The Velvet Underground
“Sieg heil!” – Nico
“*YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN*” – Me
“I really hate this band.” – Mark Prindle
Albums Reviewed:
The Velvet Underground And Nico
As a “music
critic,” I know I’m supposed to “like” the “Velvet Underground.” And I do, I guess, to a certain
extent, but this has honestly been one of the most disappointing bands I’ve yet
to come across. I sort of expected to be
disappointed when I started listening to their albums, which Al gave me and
commanded me to review under penalty of…um…actually, nothing (Al’s just
cool. He’s in
Lineup time! The main man, as you all no doubt know, is Mr. Lou Reed, sitting down in the front there. I dig him. I like his gravelly, monotone voice. It’s cool! His dumb voice is my favorite thing about the band. My least favorite thing about the band is “The Gift.” The other two people who stayed in the band for their entire duration (not counting Squeeze, which no one seems to count anyway) are second guitarist Sterling Morrison (the guy who looks kinda like an evil Roger McGuinn on the left) and drummer Maureen “thump, thump, thump” Tucker. I have no opinion on these people. John Cale is sitting in the back and looking cooler-than-thou in his “hip” sunglasses and shit pseudo-beard. He was responsible for many of the band’s early (poopy) avant-garde tendencies that I hate and suck, but the sound of a shrieking viola in a “rock” (quotation marks because the Velvet Underground “rock” as much as the Carpenters) song is unique and cool at times. He was replaced half-way through the band’s history by one Doug Yule, who’s not pictured here and is often LOATHED by Velvets fans for making the band “sell out.” However, these are the kinds of people who enjoy “European Son,” so we can’t really trust their opinion, now, can we? Finally, the blond girl in the front is the infamous Nico, and her voice, though better than Geddy Lee’s, still sucks butts. She’s only around for one album, though, so you don’t really have to worry about her all that much. Good stuff.
And, onto the reviews!
And fuck Grady Little.
Mike Noto (thepublicimage79@hotmail.com) writes:
you know that I like the
site, but these velvets reviews...
way to rip off Prindle/Marvel wholesale on opinion. seriously, CapnMarvel
makes the exact same points on the damn band, and Prindle gives most of the
same ratings.
and it's not even true that they were an avant-garde band. they just
incorporated avant-garde techniques into pretty basic and really catchy
'60's pop-rock songs. that ain't avant-garde - they're not exactly spouting
in made-up language (insert Nico joke here, whose voice I actually really
like).
so yeah, I really like this band. Fuck this shit about how they're "really
not that great" or whatever. At least they were unique.
The Velvet Underground And Nico (1967)
Rating: 7
Best Song: “I’m Waiting For The Man”
Now,
before all you Velvetheads (if there actually are any of you who aren’t rock
critics who’ve never actually listened to this band but say they’re awesome
because they’re rock critics and that’s their fucking job) get yourself
all in a tither about my relatively low rating for this record, let me add a
little more fuel to the fire: Believe it or not, this record has GROWN on
me. A
But I gave this album (and the next one, too) some extra listens, and they finally started to sound good to me around listen #5 or #6 or so. Now, it’s not like I’m gonna go recommend that people buy two albums that take six listens to “appreciate” and even THEN only get a 7, but they’re OK. By this point, the only two songs I still really hate are the two piles of unlistenable avant-garde bullshit at the end (“The Black Angel’s Death Song” and “European Son”), and I can safely state that nothing else offends me, even if Nico’s existence on this record is still ridiculous.
