LESTAT AND LOUIS AT THE MOVIES
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the characters found herein. I don’t own the movies they
are referring to. I am not making any money off of this nor do I ever intend or expect to.
That being said, if you happen to find this and have a sudden urge to sue for copyright
infringement, please suppress it.
[Interior: A television studio. Two men sit in a mock theater, one with vibrant blond hair
and sparkling blue eyes, the other with long black hair and bright green eyes].
LESTAT: Welcome to Lestat and Louis At The Movies!
LOUIS: Yes, welcome, the movie we will be reviewing this week--
LESTAT: Not so fast Louis, I have to do my intro.
LOUIS: Lestat, it’s only a half-hour show...
LESTAT: [frowns] Hmm, well. I suppose we could set the formalities aside in light of
the fact that the movie we’re discussing is of particular significance.
LOUIS: Yes, this week we will be reviewing “Interview With The Vampire”, starring
Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.
LESTAT: And such a lovely movie it was, so let’s plunge right into the discussion.
“Interview With The Vampire”, directed by Neil Jordan, was adapted from a book of the
same name written by, um, *Anne Rice*. [giggles and turns to Louis] Isn’t that right,
Annie?
LOUIS: Stop it Lestat. I thought we were going to try and be serious about things for
once?
LESTAT: Well Louis, you never have to try very hard to be serious, now do you?
Enough of this banter though. What did you think of the movie?
LOUIS: [looking a bit confused] You’re asking *me* what I think?
LESTAT: [feigning shock] Louis, I’m genuinely insulted. Now before I change my
mind, why don’t you tell everyone what you thought about the movie.
LOUIS: I liked the book better.
LESTAT: Big surprise there. In any case, I was quite fond of it myself. I found it to be
an accurate account of things, and considering it’s from an *already* muddled
perspective, that’s saying a lot.
LOUIS: Lestat, I already said I was sorry. I thought we agreed to let bygones be
bygones.
LESTAT: Oh Louis, I didn’t mean it in *that* way. I’m perfectly aware that you never
*intended* to misrepresent me. Those suffering from depression are often known to use
exaggeration
and embellishment as a means of coping with difficult memories. What you did was
entirely understandable. [slight pause] Wrong, but understandable.
LOUIS: *Lestat!*
LESTAT: But I digress. Back to the movie then. The actors, I felt, were on the whole
faithful to their, um, literary counterparts. Wouldn’t you say so, Louis?
LOUIS: For the most part, yes. My particular favorite was Brad Pitt. [blushes] I’ve
never seen a man look so soulful, the depth of the emotion portrayed in that man’s eyes
was breathtaking. He was just-- [shudders].
LESTAT: Louis, Mon Dieu! Wipe the drool off your chin before it stains the silk
shirt I lent you!
LOUIS: [shakes his head as if emerging from a trance] Oh, what? Ahem. Pardon me.
You were saying Lestat?
LESTAT: I was discussing the actors, actually. I found one Mr. Tom Cruise to be a
more than fitting, well, me. He certainly had the beauty thing going for him. I’m so glad
Mr. Cruise opted for the blond hair as well, it really sealed the deal for me.
LOUIS: Whenever I saw him on screen Lestat, I could have sworn I was looking at you.
LESTAT: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Louis. Mr. Cruise did a phenomenal job,
much better than anyone could have hoped for. I’m sure in his portrayal of yours truly
he’ll inspire many a young girl’s fantasy, but let’s be honest, there’s simply no
substitution for the
real thing
LOUIS: Of course.
LESTAT: Now, what about Antonio Banderas as Armand? What’s your opinion Louis?
[smiles wickedly at Louis]
You seem to know Armand fairly well.
LOUIS: [glares at Lestat] Hmm, well, I do think Antonio handed in a fine
performance. As for him being a *proper* Armand, well, things just didn’t seem to fit,
you know?
LESTAT: My sentiments exactly. I always had the nagging feeling that as far as casting
is concerned, somehow Armand was getting the *shaft* in this film [snickers].
LOUIS: [shocked] Lestat! That was naughty!
LESTAT: Oh, I know. I just couldn’t help myself.
LOUIS: You never can.
LESTAT: True, true. You know me far too well. Now, on to Kirsten Dunst, the
magnificent specimen that portrayed my darling little Claudia.
LOUIS: *Our* Claudia.
LESTAT: Yes Louis, *our* Claudia. I found her to be quite convincing, didn’t you?
LOUIS: As a matter of fact, yes. It got a little eerie watching her up there at times.
LESTAT: I agree, nothing other than accolades to be given here. So Louis, what was
your favorite part of the film?
LOUIS: I’m not sure. It was all so wonderful and emotionally moving, the way it
unabashadly plunged into the depths of despair to examine the nuances of emotion and
suffering. [sighs deeply] I could go on for hours--
LESTAT: Moving on! As for myself, I particularly liked the scene in which Tom and
Brad were entertaining those two women in the hotel room. Now while I think the movie
people could have showed a little more insight as to what those girls were really like, so
as
not to paint me in such a *negative* light-- [glances over at Louis, who turns sheepishly
away] --I think that was one of the more amusing scenes in the film. If for no other
reason than getting to see that lovely Tom Cruise in tight pants and a frilly shirt. Ah,
those were the days, weren’t they Louis?
LOUIS: [sighs wistfully] As much as I hate to admit it, they were.
LESTAT: Now, I think we’ve already established the fact that the film was a fairly
accurate interpretation of the accounts given, given that said accounts were not really
accurate--
LOUIS: Lestat, please, can you just drop it already?
LESTAT: Lighten up, Louis. I’m just trying to stir things up a bit. Now, as I was saying.
The movie was extremely accurate as far as movie adaptations go, save for one thing. Do
you know what that one thing was, Louis?
LOUIS: Lestat, enough already! How many times do I have to say I was sorry--
LESTAT: Relax. I was talking about the ending of the film. The scene in which Tom
Cruise pounces upon the boy reporter in his convertible never occurred, and director Neil
Jordan said as much, so you’re off the hook for this one Louis.
LOUIS: Thanks.
LESTAT: As completely inaccurate as this closing scene was, I found it entertaining
nonetheless. The danger and recklessness implicit in such an act certainly smacks of
something I *would* do. As for going anywhere near Daniel...
LOUIS: [looking upset] What’s wrong with Daniel?
LESTAT: Louis, honestly. Sometimes your obliviousness shocks me. I certainly don’t
need to settle for Armand’s leftovers, much less yours. Having my screen
counterpart willingly bite Christian Slater’s reporter was about as unrealistic as it gets. I
mean, Christian Slater, *maybe*, but Daniel?
LOUIS: Leftovers? Lestat, that was a little harsh.
LESTAT: [ignoring Louis’ comment] Still, I *do* love the fact that *I* wound up
getting the
last word in the movie. How’s that for poetic justice?
LOUIS: Lestat, about what you said--
LESTAT: [glancing at his watch] Well, well. It seems as if we’re out of time. Until
next
time, my friends, when we’ll be reviewing-- [glances at a program sheet] Mon Dieu!
LOUIS: What is it, Lestat?
LESTAT: [rolling his eyes in disgust] We’re reviewing “Titanic” next week.
LOUIS: “Titanic”? Oh goody! I can’t wait!
LESTAT: Well, I certainly can! Until next week, my friends!
THE END
(
geocities.com/bourbonstreet/7814/text) (
geocities.com/bourbonstreet/7814) (
geocities.com/bourbonstreet)