'll hear my big ass mouth, or hear me playing "Put it in Your Mouth"(lol). I'll write again with my thoughts on the trip.

Black Santa, or "Kunta Klaus" as Matt likes to call him, was in the house at the Carols by Candlelight concert last Friday and Saturday, of course Kunta Klaus was none other than yours truly. It was fun though, even if it was a struggle to get that damn shirt buttoned!

Tuesday November 21, 2000

Not a lot has happened in the last 20 days, 2 concerts, the first, the Orchestra fall concert was cool but I though some of it could have been better. Loni Gamble , who was the guest artist along with the band, Sound Cheque and Sugar & Spice, autographed my program. And the Jazz Ensemble fall concert, which went better than I thought it would. Overall it was cool but I thought I was able to get out the ideas I wanted to get out on my solos pretty well, though I thought that some parts that could have used a little extra work (Peel Me a Grape).

Although I really haven't mentioned it before, I'm slowly but surely winning this fight against this damn depression I have, It fucked me up pretty bad, seeing as I lost a lot of motivation do things that I wanted and enjoyed doing. and/or needed to do. I think that kind of snuck up on me, I didn't see it coming at all but as the saying goes, in hindsight everything is 20/20.
Never thought I'd be out drinking on a Monday night. (it's 3:46 AM-Tues. Morning to be technical) It was fun until damn tri-sig ran out of beer. Not to worry, D got his buzz on though.
And lastly...even though at some point, I told myself not to really get deep into this...Why is it that I can't find anyone? God knows I try like hell to not let it bother me, but it keeps creepin up on me. I even read this somewhere today, and it kinda helped me not to sweat it so much:
"Sometimes you can be goodlooking, smart, talented, have a great personality, and even be financially stable yet you'll still passed up. To all those who think they are uninvolved because they are missing something (looks, smarts, blingbling, or whateva) ... it's actually just luck. You could have it all or nothing at all and your chances are still the same. When it comes to love, trust me, it's a luck game.
But remember this one thing ... Its all a matter of perception. Let's let that marinate, lol".
Then later on, I end up trippin on it again-in other words, to have it to turn around and kick me in the ass again tonight. Repeatedly, I've asked myself, "What the fuck is wrong with me?", to which I have no fucking answer.
Like Ice Cube said, Daaaamn, what can I do...

Tuesday November 1, 2000

I know I've bitched about it to some of my friends...this being alone thing. I've tried not to let it bother me, but it keeps creepin up, it's fucked up. I know I've given people advice about being patient, and hell I've been trying to re-convince myself that "being patient" goes for me too.
That problem aside, homecoming weekend was a lot of fun. I overslept, so I missed Kegs and Eggs for yet another homecoming, but the "Millions and Millions of Big D's fans were chanting his name at the parade and at the game. Didn't think I would learn it in time but I learned Nelly's Ride Wit Me, and I'm pretty sure that it is the first time that song has been played in a marching band setting, unless one of the Black College bands got to it first. I went out as Chef on Friday, chilled at the bar on Saturday, with Dom, Darrell, and Nsilo, and Malcolm, who I haven't seen forever but is doing well at Einstein. Last night for Halloween I couldn't be Chef since Daymon needed his wig for his costume (what the hell he was supposed to be? I dunno, a Black Panther I guess...) so I got a lil creative, looked at the new Hawaiian shirt I bought, grass skirt, some sunglasses that look like this guy's and a WWF Championship belt, as well as a generous amount to gel to keep my hair back, to become who you ask? The man who was 1/2 of the Headshrinkers, he was the former Sultan, he is the Great One's cousin, the man who hit Stone Cold Steve Austin, it's true, I was RIKISHI. It was sweet, I even did a lil bit of the dance hahaha...If only I had gotten pictures of that.

Monday October 23, 2000

This pledging shit was getting on my nerves to the point where I was ready to just say "fuck it", but I have a renewed sense of purpose, and there's only 2 weeks left to it'll be cool. Thanks res life, namely DY and GK for the fucked up situation you guys put me in, I really appreciate it. Homecoming is this week, and the great one hasn't partied hard in a while, so it will be on this weekend, I'll be Chef (from South Park), yeeeah. Lately, even though I have most of my friends around me, I still feel this weird isolation from everyone. Weird...

