Now, Led Zeppelin are subjectively my favorite band. The Beatles are objectively my favorite band. Yes are probably the funniest band to me (unintentionally…they’re hilarious!). However, the Who are the most interesting band to me. They’re just FASCINATING. I mean, reasonably, they can be credited with the development of both punk rock (their debut album) and progressive rock (Quadrophenia). How cool is THAT! Pete Townshend would always have nervous breakdowns like every six months. They would all jump around on stage and smash their instruments and shit, except for John Entwhistle, who always stood PERFECTLY STILL. The band was always fighting with each other, always on the edge of breaking down…and yet it worked! At least until Keith Moon died and they DIDN’T immediately disband (like Led Zeppelin did), and kept touring and sucking money out of their fans. Entwhistle died recently, and the other two just kept on touring! Now, what the FUCK is that? Maybe under some circumstances you can lose your entire rhythm section and still in good conscience call your band by its original name, but NOT when that rhythm section is KEITH MOON AND JOHN ENTWHISTLE. I will NOT argue about this.

OK, onto the lineup, which I already pretty much elucidated (and which you SHOULD already know, anyway). From left to right, we’ve got bassist John Entwhistle (probably the most influential bassist of all time, and my personal favorite member of the Who). He wrote some damn good songs (“Boris The Spider?” “My Wife?” “905?”), and was, literally, a LEAD BASS player. That’s COOL. Then, moving on, we’ve got drummer Keith Moon, who sounds a little, um, hectic on his kit to me at times, but is entertaining as HELL nonetheless. No drummer sounded like Keith Moon. Ever. No one even TRIES to imitate him. It’s impossible. Now, next in line, there’s guitarist, chief songwriter, occasional lead vocalist, synth programmer, and utterly nervous wreck Pete Townshend. You know what? He has a big nose. Finally, there’s singer Roger Daltrey. Originally, he couldn’t even sing, which is funny. Around Who’s Next is when he developed that crazy yell you all know and love, and became one helluva singer. This is different from Geddy Lee, who started out as a bad singer, continued as a bad singer, and then matured into a bad singer. Fun band! And GREAT band!

Onto the reviews!

The Who Sings My Generation (1965)

Rating: 8

Best Song: “The Kids Are Alright”

If you don’t like middle or late-period Who and “all that rock opera bullshit,” then, buddy, take a listen to THIS record. You see, the Who had their collective shit together from the outset. The Beatles had SIX covers and eight originals on their debut. The Stones? ONE original. This record here? Out of twelve songs, a whopping TEN originals, all of which are tastier than nacho day in the dining hall. The two covers are unholy pieces of SHIT, but we’ll get to those later.

Honestly, I can’t really imagine what this puppy sounded like in 1965. The Beatles were still doing luvey-duvey pop and the Stones were a cover band, but here the Who bust out from the START with all sorts of shit. Pete Townshend is throwing funky feedback solos into the songs (who else was doing THAT in 1965?), including one in the first tune on the album, “Out In The Street,” which, like the other nine originals, is quite good. VERY quite good, even. You’ve heard “My Generation,” yes? Well, that’s on here, too. Ofcourse, unless you go to Yale, you probably figured that out from the title, huh? I don’t see why THIS particular song has become the Who’s signature tune (there’s better ones on this album!), but the line “I hope I die before I get old!” probably just sounded fucking COOL to those disillusioned “mods” or whatever the hell their fans were called. Dumb name, “mods.” Good song, though. The bass solo fills that Entwhistle contributes show why he’s probably the most influential bassist in the Michael Jackson’s HIStory of rock ‘n’ roll. Hey, the bass is a LEAD INSTRUMENT! Who’da thunk it?

It’s not like ALL they stuck on here is shit like that, though. It being 1965, there are a few lovey pop songs on the album, but they’re not bad! Not bad at all! They stick them next to each other, too, which is nice of them if you want to hear the (lyrically) darker shit like “A Legal Matter” or “It’s Not True” (nice lyrics to that one, “I’m not half-chinese either, and I didn’t kill my dad.”). “La La La Lies” and “Much Too Much” sound like they should have been on a Beatles record. Well, they’re not quite as damn CATCHY as a Beatles song, but that bass! That crazy maniac on the drums! And Keith Moon was EIGHTEEN when this record got made! When I was eighteen, I spent my days watching TV and consulting the oracle daily. Come to think of it, I still do that. Fuck, I lead a pathetic life. But hey! I’ve got this website to keep me occupied! And my MOUNTAINS of work!