Fuck it all if this album isn’t still hideously overrated, though. “Sunday Morning” and “I’m Waiting for the Man” truly are fantastic songs, but nothing else here comes CLOSE, and the reason this album’s garnered the reputation it has after the fact (I mean, no one gave a crap about this band for, what, fifteen years (I actually have no idea, remember I wasn’t alive until 1982)? Whose idea was it to dig them up and proclaim them HIGH PRIESTS OF ROCK AND ROLL? Did Sterling Morrison slip someone a mickey?) completely escapes me, first and foremost because fucking Nico sings lead on three of the goddamn songs, and, I mean, who likes Nico’s voice? Anyone? Bueller? SHE CAN’T EVEN PRONOUNCE ENGLISH PROPERLY!!!!! What the frig is a “clon?” She looks and sounds like she should be in an Indiana Jones movie playing some psycho Nazi guy’s completely silent yet strangely alluring personal secretary. And when Harrison Ford tries to put a move on her (because really, let’s face it, he’s Harrison Ford and he can do what he wants), she gives him an icy stare of PURE, UNADULTERATED EVIL. Her monotone in “All Tomorrow’s Parties” quite frankly frightens me (and not in a good way), and she sounds ridiculously out-of-place singing the would-be-poppy-if-not-for-her “I’ll Be Your Mirror.” I like “Femme Fatale” a lot, though (even with the “clon” thing), mostly because of the neat “she’s a femme fatale!” backing vocals sung by actual people who aren’t psychotic blond Nazi ice queens.
I suppose there’s two classics here I’m supposed to like, huh? Well, sorry folks, but I don’t buy either “Venus in Furs” or “Heroin” as much as I’m probably supposed to. Neither of them sucks, really, but neither of them is really more than one boring, drony groove repeated ad nauseum until you want to fucking kill someone, though I guess I’d call them “strangely hypnotic” if I were in a good mood. Thankfully, I am! So they’re strangely hypnotic, even if they’re really boring. The sitar (Or viola? Or didgeridoo? Or Polymoog synthesizer courtesy of one Rick Wakeman?) line in “Venus in Furs” is spooky and neat, but it’s boring and overlong, and the repetitious “thud, thud, thud” rhythm of “Heroin” is spooky and neat, but it’s boring and overlong.
I really wish the band wouldn’t try to be avant-garde, because, in the humble opinion of this faceless web reviewer, they aren’t any good at it. The four normal songs sung by normal people who aren’t psychotic blond Nazi ice queens are all real solid, and, besides the opening two fantabulous tracks I mentioned before, “Run Run Run” and “There She Goes Again” are both purty darn good, for Lou Reed was a purty darn good songwriter when he wanted to be, and didn’t feel like jerking off his guitar for seven minutes and calling it “European Son.” They’re both just bouncy pop fun. I LOVE the weird, completely out-of-key and off-kilter guitar “solo” in “Run Run Run” (see, weird, dissonant, and avant-garde is FINE with me. Just don’t hammer one go-nowhere idea into the ground for seven minutes, that’s all I’m asking), and the goofy falsetto-ish “There she gooooes!” backup vocals in “There She Goes Again” are great forking stuff, my fine, feathered friend. “Femme Fatale” could be absolutely awesome, too (it’s still fine, but could be better), but they decided they wanted to have a psychotic blond Nazi ice queen sing it instead of Lou Reed and his cool, mumbly voice. Because they’re MORONS.
If you’re just skimming this review, I’m gonna put something all in caps and bold now so you’ll see it clearly: IF YOU’RE A YOUNG PERSON EXPECTING ONE OF THE BEST ALBUMS EVER MADE BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT ROCK CRITICS SAY, DO NOT BUY THIS ALBUM, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED. I mean, it’s honestly pretty good, but it’s really an acquired taste. And, even after you’ve acquired it, you’ll wonder if it was worth the effort.
And fuck Grady Little.
ddickson@rice.edu writes:
Dude. You haven't
pointed out that Nico's SUCH A FRICKIN' HOTTIE. One of
the MOST IMPORTANT things to note when discussing the Velvet Underground's
musical abilities. Sometimes I wonder, Brad. Sometimes. . . I. . .
wonder.
(By the way, there are PLENTY of women in rock who sing FAR FAR FAR FAR FAR
worse than she. Patti Smith, for instance. Kim Gordon, for
immediacy.
Yyyyyyyuck. But they write okay songs, so that's uber.)
