Now, though, it has all come to an end. With only four contestants left, all bets are truly off. Pay attention as we find out just who is the best at...
SURVIVAL
*theme music plays, cut to commercial*
- - - - - - - - - -

DAY 37
FINAL FOUR
Robo-Blonde (to camera): Well, this is it. I’m ready to finish this contest, win or lose. I’ve survived twelve clan councils so far and I think I can take two more.
Karn (to camera): The alliance, if you could even call it that, is what got me this far. I’m not disillusioned about that at all. But now, there is no alliance. It’s every man for himself with only four people left.
Ivy (to camera): They would’ve taken me out, but I wouldn’t let them. Now there are only four survivors remaining and I’m one of them. I’ve gone through so much while I was here...
Alucard (to camera): Is this thing on? Test... test... *grabs the camera and busts it over a rock* Guess not.
Karn: Rice, rice, rice...
Ivy: Stop... you’re making me sick.
Alucard: When I get home, I’m never eating rice again. I’m just going to live on pizza and grease.
Ivy: Yummy.
Robo-Blonde: Maybe we should all go together to check the mail.
Karn: Sounds good. *They get up and walk to their “mailbox.”*
Ivy: What’s this? *She reaches in and pulls out the package. Inside are pictures of all the survivors who were already voted off along with a piece of paper that says...*
“Try to remember what you once knew about these people, your Fallen Comrades. This will help you win immunity and continue surviving.”
Alucard: Wow. No cheesy rhyme?
Robo-Blonde: Guess not.
Ivy: It’s getting serious now.
Robo-Blonde (to camera): Well, we’re hoping that anyone except Ivy wins immunity. We hate her and we want her to not go any further on in this competition. She’s been such a...
Ivy: Hey! I’m sitting right here!
Robo-Blonde: Oh. Sorry.
At the Clan Council area, the spot for the immunity challenge
Johnny: Hey guys. In case you couldn’t surmise it from the photos, this challenge is all about the people who have already been voted off. Since we’re having the vote directly after this immunity challenge, let’s go ahead and bring in our jury... *Deuce, Enigma, Merlin, Ditzyhick, and MrDude walk in and sit down.* All right, now let’s get started. Use the writing pads that we’ve set down for you to write your answer. Each correct answer gets a point, and the first one to ten points wins immunity. Let’s go. Question #1... What color is Warteen’s name on the message boards?
Alucard: PURPLE
Ivy: PURPLE
Karn: BLACK
Robo-Blonde: PURPLE
Johnny: The correct answer is purple. Karn, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Karn: Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve visited the boards...
Alucard - 1
Ivy - 1
Karn - 0
Robo-Blonde - 1
Johnny: All right. Question #2: On what island does Shadow live?
Alucard: NARNIA
Ivy: NANTUCKET
Karn: NANTUCKET
Robo-Blonde: RHODE ISLAND
Johnny: It’s Nantucket. That’s a point for Ivy and Karn.
Alucard - 1
Ivy - 2
Karn - 1
Robo-Blonde - 1
Johnny: Question #3. Whose shirt is this? *He holds up a shirt and hands it to the contestants. Alucard takes a long, deep sniff. Only Ivy notices that MrDude is not wearing a shirt, answering ‘MrDude’ correctly.*
Alucard - 1
Ivy - 3
Karn - 1
Robo-Blonde - 1
Johnny: Question #4... Name the Quanza members in the order that they were voted off. *Only Robo-Blonde answers correctly this time... JMC, Luna, Elmo, Shadow, Deuce, Merlin, Ditzyhick, MrDude.*