And songs like “The Kids Are Alright!” Now THAT is one SMASHING pop song. It’s not like it’s any more groundbreaking than anything else here, but just so CATCHY! “The kids are aallllriiiiiiiiight!” They sure are! What, this isn’t enough for you? Just fun pop songs? You NEED something groundbreaking? Well, FINE THEN, YOU LITTLE BITCH! Put on “The Ox!” It’s a BASS INSTRUMENTAL! In 1965!!! How cool is that! Keith plays a hyperactive-on-crack drum rhythm, John lays down some of the loudest basslines I’ve ever heard in my life, and there’s some fucked-up vaudeville piano on top of it. In 1965! In NINETEEN SIXTY-FIVE! I hope you comprehend how cool that is. If you don’t, then I can’t be your friend any more. I’m sorry, but, well…you suck.

Oh, geez, I almost forgot about the covers! How can I do that! Stupid! Stupid! *Hits self over head repeatedly* Well, they suck. I mean they really suck. I mean they REALLY, REALLY, REALLY suck. “I Don’t Mind” and “Please Please Please” are both James Brown R&B covers, and the Who called their style of music “Maximum R&B,” but…jesus, they’re AWFUL. You see, Mr. Roger Daltrey did have a damn fine yell by the time Who’s Next came out, but in 1965 he just wasn’t that good of a singer yet, and these slow R&B songs depend entirely on the singer. And he sucks. So the songs are excruciating. Listening to him try to sound all R&B-y and go “Please, baby! Please, please baby!” just sounds pathetic. Stick to feedback-y pop songs.

So the Who started out as just a REALLY good pop-rock band! No opera bullshit! No synthesizers! Now, I like the opera bullshit, and I like synthesizers when they’re used well (which they are often NOT, but Pete knows how to work them), but that doesn’t mean I can’t heartily enjoy this album here. Because it’s good! You should all go get it today. What, you don’t have any money? OK, download it, then. What, you don’t have access to a fast modem? Well, then, you’re fucked, aren’t you?

A Quick One (1966)

Rating: 8

Best Song: “Boris The Spider”

Now what, precisely, is wrong with this album? It’s a bit of a hodgepodge, yes (actually, more of a GIANT, NONSENSICAL MESS), but the songs are cool! The utter incomprehensibility of this album comes from the fact that, for some reason, the record company thought it just might be swell for EVERYONE in the band to contribute material to their second album. But there’s a problem with that, since Pete wrote everything bar “The Ox” and the two covers on the debut. He was THE songwriter. This actually turns out pretty interesting, though. We learn something about each bandmember. About Pete, we learn that he was still a good songwriter (not that we didn’t know that already!). About John, we learn he was a fine little songwriter himself (he contributes my two favorite songs on here), and that he has a sick, perverted sense of humor that PERFECTLY jives with MY sick, perverted sense of humor. About Keith, we learn that he had no intention of writing real songs, and that he was a goofball, which we already knew, anyway. About Roger, we learn he can’t write a song for fucking shit.

Now, first the Pete material. Though the intention was for all four members to write an equal amount, this obviously wasn’t gonna happen (due to the fact that two band members had no interest or inclination to write anything), and so good ol’ Big Nose ends up filling the void. There’s three tasty pop songs like on the debut album, all of which are solid (check out the guitar thingy in the middle of “Run Run Run,” that’s some COOL feedback shit!), and Pete’s first (and BEST…just kidding) attempt at a “rock opera” with the nine-minute mini-opera “A Quick One While He’s Away.” As Pete explains so eloquently on the Live At Leeds album, it’s about a nice little lady who gets seduced (the SHOCK!) by Ivor the engine driver (DIRTY OLD SOD!!!). Not the most profound story, but entertaining nonetheless. Musically, it’s also entertaining, but pretty unsubstantial. It seems like a bunch of little one-minute songs grafted onto each other with no real rhyme or reason (except the oh so LEWD lyrics, ofcourse). Fun, though.

