....and then on the 43rd day there was a great division among the race of man upon that great earth.........the men headed west, the women east along that rough, precipitous road that had become life in that time........and the men, with their power tools, heavy machinery, big trucks, and beer, did build a great city upon the coast of the sea in the west, and it was truly a most expansive, sprawling metropolis, replete with bars, sports venues, and other such male frugalities..........and the women, with their sewing kits, pots and pans, and wine coolers, did settle a most intriguing plantation within the flowery fields of the east, and there they did quilt the quilts and raise the children with a uniquely feminine flair that had been heretofor unseen........and thus two great societies were created, one with all the granduer and debauchery of male progressive creationary politics; the other guided by the motherly instincts and back-biting bitchery of the great circle of women.........and thrive these societies did, creating economies and systems of defense, agriculture and so on like no other that had ever existed in that place.........and much good came of them...........and then one day they realized that all were becoming old and that their race would be soon extinct unless something drastic was done..........and so the two societies, man and woman, did meet for the first time in some thirty years to discuss some form of treaty so as to further there seperate, yet inseperable, societies..........and so it was decided that man would join in union with woman so as to create children for the betterment and furtherment of each individual society.........and thus man and woman did realize upon being reunited that they did in fact on occasion enjoy one another's company, especially within the arena of certain physical activities that had lain dormant for some thirty years.......and it was decided by the joint council of societies that some sort of treaty could be reached whereby the two would interact and live together as one in a great city to be built on the center plain........however, the cities on the coasts would be held intact so as to facilitate vacations and things along the lines of male bonding and that special time that women do have on a fairly regular basis.........and that is the story of man and woman.......... all have i foreseen....... all shall come to pass.......... -- MarkusJerome

May 2, 2001

From the book of Jerome, chapter 17, verses 1-214

and then on the 38th day there was a great cleansing of the earth by water.........and all that was impure was washed away into the great unknown, to be cleansed and purified and redeemed in the watery baptism of fire....... and many perished, for they could not swim against the undercurrent of justice that flowed swiftly like the sea horse......and lo, the righteous, who were not swept away by the waters of purification, looked and saw upon the mountain a great beast, one of many eyes, tentacles, and other unexplainable yet easily recognizable parts...... and the beast, upon saying "i'm the beast...ooh, look at me", did take flight and in his flight met with a DC-10 and there was a great battle within the arena of the sky........for the DC-10 had been retrofitted by Columbian drug runners and arms smugglers with a great many rocket launchers, machine gun turrets, and other such weapons of destruction so as to be a most awesome fighting force, unseen by the likes of this race of man........(keep in mind that the DC-10 was not destroyed by the great rushing waters because it stays in the air at all times so as to be prepared in the event of interstellar war).......and the DC-10 (code named "Fatty McGhee") did destroy the beast with extreme prejudice and in so doing did wow the people with its great display of aerial supremacy, causing many to rejoice.........and thus the waters did recede with great expediency so as to dry the land upon which the people would create a new society, one unfettered by the wanton desires of those who had been destroyed by the flood of justice.........'twould be a society without bitchiness, without sloth, without whores and cum-guzzling gutter sluts......a world that was pure and abiding, where men reached the true measure of their respective divine arts..........all this have i foreseen........all shall come to pass......know this, and prepare thyself, for the day draws near my friend --MarkusJerome

May 1, 2001

What porno's would have us believe...
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.(and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. -- Thrace

April 13, 2001

TOP TEN THINGS TO DO WHILE IN SUPER-K
10. Drop the Cosby kids off at the pool.
9. Go through and play in the toys section, making sure to push every "Try Me" button.
8. Waste money in their dinky room they call the game room.
7. Watch 15 minutes of "Lost in Space" while it's muted.
6. Sit and sing in porch swing in lawn and gardening dept.
5. Go through office supplies and say out loud, "Got that, got that, ooh need that".
4. Watch 30 minutes of "The Empire Strikes Back" muted of course.
3. Drop the Cosby kids off at the pool again.
2. Go through shoe dept. and make fun of all the shoes.
And the number one thing to do while in Super-K
1. After you've been there so long, start asking people if they need help finding anything.
-Fecalor

