*The theme music begins.*
16 characters... 39 days... one message board...
SURVIVAL 2: THE FINAL FANTASY III OUTBACK
REBODA CLAN
Sabin
Setzer (voted out)
Terra (voted out)
Cyan (voted out)
Locke
Gogo (voted out)
Ultros
Relm
TAGORAN CLAN
Celes
Umaro (voted out)
Mog
Kefka (voted out)
Shadow
Strago
Edgar
Gau
These players will compete for immunity and popularity, until we ultimately see who is best at...
SURVIVAL
*Theme music cuts out, fade to commercial.*
-----------------------------------------------------
Announcer Guy Over S2:FF3OB Logo: Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback is brought to you by...
"8 Mile". Thanks to Eminem, we're looking at inner-city white trash in a whole new way.
And, by...
America Online. Pretty soon, they'll own you too. America Online.
-----------------------------------------------------
NIGHT 18
CLAN COUNCIL
Johnny Host: All right guys, voting is over, it's time to see who's the first person voted out of the newly formed Reboran Clan.
*Johnny leaves to collect the votes. It's a very tense moment, since for once the remaining contestants have no idea who might be voted out. Johnny returns, voting jar in hand.*
Johnny Host: Okay, here we go. First vote... Edgar. Edgar. Relm. Strago. Sabin. Celes. Mog. Shadow. Okay, that's... um, a bunch of votes for a bunch of people. Next vote, Strago. Next vote, Relm. Two each for Strago, Relm, and Edgar, with two votes to go. Next vote... Edgar. Last vote........ Edgar.
Edgar: D'oh!
Johnny Host: Edgar, you need to bring me your torch.
*Edgar unhappily walks his torch over to Johnny, who ceremoniusly snuffs it out.*
Johnny Host: The board has spoken. It's time for you to go.
*Edgar runs off into the woods and a trickling sound is heard.*
Johnny Host: Oh, not again! That's not what I meant!!! Well, anyway, you last nine are in the game 'til the end; seven of you will make up the jury, and two of you will vie for the title of ultimate FF3 survivor. For now, though, head back to your new joint camp.
*The final nine leave the Clan Council area.*
EDGAR'S FINAL WORDS
Edgar: Ohh, man, that stupid, traitorous moogle conspired against me! He somehow knew that I have... I'm so embarassed... a weak bladder! It's just not fair, I caught the pig, I helped my tribe LIVE, but nooo, people can't accept someone once they know he can't hold it! I could have won this thing, too. Darn it! Okay, well, anyway, I don't have any hard feelings to speak of, but when I get home I'll be ordering roast moogle, if you get my drift. Farewell, you bunch of lowlifes!
DAY 19
REBORAN
Celes (to camera): Ah ha ha ha, Edgar is gone. If only this had happened closer to beginning, when there was actually a clan to lead! Now it's kind of pointless. Oh, well, I won't have to put up with him hitting on me, and it'll be a lot easier for me to win.
Gau (to camera): Me win immunity, me happy. Edgar not bad man, he catch pig, but he no can hold pee-pee, so he gone.
Locke (to camera): It's a shame to see someone go just after you meet them... Edgar seemed like a decent guy.
Sabin (to camera): Ah, so my "royal pain" brother is gone... pity. I guess it's up to me to bring glory to the Figaro name now!
Strago (to camera): Oh no, I can't believe it was Edgar! He's been so good to me all this time! And even worse, two of those whippersnappers voted for me!
Relm (to camera): Well, that makes two more votes for me, but for once, it wasn't a tie! Somebody out there likes me...
Shadow (to camera): Such a pity to see Edgar go... Well, better him than me.
Ultros (to camera): And the octopus survives another one! UWEE HEE HEE HEE!
Mog: Hee hee, Edgar and his weak bladder. I'm gonna miss him, kupo.
Celes: Yeah, well... as much as I didn't like the way he challenged me all the time, it was kind of nice having him around.
Celes (to camera): I'm not going to be losing any sleep over Edgar being gone, though.