Now, the John material, and my favorite material on the album. John could never have been a real successful solo artist, since his songs are about such oddball stuff, but throwing one of his darkly comedic tunes into the middle of a Who record always has a nice effect, almost a break in between the all-profound-and-shit Pete stuff. “Boris The Spider,” which you might have heard, is brilliant. And so funny! “Look he’s crawling up my wall! Black and hairy very small!” “He’s come to a sticky end! Don’t think he will ever mend!” In between, ofcourse, we get the HILARIOUS “Creeeeeepy, craaaaaaaaawly, creepy creepy crawly crawly” section and the super-duper really really really REALLY low John enunciation of “Booooooooris the spider!” that just RULES mercilessly. John Entwhistle was one cool dude. And he wrote “Whiskey Man” for this album, too! Imagine that. It’s about an imaginary friend named “Whiskey Man” who John likes to get drunk with all the time. Then he gets throw into an insane asylum, where he sits in his padded cell and pines to see Whiskey Man again. Niiiiiiiice.

Now, the other material. Keith really didn’t want to write a song. He contributes two tracks, but only like half a song. “I Need You” sounds like a song originally (and the drums are mixed REALLLLY high (obviously), to the point where the cymbal crashes just give me a giant headache), but halfway through weird tape loops and recordings of people speaking at a party come in, and it sort of just gets fucked-up. “Cobwebs And Strange” is fucked-up for its entirety, however. An instrumental like “The Ox,” it sounds, literally, like circus music. The horn melody makes me look out my window to see if there are any elephants doing tricks out there. There USUALLY aren’t, but once I saw a really fat kid who kind of looked like an elephant.

Roger stuck a song on here too, and “See My Way” just sucks beyond all comprehension. “Some way, some day, I’ll find a way to make you see my way.” Jesus, I could have written that. No, Roger! NO! You don’t write any more songs anymore! No! It’s so bad it sucks more than the (thankfully) last R&B cover they ever stuck on an album, “Heatwave.” It’s better than the crapola-on-a-stick duo on the debut, since it’s fast and Roger doesn’t have to try to actually sing (he still hasn’t found his voice yet), but it’s still not that good.

Quite an interesting hodgepodge, ain’t it? Three normal Pete songs, a mini rock opera, two funny/quirky/darkly comedic John songs, two weird Moon things, a piece of shit Roger song (the only one he ever contributed, thank GOD…he listened to me, apparently), and a mediocre R&B cover. It may not seem like much, but only the Roger song and “Heatwave” are bad. The Pete stuff is all good, the John stuff is GREAT, and the Keith stuff is entertaining as HELL. An 8, I say! People tend to view this as a letdown from the debut, and it is, sort of, but it’s still perfectly fine in its own right. Even if Roger can’t write a song.

The Who Sell Out (1967)

Rating: 7

Best Song: “I Can’t Reach You”

Now, THIS one is massively overrated. Those people that call it a “pop masterpiece” obviously smoke loads and loads of CRACK, because it’s just not that good. Now, it’s not bad, obviously, getting a 7 and all, but I just can’t see what all the fuss is about. Not at all. It’s a concept album, and a funny one at that (but not as funny as the album cover! Roger’s in a TUB OF BAKED BEANS!). The basic idea is a pirate radio broadcast, essentially, so in between all the “normal” Who songs we have radio jingles and segways (“it’s smooooooooth sailing with the highly successful sounds of wonderful Radio London!”) as well as some product jingles the band wrote. Now, even though this record isn’t that far above mediocre, I actually LIKE some (not all) of the ad jingle stuff. It makes the album funny, in any case. For a minute I considered giving the best song nod to “Heinz Baked Beans” (“What’s for tea, daughter?”) just to be a wiseass, but I thought better of it. I figured it’d be better to give it to an actual song, y’know? And “I Can’t Reach You” is certainly a worthy honoree. It’s a DAMN beautiful love song with some pop-TASTIC piano stuff. Smooooooooooth sailing.

