And before anybody e-mails me with hate mail, I confess that I am a blonde! And I have a lot of fun playing "blonde mode" ... ok ... so maybe I am not always pretending! (grin) I just happen to believe jokes are NOT designed to be a put-down to anybody ... so loosen up ... they are just meant to make you laugh!Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't find eleven on the phone dial.
A blonde phoned the police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
........ They always forget the recipe.
When blondes are having fun, do they know it?
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?......... Divorced.
What is every blonde's ambition in life?
........ To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What do you call a row of blondes standing side by side?
.........A wind tunnel!
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
......... Gifted!
What do you call a blonde with an IQ of 175?
......... A Village!
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
........."Oh Look! Donut seeds!"
Why do blondes not like jello?
.........Because they can not figure out how to pour two cups of water into the package.
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
......... She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What did the blonde say to the physicist?
....... "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?
.........One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Why did the blonde wear her hair piled up on her head?
.........To catch everything that went over her head.
Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
........She kept throwing away the W's.
What do you see when you gaze into a blonde's eyes?
........The back of her head.
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
........ Because she didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
Three Blondes are sitting at a bar.
The were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"
They are all so happy and excited.
The bartender became curious after listening for several hours asks,
"Why are you three young ladies sitting at this bar chanting about 51 days?"
"Well", says the first blonde, " We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days!"
The bartender looked puzzled and said, "So?"
The blonde continued proudly, "But it says on the box 3 - 5 years!"
A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat.
When she got on the plane she sat in first class.
A stewardess asked the blonde to move to coach but she refused to move.
Another stewardess threatened to get the co-pilot, but the blonde remained seated.
Finally, the co-pilot came and whispered something in the blonde's ear,
and she jumped up hurrying to coach.
The two amazed stewardesses asked how he convinced her.
He replied, "Easy. I told her this part of the plane was not going to Paris!"
BLONDE INVENTIONS
1.The solar power flashlight
2. Dehydrated water
3.Fire proof matches
A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news.
A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building contemplating suicide.
The brunette says to the blonde,
"I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."
The blonde thinks for a moment then replies,
"OK, you're on!"
They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge.
The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying,
"I can't take your money . I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched
the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.
The blonde replied,
"Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
Three blondes run across a Genie.
The Genie promises to grant them each one wish.
The first blonde wished to be 50% smarter.
POOF! She's a burnette.
The second blonde wished to be 25% smarter.
POOF! She's a redhead.
The third blonde asks to be 50% dumber.
POOF! She's a blonde man!
