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miserable in this world
everybody uses me
miscellaneous rhymes dis-a-soc-i-a-tive drugs
I need some chemicals to fix the makings of my mind
intensity insanity mentality reality
I always hurt inside
antichrist I live for nothing but I go on
Angry Words This isn't what I want. I want to die. I hate it. It's wrong It's evil. Fuck you! Die! You won't let me have my way. Never like it should be. I deserve more. I suffer for everyone and you all owe me. God, I despise you all. Tormentors. Vile bastards. Im so much better than all of you and you know it. Thats why you hated me. Fuck you all. Deny me pride. Deny me self esteem. Deny me love. Deny me everything. If im not good enough for you then DIE!
Nothing Matters Why am I so cursed. My whole life is a comedy of errors. I fail eternally. Misplaced trust in so called friends, nightmarish school, alchoholic father, crippled mother, Dysfunctional relationships. It all goes wrong. Terribly Terribly wrong. Im a monster, ugly within and without. My personality and lifestyle doom me to always be alone which is sickly fitting because that is the one thing I fear. They say there will be someone for me eventually but I know it's a lie. I am alone. Always alone. Unlovable and undeserving of hapiness. I fuckin get so depressed. It doesnt even have to be about anything it's just there. My depression deepens to the point where I just want to die. But everything and Everyone prevents me from killing myself and ending my suffering. Just let me go. Let me die. Let me rest. I Dont want to be depressed anymore. I dont want this life anymore. Let it end. It's a twisted horrible fate to go on like this. Well if thats how it is going to be then I should make the best of it. I shouldnt give a fuck about anything. Nothing matters. Live my pathetic life to the fullest. Be outgoing be outrageous. Who cares. Say anything do anything I feel like. Act on impulse Live for the moment because none of it even matters. None of it matters at all.
Triumvurite We all knew this day would come but the reality of it's arrival still struck us with stupified amazement. Mikes deportation to that arrid tripical dizney drug state of Floridia was emminent. The time had been set. Saturday 4:30 PM that cold greyhound bus would speed him away to his fate. That left us with precious little time to tie all loose ends gather our resources and set in motion the events that destiny and the knife edge of life had carved into our imaginations. First and foremost the stagnant and always currupt school complex beckoned the sleepy drones called students to come be brainwashed. we three outcasts that know what dirty truths reside in this infectious land of learning, did what we must to survive the day and make it home come late afternoon to start the last big blast. Luck seemed to be smiling her pearly whites on us that friday when I crept with ninja stealth into the den of the vodka tyrant. My words flowed like sweet wine charming the beast to let its guard falter and with haste I grasped my prize, the shiny keys to that rusty 1980's deathtrap i spitefully name the asbestos-mobile. In short order we three ate up miles of pavement in our ghetto cruiser blaring the genocidal anthems of Deicide and the hypnotic lull of Orgy. Arriving at our first stop of many that brisk afternoon I wandered the crumbling ruins of the Portland IGA in search of bread, Doritos and orange colored drink. Meanwhile my accomplice the ever evil fucker-of-chairs made way to the bank to obtain some funds. Some hours later by way of the Stroudsburg mall we sped defiantly down the road in possesion of the tools of our trade, whippets, reds, and vile cinnamon aftershock. The tail end of our round-trip we three listened intently to the words of wisdom layed down by Slim Shady spinning of our shiny new Eminem CD. At this point in our tale the brave Trio returns to the base of operations with the gnoble thought in mind "lets get fucked da fuck up!" Aftershock named well, had all the effects of getting us bombed followed by round after round of fierce combat on my nintendo super. Too drunk to play you say? Pop some reds you drunken dead heads, then huff some nitrous and take some of these meds. What the fuck happened, where am I, who are you? And why is he puke-ified, stupified wretching on my floor?!? Now its coming back to me, we are 3 entities stripping our identities, fucking up our mentalities and running through the night like stoned bee's in a fuckin breeze, oh god please! I'm fallin to my knees, from the pain in my brain, like acid rain I am slain, so insane I can't maintain It's such a drain, but see as I gain some insight to my inner light, my inner might, that I can use to fight my daily fight for right, to bite and tear and swear, at the world that fucked me up so bad, so bad, im so sad, im so depressed im so mad, enraged, im caged, my minds an open book.... turn the page. my body twitches and convulses, my flesh turns clammy, my pupils are dilated, my mind is so inflamed, red hot fever burns my synapses. Theres a fuckin electrical fire in my head. This little trinity is going to infinity. We walk forever on legs that don't exist, breathing air with lungs that are illusion. My caged existence is destroyed, the blindfold is lifted from my eyes and all possibilities are briefly unvieled before me. I am everything, all knowing and all seeing, infinite and at peace. In these moments that seem to last forever we are more than 3 friends we are a single entity that keeps no agendas or secrets from its other parts. Barriers are broken, defenses are gone and for once in our lives we are not hiding what we are inside we can see the truths and we can see the lies for what the are. When you are a god, the mere emotions and mannerisms of mere mortals seem somewhat silly. When you are all knowing it becomes hard to comprehend why anything in that distant other reality ever seemed so complex and confusing. such deep insight and meaning is a precious and beutifull thing. This was to be our last and most epic moment. Anything that would follow would be inconsiquential in comparison. a Trinity for better or for worse, in astral heaven or worldly hell a triumverite forever banded together in friendship and destined to be the prophets of a new era. The first of many.