March 23, 2001

What is up with paper clip guy in Word; I mean who are the ad wizards who came up with this one...
What is a horseshoe?Do horses wear socks????
Fuck the French?
Have you ever wanted to stab someone with a candy bar??I have.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop??
I used to have a dog?
USC is in the Elite Eight in the East Regional, they traveled from coast to coast to coast in three days?NCAA Basketball, it's fantastic?
Hey! Guess what!??? That's what!
Listen to Sport Scope Monday through Fridays from 5 to 6 p.m. on 89.7 WISU FM, Real?.Good Radio. --Cooter

I am sorry and I retract my random thought ealier in the month of February. Indiana State Basketball is great! I am very proud of our statesman, and I'm proud to be an American....sorry, wrong song. I meant to say I'm proud to be a statesman tried and true. GO BIG BLUE...FIGHT BIG BLUE...GO STATE WIN! Oh and by the way I think Markus Jerome is a diseased ridden 21 year old filth bag. -Fecalor of the Midwest-Son of Sir Poop-a-Lot

March 20, 2001

Is it bad when you go to Kmart and all you and your roommate come home with is a 24-case of Bud Light, a six-pack of Killian's, and one and a half pounds of ground beef? --MarkusJerome

March 19, 2001

February 25, 2001

Glad Cling Wrap = Window in a Box
Indiana State University of Music....
Women: Can't live with 'em, and they can't pee standin' up...
I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this three-legged dog, so I kicked it and peed on it. Then I got on a bus...it was cool. (stolen from Z)
Would it kill ya to play a little Foghat?
The world is your toilet...flush often.(from molecule)
SHNARF!
"Don't give advice to others, you're probably more screwed up than they are....Now go take on the day, you poor bastard!"(from Snipe Hunter)
"When given the choice between sex and beer....always choose beer because there's ALMOST no way you'll end up paying child support to the beer."(Snipe Hunter)
Note to self: They're all gonna laugh at you! They're all gonna laugh at you!
--Markus Jerome

February 9, 2001

A chicken is just a donkey with two legs, feathers, and a beak...it's also a lot smaller than a donkey, and doesn't really look like one at all.
Papa John's spelled backwards: S'nohj Apap. Remember that...it could be a pop quiz in your Accounting 355 class someday.
You can never have too many cups/glasses/liquid containers in your workspace...I, for example, have four in front of me right now, all empty.
My room is a mess + I'm real lazy = no showing in Better Homes and Gardens this year.
Man, the Pacers suck this year. Seriously.
Note to self: Don't get diabetes...if you do, you'll become cynical, sarcastic, and unattractive to women by the time you're 20.
Amendment to note to self: You got it, and you are.
Anybody who'll buy me a triple cheeseburger after symphonic band is one hell of a guy, and a true friend of mine...I'd take a bullet in the ass for ya anytime.
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks...but they sure am tasty.
-- Markus Jerome

February 8, 2001

What happened to the ISU Sycamores we used to know and love. For those who don't know, I'm referring to that pitiful game they played on Feb. 7 against N. Iowa. I mean come on, we beat IU, Butler and a few other decent teams, but for some unknown reason we lose to the worst teams out there. IUPUI, Northern Iowa and some foreign Puerto Rican team. We were doing so well in the first half of the season, what happened to us? To quote my good friend Markus Jerome, "This is terrible!".-- Fecalor