Alucard - 1
Ivy - 3
Karn - 1
Robo-Blonde - 2
Johnny: Question #5. Name two reward challenges that none of you four won. *Everyone answers correctly. In the next six questions, only one is missed by Ivy and everyone answers the rest of them correctly.*
Alucard - 8
Ivy - 9
Karn - 8
Robo-Blonde - 9
Johnny: All right. Question #12. What is JMC’s rapper name? *Ivy, Alucard, and Robo-Blonde get the correct answer of ‘Semaj Transcon.’
Alucard - 9
Ivy - 10
Karn - 8
Robo-Blonde - 10
Johnny: Okay, we have a tie-breaker question for just Ivy and Robo-Blonde. This is for immunity, ladies. Question #13: What is Raistlin’s real name? *Ivy answers ‘Matt Rickert.’ Robo-Blonde clutches her pad to her chest so that Ivy can’t cheat and steal her answer of ‘Don’t Know.’ Ivy wins immunity.* Congratulations, Ivy. All right, guys, no time to waste. Let’s go ahead and vote. Ivy, you’re up first.
Inside the voting booth
Ivy: *writes “Robo-Blonde” and holds it up* I think it’s pretty obvious.
Robo-Blonde: *writes “Karn” and holds it up* (bitterly) Who knows why?
Alucard: *writes “Karn” and holds it up* His number is up.
Back outside
Johnny: Okay. I’ll tally the votes. Remember, one last time, once the votes are counted the decision is final and the person voted off must leave immediately. I’ll count the votes. *Johnny goes and gets the voting jar. The tension is remarkably thick.* All right guys. First vote... Karn. Next vote... Karn. Next vote... Robo-Blonde. Next vote... Robo-Blonde.
Alucard: Ooh, a tie...
Johnny: All right. I know this night has been long, but it’s about to get longer. In this case, we’ll do a re-vote. Robo-Blonde and Karn won’t be voting, since you can only vote for one of them and their votes effectively cancel each other out. Before we vote again, though, you’ll each have thirty seconds to make a case as to why you should stay on the island. Robo-Blonde, you’re up first.
Robo-Blonde: Okay... Well, Ivy, I know it might seem like I was ruthless coming through here during this contest, but I feel that I was just doing whatever it took. I hope you’ll remember all the times I helped out the clan.
Johnny: All right. Karn?
Karn: Ivy, I hope you can remember the time I won the reward challenge for the cruise and brought you along. I think our friendship really means something. And, Alucard...
Alucard: Yes?
Karn: Look over there! *Alucard looks.* YOINK! *Karn pulls down Alucard’s pants and hits him in the back of the head with a rubber chicken.* Heh heh heh... old times.
Johnny: Okay... whatever. Let’s go ahead and re-vote. Alucard, you’re up.
Inside the voting booth, again
Alucard: *writes “Karn” and holds it up* Ya like that, sucker?! Power to the people! Vive Alucard!
*Ivy walks in after Alucard returns. She sighs, picks up the marker, and then just stands there contemplating for about a minute. Finally, she starts writing...* Back outside
Johnny: All right, you know the deal. I’ll tally the votes. *He goes and gets the votes.* Here we go. First vote. *He opens up the first vote so everyone can see. It says “Karn”.* Karn. Next vote... *He looks at the last vote and then holds it up.* Karn. Karn, you need to bring me your torch.
Karn: Heh. Wow.
Johnny: Your tribe has spoken. *He puts out Karn’s torch.*
Karn: All right. Bye people. *He leaves.* Johnny: Well, guys, I’ll see you tomorrow. We’re down to three.