Sunday October 8, 2000

The recital went well. It was good to have the family there as well. There were like 2 or 3 miscues, the one part of Prelude in the tuba suite, and in the Bouree, as well as a spot in Morceau Symphonique. Other than that I thought that it went really well. I thought I did particularly well at being expressive, something that I felt I was somewhat inconsistent at. It was fun, and everything was cool after I got myself to calm down, since I was a tad nervous. I'll have more to say after I've heard the recording.

Monday October 2, 2000

Last week's WWF RAW is WAR was hype as hell, the pyros are hella loud, and covering your ears helps marginally. Last week was a lot of fun, especially my birthday. Thanks to everyone that showed me much love on my 23rd! (and there were a lot of you!!) Pete came up, we got trashed Thursday...him more than me, had me walking through some damn woods and came out the motherfucker five feet from where we went in. I tried to watch "New Jack City", but I fell asleep. Friday we went to Selinsgrove, to Susquehanna U., got a lil party on there, it was a hype party, I was impressed. Saturday got a lil party on back here at good ol' Bloomsburg. I'm mad behind in my bios for APO, so I'll be playing catch-up this week there. I finally started my new workout program, I waited because I'd figure it would be counterproductive to party like hell all last week, and still try to make my lifting days and take the supplements. While on the subject of supplements, I've been wired all fucking day thanks to Xenadrine, I'm taking it 3 times a day, every other day, and I'm about to go take my last 2 of the day now, before Dinner, Orchestra rehearsal, and the APO meeting, so I'll be taping RAW tonight. The recital is in 6 days, and I've got a little anxiety but I'm not worried too much, I'm looking forward to it. I got to practice at the church last Thursday, I love how it sounds!! [This herb behind me is yelling for no damn reason and I'm about to get up and slap the shit out of him ] I have two more rehearsals, then it's here...time to get a lil grub before "O".

Tuesday September 26, 2000

1 DAY!!!

I WENT TO RAW BABY!!! Missed orchestra and a meeting last night, but tough titty...gotta finish watching the tape to see if any of us got on. I'll have a full report soon!

Thursday September 21, 2000

6 DAYS!!!

A few weeks into the semester now, I'm starting to feel a little lazy now. I finally got this namezero redirection shit to work so now you can visit The Total Experience at www.darnellscott.com. It's pretty cool except that toolbar or whatever the hell that is at the bottom. Not a lot that's new going on these days, other still trying to fit everything into my schedule. Flag football starts today, I have a pretty good team, I think I need another lineman though, we'll see today. The recital stuff is going fairly well, some high range stuff I need to work on in the "Prelude" and "Saraband" of the Tuba Suite. Oh-and I almost forgot to mention...Big D has finally decided to pledge. I will be pledging Alpha Phi Omega, the inductions are tonight. Pray, cross your fingers, or whatever else you can do to hope I can snag last minute tickes to WWF RAW is WAR at Penn State next Monday (9/25). It's right after Unforgiven, and the very first one on TNN, so it should be a huge show. It will be my birthday present to myself.

Tuesday September 12, 2000

I'm tired as hell right now, but I figure I should type this before I forget. Played through the Tuba Suite today with my accompianist, the damn Prelude kicked my ass with all that high shit, but in my defense I had spent 2 hours practicing that and then the Trombone pieces that I'm doing for the recital so I guess that kinda wore me out. In other musice news, I'm in the orchestra now, playing bass trombone (pause for the idiot geekin at the great one's hair-back) I didn't plan on doing it but what the hell I'll give it a try as long as I don't miss too much good stuff on RAW is WAR (for those who didn't know my that was my major sticking point for not doing orchestra before). The braids are back, they don't hurt as bad this time-actually they don't hurt at all. I think I'll leave 'em in for two weeks this time. < a moment for the song in my head : I came in here wit my dick in my hand...Don't make me leave wit mah foot in yo ass be cool... -Mystikal-Shake Yo Ass-> Aiight time to bounce, gotta do RA shit and call home and tell Re Re happy birthday (for those of you who didn't know, Re Re is my sister.) 15 days til someone else's birthday...

