Table of Contents
Frank B. Finite
A "True" Atheist
Prologue: As the Editor in Chief it is my duty to inform you that Frank is lost. Following is the last correspondence we received from him a few weeks ago. It was transmitted via his laptop and cell phone but immediately the connection was lost and he couldn't be tracked down...
Logue: As Frank's brain it is my duty to tell you that I'm lost. Before I tell you about my current surroundings I need to start from the beginning...
More Logue: It all started when I received a call from an old friend of mine that I had lost contact with over the years, Jesse. But apparently he had kept tabs on me all this time - which was a surprise but nice to know.
He reveled to me that he was currently working at the premiere computer chip and circuitry manufacturing facility known as Paradise Labs.
Obviously I was skeptical since I had not seen proof of any of his claims, but to my delight he offered me a place to stay for free if I came to visit. I accepted the invitation and set out a few days later.
Upon crossing the desert from Las Vegas (my permanent residence) I arrived at Paradise Labs right smack dab in the middle of Silicon Valley in California.
My heart was racing. This is where the truest and the purest form of science is practiced all the time without the distraction of religion with its pink flying unicorns, Santa Clauses and pie-in-the-sky dreams of supernatural places.
This is where man has not only embraced evolution, but mastered and accelerated it via the creation of new entities such as artificial intelligence, etc. I was in Heaven - er ... I mean ... Paradise.
Anyway, I arrived mid-morning and, after being found on the guest list in the book, was waved through into the parking lot past the guard house. The receptionist gave me a guest tag and pointed me in the direction of where Jesse was working.
He was wearing a full-length white lab-suit that looked like a silly bleached clown outfit. The whole scene looked like a classic Steven Spielberg thriller. But I must admit that the place was as clean as a whistle.
I noticed Jesse through the large glass windowed-wall of the lab but he didn't see me. So naturally I tried to enter.
This is where things went terribly awry...
Even more logue: The door was locked and I couldn't get in. I tried and tried to open it but to no avail. So I had to press the little door bell thingy to get his attention (which I hated to do because I like doing things myself and my own way).
A wide smile stretched across Jesse's face as he turned and saw me. He leaped up and ran over to the door. But instead of opening it, he pushed a little button thingy to talk to me through the speaker.
I, in turn, had to push another little button thingy to talk back to him. As awkward as this was, we chatted for a couple of minutes making small talk (as human animals naturally do when they are greeting each other).
Then I asked him to let me in.
To my surprise he said he couldn't. Taken back a bit I asked why not. And do you know that he had the audacity to tell me that I was not clean enough!
I promptly informed him that my hygiene was impeccable and that I had showered earlier that morning with anti-bacterial soap before traveling. Obviously I was clean and I knew it.
He said that my efforts were not good enough and that I had to be sterilized before I could enter. Not only that, I was informed that I had to wear one of those white suits.
Well I was going to have none of that! It was absolutely absurd what I was being told - that "I was dirty and that my clean clothes weren't good enough." Simply put, I was offended.
But I was not going to be denied. I demanded to be let in immediately but Jesse refused unless he was allowed to "clean" me. Clean me?! What was I, a baby?!?!?!
Well I figured that's there more than one way to skin a cat, so I walked around looking for another entrance to his lab. I had come all this way on my own (unless you count the directions, map and rental car Jesse provided for me) and I was going to get in one way or another.
But I quickly discovered that there was only one door - one entrance - one way in. And Jesse held the key.
My primal urges kicked in and I let Jesse have it. I screamed and spit at him. I kicked and banged on the door but he still wouldn't let me in.
Before I knew it the Law showed up and I was promptly escorted out of the facility and back into the parking lot.
So I left the parking lot (with the car in it) and decided get my own rental. Upon that transaction I decided to return to Paradise Labs and demand to be let back in.
There were two guards at the gate who stopped me. I confidently informed them that I was on the guest list and should be allowed to enter.
After reviewing it I was told that I was not on it and couldn't go in. They checked again after telling them that they must have missed my name, but repeated that my name was just not there.
So I finally decided to go back...
Yet more logue: So I found myself trucking through the middle of the desert when my car overheated and broke down. Never do business with Worldly Rentals - you'll be disappointed and let down.
Anyway, no one else has been by here to pick me up, but that's okay because I'm sure that I'll make it on my own.
I've traveled many miles on foot, so I'm sure that I'm getting close to relief. It's very hot out here in the desert - no water, no wind, no shade, absolutely no comfort at all.
My lips are parched and my skin is burnt from the glaring heat of the sun bearing down on me. The trendy black clothes I'm wearing just absorb the heat that much more, but if I take them off my skin will blister beyond recognition.
(That white lab suit doesn't seem so bad now after all.)
I try to lay down to rest but the sand is just too hot to be in contact with so I must keep standing (on my own).
Every step I take I walk into my own steamy hot breath exhaled the moment before.
Then there was the snake. I got bit and still have the burning sensation of the poison coursing through me. I also have a fever due to the venom.
But I don't blame the snake because he was only acting naturally. It's all Jesse's fault. If he had just let me in then none of this would have ever happened.
I will never forgive him for this.
I'm miserably hot and tired, but keep walking because I know I'll find relief soon. Wait - my phone is now signalling that a cell is in range - thank goodness!
I'm going to transmit this story to the Institute from my laptop then call for help before the battery dies or the phone and computer melt all together.
See you soon.
Frankly,
Frank B. Finite's Brain
(a chance evolutionary byproduct since the accidental dawning
of time, space, and matter)
Epilogue: We still haven't heard from Frank. He's still lost.