This album is overrated, but nice. "Sunday Morning" rules,
"Femme Fatale" is
shibby, "I'll be you Mirror" is fantastiwastic, "There She Goes
Again" is
rockariffic, "I'm Waiting for the Man" is frickin' cool, "Run
Run Run" kicks
all sort of hum, and "Heroin" is AMAZINGLY FUCKING INSANE AWESOME.
The rest
of the songs pretty much blow, and they take up half the album, but hey!
Not
bad for a debut. Eliminate this record's mythic status and you've got
something decent.
White Light / White Heat (1967)
Rating: 7
Best Song: “Sister Ray”
The reasons that I like this album are completely unbeknownst to me. If you look at my musical likes and dislikes, then look at this album, I should HATE it. Hate it violently. But I don’t, and I might even like it more than the first album, even though I’m still not completely sure that it has any good songs on it. Could it be because they’ve taken their ugly, go-nowhere, heroin-addled “songs” and purposely enveloped them in layers of ugly feedback? Even though that feedback is so terribly produced that it gives me a massive headache whenever I listen to this album on headphones? Is that it? Am I just a sucker for loud, messy feedback?
No, I’m just a moron.
Either way, this album is cool, even if it actually sucks dick. The 8-minute goofy-story-over-ugly-feedback-musical-nothing asspile known as “The Gift” is completely and utterly unlistenable, but I honestly like every other track here. It’s almost the Tormato corollary (explained here) again, but I hesitate to break out my brilliant musical theory of awesomeness for this record because it actually has, you know, a GOOD reputation. Everyone hates Tormato and Never Say Die!, so I can say I like them because they actually suck and get away with it. But THIS album…why, it got five stars on the All Music Guide! Just like every damn thing this band’s ever released (why Loaded, which is just regular sixties pop like the Rolling Stones or something but not as good, gets five stars too, by the way, is a mystery on par with the Loch Ness monster and the whereabouts of Whitey Bulger to me)! It’s famous and influential and blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda! I can’t justify my affection for it by using the freaking Tormato corollary!
Ah, screw it. Sure I can. This album sucks ass. But I like it. Wanna make something of it, beeeee-atch?
I just like the ridiculous ugly feedback crap the band has pooped all over everything for absolutely no reason at all. So sue me. The title track and “Lady Godiva’s Operation” have about as much melody as a bowl of expired tater tots, but they’re COOL! They’re loud and messy and ugly! They sound like they have some energy, even though they blow rectum. I enjoy the weird sounds at the end of “Lady Godiva’s Operation,” too. The hell is that crap? I dunno! “Here She Comes Now” is just a nice pop song, the kind this band can write in their sleep without even trying when they want to (which for now is not very often…bastards), and “I Heard Her Call My Name” is the most energetic song the band ever recorded, and the only one that I can actually sort of groove too. Just bear in mind that all of these songs (except “Here She Comes Now”) will give you a headache because of the retarted feedback employed for no reason. So if you don’t mind music that gives you a massive migraine, you should be A-OK.
Oh, and I like “Sister Ray” a lot. Eat me. I do. It’s ridiculous. It’s awful. It’s terrible. It’s great. It’s like three or four chords that basically have absolutely NOTHING going on with them except feedback and generally ugly noises repeated for seventeen minutes, over which Lou Reed declaims (“sings” would be an inappropriate term) the same “melody” line (with different lyrics on each line!!! Oooooooo!!!!) over and over again five hundred times. But I like it. I even find all those weird, fuzzed-out guitar/organ lines really neat, and, goddamn it, even catchy (seriously). “Too busy sucking on my ding-dong! She’s too busy sucking on my ding-dong!!!!” Sure, Lou. Whatever. It’s cool with me, though. Just bear in mind that this song will ALSO give you a headache because of the retarted feedback employed for no reason. So if you don’t mind music that gives you a massive migraine, you should again be A-OK.
