2B
W.E.A.V.E.
HANDOUT
Self-Esteem
When
we do not have and Value ourselves, we participate in codependent, addictive, and,
compulsive habits in order to feel good to give ourselves a sense of self-esteem. Without the
knowledge, high regard, and acceptance of ourselves that are the foundation
of true self-esteem, we do not know how to care for ourselves properly
nor create what we want and need in our lives. When things are not going
the way we want, when
we're
on the downward spiral, or when we're criticized, do we become our own best
friend? Are we gentle to ourselves?
Self-esteem means loving one's
self unconditionally.
It is an inner knowing that we have inherent value, apart from what we
do, what we
have, and what we produce. We are not human
doings; we are human beings.
When we have low self-esteem, we often
value ourselves only under certain conditions. To compensate for our lack of self worth, we often fill the
void with
codependent behavior, such as an addiction to work,
food, alcohol,
drugs, or people. (Codependency is
a symptom of
low self-esteem). What we are saying to ourselves is,
"since I;
don't have any innate value, I'll act and look a certain way if you (partner,
career, alcohol) make me feel good about myself".
EXERCISE:
Make a list of the
areas in which you experience low self-esteem, including relationships, career,
family life, finances, spiritual life, intellect, health, appearance,
emotions, etc.
Make two columns. On
the right side,
make a list of the things you most
want other people to know
about you. On the left side list the things you least want others to know about
you. What do you notice about how other's opinions affect your self-esteem? Is
it internal or external?
Thoughts Create Our
Reality
When
we believe something, we act as if it is true, whether it is or not. For
example, if an anorexic tells herself she is fat, she only sees a fat person
in the mirror.
Or, if we incorrectly think we're being rejected, we will
react with the same negative"
feelings that
occur if we were actually being rejected. It is negative mindtalk
toward ourselves we must examine and change if we are
to convert low self-esteem and codependent behavior into high self-esteem. It
is our own minds
that dare responsible for how we see ourselves and our world.
EXERCISE:
Make three co1umns. On the
left side write about five or ten incidents to which you reacted
with negative feelings. Then, in the middle co1umn, write your interpretation
of those situations, i.e, the mindta1k you had, about
them." In a third column, write some now interpretations for each event
that are based on the belief, that you are unconditionally acceptable and
worthwhile.
Getting in
Touch with our Feelings
Often we will avoid feelings
by filling our time, space or bodies with codependency and other addicted and
compulsive behaviors and substances. If we are experiencing unpleasant feelings
such anger, guilt, jealousy, pain, depression, shame, loneliness, anxiety,
numbness, etc., it is an indicator that we are thinking something negative and
believing it is true. Rather than stuffinq and numbing
these feelings with food, alcohol, drugs, excessive work, etc, we can listen to
these feelings, and thus hear the mindtalk we are
feeding ourselves.
EXERCISE:
To reprogram our mindtalk,
we first become aware of the negative mindtalk that
has not served us; then we replace it with new thoughts that are based on
loving and respecting ourselves:
1) When an event occurs,
fully experience the feelings, both emotionally and physically.
2) Listen closely to the
interpretation of that event, noting specific mindtalk
and beliefs.
3)
Reprogram the mind by correcting each statement in the mindtalk
to reflect an interpretation based on self-esteem.
Ball, C. (1991). Claiminq
Your_SeLf-Esteem. Berkeley, CA.:
Celestial
Arts Publishing.