Gau: Now we no can eat pig...
Celes: Now now, Gau...
Gau: Hey! That rhyme!
Celes: *rolls eyes* Who knows if we'll be able to eat so well again. We have new people here from the other clan, and I'm sure they're strong and quick enough to assist in getting some food.
*Relm wanders over.*
Celes: Then again, maybe not.
Relm: Hey guys! Whatcha talkin' about?
Shadow: I'm going fishing...
Mog: Yeah, and I'm going... for a walk. C'mon, Gau, kupo.
*Celes, Mog, Shadow, and Gau leave. Relm is left behind with her adopted grandfather Strago, who's been silent to this point.*
Relm: Why do I feel like something bad was going on here?
Strago: Oh, dear, it was nothing. Calm down.
Relm: Yeah, but how can I trust anything you say?
Strago: What? I'm your grandfather!
Relm: Well, sure, but not in this game! I trusted people in my clan, and they tried to eat me! And now I'm supposed to trust you?
Strago: (appalled) What?! Who tried to eat you?!
Relm: That's unimportant! The point is, I can't trust anybody! I could be voted off at any time! People are going to trick me into doing something stupid! Or I'll try, and it'll backfire! You should've seen what happened with Setzer!!!
Strago: What?
Relm: AHHHHHH!!!!
*Relm runs away.*
Strago (to camera): I don't know what kind of stuff was going on in that other clan, but it doesn't sound like it was anything good! Why, it's turned my little Relm incredibly paranoid! Now me, you'll never see me worrying so much about people being out to get me! *spins around quickly* Ahhh! Who's there?!
Celes (to camera): I know it hasn't been long, but it looks like Relm is one of those people who will always be there at the least opportune time. It's pretty annoying.
Sabin (to camera): I don't really see the point of plotting within clans at this point. We're all in the same position. Then again, maybe it has to do with the jury...
Locke (to camera): So, I guess the next seven people voted off are the jury. I don't know what kind of an influence they'll have on the final vote... maybe they'll all combine for a vote, or maybe they'll each get a vote. Or maybe Warteen's just an idiot who doesn't know what he's doing. *gets struck on the head by a random coconut* Ow! Okay, maybe not so much that last one... Sheesh.
Ultros (to camera): Everything seems to be going fine so far here. But, I notice that the old Tagoran members are still pretty tight. I don't know what they've got planned, but right now it's five to four in favor of them, if it's going to be split. As far as we Rebodas go, I'm pretty sure we want nothing to do with each other. Sabin hates everybody except Locke, Relm hates Sabin, and I don't even know who I hate! We're ready for some merged action!
Relm (to camera): You know, Locke has only received one vote this whole time! What's he doing that I'm not?! Why does everyone like him so much and hate me? They're all conspiring against me...
DAY 20
REBORAN
Locke (to camera): This morning I had a conversation with Mog, to see if I could get some information about Tagoran. I was more than willing to return something about Reboda, since at this point I don't really have much loyalty to anybody, but it didn't come up. I wonder what he was thinking?
Locke: So how have things been going in your clan, the way you see it?
Mog: Well, Edgar liked to boss everybody around, but not as much as Celes, kupo. But, as long as they were both here, there was a certain power struggle. Now that he's gone, she's taking charge of us, kupo. But, I think the general thought is that we're tired of it. I know Gau feels that way, and I know Shadow and Edgar were pretty tight, kupo.
Locke: What about Strago?
Mog: Ah, he's just a crazy old man. I don't think he even realizes where he is half the time, kupo.
Strago: (yelling from far away) No Mommy, I want to ride the carousel!
Locke: I see.
Mog: I was kind of bummed when Umaro got voted out, kupo. He was tough, and it was nice having a lackey. Say, you don't have any lackeys, do you?
Locke: Can't say I do.
Mog: Oh. Well, anyway, that's about all of it. Since we kept winning, the only other one to get voted out was Kefka, and he was a real jerk anyway, kupo.
Locke: Interesting. Thanks.