I’d probably give this record an 8 if it didn’t have “The Gift” on it, which is still one of the absolute worst things I’ve ever heard in my life. And, I mean, it’s safe to say I will never ever ever ever EVER listen to this record again. More or less the whole album is unlistenably ugly, which, even though that’s the whole reason I like it, isn’t something I want to subject myself to every day. It has all the same problems as the debut (except Nico), but WORSE, and without enough super-snappy pop songs to make it worthwhile, and the only major difference is that the band abused every song with feedback that’s so ear-grating it gives you a big, fat headache. And therefore I like it. That makes no sense at all, I know. Just bear with me this time.
And fuck Grady Little.
ddickson@rice.edu writes:
Jesus Mary Joseph fucking
hopped-up CHRIST. Have you seen the pics from
Orleans
coincidentally, moved to
I go to college in
refugees are taking over the motels here, my God. Sorry, I'm just a
little
overwhelmed right now. (This reader comment submitted 8/30/05, one day after
Hurricane Katrina.) We hardly got even any RAIN in
hundred miles away. Anyhoo, I go to that city about every other month for
recreation, so it just breaks my heart to see it turned into permanent
Speaking of which, this album rules much much more than the Banana album,
and is much more cool. It drowns everything in ugly putrid feedback, but
ugly putrid feedbackness has its time and place, and this is IT, Mack. At
least it's LISTENABLE feedback, unlike the yuck yuckity yucky yuck crap
on "European Concubine." Thank you for realizing that
"Sister Ray" is such
a GAS. It just kicks so much hintern, to borrow a Nico word!! But
you
should have liked "The Gift," because I do, and what I like is the
only
thing that makes sense. Or not.
At least there's some good solos in there. Only crap song?
"Here She Comes
Now." I mean, it's practically not there. Yeah, he's singing
about hot
bohemian sex, but whoopee. Not very catchy, that song.
I give this album a 9. Probably their best--I can't decide between it and
Loaded. Ha! Ain't that FUCKED?? Can't decide between their
most
ACCESSIBLE album and their most UNLISTENABLE one?? WHAT HAVE I BEEN
SMOKING
OVER THE PAST MONTH??
Nothing, really. Except for two cigarettes in
one DOES over there.
The Velvet Underground (1969)
Rating: 9
Best Song: “Candy Says”
Beau-tizz-izziful! Crazy, avant-garde viola-raping man John Cale exits, and “some guy” Doug Yule enters, thus turning the Velvet Underground into a normal pop band! WHICH IS WHAT THEY WERE BEST AT IN THE FIRST PLACE! Nice. And I call Doug Yule “some guy” because so many hardcore Velvet fans tend to despise the guy for turning the band into “pop sellouts” or some crock, but fuck that up the ass. Lou Reed can write a damn good pop song, and, without avant-garde viola man in the band, he went and did it! Doug Yule did nothing. He just played bass. Not that I actually know any of this for a fact. I’m just assuming, you see. I know Lou Reed rules, and I know that when Doug Yule assembled various studio hacks and continued the band precisely because it was a really, really bad idea, the album they released is supposed to be an absolute pile of manure. So I’m just assuming Lou had a lil’ more to do with the songwriting here than Doug. I think that makes sense, don’t you?
Man, this is a great album. The whole damn thing sounds like “Sunday Morning” from Nico. It’s great. I bet the cover is a picture of the band taken right while they were recording it. Nice men, in nice sweaters, playing nice little quiet pop songs that you can sit and smile nicely too. There are moments of “aggression,” but they still sound like the aural equivalent of the Snuggle bear. I suppose “What Goes On” could be classified as a “rocker,” and the weird, guitar soloing stuff going on in there is super-duper neat, but, I mean, it still “rocks” about as much as Bread or Air Supply. But a song doesn’t need to “rock” to be “good,” you see. It just has to be good. And these songs here? They’re good. VERY, VERY good. And Air Supply? They suck MIGHTY, MIGHTY ass.