Monday August 28, 2000

A whole 15 days since I last wrote. It's been hella busy between moving last week, RA training and band (when I went), and meetings all the damn time as well as the running around I have become accustomed to doing at the beginning of the semester. Rick and Jenn's wedding was on Saturday, (Congratulations to them!). It was definitely good to get to spend time with the crew at home, I miss them. Also got to hang out with Moms, that was cool too. Got some new gear which is always cool hahaha. I'm looking forward to the semester starting though as I have a lot going on. I might bitch about being hella busy at times, but I'll say this now, I wouldn't have it any other way. During my absence, I had a conversation that I didn't necessarily expect to have in a certain (read: drunken) condition, but somehow I was able to force myself to do it, and it put me at ease with a lot of things, so to that person if you're reading this sometime...you know who you are and I can't thank you enough. I owe you one! And another note, I'm ready to commit to working out again, and I am vowing to do whatever I need to do to keep that commitment. Any words of encouragement-or bitching if necessary are welcome!!

Sunday August 13, 2000

Damn the summer goes too fast. Rick and Jenn's wedding, and classes startin about 2 weeks, Band and RA Training are next week. I'm actually looking forward to being hella busy again. Motherfuckers want to try to lure people into fights and shit at the bar, that's why I don't like to fuck with the bars like that 'cause I swear some of these fuckin 30+ year olds act like they're fuckin 15. Dude wasn't stupid though he only profiled when the cops were around, if they weren't and he was on that shit, he would have caught it.

Sunday August 6, 2000

There's just something about slow jams and Sunday mornings that fit so well together. Listening to a bunch of them on the way back from Allentown this morning gave me that thought. It was fun going to see Jenn this weekend, with Myesha and Dom. Friday we went out to some club there, it was ok, nothing to jump for joy over though. I did something I thought I'd never do this weekend. I talked to a psychic. Everyone else did it, so I said the hell with it I'll try it too. (I hear it now-if they jump off the bridge is your ass going too? hahaha) She told me that I would live a long life and have four kids and that my last relationship involved a lot of hurt, I told that it has been a while since I had been in one and she said it was because I wasn't ready, and even now I'm not ready. Surprisingly most of what she said made sense, but 2 things happened that kinda freaked me out: one, she said "I see a lot of papers around you", and if you know me, you know that is hella true, but two, when she was telling me about the love/relationship thing, Patti LaBelle's If Only You Knew came on. Now, I haven't told many people about the significance of that song, and at least at this point I'm not going to get into that, but if you know, you know. I'll suffice it to say that part of me thinks it was coincidence, and another part of me thinks there was a reason, maybe we'll see. Well, it's time to get back to cleaning so I'll end here.

Sunday July 30, 2000

Up In Smoke was off the fuckin heezy last night! I missed Ram Squad and Warren G (I was stuck in the damn line!), but caught comedian Alex Thomas, who performed between the set changes, was funny as shit the whole night! Let's do the run down (not necessarily in order): Ice Cube came out with WC, did Hello (from War & Peace 2...shoulda had Dre and Ren too), Bow Down(Damn where was one-0?), Natural Born Killas (which I wish he did w/Dre), Ms. Toi came out and they did You Can Do It, they did the old shit too...Fuck You Ice Cube, Check Yo Self, and It Was a Good Day. MC Ren came out too but I forget when. I feel my voice starting to crack a little after Cube's set, but I'm hyped for the rest of the show. Eminem comes out, starts with Kill You, does some other stuff of the new CD that I don't know just yet, he gets to Real Slim Shady, mothafuckas are losing their minds. He did My Name Is as well...hype and I forgot the cameo appearance by the Insane Clown Pussies. Alex Thomas comes out again, then it's time for Dre and Snoop, they start with opening video of a liquor store, Snoop, Dre and AJ Johnson (Izel from Friday), some heads come up in there try to rob them...shit is just like an action movie and ends up with Dre and Snoop blastin all those heads. They came out to Next Episode and every ill song you would have hoped for them to do, they did, plus a l'il tribute to Eazy, Big Pun, B.I.G., Roger Troutman, and 2Pac. With the first 4 they would play a clip of one of their songs, and the crowd would sing with the clip, in 2Pac's case, Dre did his verse from California Love, then in the middle they switched to 2 of Amerika's Most Wanted, played 2Pac's verse then Snoop kicked his. A small Chronic break brings out Xzibit, who does a song or 2 before tha Doggfather returns with a fat joint to do Bitch Please. Nate Dogg comes out for Ain't No Fun, but then whoo, hey now ya know...Warren G comes out for his verse...ill shit. Motherfuckers even did Xxplosive and What's The Difference. They ended with Let Me Ride. My voice is gone, I just got it back a few hours ago. (note-I wrote some of this earlier when my voice was still gone) I left Montage wore out from all the fist pumpin and throwin up dubs and dancin, but I was ready to party some more, which didn't happen, but what the hell, I was indeed UP IN SMOKE!!!, and it was without a doubt the Illest concert I have ever been to! Now I think I'm finished busting yet another nut over this concert. In other news, well there is no other news.

