MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
INFORMATION SYSTEM

WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS


ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERED: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as a lie, but known to vary from 100 to 400 pounds.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantaties in all urban areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
  1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
  2. Boils at nothing. Freezes without reason.
  3. Melts if given special treatment.
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
  5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

  1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
  2. Absorbs great quanities of expencive substances.
  3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with male.
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
  5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
  2. Illegal to possess more than one.


Ask any woman and she will confirm this to be all true.
Although you can never truely possess one, for they are free elements!



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