The problem I have with this album, besides some of the ad jingles that don’t work (what were they THINKING letting John stick “Medac” on here? It’s about ACNE CREAM!), is that the band just doesn’t know what they want to be. It being 1967, they obviously wanted to jump on the psychedelic bandwagon, so they try that a bit. “Armenia City In The Sky” sounds like it REALLY wants to be on Magical Mystery Tour, but it can’t make the cut because it’s just NOT THAT GOOD. It’s got that weird “psychedelic” horn thing, and all sorts of “psychedelic” tape loops and shit, but the Who weren’t a psychedelic band! They were either a pop band or a rock band, depending on your definition of those terms, but they were NOT a psychedelic band. Give me some rock and roll!

Oh, here we go, it’s the famous hit everyone knows from this record, “I Can See For Miles.” Like “My Generation” from the debut, I can’t quite see why this song has gotten a reputation at the expense of so much other material (like “I Can’t Reach You!” That’s a good song.), but I like it nonetheless. It’s got all defiant-and-crap lyrics like “My Generation” (hey, maybe THAT’S why those songs are so famous, hmmm…), and it’s a good rockin’ time. It sounds psychedelic-tinged to my oh-so-untrained ears, too. Whatever. And it comes right before “I Can’t Reach You!” Cool! After those two “I Can’t…” tunes, they have to go and FUCK EVERYTHING UP, though, with that stupid “Medac” which I mentioned before. It’s funny, sure, but it’s also dumb and, um, DUMB. Do we REALLY need to hear a sub-one minute jingle about some kid with too many zits? I was just getting into the record! Stupid John Entwhistle.

Now, though I THOROUGHLY dislike “Medac,” I do enjoy some of this ad stuff. Actually, to be more specific, I enjoy the short little radio promos that AREN’T songs in themselves and “Heinz Baked Beans,” which is a minute long but sounds a little TOO much like an ad jingle (it’s HIIIIIIIILARIOUS). When the band goes and writes full (more or less) songs about fictional products, well, they suck. Besides “Medac,” we’ve also got Pete’s wonderfully annoying “Odorono,” an ad for a deodorant that tells the sad story of a woman who lost her man because “she should have used Odorono.” She REEKED, my friends, and that’s funny, but it doesn’t make the song any good. The good thing is they ran out of time with these dumb ad jingles, and so a lot of the second half of the album (besides fucking “Medac”) is just pop (or rock, or shit, or something…they had no fucking clue WHAT they were doing at this point) songs about NORMAL stuff instead of deodorant and acne medicine. Like “Relax!” That’s a good rock and roll song. And the fun John pop song “Silas Stingy,” about an old cheapskate money-hoarding FUCKFACE. The “money money moneybags!” part is brilliant. Then at the end we get a few little Tommy previews, which is nice. In the pretty acoustic ballad “Sunrise,” Pete briefly plays the chord sequence that resurfaces in “Pinball Wizard.” The closing even-more-mini-than-“A Quick One” mini-opera “Rael 1” is mediocre, but it’s got that cool guitar line from “Underture” in it, so that’s a cool little historical note.

This album is funny and pretty entertaining, but nothing to go and assrape Ted Kennedy about. That would come later.

Tommy (1969)

Rating: 9

Best Song: “Pinball Wizard”

Hey kids! Why don’t you come and gather ‘round old Uncie Brad, and I’ll tell y’all a story. You like stories, don’t you? This one is about a young boy named Tommy. His dad goes off to war, and gets killed (so sad!), or so his mom THINKS. She finds another man, but his dad comes home from war (he was alive!), sees the new man, and KILLS him. Tommy didn’t like this very much, no he didn’t! So he became blind, deaf and dumb. Poor Tommy! All he’d do is sit and stare at himself in the mirror all day. He had all sorts of wonderful adventures! His evil cousin beat him up, his family took him to a gypsy prostitute to try to get his senses back, he was molested by his uncle. Then he learned how to play pinball! And he got really good! Oh, yay for Tommy! His family heard about a doctor who could cure him, so they took him there, but he couldn’t do anything. It looked like, except for pinball, that was it for Tommy, but then his family smashed apart that mirror he was always staring at, and he magically got his senses back! Yay for Tommy! This miracle became big news, and soon Tommy became famous! He was a messiah! Little girls would try to touch him at his public appearances, but get beaten up by his security guards! But this wasn’t Tommy’s fault! He was a GOOD boy! And he even started his own camp to share the gospel with his followers, but then he went too far and the campers rebelled against Tommy. The fact that he was a messiah went to his head, children, and the moral of the story is: PINBALL IS COOL.