Saturday July 22, 2000

*****In memory of Aaron Lorick-RIP*****
Last night I thought it was going to be another Friday night where I went out, enjoyed myself, and chilled, show off my newly braided hair (shit looks hot!). Out of all the spots we hit last night, it wasn't really crackin' anywhere. But I got a l'il smoke on, and came back and heard some shit that completely caught me off guard. One of the campus police officers told us that Aaron had passed away. It didn't register with me right away, but talking about it with a few heads today made it sink in. I didn't know him well personally, but we were cool. I knew him since my freshman year, and he was always lookin out for us young bucks. I never got to say so, but good lookin out Aaron!

Wednesday July 19, 2000

Well, it's 5:22 in da mornin', I'm still up. I'm somewhat enjoying my mini-vacation since classes are done. I'm starting to feel a little slovenly since I haven't physically gotten up until noon or later 4 out of the last 6 days. I guess you thought I would start off ranting and raving about the concert, but no the bastards postponed it because of the real bad thunderstorm that never came. It's now on the 29th, which was originally intended for me to go home (the "current" one and my real one), but one way or another that will happen too.

Friday July 14, 2000

I leave in about an hour or so to go to the much hyped up party and 48 hours away from UP IN SMOKE!! I still gotta get my stuff ready, and if you know me, you know I take all day so I guess I'll stop here, and holla back after the concert!

Saturday July 8, 2000

Not a whole lot is new this week. It wasn't all that great though. I'm in an air-conditioned room, and I'm still hot as all hell...alcohol does that to me. That party was pretty decent even though they fucked up on the music a little. I still got my groove on (as always lol), but no fuck on (as always). One week from Up In Smoke baby!!! I'm looking forward to the concert, but not the whole weekend, something in me says that this party is being hyped up way too much and I'm in for a disappointment, I'm hoping not though. I finally saw Next Friday with Rachel the other night. It was mad funny, not as good as the original, but close. Might go see Scary Movie tonight, I heard that was mad funny too.

Wednesday June 28, 2000

I knew what I wanted to say, then forgot...but anyway, what's on my mind now, The hustle continues...$160 for a fairly easy move job over two days. I couldn't make up my mind what the hell I wanted to do tonight, somehow I managed to get a $22 fine at West Coast...I have no fucking idea, only one movie was late and that was by 2 days (I think), but anyway, there went my aspirations of watching "Next Friday" for now. I need to get my focus back when I'm practicing, I don't know what's up with me lately but I haven't been able to concentrate and get as much done as I need to. I don't know maybe it's a phase or something and I'll snap out of it. If I didn't say so somewhere else, October 8th is my Junior recital, which I'm splitting with Carl Shinko, should be a pretty good program. I don't know what Carl is doing yet, I'm doing, for Trombone: "Esquisse" movements 1 & 2 by Julien Porret, "Morceau Symphonique (Opus 88)" by Alexandre Guilmant (the piece I performed in the spring, my first ever recital), and another piece or two that have not been determined yet, Possibly Ostransky's "Concertino", 1st and 3rd Movements, and/or a contest piece by Alary (not sure of the title). As for the Tuba part of the program, it will be Gordon Jacobs' "Tuba Suite", probably movements 1 thru 7, don't know about 8 yet. I am itching so bad to do a jazz piece, I'll have to talk to Dr. Clickard (or Click-Dogg as we like to call him) about it and see what he says. I was thinking about doing Eric Ewazen's "Sonata for Trombone and Piano", but I think I'm going to save that and 1 or 2 other pieces of his for the big senior recital. Eric Ewazen was our guest conductor for the Concert Band this year, we performed "Celtic Hymns and Dances", a bangin piece, but the phat part of it was when my 20th century music theory class got to spend 2 hours talking to him. Admittedly, there are not many people that I am in absolute in awe of, but he's one of them. He had a genuine interest in what we were doing and aspiring to do which was really cool. Switching gears, classes are almost done, which means I'll be looking for a 2nd job soon.

