"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" -- Management communicates, you listen,
figure out what they want and do it."FLEX -TIME" -- You work any hours they want.
"APPLY IN PERSON" -- If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
"CAREER-MINDED" -- Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" -- Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"COMPETITIVE SALARY" -- We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" -- You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" -- You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" -- We have no time to train you.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" -- We have no quality control.
"JOB SECURITY" -- You will be monitored on closed circuit TV in the restroom and work line.
"DEDICATION TO YOUR JOB" -- Be available to report to your job four hours early with only one hour or less notice, especially if it takes you an hour or more to travel there.
"MULTI-TASKING SKILLS A MUST" -- You will be required to work on more than one project at all given times.
"OPEN-DOOR Policy" -- You are free to discuss any problems or concerns you might have as long as I (management) don't have to actually get off my big butt and do something about it.
"YOU WILL ENJOY EXCELLENT BENEFITS" -- But you won't get them until 6 months after hire date.
"RAPID ADVANCEMENT" -- They can't keep anybody with their pay rates.
"SEEKING MOTIVATED, ENERGETIC INDIVIDUALS" -- You'll be doing all the jobs no one else wants to do.
"CHALLENGING WORK FOR CREATIVE INDIVIDUALS" -- Expect impossible jobs without proper equipment or materials with impossible deadlines and unrealistic expectations of results from management.
"ON THE JOB TRAINING" -- We immediately put you to work doing something you have never done before and get angry when you screw up.
"BA, MA, MSW, Ph.D. REQUIRED" -- This doesn't mean your qualified, means you're trainable.
"MUST BE TEAM ORIENTED" -- We will let you think your opinion matters, but management's ideas will be the only ones considered.
"TEAM CONCEPT" -- We are the owners, so we can move your jobs to any country that will provide cheaper players and stadium to exploit them in.
"BOTTOMS UP STYLE OF MANAGEMENT" -- You will start on the bottom, you will end up on the bottom.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" -- You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"DUTIES WILL VARY" -- Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" -- You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"GROUND FLOOR POSITION" -- Minimum 60 hours a week and minimum wage.
"CHALLENGING ENVIRONMENT" -- There are health and safety hazards everywhere.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" -- We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the really daring guys wear earrings.
"WE'VE RE-ENGINEERED YOUR POSITION" -- Adios, to you, and the horse you rode in on.