OK, it’s a dippy plot. Check that, a VERY dippy plot, but the first double-LP fully realized conceptual rock opera in the existence of rock AND opera, despite having one of the stupidest storylines in the HISTORY OF MORTAL MAN, is one DAMN good rock and roll album. Good guitar lines, good melodies, just GOOD SONGS, my friend. And, fuck my anus, it’s REALLY an opera! There’s an “Overture!” And an, um, “Underture!” And a bunch of musical themes, all of which are brilliant, repeat themselves a whole bunch of times throughout the album. You all know “Pinball Wizard,” I assume. Well that “two guitar chords followed by the BU-BUM” thing is also in about five or six OTHER places, and each time it’s different. Faster here, slower there, a piano instead of the guitar here, a horn instead of the guitar there. Good stuff. And the “See me, feel me” and “Tommy, can you hear me?” vocal lines, as well as that guitar line that was in “Rael 1” are also all over the place. A super-fascinating listen, this one is.

And the instrumentation! Later on, Pete would have a tendency to go a little TOO hard into bombast (though I usually don’t mind), but there’s no synths on here. Those are still one more album down the road. There’s more acoustic than electric guitar! Occasional and well-placed horn flourishes! Piano and organ chords here and there that sound OH SO PRETTY! The drumming is mixed AWFULLY (it sounds like Keith is beating on empty soup cans), but that’s a minor quibble.

And the songs! Well, there’s a lot of ‘em. There are twenty-four tracks, according to the AMG (I have two long mp3’s, one for each LP), and TEN of the record’s seventy-five minutes are taken up by the first LP-closing “Underture” (an instrumental which many seem to find boring and dull, but I QUITE like, thank you very much!), and so what does that leave us? A whole bunch of really short, dippy, plot-linking songs interspersed among the super-duper shit like “Pinball Wizard” and “The Acid Queen” (which details the gypsy prostitute episode). “Do You Think It’s Alright?” is twenty seconds long and entails someone asking if it’s alright to send Tommy to his uncle Ernie’s (the answer should have been NO since Uncle Ernie is a PERVERT, but apparently Tommy’s family is a bunch of moron retards…I mean, it took them HOW LONG to smash that mirror up? Seems pretty obvious to me, in retrospect). “There’s A Doctor” is also twenty seconds long and basically has someone going “Hey! I found a doctor who might be able to cure Tommy!” “Miracle Cure” is the stupidest of the bunch, a ten-second announcement of “Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The pinball wizard and the miracle cure!” It’s these short, dippy things that keep the record from being 10-worthy. The second LP crams fourteen tracks, almost half of which are under two minutes long, into thirty-four minutes, so it just seems a bit scattershot. But it’s got “Pinball Wizard” on it! And “Sally Simpson!” And “We’re Not Gonna Take It!” Oh man, those songs RULE. Tommy rules. Even if it’s got a dippy plot, at least I can FOLLOW it, which is more than I can say for that OTHER rock opera they did (though it’s damn good as well). Oh well, forget all the hype and anti-hype and anti-anti-hype and anti-anti-anti-hype about this puppy and go get it!

Oh, and I’ll give you ONE guess as to who wrote the songs about the abusive jackass cousin (“Cousin Kevin”) and the pervert molester uncle (“Fiddle About”). That’s right, ofcourse, it was John Entwhistle! He’s a goof. A DARK goof. And he played a mean bass guitar.

Live At Leeds (1970)

Rating: 9

Best Song: “Magic Bus”

The Who were once (are they still? I dunno…I can’t tell you people EVERYTHING) in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the loudest band of all time. Pete Townshend is pretty much completely deaf now, which is a shame, but what caused this was that the Who were a kick-ASS live band, or so goes the reputation. This being the only live Who I have (no, I’m NOT about to get Live At The Isle Of Wight Festival, why do I need two live albums from the same year? I DON’T CARE if they’re both really good. It’s POINTLESS. Plus the other one’s a double, so that’s $25 I want to hang onto and spend on the choicest black tar heroine I can FIND! (Note: I now have it, review below, and the black tar heroine was choice)), I have nothing to say to dispute that claim. Wait…what claim was that? Oh, right, that the Who were a great live band. Stupid fucking three-line parentheses. I’m a moron, folks.

