*The theme music begins.*
16 characters... 39 days... one message board...
SURVIVAL 2: THE FINAL FANTASY III OUTBACK
REBODA CLAN
Sabin
Setzer
Terra
Cyan
Locke
Gogo
Ultros
Relm
TAGORAN CLAN
Celes
Umaro
Mog
Kefka
Shadow
Strago
Edgar
Gau
These players will compete for immunity and popularity, until we ultimately see who is best at...
SURVIVAL
*Theme music cuts out, fade to commercial.*
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Announcer Guy Over S2:FF3OB Logo: Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback is brought to you by...
Movie Guy Online. Because without the Movie Guy, we're all just a bunch of idiots sitting in front of a screen.
And, by...
Germs. They make the world taste better.
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NIGHT 3
CLAN COUNCIL
Johnny Host: Time to count the votes.
*Johnny leaves the council area to go get the voting jar. The eight players wait... and wait... and wait...*
Setzer: Where is he?
*Johnny finally returns.*
Johnny Host: Well, guys, here's the deal with the votes. It's a...
Locke: Hey! You're not supposed to read the votes ahead of time!
Johnny Host: Quiet, thief boy.
Locke: That's TREASURE HUNTER!
Johnny Host: Yeah, yeah... anyway, I can do whatever I want. I'm the hand of God.
Relm: So... that would make Warteen God?
Johnny Host: Of course. Now, here's the deal with the votes. Aside from a couple votes that don't matter much at all, it's a three-way tie between Sabin, Gogo, and Relm. You each got eight votes.
*Assorted surprised sounds come from the group.*
Sabin: So, which one of us gets kicked off?
Johnny Host: Um...
Gogo: Do you know what you're doing?
Johnny Host: Of course I do! Now, Alucard's vote doesn't count, because he used two pieces of paper. And... apparently he quits.
Relm: All right! That means I'm safe! I love this game!
Locke: You do realize that this means seven other people want you out, right?
Relm: (glumly) I hate this game...
Johnny Host: So, when the vote is tied... uh... The first person to give me a dollar doesn't get kicked off.
Gogo: What? They took all my money before the show started!
*Sabin grins and reaches into his back pocket (or thereabouts) and pulls out a crumpled up dollar bill. He hands it to Johnny.*
Johnny Host: Yep, this is definitely a dollar. Sabin doesn't get kicked off. Gogo, I'm afraid your time has come.
Gogo: But I...
Johnny Host: The board has spoken.
*Johnny snuffs out Gogo's torch. Gogo walks away dejected, the first player to be voted out of Survival 2.*
Johnny Host: All right, guys, head back to camp. And try not to find yourselves here again in three days.
*The Reboda Clan, minus one member, leaves the clan council area.*
GOGO'S FINAL WORDS:
Gogo: It took me by surprise that I was the first one to be voted off. I guess people just don't have much use for a mimic in this strange new world. I'm going to devote the rest of my life to being something people will love and respect - a mime. Farewell, cruel board!
DAY 4
REBODA
Sabin (to camera): Wow, that was scary. It could've been me! Who'd have thought that a dollar would save my game, huh? Well, getting past the first vote was the hard part.
Relm (to camera): A whole bunch of people voted for me! What did I do wrong? Some people are just fuddy duddies, I guess.
Terra (to camera): It's kind of sad to lose one of our members so soon like that, but it's a part of the game. You just have to tough it out.
Ultros (to camera): Gogo was a dork anyway! UWEE HEE HEE! Seriously, though, I'm quite glad that I didn't get voted off. Or even voted for. I'm just going to have to live up to my word about doing better in the next challenge. I hope it involves water!
Locke (to camera): The moral activists of the board have set me in their sights. It's like stea- er, treasure hunting - is wrong or something! Sheesh!
Cyan (to camera): Setzer sayeth I didst not garner any votes because I flew under the radar. What exactly is a radar?
Setzer (to camera): The odds were definitely in my favor for that vote. I wasn't worried, because I didn't call attention to myself. Still, it'd be best not to lose again... but with this clan, who knows what could happen?
Sabin: Guys, we seriously need to not lose again.
Setzer: Ah, you just want to save your rear.
Sabin: Darn right I do! And you should, too! There's only so many people that can be voted out in this clan before it comes to you, y'know!
Setzer: True.
Locke: So, we'll just have to really buckle down at the next challenge. Use better teamwork, right?
Sabin: Exactly. I don't want to lose again.
Sabin (to camera): I'm going to win this thing. I'm not ready to go yet.
TAGORAN
Celes (to camera): It was really great beating down the Reboda Clan. The victory was almost enough to make us forget that we're nearly out of food, thanks to Kefka...
Strago (to camera): I got a ride! Yippee! Y'know, back in my day, we didn't have sasquatches to give us rides. We had to walk everywhere! 12 miles! In the snow! Uphill! Both ways! Zzzz...
Gau (to camera): Me try get food.