Sabin (to camera): I know what Locke is up to. He seems to be playing the other side pretty well, cozying up to them in the hopes that they'll help him win. I just know it'll backfire, though, because he's just going to make everyone smart hate him.
Mog (to camera): Locke's a good guy, kupo. Wouldn't have minded having him in my clan in the place of, say, CELES, kupo.
Celes (to camera): The only person on the other team who seems to have his head on straight is Locke. He's being smart and playing a political game. The octopus thing, Ultros... he's just here having a good time, I think. Which, don't get me wrong, is great, but he's not going to win like that. Relm's annoying and paranoid. And Sabin's just an idiot. Kind of funny how I can tell this stuff about people after two days with 'em.
Shadow (to camera): Everyone seemed to be a little bit nicer at the beginning of this game. People are getting tired of each other fast. Even with the new people, there's already been some conflict.
Ultros (to camera): You know, I think I've been detecting some racism with these new people. I didn't ASK to be born a big purple octopus, okay?! *sniff*
Relm (to camera): I miss when this game was just about having fun. Actually, I don't know if it was ever like that. But I miss it anyway.
Gau (to camera): If me hide talisman, no one else can have...
Strago (to camera): I wouldn't mind seeing Relm win this thing. But, who cares about that, they said something about how the final nine are in the "jerky"... I don't see any jerky! I'm hungry! I don't know if my aged stomach can handle jerky, but I guess there's only one way to find out, right? Bring on the jerky!!! *falls over* Um... a little help? Anyone? Bueller?
DAY 21
REBORAN
Celes (to camera): It seems like nothing ever happens around here anymore, save for the challenges and the votes. I'm trying to lead my clan to victory here, and all they want to do is sit around and let the time pass.
Sabin (to camera): I can't wait for the challenge notes, myself. Not only is a break in the boredom, the rhymes are also pretty clever...
Strago: We got mail!
Mog: Read it, kupo!
Strago: "It's time for immunity,
So do your thang..."
Shadow: Wait a second. "Thang"?
Strago: Seriously. You kids and your ghetto words! A-hem. "It's time for immunity,
So do your thang,
And show your skill
With a boomerang."
Locke (to camera): It seemed like, for once, the challenge clue was totally straightforward. It was a welcome change. All right, it'd be more welcome if they hadn't used the word "thang".
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE
*The nine remaining survivors meet Johnny in the clearing where today's immunity challenge is to be held.*
Johnny Host: Hello, Reboran! Well, today's challenge shouldn't take long at all, so let's get right to it. First things first, Gau, please give me the Can't Get Kicked Off Talisman.
*Gau reluctantly gives it over, although it is covered in dirt.*
Johnny Host: Immunity is back up for grabs. As you can see, we've set up a huge bullseye on the ground. Your goal will be to pick a boomerang and try to get it as close to the middle as possible. You'll get two chances, and your closest one will count. Any ties, and we'll have a throw-off. The order has been picked randomly. So, if you survivors are all ready, let's GO!
*The challenge starts. Celes is up first. She selects a dark blue, smooth boomerang to throw.*
Celes: All right, here we go... Rrrahhh!
*Celes's first throw lands on the outside ring of the target, at a distance of 44 feet.*
Celes: Hmm, tougher than I thought.
*She throws again. This time it misses the target completely.*
Celes: Darn...
*Shadow is up next. He grabs twin black boomerangs, of course, and throws them as though they were ninja stars. They land right next to each other at 33 feet from the center. Celes fumes as he silently steps back. Locke throws next, and his best distance is slighly better than Shadow's, at 29 feet. He's in the lead. Next is Relm, who misses the target with both throws, as does Gau, who's not used to dealing with any kind of weapon, and Mog, whose boomerang is almost as big as him. After that, Sabin throws, and he lands one of them a mere 14 feet away from the center.*
Sabin: All right!
*Ultros is up next. He grabs the biggest boomerang in his tentacles and somehow manages to launch it toward the target. It spins, and flies in the opposite direction, missing. He tries again, with the same technique. This time, though, a strange wind catches his projectile, and it lands 6 feet away from the bullseye.*
Ultros: YES!