February 5, 2001

(Taken from a book of prophecy recently discovered in my closet)...and it came to pass that on the 43rd day there was a great trembling of the earth and few were spared, save for the diseased, the bald, and the fat.........many parished, yet many also remained to form a new society, unfettered by the wanton desires of the thin, the attractive, and the healthy...do I get chicks, ask the weary... my friend, in that brave new world, all will get chicks...hell yeah, respond the weary... all have i foreseen, and all shall come to pass...wait for the sign, and all prisoners will be released... most truly will this fortuitous day come to pass, when men like you and me will rule the earth with an iron fist, taking all the desirable bitches and hoes for ourselves and using them, instead of them using us...gone will be the days of the pretty girl getting her way...this has been The Future with markus jerome

There are those who like this bold prediction of the future...are you one of them? -- Markus Jerome

February 1, 2001

You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just to good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you. Pardon the way that I stare, There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak, There are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel, Please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you. I love you baby, and if it's quite alright I need you baby, through all the lonely nights. I love you baby, trust in me when I say. Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray, oh pretty baby, now that I've found you, stay, and let me love you, baby, let me love you. You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just to good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you. --Markus Jerome

January 30, 2001

Instead of the usual roses or candy for V-Day, get your love something that really shows you care. Like a box of condoms or an empty beer bottle.
You haven't lived till you've stapled a cat to a telephone pole. You know you want to do it, so go on, get your neighbor's cat and your trusty Stanley? brand stapling gun and have at it. (I recommend using #10 chisel point.) --Norm Abrams
Some call it drunken stupidity; I prefer to call it inebriated enlightenment?
Why the hell they named electrical circuits after a band I'll never know, but I'm sure they could sue for a crap load of money...
Who needs food when you've got Mountain Dew...
According to Newton's 2ed law of motion and Einstien's theory of relativity, it's about time you got your ass in gear!
Note to self: BUY MORE MONKEYS!!!
If sex came in a can, women would still own all the can openers...
Note to self: Extra-Strength Tums and beer make the cat really, really puffy
--Snipe Hunter

Thought for January 25, 2001

What's the deal with all the shitty keg taps? Come on, you spend a good portion of your collage financial aid checks on kegs and booze, but no one ever thinks to get a good tap. I for one am fed up with flat beer, broken dreams, and tight women! It must be one of those government conspiracy issues. I can just hear the dialogue now, "Lets give them shitty taps so they don't drink as much, so we can tax them more!" Damn you Yuppie Bureaucrats! I've done some reading and to my apprehension I discovered that Hitler's Nazis actually considered flooding the German countryside with defective beer taps as a way to control the population. This plan was later deemed too inhumane, and later scrapped. One would wonder how our government could do this to us, but with further thought on the matter, what has the government done right? I don't mean to be disloyal to the government that brought us free government cheese and Tang, but come on. If this conspiracy theory were the case, then we would have free flowing taps at every corner, but to the drunkard's dismay, this is not the case. Come on, if they can make a $10,000 hammer and a $100,000 toilet seat, then they can come up with some sort of "kick-ass" keg tap. I can just see it now. "The gold plated, self pumping, Tap-O-Death 5000!" "You know, for kids!" Everyone will want to have it! Don't you want to be the first person on your block to get alcohol poisoning from beer? Messy keg stands will be a thing of the past. Now all you would have to do is hook up your beer IV (supplied with every Tap-O-Death), and watch the staff of life just flow into your veins. Sure it may kill you, but so will sex. What did the wise man once say? "No Pain, No drunk chicks!" But why stop there? Why not just start filling kegs with Ever-Clear and dissolved Prozac? It's every drunkard's dream! You'll be the life of the party: a drunk, drooling, happy person, who can't feel their arms or legs. This, we can only dream about, but back to my point. Broken, shitty taps are destroying us! Drunkards of the world unite and stand together against this hidden form of unbearable oppression! Together we can make the world, not just a better place, but also one that looks better through the brilliant gaze of beer-goggles! A world where every woman is hot, every next drink is not one past my limit, and every last golden drop of God's glory is as good as the first! "Drink and be merry, or at least drink till you don't remember life's sorrow!" --Snipe Hunter