Gau: Me try get food.
Kefka: MWA HA HA HA HA! Yes, Rat Boy! Get me some vittles!
Gau: GAUUU~! No food for you, bad man!
Kefka: What?! Why you little...
Shadow: Relax, Kefka.
Kefka: What are you going to do about it?!
Shadow: Hurt you.
Kefka: Ok, I'm calm. Put those ninja stars away!
Mog: Kupo... Gau, what are you going to get?
Gau: Me go fishing.
Mog: All right. I'll send you some help. Umaro!
Umaro: Duhhh...
Mog: Go with Gau and get us some fish.
*Gau and Umaro leave.*
Kefka (to camera): They were thinking about taking the fish for themselves... I wasn't going to allow that! MWA HA HA HA HA!
*Later, Gau and Umaro return with armfuls of fish.*
Edgar: All right! Fish for everyone! Except Kefka.
Kefka: I don't think so!
*Kefka casts Bio on the all the fish. They are all poisoned.*
Kefka: Maybe next time you'll think about sharing! MWA HA HA HA HA! *runs off*
Edgar (to camera): What are the rules about killing someone?
Edgar: (attempting to keep his cool): Great. Now there's no fish... for anyone.
Celes: *sigh* Looks like it's rice again.
Umaro: Uhhhhh.
DAY 5
TAGORAN
Kefka (to camera): Phooey! Now I'm all hungry... I should've stolen their fish instead of ruining them. Oh, well.
Edgar: What are we going to do about Kefka?
Celes: What can we do? There's no chance of him getting voted off if we keep winning immunity...
Shadow: And I don't plan to lose.
Strago: Y'know, we had somebody annoying like him in our group when I was a kid.
Edgar: Oh, really? And what'd you do about him?
Strago: (crazy old man voice) We killed him and ate him! Hee hee hee!
Mog: Gross, kupo! Somebody give him his medication!
*Gau pulls out a pill made of animal doodoo - you thought he was kidding? - and feeds it to Strago. Strago goes to sleep.*
Umaro: Duhh.
Mog: No kidding.
Edgar (to camera): At this point, I'm almost thinking about throwing a challenge, just so I don't have to put up with Kefka anymore. That would be kind of selfish, I know, but if I keep having to put up with him I'm going to go crazy. Chicks don't dig a crazy guy!
REBODA
Sabin (to camera): I really feel like the group is more together now that Gogo's gone. Of course, that could just be because he annoyed the crap out of me. Now I can sleep a little better at night.
Locke (to camera): Not a lot of treasure hunting opportunities here. It gets pretty boring when you don't have a tomb to loot, or... wait, I didn't mean that! Strike that from the record! Seriously! Edit that out!
Setzer (to camera): People underestimate the monotony of the outback. They think it's all fun and games out here, but it's not. You want to stay, but you know you could be kicked off at any time... there's a lot of pressure.
Ultros: Can't... take... the boredom!
Sabin: Hey, pipe down over there. I'm trying to get some rest.
Relm: Hey, I know! How about a singalong?
Terra: That's a good idea.
Sabin: I don't believe this...
Locke: What are we going to sing?
Ultros: How about some Christmas carols?
Cyan: How about some Sinatra?
Sabin: (frustrated) How about The Sound of Silence?
Terra (to camera): Sabin seemed abnormally grumpy today. I guess he was trying to get some rest before the big challenge. I'll admit that we weren't helping anything by singing, but we were having such a good time...
All except Sabin: (at the top of their lungs, very off-key) I'M JUST A POOR BOY, NOBODY LOVES ME...
Sabin (to camera): Okay, I admit that I wasn't being that nice, but I'm just nervous about getting voted out. And about the challenge tomorrow. And I really needed to get some sleep.
Relm (to camera): What a grumpy Gus.
DAY 6
TAGORAN
Mog (to camera): As expected, we got our message for the immunity challenge this morning, kupo.
Mog: What does the tree-mail message say?
Umaro: Uhhh...
Mog: Darn it Umaro, you can't read! Give it to someone else!
Umaro: Duhhhhh... *hands the message to Gau*
Gau: Me no can read either. *hands the message to Shadow*
Shadow: Forget it, I'm not saying that ridiculous rhyme out loud.
Celes: Grr! I'LL read it! Give me that! *snatches message from Shadow* It says...
"You can't see him,
He likes to sleep,
For immunity,
Beat this creep."
Edgar: Why did that sound like something out of Jumanji?
Strago: Well, let's head down to the immunity challenge place.
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
*Both clans arrive at the immunity challenge beach at about the same time. There are eight huge wooden pens constructed, all of which are apparently empty.*
Johnny Host: Welcome to your immunity challenge, guys. This one is nice and straightforward. We've used half of our budget to get eight specimens of an FF3 monster for you guys to defeat. Each clan will be split into teams of two, and those teams will each have one of this monster to fight. The first clan to defeat all four monsters wins!