KARN’S FINAL WORDS
Karn: Well, I knew I wanted to make it as far as I could, and I guess the Final Four is pretty far. Pretty good for someone who barely even comes to the boards anymore, huh? Ah, old times... Well... TA TA!~

VOTES
[FIRST VOTE]
Karn_Evil_9 - Robo-Blonde, Alucard
Robo-Blonde - Karn_Evil_9, A.E. Ivy
[SECOND VOTE]
Karn_Evil_9 - Robo-Blonde, Alucard, A.E. Ivy
Robo-Blonde - Karn_Evil_9
*A slow-motion shot of Karn leaving is played along with the theme music as we go to a commercial.*

This Survival contest was brought to you by...
Warteen’s Final Fantasy III Page

And now, back to the show.
DAY 38
BEACH RESORT
Deuce: Hey, isn’t that camera on?
Merlin: You think they’re videotaping us?
Enigma: Why would they do that? We’re not “winners.” No one cares about us.
Ditzyhick: You know, that might be a little harsh. I’m sure someone out there has to be interested in what we’re doing.
MrDude: *sips a martini* Well, I guess they’ll be seeing plenty of us at tomorrow’s final Clan Council...
Ditzyhick: Hey, you can’t drink that!
MrDude: Says who?
Karn: Anyway... all you people out there, we’re having a good time and getting ourselves ready for the big council. See you there.
FINAL THREE
Alucard (to camera): Wellll, this is it. It’s a big thing coming up today: The last immunity challenge.
Robo-Blonde (to camera): It’s almost over. I can smell that million dollars now.
Ivy (to camera): Just one more day... just one more day, and I’m outta here. Just one more day.
Ivy: Hey, you two.
Alucard: Yeesh, it’s getting lonely around here.
Robo-Blonde: Yeah...
Alucard: Well, at least I have all the rocks to talk to.
Ivy: HEY!
Alucard + Robo-Blonde: Ahhh! What?
Ivy: We have mail!
Alucard: Okay...
Robo-Blonde: What’s it say?
Ivy: It looks like a telegram. It says...
“Last immunity challenge coming. Stop.
Test of pure will. Stop.
Hope you like the heat. Stop.
-Johnny Host”
Alucard: Fascinating, and stuff.
Later on, at Asmara Beach, the spot for the immunity challenge...
Johnny: Welcome, guys. I- *Suddenly, Johnny drops in the sand. Two darts are seen sticking out of his neck. Up walks...*
Alucard, Ivy, and Robo-Blonde: RAISTLIN!
Raistlin: That’s right, children. I am SICK of being forgotten just because I got voted off before the merger! I say bah to the merger!
Robo-Blonde: How did you get back onto the island?
Raistlin: Oh, it was easy. I just rented a speedboat and landed a little ways down the beach from here. Did you know that they have almost no security on this island? Anyway, I guess it’s about time for the immunity challenge, right?
Ivy: Right. But... what about Johnny?
Raistlin: Huh? Oh, this guy? He’ll be all right. They’re just tranquilizer darts. Nothing serious.
Ivy: No, I mean... how can we do the challenge without him?
Raistlin: No problem. *He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a slip of paper.* I found these on the way here. Johnny’s lines. *grins*
Alucard: Wow... and I always thought it was ad-libbed.
Raistlin: Well, you learn something new everyday. Anyway, let’s go ahead and get started. (reading) You’ll be ceremoniously walking down the beach course that we’ve set up here to get through to the actual challenge. First, walk down the path where the snuffed out torches of your former fellow castaways have been placed. Take a moment to pause and reflect on each person that went before you. Then, you’ll smear mud from the island on your body, to symbolize your becoming part of the island. Finally, you’ll walk through the doorway of hanging bamboo sticks and walk over the hot coals, which are burning at temperatures of over 1400 degrees Fahrenheit. *He rips up the first card.* Well, that’s pretty dumb, but I guess it’s the rules. Go ahead and begin.
The final three survivors nod solemnly; this is it. As they cross past the unlit torches with the former castaways’ names attached to them, they think about those people. We are treated to a special show of muted slow-motion clips involving each of the former castaways as nostalgic music plays.
*JMC jumps on Quanza’s stretcher and refuses to get off.*
*Moonditz refuses to join Enigma’s alliance in Gamtro.*
*A.E. Luna hits Deuce over the head with a piece of driftwood.*
*Warteen tries to convince Raistlin and Alucard that there’s an alliance.*
*Uncle Elmo grabs an entire pizza and runs away laughing.*
*Raistlin shoots Johnny in the back of the neck with two tranquilizer darts.*
*Shadow gives Ditzyhick a hug before he leaves the island.*
*Deuce sits around a campfire with the rest of Quanza and laughs.*
*Enigma tells Robo-Blonde and Ivy who to vote for.*
*Merlin sits down with MrDude and plays cards.*
*Princess Ditzyhick sits down around a table with Karn discusses what to do for the merger.*
*MrDude edges out Ditzyhick for immunity on the balance beams.*
*Karn_Evil_9 gets a cramp while swimming and comes up for air.*
After that little presentation, Alucard, Ivy, and Robo-Blonde rub the mud onto their arms, legs, and faces, and without a word continue through the doorway and over the hot coals. Finally, they reach the spot for the final immunity challenge. Three pillars are placed around a 10-foot-tall, thin totem pole looking object with the Can’t Get Kicked Off Talisman at the top of it.