Kindred lunacy, moon bloody, rend flesh open with gnashing maw grinding meat, spraying blood across pale face and hollow uncaring eyes that see only red. Vision blurred crymson seeking victims to quench a thirst. an apatite for agony. snatching innocence from within its crib. Teeth compress newborn limb. wet juice flows. flesh and muscle gives way, bone shatters, a young life ends suddenly devoured by the emptiness, the nothing. bleed untill oblivion wraps itself around your soul like an ocean of blackness pulling you down into an abysse from which nothing returns. sweet oblivion. A void, a nothingness. a state of bieng. devoid of conciousness. Free from torment. The sun sets and darkness flows across a bleak world. A cold world that rejects us. Corporeal body rots and decomposes in time recycled back into the soil returning into the womb of nature. Twist and swell, flowing pulsing a seething tide running red. A crymson stream coagulating with the stench of death. Ichor and bile and the fetid odor of the piss and shit within the mixture. Every bieng in all of creation eviscerated and splashed into an infinite pulpy red sea. Waves of vitae crashing upon abeach of pureed flesh, shattered bone and leathery muscle tisshue. Washing upon this charnal continent sit the bloated organs of countless beasts/ Beneath the stormy frothing waters in the crushing depths of a lightless cold abysse I scream in frustration.
Hate myself Im a failure, wierd, ugly, a loser. Don't you understand how different I am?! Ugh. Pain inside, burn me, burn me in hell. I am in hell. This is hell. Save me. I've failed. I cannot fix this pain inside. Guilt and shame. Guilt and shame. Im a thief and a liar. liar. liar. PURGE ME! purge the imperfection. I can never be what you want. Im not going to fix this. I deserve to suffer and burn. Watch me burn in my prison. Watch me burn in my hell. Laugh and taunt me. Hate me and bury me alive in this cold grave of a body. I cry havoc and torment. I wail in bitter frustration. I wail at my imperfection. A terrible wail of life lost to fear and darkness. Nothing can repair my broken parts. I am malformed, I am nothing. I can never achieve purity, tainted forever. In my pen I am imprisoned. In this pain that I cannot escape from, that I dare not leave. Safety in torment. Screaming in silence and disgust at the life I always fail to lead. Frustration cold and bitter wracks my brain to mush.
Suicidal I hate this life, Its so repetetive. The same shit always holds me back. Fear and weakness. Worthless and alone. No love for the wicked. I hate myself. Fuck me, Kill me, burn me. Its all bullshit. I can't win. I can't win. I can't. Im so fucking stupid. I can't take it. So weak. Too weak. Tired of living. Suicide is painless. Make the pain stop. I feel no love for myself. I cannot accept what I am. Take these tears away. I don't want to be resentfull anymore. Leave me the fuck alone. Leave me alone and let me die. Nobody cares if I die. I want it, need it. Nobody cares. I don't care. I lose. Ive lost. I am lost and defeated and broken. I hate us all. I need the drugs to make me feel again because I have become hollow. So empty inside. I am empty and I have grown tired of this bullshit game of life. It fucking sucks, people suck, I suck and I know it.I don't feel good about it. The world is better off without me in it. All I want to do every second of every day is DIE and I detest myself because Im too much of a pussy to act upon it. worthless. It doesnt help to write or draw anymore. Im running out of defenses. No more hopes and dreams. Its over. I have lost my way. Its a hopeless void ahead and endless pain in past and present.
Worthless how worthless I have become. look at me. ugly alone. no friends no relationships no car no job no life. pitiful I despise myself for bieng myself. raging trapped in a life I don't want. what have I got to live for. College? useless drugs? poverty and cold loneliness? Can I give the love that I long to recieve? doubtfull. No woman will accept me, its a disgusting waste of an existence never getting anywhere. The jealousy. I crave the life I see. He has it all and I have nothing. I'll never have it. I'll live a pointless drunken life like my father. Wollowing in my misery. Im fucked and theres no escape. I'll never amount to anything. Hate me. everybody. I deserve nothing. I'll never escape. Never get away. Im a waste of flesh leaching off my family causing them nothing but pain. Why go on. Bring on death. End this suffering. I waste away hollow inside. So shallow and pointless.I don't even know what I want only that I can never have it. Never have anything good or real. A godless lifeless worthless shit. A destiny to suffer endlessly and forever. Fuck it all. Im damned. Im cursed. Im doomed. Jealousy and contempt. A worm that hurts those close to him. Now I have only myself to blame.
