Sunday October 23, 1994, Sacramento Bee, Sunday Plus A5

 

·       'And I know a woman who is breathtakingly beautiful, but hides her smile behind her hands because she believes that her teeth are ugly. Her father told her they were when she was 13 and exquisitely sensitive about her appearance - and her father and she believed him absolutely. ,

 

­Childllood insults still haunt adults

­Working Woman

By Niki Scott

 

I know a woman who turned down an important promo­tion because (she said) she liked the job she already had, and she really didn't want more responsibility, and she wanted to spend more time with her family anyway.

 

But the real reason she turned down the promotion is that she has believed since she was a child that she is disorganized and has no head for figures.

 

She's been quite successful despite this terrible handicap, of course, but that's because she's 'Just lucky," or so she says.

 

And my first editor turned down offers at The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal to work on a weekly newspaper in Park Forest, Ill., because she believed that she couldn't handle the pressure of tight deadlines.

 

But when a small plane crashed into her granddaugh­ter's elementary school, four blocks from the newspaper and four hours before the presses were due to roll, she was as cool, calm am I professional as any editor - or boss - could be.

 

She died at the age of  80, still convinced that she didn't func­tion well under pressure, still "buying" what her father and three brothers had told her when she was young.

 

And I know a woman who is breathtakingly beautiful, but hides her smile behind her hands because she believes that her teeth are ugly. .Her father told her they were when she was la and exquisitely sensitive about her appearance - and her father - and she believed him absolutely.

 

Thirty years later, all of the compliments she receives about her appearance mean nothing because ALL of the information she receives about herself is fil­tered through this "truth" about herself that she learned as a child ... that her smile is ugly... that she is ugly.

 

Most of us still carry a few "awful secrets" about ourselves that we learned as children. We believe we're too skinny or too fat, too tall or too short, too smart or too stupid, too serious or too frivolous, too assertive or too helpless, too something.

 

We may never look at our­selves as we really are, but see ourselves only through the eyes of the critical adults we knew when we were children.

 

They may be long gone from our lives, or no longer powerful, these adults from our child­

hoods, but their messages still play in the back.s of our heads.

 

"I'm stupid." "I'm ugly." "I'm slow." "I'm lazy." "I'm messy."

"I'm in the way." "I'm not impor­tant." "I don't deserve to be rewarded." "I don't deserve suc­"cess." "I don't deserve to be

loved." "I don't deserve to be happy."

What's sad but true is that these early messages –even those that never were true ­can sometimes be so powerful

that all the credentials, promotions, successes and compliments in the world can't erase them .from our minds and our hearts. !

What does help is to face them squarely - often with the help 'of qualified counselors - then

throw them away, once and for all. They simply aren't true  - and never were

 

What also helps is to look into 'the eyes of the people who love and respect us and listen ­ really listen - to the good

things they say about us. Because the truth is, there never _ was anything wrong with us when we were little; every child is unique and special, acceptable and lovable just the way he or she is.

 

And when we finally stop believing the old lies' about ourselves that we were told as chil­dren, we'll no longer turn success away, or hide our smiles, or' accept abuse, or settle for second best.

We’ll learn instead to love and: cherish and believe in ourselves as others should have loved and cherished and believed in us when we were children.

 

1994 Niki Scott, distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

 

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