Raistlin: Wow, that was creepy. I wonder how they put that footage of me shooting Johnny in there so fast? Anyway... (reading) This challenge will be a test of pure will. If you could each take your positions, please... *Alucard, Ivy, and Robo-Blonde each stand on one of the pillars.* It’s called Hands On the Can’t Get Kicked Off Idol. This test could take 5 minutes, or it could take 5 days. It’s all up to you guys. It’s an exercise in simplicity. The winner is the person who keeps their hand on the idol for the longest amount of time. Survivors ready? Begin.
And so, the challenge begins. At 1 hour...
Alucard: I’ve got an urge to sing 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.
Johnny: (walking up) Um... hey, guys. Anybody get the liscense plate number on that bus?
Raistlin: AIEEE!!
Johnny: Raistlin! I should’ve known that you were behind this!
Raistlin: Yeah, I guess so. Ha ha ha!!! Now America will love me instead of you, and you’ll be out of a job!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Johnny: I don’t think so. Security! *Two people who look like island natives come up and drag Raistlin away.*
Native #1: Oooh... he make good stew!
Raistlin: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Johnny: Well, now that that’s been taken care of... How’s it coming, guys?
Ivy: Boring.
Robo-Blonde: I’m kind of hungry. Johnny: I’ll see what I can do. *He leaves.*
At 1.5 hours
*Johnny walks backs up. He’s carrying three plates of fresh fruit.*
Johnny: All right, Robo-Blonde... Here you go. *He waves it in front of her face. She tries to grab for it with her left hand but he pulls it away.* Ah ah ah... just a sniff. *She smells the fruit.*
Robo-Blonde: You’re such a jerk...
Johnny: Not really. I’ll just set this right over here so you can get it whenever you want it. Ivy, would you like to smell yours?
Ivy: No thanks, Johnny.
Johnny: You sure? It’s fresh...
Ivy: Nah... I’m not a fruit person. I’m thinking that some hot oatmeal would be better.
Johnny: Okay.
At 2.5 hours
Robo-Blonde: All right, I think it’s time for a speech.
Ivy: Go for it...
Robo-Blonde: Well, I hope you two appreciate all I’ve done for you in getting you this far. With that, I wish you both the best of luck and whatever happens, happens. *She lifts both hands in the air, including the one on the idol. She walks over and sits down on the beach, munching on some fruit.*
Alucard: What the...?
Ivy: Robo-Blonde!
Johnny: Well, we’re down to two.
At 3 hours
Johnny: Okay you two, from this point on you’ll be changing positions every half hour. Just move one spot to your left. Keep your hand on the idol as you move, though. Go ahead. *Ivy moves to Robo-Blonde’s now vacant pedestal, and Alucard moves to Ivy’s. They’re both careful to keep their hands on the idol as they move.* So, Robo-Blonde, you enjoying yourself?
Robo-Blonde: Sure I am... You see, this was a calculated risk.
Johnny: How so?
Robo-Blonde: Well, hopefully whoever wins this will realize that they want the right person to go up against for the final Clan Council.
Johnny: And you’d make a pretty good match, I suppose.
Robo-Blonde: I guess so. If Ivy wins, I’m hoping she’ll realize that.
Johnny: What about Alucard?
Robo-Blonde: Well, Alucard has given me his word that he wouldn’t vote against me. That’s all I have to go on.
Johnny: I see. But what about this? You took yourself out of the competition pretty early, leaving Alucard up there alone. What do you think about that, Alucard?
Alucard: I don’t think it was a very nice thing to do.
Robo-Blonde: You see, I had a reason for doing that. I said to myself, “Look at the people you’re up against. You’re never going to win this.” So I just bowed out gracefully.
At 4 hours
Johnny: Okay guys. Time to move again. *For the third time now, the duo change positions. However, Alucard allows his hand to slip off the idol while moving. He quickly replaces it, but it has not gone unnoticed.*
Ivy: He took his hand off!
Johnny: I’m sorry, Alucard. That’s it. Ivy wins immunity. *He slips the Can’t Get Kicked Off Talisman around Ivy’s neck yet again.* I’ll see you three at Clan Council tonight.
Alucard (to camera): Well, I feel like a real idiot now. That slip of my hand probably... well, it probably cost me a million bucks.
That night, at Clan Council
Johnny: Welcome. Well, this is it. The last time we’ll be voting somebody off the island. After this, all that’s left is to determine the winner. But first, let’s bring in our jury, which is one member short of complete. *In walk Deuce, Enigma, Merlin, Ditzyhick, MrDude, and Karn. They sit down in their designated spots.* Now, for this vote, only Ivy, the person with immunity, will be voting. Alucard and Robo-Blonde can’t vote for Ivy and can’t vote for themselves, so their votes effectively cancel each other out.
Ivy: Well that’s just great.
Johnny: Sorry ‘bout that. Anyway, go ahead and vote, Ivy. You’ll be writing a name down on the piece of paper we have there. Maybe it’ll be Alucard, maybe it’ll be Robo-Blonde. Either way, you’re the one to decide who will go on with you and who will be the last person voted off Survival Island. Get to it. *Ivy departs and comes back.* Okay, guys. I’ll go get the voting jar. *He departs and comes back.* All right. I’ll spare you guys the speech. The fourteenth and final person voted off of Survival Island is... *He opens up the single slip of paper and shows it to the remaining survivors.* Robo-Blonde. Robo-Blonde, you need to bring me your torch. *She brings it to him.* In this case, Ivy has spoken. *He puts out the torch. Robo-Blonde leaves.* Okay, Alucard and Ivy. You two are the final two survivors. You’d better start thinking about your speeches to make to the final jury. I’ll see you tomorrow. *He leaves.*