There’s really not all that much I can say about this album. The band was always good at writing snappy little pop songs, and shitty (with exceptions) at writing avant-garde go-nowhere bullpoo. Now they’ve concentrated on writing snappy little pop songs, made them extra-quiet and intimate-sounding, and cost themselves the possibility of a 10 by not COMPLETELY abandoning their avant-garde tendencies with the 9-minute shitfest “The Murder Mystery.” I mean, it’s not awful like “The Gift” is awful (it’s fine and listenable), and the musical backing is actually musical as opposed to aimless feedback bullshit terribleness, but it’s still not good. Apparently, the two voices (one in each headphone) are supposed to be each telling a different story or some frig, but I can’t be bothered to actually pay attention and try to find out if that’s actually the case because I’m too fucking lazy to do that. And I don’t wanna. I mean, I honestly don’t give a crap.
“Candy Says” (sung by our friend Mr. Yule! Ha-HA!) is my favorite song here, with its nearly flawless melody and brief little falsetto tastiness in the “If I could walk away from meeeeeeeee” line, but this might be the most delightfully consistent record (outside of “The Murder Mystery”) I’ve ever heard. Scchhhhhhmoobie-doobie! “Some Kinda Love” has a kinda country vibe going on. “Pale Blue Eyes” and “Jesus” are quite possibly the two quietest songs ever recorded by anyone that I might ever like this much. “Beginning to See the Light” is the second pseudo-maybe-rocker (along with “What Goes On”), but its complete lack of distortion means it too cannot move beyond sounding like the Snuggle bear. “I’m Set Free” sort of has that hypnotic thump-thump-thump going on that some of the neater tracks on Nico had, but not really, and my main reason for finding the song splurgeterrific is the muted little guitar solo in there. “That’s the Story of My Life” is the second kinda-country-ish song, and “After Hours” provides us with the charming, hideously off-key vocals of Maureen Tucker, who sounds like a goddamn 5-year-old. Like the nice boys in nice sweaters who played everything else let their little cousin sing vocals on the last song just because they’re just such nice boys!!! And that’s the album! I’ve mentioned every song! Yay for me! Every song is good! Except for “The Murder Mystery!” Which SUCKS! But it could suck A LOT MORE! It could be “THE GIFT!!!”
I’m never really gonna be a huge
fan of the
NOTHING! I INSTEAD CHOOSE TO ACT INDIGNANTLY! AND THEN, WHEN THEY THINK I’M ABOUT TO LEAVE, I FART IN THEIR FACE!!!!! HA!
And fuck Grady Little.
Anonymous
Canadian Canuck From Canada writes:
Hey
Brad, wonna hear a funny story? A few months back me and some buddies
from Queen's University up in
I say) did some zoomers one night. After starring at our hands for a
while
and doing stuff that's fun on shrooms a couple of us decided it'd be sweet
to hear Murder Mystery by the Velvet Underground. Maybe it'd make more
sense or some shit. Anyway, we couldn't believe how cool it was so one of
my buddies decided to find a review on the net for it. And guess what he
found? You talking about Nazi Death Ice Queens and such. You're
lucky you
were at Harvard instead of Harvard North 'cause you pissed off a few
drug-addled students. Actually, just me. My friends were just like
"relax,
man. He clearly doesn't hate them- he just doesn't jive with that
European
Son sound." The rest of the night my thoughts were consumed with
EATING
YOUR DAMN FACE. It's cool now though. No need to call the cops or
anything. I've since read most of the stuff on your site and found it
pretty funny. Keep up the good work.
Loaded (1970)
Rating: 7
Best Song: “Rock And Roll”
I’m in good mood right now. Good things have happened. I know that I post these pages all at once, but I don’t write all these reviews at the same time, right? Right. And, so, since the last review, good things have happened. My life after college is still a giant pile of shit, but senior year appears to be looking up. Why is it looking up? Well, that’s for my good friends to know, and the rest of you to wildly speculate about. Feel free to email guesses, though. If you guess wrong, I’ll tell you you’re wrong, and if you guess right, I’ll also tell you you’re wrong. I mean, I’m not gonna blather on about my personal life on a world-famous music review website! That six people actually read on a regular basis! What do you think this is, a BLOG??? HA!
