The clouds are motionless
like a painting of a cotton ball covered sky
it is having no words for you to laugh at
and the conversation stagnates after an hour or two
suddenly everything is realer than life
we begin to fade into each other
in a swirl of smoke and alcohol
it is having no words for you to cry for
in the yellowness before dawn
and my tears are blood
from an artery that refuses to stop pumping for you
i hold myself above the world
until i am one with the clouds
still as death on a cold night
with your fingers prying me open
it is having no thoughts with which to relate
and you lie in non-waiting, non worrying bliss
as you slip your fingers into hot flesh
i feel the waves of pleasure eroding me away
it is having no eyes to see the truth
and no lips to convey this to you
i slip through your dulled fingers
as i fall from the clouds
it is curling up next to you
in the shadow of the lonely moon
and wishing my thoughts would end
the world is spinning for those that can see it
lines blur to mushed skeletal remains
somewhere, our baby is crying
left in her time of need
she lost her blood
but i had bled so many times before in the name of pleasure
and your hands squeeze my breasts
like i should have
for the milk i would have given her.
i shed no tears
i can't spare the moisture in a bone-dry calmness
i have slit my wrist a million times
just to drink
to wash the taste of you from my mouth
you've buried a fear in me that goes way beyond skin deep
it burrows deeper inside me than you have ever been
it is something i cannot shake
alone under the stars
i am deathly afraid of your hands
and keep waiting for your words
that never come.

-Kate 98