ROBO-BLONDE’S FINAL WORDS
Robo-Blonde: Well, I guess I can’t complain. I had to accept the fact that I might walk away with third place, and I’m okay with that. Some might see it as a sign of weakness that I played this contest the way I did, but hey, I almost won the whole thing. That’s about it.

VOTES
Robo-Blonde- A.E. Ivy

*Theme music plays; cut to commercial.*
- - - - - - - - - -
*As we come back to the show, sad music is playing.*
Ivy (to camera): I might not win, but I don’t care. As long as Robo-Blonde didn’t win. She and Enigma played me for a fool during this whole competition, and I beat her in the end. That’s the important thing. I won’t mind losing to Alucard, but I’d still rather win...
Alucard (to camera): Wow. I didn’t expect to get this far. My strategy of acting completely insane really worked! Or was it, my strategy of hiding the fact that I’m completely insane...? Oh well.
Ivy: All that’s left now is the final Clan Council.
Alucard: Yep. Nervous?
Ivy: Definitely. You?
Alucard: Nah, not really. I guess I’m living on borrowed time anyway. By the way... thanks for not voting for me.
Ivy: Don’t thank me; thank Robo-Blonde. I had to get rid of her, win or lose.
Alucard: Whatever.
Finally, it is time. Alucard and A.E. Ivy walk through the woods to get to the Clan Council area one last time, as some of the jury speaks to the camera.
Ditzyhick (to camera): I’m really glad I didn’t make it further than I did. I wouldn’t have been able to lie and manipulate people like the rest of them. I don’t think I could’ve stood it much longer.
Deuce (to camera): I don’t even care about this competition anymore, y’know? I just want to go home now.
Enigma (to camera): It’s kind of hard to think about what I’m going to say to them. It’s been awhile since I was a survivor.
Finally, they arrive. Johnny Host starts off the final Clan Council. Johnny: Okay, Alucard and Ivy. This is it. One of you will be leaving tonight with $100,000 cash. The other one will be leaving with a million dollars, and an SUV. Who the winner is depends on the jury’s decision. To get started, we’ll have you make your opening arguments. Ivy?
Ivy: Okay. Well, I think the reason I deserve the money is because I used the best methods to get this far. I tried to befriend you guys, rather than play dirty and just go after you one by one. I would’ve gotten out of the alliance, but you all know I couldn’t. I regret some of the things I did while I was here, but I might not be here if I’d changed them. I just hope you’ll all remember that when you vote.
Johnny: All right. Alucard?
Alucard: Well, I’d definitely take a different approach than Ivy. I’d say that even though I didn’t exactly befriend any of you, I didn’t push you away either, so there’s no reason to be mad at me for any of my behavior. I know that I was kind of ruthless in my own quiet way, but yeah, it got me this far. I hope that you’ll consider who played the game best to be the winner, and not necessarily the person who deserves the money the most. Of course, that’s not to say that I don’t deserve the money the most, because I think I do. But it’s up to you guys.
Johnny: Fair enough. I’d just like to say a few words before we continue. Like ‘Card said, it really is up to you guys to pick the winner. However, you have to think about the definition of “winner.” This was a contest about survival. Perhaps if it’d been a contest of something else, neither of these two would be here. Certainly if this were about who was the nicest while they were here, you’d be picking between Ditzyhick and Moonditz. Maybe if it were for who’s most athletic, it would be Karn and Enigma sitting in front of you. If the author of this whole thing had any say, Warteen would probably be walking away with a cool mil and an SUV. If it was a contest for the cutest, well, that would be a fight to the death between me and Ditzyhick. But I’m not playing in this, you crazy kids! *He laughs. No one else does.* Ahem... anyway, my point is that this was a contest about survival only. Obviously the two people before you, Alucard and Ivy, were the best at surviving. They did what they had to in order to make it to the final two. Now the winner is up to you guys. Next, we’ll have any questions or comments from the jury in order to help them make their choice. We’ll go in the order that they were voted off, starting with Deuce. *Deuce steps up.*