Now, before I get to why this thing rocks harder than Yanni and John Tesh COMBINED (as shocking as that claim might be), let me make a few complaints. First, “My Generation” is FOURTEEN minutes long on here. That’s too goddamn long. In the middle they go into sections from Tommy and stuff for no reason. Blerf. Second, the mixing is a little annoying. The drums and singing are right in the middle (as they should be), but the guitar is EXCLUSIVELY in the left headphone and the bass is EXCLUSIVELY in the right headphone. This is cool on one level, because I can follow what Pete and John are doing much more easily. However, it’s annoying because, well, he guitar is in one headphone and the bass is in another, and over the course of seventy-plus minutes that’s fucking dumb. Usually Keith Moon is going so nuts in the middle of my head I don’t even notice, though.

Plus, the songs are so good! There have actually been three separate releases of this album. The original one only had six songs on it (no doubt including “My Generation’s Cousin, The Pointless Jam”), but the first re-release (the one I have) fleshed this bitch out to fourteen tracks and seventy-seven minutes. There’s been ANOTHER re-release since I picked my copy up, this time a double CD with the ENTIRE live rendition of Tommy on it (as opposed to just “Amazing Journey/Sparks,” which is what’s on my copy). I’d recommend what I have, unless you want to spend an extra $15 for some live Tommy. This functions just fine, thank you! Good lord, you wouldn’t know it from listening to a lot of their studio material, but the Who, when pressed, just ROCK OUT mercilessly. I mean, check out some of this stuff (most of which isn’t even on their four official albums thus far). “Heaven And Hell?” ROCK! “Young Man Blues?” ROCK!!! “Summertime Blues?” RRRROOOOOOOOOOOCK!!!!! You know “Summertime Blues,” don’t you? It’s that old Eddie Cochran tune, “but there ain’t no cure for the summertime bluuuuuuuues!” Man, do the Who rock out on it here. And John breaks out his “Boris The Spider” low, raspy, funny voice! “Son, you gotta work late!” That’s good shit.

And they even make their early poppy (and NOT on their albums) singles rock out! “I Can’t Explain” is one of the best damn songs they ever did. Probably my favorite early Who single. “Substitute?” “I’m A Boy?” “Happy Jack?” MAN, what great songs! And just LISTEN to Entwhistle’s bass on this album. He’s a fucking BEAST. Some of the basslines he lays down are the coolest, catchiest basslines I’ve ever heard, and man can he play LOUD when he has to (listen to one part of “I’m A Boy” for proof). That’s good shit.

But, being a goofball, my favorite track here is “Magic Bus,” even though Keith Moon doesn’t even play real drums for half of it (he bangs two wood blocks together) and John’s bassline has a total of ONE note repeated over and over again. You know why it’s my favorite? Because it’s SO GODDAMN FUNNY! Well, that and Pete’s guitar playing, which really is brilliant. Pete and Roger have this discussion about how much Roger’s gonna pay for the bus. “You can have the magic bus for ONE HUNDRED English pounds…” “Too much!” And the “I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it…” “You CAAAAAAAAN’T HAVE IT!” It’s so fucking hilarious. I can’t really do it justice here, but it unfailingly makes me smile like a little kid when I hear it. And then the rest of the band comes in half way through and kicks my ass. B-B-B-Booyeah! That’s good shit.

I’d say, if you don’t like all the artsy-fartsy Who or the needless-bombast Who or the early-poppy-singles Who (though that pretty much leaves out EVERYTHING they did, now that I think about it…), and just want to ROCK OUT, DUDE, then this should be your first Who purchase. Even if it is a live album. Because it, like, totally RRRRRRRRRRRRROCKS, DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!

Live At The Isle Of Wight Festival 1970 (1996)

Rating: 9

Best Song: “Amazing Journey/Sparks”

Although I said I’d never bother to locate, listen to, and review this particular live album in my Live at Leeds review, that was before I was surrounded by the wonder that is the Suffolk County Library System, which has just about every CD ever made as long as it’s by an old white guy (so those Sly Stone and Public Enemy pages are gonna have to wait, I suppose). And so now that I have it, and in my never-ending quest to remove every “Epilogue” paragraph from this site except the ones on the Doors (without Jim Morrison? Bah!) and Black Sabbath (do you wanna listen to all that shit?) pages, I present you with a hastily-written, poorly thought-out review. So here goes.