By that, ofcourse, I mean that this is the Velvets’ sellout album, which I find funny, because it would have been a sellout had it been released like four or five years earlier. It sounds like a 2nd-rate Rolling Stones album from like 1966…yet it was released in 1970! When the Stones were doing Sticky Fingers!!! Blerf. This album is so mid-sixties commercial pop it’s obscene. I mean, I don’t have a problem with mid-sixties commercial pop. Very good, solid era for commercial pop. Beatles and Stones doing very good things. But it’s 19-fucking-70, douchebags. Get with the times!
The album’s still fine, though, and I’d probably rate it about even with the first two “avant-garde” ones (and yes, I do mean that, Velvetheads, FLAME ON!!!!), but it’s really nothing more than “pretty good,” and it’s also the ultimate proof that critics will give a perfect score to ANYTHING this group releases that’s anywhere near decency. The third album rules, so I more or less agree with them there. The first two I don’t like so much, but I can recognize how influential and, well, different they are, so I can understand them too. But Loaded?? Huh? Am I missing something? It’s just REGULAR, SUB-STONES, MID-SIXTIES POP! RELEASED IN 1970!! The band is behind the curve here, people. Get your head out of your pooper.
Pull the tapeworm out of my ass (HEY!!!!!!) if “Sweet Jane” and “Rock and Roll” aren’t a few kick-ass tunes, though. Supposedly “Sweet Jane” is a Dylan ripoff (I sorta see it), but I don’t really give a frig, and I dig that guitar riff! They actually had like major studio money this time! So it’s audible!! Always nice. And “Rock and Roll” is even better, though it does prove, once and for all, that the Velvet Underground will NEVER, EVER, EVER, be able to “rock” in any sense. They’re clearly trying here. Trying oh so hard. But they can’t do it! They’re the least rocking rock and roll band in the history of music! But it’s OK, because the song is still cool. There’s like a “trying to be hard rock Jimmy Page dude but failing miserably” guitar solo at the end, which is neat. I just think the song is really fun and catchy. But it does not “rock,” even if it’s called “Rock and Roll.” You want a song called “Rock and Roll” that rocks? Listen to Led Zeppelin. They raise their goblet of rock quite effectively.
Everything else here is just, goshdarnit, OK sixties pop! In 1970! Fuck it up the ass. It’s fine and all, I mean…but it’s 1970! This is the least groundbreaking album I’ve ever heard! And it was released by the Velvet Underground! Supposedly the most influential and groundbreaking band in the history of the world! Don’t you find that funny? I mean, “Who Loves the Sun” is a nice, catchy song and all, but it’s also a wimpy, hippy, sappy nothing that belongs in one of those Time-Life “Best of the Sixties” compilation CD’s. In 1970!!!!! I will not stop hammering this into the ground. “Cool it Down” sounds like a second-rate Aftermath outtake or something. “New Age” tries to be moody, but fails. “Head Held High” actually tries more successfully to rock than “Rock and Roll,” but placed next to six-zillion other bands in 1970, it’s TAME! Because it’s from 1966!!!!! Still a nice song, though, and so is “Train Round the Bend,” which has a few tastefully avant-garde guitar bits strewn about to remind people this is the Velvet Underground and not the Turtles. “Lonesome Cowboy Bill” is dumb and country, though, “I Found a Reason” is an incredibly limp-dicked ballad shitbox, and “Oh! Sweet Nuthin’” goes on about five minutes too long. In the end, it’s just a nice sixties pop album that would be just another nice sixties pop album in 1966. But, since it was released in 1970 by the supposed most influential and groundbreaking band of all time not named the Beatles, I feel I must continually point out the fact that it’s just a nice sixties pop album, because that’s absolutely absurd.