Locke: But... I don't see any monsters.
Johnny Host: Oh, don't worry. They're there.
Edgar: (realizing) Oh, dear. Don't tell me... Intangirs?
Johnny Host: Naturally.
Terra: You mean that invisible beast from Triangle Island that's invisible until you cast magic on him, and then he gets real mad and fries you with Meteo?
Johnny Host: That's the one. Let's pick teams.
*The teams are selected through an advanced process known as drawing straws. Tagoran's teams are Kefka and Celes, Gau and Umaro, Strago and Edgar, and Shadow and Mog. Reboda's teams are Sabin and Terra, Cyan and Locke, and Setzer and Ultros.*
Relm: So, do I sit this one out, then?
Johnny Host: Nope. You fight alone.
Relm: What?! That's not fair! I'm only ten!
Johnny Host: That's the way it goes, kid.
Relm: Darn it!
*The doors to each of the pens swing open.*
Johnny Host: Survivors ready? GO!
*The immunity challenge begins and the appropriate contestants face off against their beasts. Relm sits down to contemplate a course of action - she's fine to do so, since the Intangir only attacks in retaliation - while the others simply charge in. Shadow attempts to throw something at his Intangir, but of course he misses. Umaro throws Gau at their Intangir, but Gau simply goes flying past into a nearby tree.*
Gau: Oof!
*Celes casts Stop on her Intangir, causing it to become visible.*
Celes: Man... that thing is UGLY. Kefka, beat it down!
Kefka: My pleasure!
*Kefka repeatedly whips the beast into submission. It is defeated.*
Kefka: Ohhh yeah! Unstoppable! MWA HA HA HA HA!
*Ultros attempts a Tentacle attack on his foe, but it is to no avail. The invisible beast sleeps on. Meanwhile, Strago casts Roulette on his party. A large hand swivels over them and eventually lands on the beast. It is instantly killed.*
Strago: Woo hoo! That never worked before!
Edgar: Why did you USE it, then?! Oh, nevermind.
*Mog's dance changes the environment around him, Shadow, and their Intangir. They are now in a cave. The ground opens up beneath the beast and engulfs it.*
Mog: Kupo kupo!
Shadow: Nice work.
*Finally, Relm decides what to do.*
Relm: Sketch!
*She paints an elaborate picture of the invisible monster. Suddenly...*
Edgar: What the...
Gau: My... body...
Terra: I can't... move!
*Yes, that's right, Relm has activated a glitch in Final Fantasy 3 by attempting to sketch an invisible monster. Johnny Host walks up and examines the surrounding area.*
Johnny Host: Well, that's a tough call, but I'm going to have to say that since one of their members has managed to complete incapacitate everybody, including the monsters, Reboda wins!
*Johnny hands Relm the Can't Get Kicked Off Trophy. The world returns to normal.*
Sabin: Yes! Way to go, Relm! I'm sorry for everything bad I ever said about you!
Johnny Host: Tagoran, you'll be seeing your first Clan Council tonight.
Celes (to camera): How totally unfair! It's obvious that we had them beat... it's just rotten luck, that's all.
Kefka (to camera): AAAARGH!!! Stupid child! I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE you!!!
Umaro (to camera): Duhhhh.
Shadow (to camera): ... We lost. It happens.
Mog (to camera): Kupo... that sucks.
Strago (to camera): Roulette actually worked right once! How exciting!
Edgar (to camera): We are the better, stronger, faster tribe... and we'd be even better if we could get rid of Kefka. I can't blame him for our loss today, but if I could, I would! Anyway, I'm sure this'll be the only time Reboda wins. They would have to win due to some programming screw-up...
Gau (to camera): Head hurts.
NIGHT 6
CLAN COUNCIL
*The humiliated Tagoran Clan quietly shuffles into the Clan Council area and takes their seats.*
Johnny Host: Tough break today, guys.
Umaro: Duhh.
Johnny Host: I agree, it might not have been fair, but again, that's the way things go. I haven't seen you guys here before. How has your tribe been getting along over these first six days?
Celes: Well, for the most part, everybody's been getting along...
Johnny Host: "For the most part"?
Celes: Um...
Edgar: Kefka has been a real pain this whole time.
Kefka: WHAT?!
Johnny Host: In what way?
Edgar: Well, I'd say in every way possible.
Johnny Host: Wow. So, if you guys were doing the voting right now instead of the message boarders, it'd be Kefka getting the boot?
All except Kefka and Umaro: Yes!!!
Kefka: What?! Well, I never... at least you're on my side, eh big guy?
Umaro: Uhh.
Kefka: HEY!!! DO I SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER?!
Johnny Host: Sit down, Kefka. Before I get security out here.
Kefka: ...
Johnny Host: That's better. Now, one of you has to go now. It's time to vote.
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Voice of Johnny Host: Tune in next week to find out who the second person is to be voted off on Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback. Don't miss it!
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