Deuce: Alucard, Ivy... Pick a number, 1 through 10.
Ivy: Three.
Alucard: Seven.
Deuce: Okay, thank you. *He sits back down.*
Johnny: All right... Enigma?
Enigma: Hey guys, remember me? Okay, I’ve thought about this for a while. If you could put two people where you two are now, who would it be and why?
Alucard: I would say Raistlin, because he was a good friend to me, and umm... tough one. Probably Deuce, because we never really got to know each other and he seemed like a good guy.
Enigma: Okay. Ivy?
Ivy: I’ll say Moonditz and Ditzyhick, because they were both so nice during this contest.
Enigma: All right then. *She sits down. Merlin steps up.*
Merlin: All right, Alucard and Ivy. My question is, if you could change one thing you did while you were here, what would it be?
Alucard: I’ll have to say that I would’ve believed Warteen back when he warned us about the alliance. Then maybe I could’ve done something to stop it, and Raistlin would’ve been here, or at least in the jury. I’m still glad I got as far as I did, though.
Merlin: Interesting. Ivy?
Ivy: I’d have to say that I wouldn’t have joined the alliance. I know it got me here, but I had to sacrifice a lot to do it. It’s caused me a lot of pain and I really wish I hadn’t done it.
*Merlin sits down. Ditzyhick steps up.*
Ditzyhick: My question for you two is, what two qualities do you think most helped you get where you are?
Alucard: A sense of humor and being part monkey.
Ivy: Probably observation... like how I won that one challenge, by really listening to and connecting with people. And a strong will. Without will power, I never would’ve made it to where I am now.
Ditzyhick: All right, thanks.
Johnny: Okay, MrDude, you’re up. *MrDude steps forward.*
MrDude: Well guys, I don’t have any questions for you... I spent a long time with you on this island and doggone it, there are a lot of things I just want to forget about the both of you. *He smiles.* Anyway, I have a couple of things to say about you two. Ivy. You’re a very strong-willed person and I know you had to work hard to get where you are. Alucard. I enjoyed the time I spent with you while we were here. You’re a hilarious person and I think you have what it takes to go far in life: The perfect balance of intelligence and insanity. That’s all. *He sits down.*
Johnny: Okay... Robo-Blonde.
Robo-Blonde: I don’t really have anything to say, I just want everyone to know that there’s no hard feelings from me towards any of you and I hope you all feel the same way. *She sits down.*
Johnny: Karn.
Karn: All right. I have no questions, only statements. First of all, Alucard. I think you’re a rather deceitful person, even if you do hide it under a mask of cluelessness. You knew full-well what was going on the whole time, but you stayed with it. Still, I admire the fact that you were honest with yourself about that.
Alucard: Umm... okay...
Karn: Ivy. You know, I thought you were a real friend of mine. I opened myself up to you and I even shared my reward challenge with you. But in the end, you betrayed me. You lied to most of these people, and you lied to me. You changed your vote, causing me to be the one voted off. At first I was willing to come with you to the final three at least, and I would’ve been okay with taking third to you, a friend, and one of the other alliance members. But no. Anyway, you won’t get my vote tonight. My vote will go to Alucard, because even though he was deceitful, he didn’t backstab me the way you did. And I hope it’s that one vote that causes you to lose the million dollars. If not, so be it. I’ll shake your hand, and leave the island. But if I were to ever pass you on the street, and you were dying of thirst, I would not..... Okay, I would get you a drink. That’s a little harsh. But you know what I mean. I’m hurt. *He turns and addresses the jury.* Fellow jury members, I urge you to consider this point. On this island, we have basically only seen three animals. Snakes, rats, and monkeys. And in the final three we had Robo-Blonde the snake, who knowingly went after prey, Alucard the monkey, and Ivy, who turned into the rat. Eventually, the rat beat the snake, but let’s not think about that because it ruins my whole analogy. We have the rat and the monkey. I encourage you to have it the way Mother Nature intended it, and in the end, have the monkey evolve into a person and set a mousetrap to kill the rat. Or something like that. *He sits down, falls over, gets back up and sits down again.*