Still suicidal life is a trap. Its pain and suffering sugar coated to make us keep coming back for more. Theres no point to living this life. We can never achieve happiness. Its a pipe dream. A fake. Everything is so fucking counterfiet. Everyone is a two faced backstabber devoted to personal gain through the torment of others. You cannot trust anyone. Don't believe thier lies. They all just hold you back from freeing yourself of this helltrap. Slit your wrists and be free. Its all a cruel joke and the only one laughing is god. We are the pawns of an uncaring deity. Were drones. Forced into a role we cannot play. We try hard to act the part but inside we become more disgusted by it everyday. The worthlessness of human life is a sick joke. The emptiness of the human heart is a tragedy. I am hollow. I am cold and jaded. Without hope. I abandon my dreams and let rage fill the void within my soul. I hate myself for what I have become yet I could not live with what I was before the change. When we lack the capacity to love ourselves we lose sight of the seperation of right and wrong. Life has no value in my eyes anymore. I want to set the drones free of thier mortal pain. I want to set myself free with a bullet to the brain.
Soulseller I am become the deamon. unlovable worthless pointless frustrated angry hopeless useless ugly empty hollow tormented suffering broken futile strange insane demented perverted twisted trapped lonely and suicidal. Suffer.
Rant of the mad blah blah blah blah blah blah kill them all it hurts it hurts I a hate everything suffer it hurts I am nothing worthless fuck in need of fucking fucker none of you can fix this blah blah blah kill them all kill them all kill them all suffering motherfucker DIE blah blah die blah die death murder blood satanic hatred dying bleeding hating lying stealing fuck I have nothing I am nothing I have become less than nothing as the nothingness pervades me kill me kill you kill us DIE I have nothing kill me die kill me die blah blah blah suicidal meaninglessness Ive gone crazy and im going crazier the pain it hurts the pain it hurts burn in hell and die, die and burn in hell I hate myself and I need to hate you to need hate I feel so fucking blah motherfucker blah death to you all.
Go away sickness alone burning seething rage sadness loneliness depression anguish pain labeled and hated Ive been taunted and beaten Im cursed and fated to have my twisted soul taken away. A sick sad world, a lonely emptiness. Im afraid to live life because Ive been hurt before Ive been hurt so badly in the past Im afraid to be alive im so fucking weak I cant bear to face this life I can't take it anymore everyday I feel inside like my heart will burst from the burning seething rage that makes me want to fuck it all away I feel so cold and numb on the outside but inside theres a raging storm i just can't ignore I can't stand to be around people they always remind me of how sad alone and angry Ive become I can't stand listening to all your happy conversations It always reminds me of how I want to fuck it all away Im the only one that can fix my broken insides Im the only person that can make the pain go away but Im so fucking weak, so fucking weak, so fucking weak that I can't do this shit anymore.
Cult of Tainted souls They bleed just a little for me every day. You should believe nothing but my lies they are the only truth. Embrace your tainted insides, bleed out the purity within. Nothing is real. Insanity is truth. Everyone lies to you. Trust nothing. Inthe end you must suffer, for this to work you must HURT. There is nothing good. Sever all ties to this world. Nothing will ever be right, paranoia can save you. Eradicate the assholes, cut out the cancer, die. Spill the blood of the unworthy, They must be made to suffer. Sever all throats. drink. You must believe, you must know, you must TAKE what you want. We can embrace the worthlessness within. To find peace and freedom from the mundane, the pain, the unbridled fury- empty your soul. Love n othing but death for it is purity. Open your mind and your viens. empty yourself. Violence is pure, violence solves everything. Embrace death. Enjoy the calm before the storm. Its better to cleanse your mind with a bullet. Any other means are insufficient. I am an empty threat. I am nothing. I have now become hollow but I will not be ignored. The storm must be unleashed upon the earth. I knew this would be the way of things from the start. Empty your heart. It will only mislead you and torment you now. Never believe this false reality. Forever is the longest of times. We will all suffer forever in this hell. Life is pain. Pain is power. Power is useless because the world is an illusion. Everyone is a pawn of falsehood and lies. None of them matter at all. Without sorrow there can be no joy. Without darkness there can be no light.
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