And, on the All Music Guide, Black Sabbath’s Master of Reality is listed as a “similar/related album” to this one. This is quite possibly the funniest thing in the history of the world.
And fuck Grady Little.
VU (1985)
Rating: 8
Best Song: “Stephanie Says”
A nice little outtakes collection. So nice, in fact, that it ends up as my 2nd-favorite Velvets release! I think a lot of these tunes were supposed to be on the Velvets’ fourth random small label album (post-third album, pre-Loaded), and I can definitely see that. There’s a vibe similar to their superb third record going on, but the songs are more upbeat and bouncy (or relatively, since it’s still the fucking Velvet Boring Underground) than that one, more like the tunes on Loaded. So take something halfway between the two, and you get a rating halfway between the two. Funny how things work out like that, huh?
Whereas the third album was a random bunch of pop songs that formed an excellent, cohesive whole and Loaded was a random bunch of pop songs that formed a random sixties pop album released in 19-FUCKING-70, VU is a random bunch of pop songs that form a random bunch of pop songs. Being an outtakes collection, this shouldn’t come as a surprise, and it makes for an interesting lil’ listen, though the only real new thing you’re gonna get you haven’t heard before is the weird, moody organ thing “Ocean,” which I actually dig to no end for some reason. Everything else just sounds like a more upbeat version of the third album, which is perfectly fine with me, ofcourse. “Stephanie Says” is absolutely superb, for instance. Is this from when Cale was in the band? I dunno! It’s got a viola in it, though, so I’m just assuming. But it’s played melodically. He’s not just scratching his dick over it or whatever he usually does. And the melody in this song is absolutely ace. It might be my favorite Velvets song ever, although my “favorite Velvets song ever” probably wouldn’t even crack my top 500 songs ever by anyone, but it’s still a nice little honor. And what’s with these “(Female name) Says” song titles? “Candy Says.” “Stephanie Says.” We’ve got “Lisa Says” here, too. And it’s good! I guess I can’t complain about these song titles if I enjoy the songs themselves, but does this bother anyone else? Huh? Blerf.
Elsewhere on this puppy, you’ll find all sorts of stuff you’ve heard reasonable facsimiles of on other Velvet Underground records, but less fucking avant-garde than the early stuff and more unique and “Velvet-ey” than Loaded. “Foggy Notion” and “Temptation Inside Your Heart” are Velvet Underground pseudo-rockers that don’t really rock, but they’re solid. “Foggy Notion” goes on for seven minutes for no reason and thus annoys me, but “Temptation” is neat. There’s bongos and some other guy besides Lou delivering little asides about Martha and the Vandellas and shit. “One of These Days (I’m not Gonna Cut you into Little Pieces, Because this is NOT the Pink Floyd Song of the same Name)” has very interesting twiddly slide guitar bits in its second half. “I’m Sticking With You” is the closer, and, just like the third album, it features Maureen Tucker’s neat five-year-old voice. “I’m sticking with you! ‘Cus I’m made out of glue!” It’s quite possibly the most charming song in the history of the universe, and I make sweeping statements like that a lot, I know. It makes life interesting, I think. Or something. I’m babbling. I actually don’t know anything about music. My friend Stephen Thomas Erlewine ghost-writes all these reviews for me. My favorite band in the world is Good Charlotte. They’re not the worst band in the history of the world. Really.
No, really.
……..
No, really.
This review is short and uninformative, but what is there to say about this album? It’s an outtakes collection that provides very few new insights into a band that is very boring in the first place. It doesn’t have any dumb avant-garde poop in it, and it still sounds like the Velvet Underground, instead of a sub-Rolling Stones sixties pop band (in 1970!!!), and thus it’s my 2nd-favorite Velvets release, and one of only two to get a “recommended” rating. I still don’t buy these Velvets like I should, but I’ll admit they’re a nice band. Boring, but nice. Sorry, Al.
And fuck Grady Little.
Anthony Hansen (lumpy_monkey@hotmail.com) writes:
Who the hell is Grady Little
and why should I fuck him/her?