Johnny: Oookay. Boy, that guy gets a little weird when you give him a few beers...
Karn: Shut up!
Johnny: Jury. It’s time to vote. Remember that previously, you were casting a vote against someone, for them to be voted off the island, but this time, you’re casting a vote for the winner. Let’s go ahead and get started.
Inside the voting booth, for the last time
MrDude: *He writes “Ivy” on his paper. Below it, he writes “GO GIRL” in smaller letters. He folds it up and puts it in the jar.* I think what Karn just did out there, that was low. Where I come from, that’s what we call a sore loser. And Ivy, I hope you win this money, and you can stuff it in Karn’s face.
Ditzyhick: *She walks up. She holds her head, sighs, kind of laughs, and finally writes “Ivy” on her paper.* This is really awful. I mean, seriously... I came here voting for the other person, but something she said got to me. That thing about making friends with the people. She really did. So anyway, take the money, maybe it’ll make you a nicer person or something, I don’t know. *She leaves.*
Enigma: *She writes “Alucard” on her paper.* Well, I thought that he was good for a laugh, at least. Ivy had no backbone and was really annoying.
Karn: *He comes in, writes “Alucard”, and puts it in the jar.* Like I said, I won’t vote for her. I’d rather see Alucard win.
Merlin: *He writes “Ivy” on his paper and puts it in the jar.* No offense to Alucard, but I really think she’s the better person and she should win. Good luck, Ivy.
Robo-Blonde: *She writes “Alucard” on her paper and puts it in.* Alucard really proved to be loyal and I can honestly consider him a friend, which is more than I can say for Ivy. This is my way of paying him back. I know he would’ve done the same for me.
*Deuce walks up. He takes the cap off the permanent marker and smells it. Then, he slowly starts to write. We don’t see his vote.*
Back outside
Johnny: All right, guys, this is it. I’ll get the votes. *He goes to get the votes. The glow from the two remaining torches illuminates the nine anxious faces waiting to hear the voting results. Johnny reappears.* All right. Here we go. First vote... Ivy. Next vote... Alucard. Next vote... *He holds it up. It says “IVY - Go Girl.”* Ivy. Next vote... Alucard. Next vote... Ivy. Next vote... Alucard. All right, this is it. The last vote, and the winner of the first Survival contest is..... *He opens the vote, very slowly. He shows it to the audience. It says...* Alucard.
Alucard: YES! GOOOO TEAM ALUCARD!!! I mean, uh... no, I meant that. You guys rule!
Johnny: Congratulations, Alucard. You’re the winner.
*As the final ending credits play, Alucard is congratulated and handshakes are given all around. Finally, Alucard is all alone, sitting in the Clan Council area.*
Alucard: Wow... I really won a million bucks. It’s just so hard to believe. Well, I’m going to use some of it to buy my own movie, and the rest I’ll donate to the U.S. Department of Monkeys. Good night, America! I love you all! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

VOTES
Alucard- Robo-Blonde, Enigma, Karn_Evil_9, Deuce
A.E. Ivy- Merlin, MrDude, Princess Ditzyhick

And, there you have it! The first exciting season of Survivor draws to a close, with none other than our resident monkey-man, Alucard. Thanks for reading!

END CREDITS
Written and Innovated by:
Warteen - Adam Sanborn

Special Thanks to...
JMC
Moonditz - Karyn Bell
A.E. Luna - Laurel Alfson
Uncle Elmo
Raistlin - Matt Rickert
Shadow - Aloys Rode
Deuce - Adam Randall
Enigma
Merlin - Danny Kriebehl
Princess Ditzyhick - Kara Randall
MrDude - Jesse Jones
Karn_Evil_9 - Anthony
Robo-Blonde - Kendra Mowrer
A.E. Ivy - Liz Martin
Alucard - Chris Patterson
AND YOU!

Home

Wow, you’re persistent, aren’t you? Well, who knows what could happen in the future? Maybe, just maybe... we’ll have a Survival 2: The Australian Outback. But who knows? Thanks a million for visiting (note: talk to Alucard for your million). Bye!