*Ultros is exultant. He'd jump for joy if he could, but... he's a giant octopus.*
Ultros: Hey, I can so jump!!!
*Ultros jumps for joy. Huh.*
Ultros: Never underestimate the octopus!
*Strago has yet to throw. His first toss flies about three feet in front of him before it eats the ground.*
Strago: Dawww... I knew I should have lifted weights when I was a kid...
Johnny Host: All right, Strago, last chance. If you can't beat six feet with this one, Ultros will be our winner.
Ultros: Go team Ultros!
*Strago launches his second boomerang, putting all his strength into it. It flies...*
Ultros: No!
*...and flies...*
Strago: Go, my little pretty!
*...and flies...*
Boomerang: -WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH-
*...and finally lands on the target, on the other side of the bullseye.*
Johnny Host: Well, this one could be close.
*Johnny heads out with his Survival 2 Commemorative Tape Measure (only $24.95 via FinalFantasyIII.com!) and examines the distance of Strago's boomerang from the center of the target.*
Johnny Host: Seven feet! Ultros wins!
Ultros: Hooray! UWEE HEE HEE HEE!!!
*Johnny returns to the survivors and slips the Can't Get Kicked Off Talisman around Ultros's head.*
Johnny Host: Congratulations, Ultros, you're safe from tonight's vote. I'll see you all at Clan Council tonight.
Ultros (to camera): Ah, it feels so great to win!
Sabin (to camera): It was a tough challenge. I mean, it didn't really have much to do with strength, it was all technique. I almost won anyway, though.
Celes (to camera): Darn it, I really wanted to win that one...
Relm (to camera): Ah, I always thought throwing a boomerang looked so easy, too.
Gau (to camera): Oh, no two win for me.
Mog (to camera): Talk about a lopsided challenge! How am I supposed to throw something that's as big as I am, kupo? Oh well, I'll just have to win the next one.
Locke (to camera): I made a pretty good showing at the challenge. I almost got it. But, unfortunately, "almost" only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Strago (to camera): This old body couldn't win that one... stupid body...
NIGHT 21
CLAN COUNCIL
*The core nine survivors head into the Clan Council area, where Johnny, dressed impeccably as usual, is waiting for them.*
Johnny Host: Welcome to the eighth Clan Council, guys. The member of the Reboran Clan voted out tonight will be the first member of the seven-person jury, who will have a part in determining the winner of the game at the end. Now, for tonight's vote... Anybody think they're safe tonight?
Gau: Me safe, me have immunity!
Johnny Host: No Gau, I think you're a little confused, you only have immunity if you're wearing the...
*Johnny Host realizes that Gau is, in fact, wearing the Can't Get Kicked Off Talisman.*
Ultros: HEY! Give me that!
*Ultros snatches back the necklace. Gau frowns.*
Johnny Host: Does anybody admit to feeling particularly vulnerable tonight?
Relm: I'm sure I am. There hasn't been even one council where I haven't been voted for!
Locke: Aw, it's okay Relm.
Celes: You know, I've learned something from today's challenge. I think the way we-
*Suddenly, the scene cuts out, and the familiar CBS News logo is on the screen as the music plays.*
Anchorman: Hello, I'm Ran Dather, this just in. Local board mogul Warteen's beloved girlfriend has fallen ill and is currently hospitalized. Warteen is asking for prayers from anyone who will give them. He says the concern that's been shown so far is greatly appreciated, and he hopes she'll recover soon. Now we return you to Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback. I'm Ran Dather.
*S2:FF3OB comes back on.*
Strago: ISLAMIC PENGUINS! ISLAMIC PENGUINS AND ANTIFREEZE!!!!
Johnny Host: Fascinating. I never thought of it that way. Well, now it's time to vote.
Voice of Johnny Host: Who will be the eighth person voted off and become the first member of the jury? Find out next time, on Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback!!!
Back to Survival 2: The Final Fantasy III Outback