"The Book of Chances"


Table of Contents New Stuff Past Issues Entry Page Toon Dig Prehistoric Matinee Theatre Who Are We? The Real Story Guest Entry Log Linkage Contact the Fools	The Book of Chances (Note: We suggest reading the "introduction" contained in the first issue in order to understand the context of what is going on here. But if you are an atheist, reading within context may not be a priority - then you might as well just start reading here.) Chapter 13 (Of Bad Luck and Men) Chances 13:1 So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, with his pitiful dancing mate and everything he had acquired, and Lot tagged along for no reason. Chances 13:2 Abram had become very wealthy with stock in silver and gold mining companies. Chances 13:3 From the Negev he wandered aimlessly from place to place until he happened upon Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where he had first pitched his presentation for a new casino Chances 13:4 and where he had first evolved a roulette-wheel. There Abram called out, "Come on double sixes!" Chances 13:5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram for no real reason, also had cards and dice and slot machines. Chances 13:6 But the target audience could not support them while they stayed together, for their need for separate casinos was so great that they were not able to stay together. Chances 13:7 And negotiations arose between Abram's lawyers and the lawyers of Lot. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also gambling moguls in the land at that time. Chances 13:8 So Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any negotiating between you and me, or between your lawyers and mine, for we are business partners. Chances 13:9 Is not the whole target audience before you? Let's split the company. If you go to the west coast, I'll go to the east coast; if you go to the east coast, I'll go to the west coast." Chances 13:10 Lot looked up and happened to see that the whole plain of the Jordan was well populated, like the tropical rainforest of Chance, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar. (This was before, by Chance, a very VERY bad break had come to Sodom and Gomorrah.) Chances 13:11 So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east coast. The two men split their company: Chances 13:12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the city dwellers and pitched his ideas for a casino near Sodom. Chances 13:13 Now the men of Sodom were fiscally conservative and never lived by Chance. Chances 13:14 Chance said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, "Throw the dice from where you are and look north and south, east and west. Chances 13:15 All the land that you see I will maybe chance to you and your gambling empire forever. Chances 13:16 I will make your employees like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could conduct probabilistic models of the dust, then the distribution of your employees could likely be similar to the results of those probabilistic models. Chances 13:17 Go, ride a golf cart through the length and breadth of the land, for I am possibly chancing it to you." Chances 13:18 So Abram moved his gambling paraphernalia and went to exist near the great luxuey hotel of Mamre at Hebron, where he evolved a roulette table by Chance. Chapter 14 has not yet been selected, naturally. Due to a spontaneously and randomly evolving blind pseudo-chain of events, and for no particular reason, you are victim number:

The Book of Chances

(Note: We suggest reading the "introduction" contained in the first issue in order to understand the context of what is going on here. But if you are an atheist, reading within context may not be a priority - then you might as well just start reading here.)

Chapter 13
(Of Bad Luck and Men)

Chances 13:1 So Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, with his pitiful dancing mate and everything he had acquired, and Lot tagged along for no reason.

Chances 13:2 Abram had become very wealthy with stock in silver and gold mining companies.

Chances 13:3 From the Negev he wandered aimlessly from place to place until he happened upon Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where he had first pitched his presentation for a new casino

Chances 13:4 and where he had first evolved a roulette-wheel. There Abram called out, "Come on double sixes!"

Chances 13:5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram for no real reason, also had cards and dice and slot machines.

Chances 13:6 But the target audience could not support them while they stayed together, for their need for separate casinos was so great that they were not able to stay together.

Chances 13:7 And negotiations arose between Abram's lawyers and the lawyers of Lot. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also gambling moguls in the land at that time.

Chances 13:8 So Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any negotiating between you and me, or between your lawyers and mine, for we are business partners.

Chances 13:9 Is not the whole target audience before you? Let's split the company. If you go to the west coast, I'll go to the east coast; if you go to the east coast, I'll go to the west coast."

Chances 13:10 Lot looked up and happened to see that the whole plain of the Jordan was well populated, like the tropical rainforest of Chance, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar. (This was before, by Chance, a very VERY bad break had come to Sodom and Gomorrah.)

Chances 13:11 So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east coast. The two men split their company:

Chances 13:12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the city dwellers and pitched his ideas for a casino near Sodom.

Chances 13:13 Now the men of Sodom were fiscally conservative and never lived by Chance.

Chances 13:14 Chance said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, "Throw the dice from where you are and look north and south, east and west.

Chances 13:15 All the land that you see I will maybe chance to you and your gambling empire forever.

Chances 13:16 I will make your employees like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could conduct probabilistic models of the dust, then the distribution of your employees could likely be similar to the results of those probabilistic models.

Chances 13:17 Go, ride a golf cart through the length and breadth of the land, for I am possibly chancing it to you."

Chances 13:18 So Abram moved his gambling paraphernalia and went to exist near the great luxuey hotel of Mamre at Hebron, where he evolved a roulette table by Chance.

Chapter 14 has not yet been selected, naturally.

Due to a spontaneously and randomly evolving blind pseudo-chain
of events, and for no particular reason, you are victim number:

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