Wednesday June 21, 2000

Well, I guess I did learn a lil somwthin about hustlin when I was younger, made $40, which goes into what I call Big D's entertainment fund...OK I was a little hard on the people above me in res life, they are not quite as blind, evil, stupid, deluded, or whatever else I may have uttered to myself these past few weeks when we were working the schedule from hell. I get to go out tomorrow and release a little steam, I'm looking forward to it, as is everyone and their mom it seems. I'm thinking about going to see Shaft this weekend. I'm glad they kept the original theme for it, I wonder if Issac wrote the score for this one too. Taking late night walks is making me lazy so I'll have to chill for a little. Damn...I can't think of anything else of great importance to say (that's not to say that any of this is of great importance) oh-I did have something else...I don't remember where or when I heard today about someone bitching about a relationship they were in...I thought to myself,"hell I'd like to even be in a relationship in the first place, let alone bitch about it". I guess this being alone thing has fucked with me a little more than I was willing to admit to myself initially, but in any case, as Dom says, I'll be patient.

Sunday June 18, 2000

Well, my l'il something I needed to resolve was done so very quietly and unfortunately, painfully as well. I felt like shit for two days but I'm in better spirits now. Looking back, I have to admit though, that entertaining the issue for over a year, the last 4 months very seriously, was kinda fun in some twisted sort of way. I ended up not having to be on call for 6 days, just 4 plus tonight's "reserve", in effect, 5...yay.[Note to self...you only gotta hang til July 7th!]. For some reason I'm actually looking forward to this coming week, mainly beacause of next weekend since I'll have loot, but I have this odd sense of optimism about me right now, that in light of the fact that the last few weeks haven't been necessarily the best of times,(damn this sounds corny I know)that there's better days ahead, or at least the potential is there...or maybe it's fact that I plan on dyeing my hair this week, and I might get it braided too-well maybe not, I'll let it curl back up since everyone likes to play with it when it's like that...(the things people do for attention I guess...well at least I didn't go into the Ford dealer doing karate in my draws)[another note to self:D that was wrong, just plain fucking wrong...but it is kinda funny if you know what I'm talking about]

Saturday June 10, 2000

Not too much going on later...there's a lil somethin' I need to resolve, I've waitied way too long to do so. I made sure I had an easy ass schedule this summer so I don't have any complaints about my that. Pete was up here Monday, Steve, Jack, and Eric are up here this weekend, so that's cool. Last night was rather bizzare...some dude that works the (wack) bar told Eric & I, "I think you guys got some shit on ya, we'll have to check you out", I'm not sure if he was playing or not, but when he heard me say something to the effect of "We ain't got no shit" in a not-so-pleasant tone, he chilled out. Some townie looked like he wanted to start some shit too...I said something to Eric, and this dude is like what? what you say", I ignored his punk ass and thankfully he went away. If the tone of this sounds kind of hostile, it is because last night I was somewhat agitated...I didn't enjoy myself as much as I hoped, but shit happens. Well, time to go figure out what I'm gonna do tonight since it is the last I'll enjoy for a spell...I get to be on fuckin call 6 out of the next 7 days...yay! Oh-to end on a good note...I'm going to see Em, Dre, Snoop, Ren, & Cube at the up in smoke concert in July...front row. As Cube would say,yeeeah!!

Thursday May 25, 2000

Well, here it is, 2:19 in the mornin, nothing else better to do...my last night in Lancaster before I return to Bloomsburg for yet another summer. Tonight pretty much sucked, as almost the whole week I've spent at my "home", Lancaster. I actually can't wait to go back, because every time I come here, I dislike it more than I did the last time. 111 will probably never feel like home...I feel more like a guest, and more and more so every time I come "home". Went to Mc Fly's as a result of Ommie's prodding...shitty just like I expected, though they did have some pretty good Karaoke stuff, I did "Baby Got Back" to a pretty big applause...went and did "Dre Day" later on with Shawn...he said he knew Snoop's part, he didn't, but I managed to do make up for it somehow (mental note-do not do Dre Day with anyone named Shawn...Another Shawn, Rosler fucked it up too back in the day). I did partake in the beer and the all you can eat wings, which was cool, beacause I wasn't really in the mood to get tore up tonight.