How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?
     
           LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
           LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
           MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
     
           LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
           LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
           MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
     
           LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
           LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
           MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
     
           LOVE - When you share everything you own.
           LUST - When you steal everything they own.
           MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
     
           LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
           LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
           MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
     
           LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
           LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
           MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.
     
           LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
           LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
           MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
     
           LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
           LUST - When you couldn't give a shit.
           MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
     
           LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
           LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
           MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
     
           LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your 
     partner.
           LUST - When you only see each other naked.
           MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
     
           LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
           LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
           MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
     
           LOVE - When nobody else matters.
           LUST - When nobody else knows.
           MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who 
     knows.
     
           LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you 
     feel.
           LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
           MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
     
           LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
           LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think 
     about.
           MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
     
           LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your 
     partner.
           LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your 
     partner.
           MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
     

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      NITE OWL