Were it not for the fact that this album, an archive release from a concert only a few months after the recording of Live at Leeds, contains a 90%-complete live rendition of Tommy (minus “Sally Simpson,” the entire “Underture” suite, and some other stuff they probably never played live anyway), it would be totally redundant with Live at Leeds and useless to get. Yeah, it’s got a couple interesting proto-Lifehouse tunes like “I Don’t Even Know Myself,” “Water,” and “Naked Eye,” but bar possibly the latter, trust me when I say these are not the high points of the album, and you can probably find studio versions of a couple of them on that Odds and Sods compilation thingy also (not that I have that…no, I’m just speculating irresponsibly, as I am wont to do). So all the random covers and doohickey like “Heaven and Hell” and “Young Man Blues” and “Summertime Blues” are here too. The band is louder here than they were on Live at Leeds (somehow), and at times they almost sound like they’re about to come unhinged, which is cool because it kicks total ass and Pete’s guitar tone is vicious, but not cool because Pete fucks something up like every other song and a few songs kind of meander around due to the general disorganization of the show (I’m talking specifically about “Young Man Blues” here, for instance). But it’s still LIVE WHO, and all the ingredients are here, including but not limited to Keith’s insano kit-orchestra, John’s headache-inducingly loud lightning fast bass runs, and Pete’s crashing riffage, as well as Roger’s dancing around in front in a tassled jacket and spinning his microphone like a gaywad, as he is wont to do. It’s farging great, but not the kind of insano-super-duper-amazing great that would induce me to give a live album a 10, mainly because the tunes that overlap with Live at Leeds are usually better on that one.

But it’s got the live Tommy, and that’s why you still need it. In studio, Tommy was full of acoustic guitars and subtle, catchy little melodies. Live, Tommy is all-electric and MONSTROUS. You have simply not lived until you have heard a fully kick-ass live version of Tommy. The clever little acoustic runs are replaced by Pete bashing his electric like he’s angry at it, John pretty much invents bass lines as he goes along and they all kick ass, and Keith is totally unhinged behind the kit. To really see this band live must’ve been something else, I tell ya. I was totally born in the wrong decade. I also have little more to say about this thing, since half of it overlaps with Live at Leeds but isn’t as good (especially “Magic Bus,” which is given an electric treatment, only goes for four minutes, and has NO WOODBLOCKS!!!), and the other half (which is split up onto the 2^nd half of disc 1 and the 1^st half of disc 2, which is fucking retarted) is a completely awesome live rendition of Tommy that’s probably redundant with the new re-re-release double-expanded version of Live at Leeds that has that full rendition of Tommy also. The version of “Amazing Journey/Sparks” you find here is just about a religious experience, or at least it would be if I weren’t heathen atheist scum. The Who were not a half-bad band.

axel.bundy@yahoo.com writes:

You have at least seen the Isle of Wight 1970 right? If not, do yourself the favor. The thing that makes the WHO different from all of the groups that they are commonly get classified with, is that, though they were obviously tremendous musicians, there was such a large visual element to their live act. Of course, if people say that they were the best live rock band, (which I happen to agree with) it was only for about 3 or 4 years when Moon could actually still play like Moon. I have been playing drums for 8 years now, and my opinion is that, obviously there are better technical drummers than Keith Moon. He isn't even in the discussion with some of the great jazz drummers. However, I haven't seen a drummer who was able to express his personality and the personality of the band quite like Keith Moon did. His drumming style, which, as far as I can tell he completely invented and perfected himself, was really the foundation of the WHO's sound. No drummer I've seen has looked so natural and effortless in his playing. Sure he was erratic at times, but that ragged sound was something that the band often tried to exaggerate. The fact that he didnt have to be completely perfect all the time allowed him the freedom to just let loose and really become one with the instrument. The WHOs sound was never intended to be pleasing to the ear. Their goal was to bring the energy level of a crowd up as high as they could, and by whatever means necessary. They could do that better than any other band I've ever seen. And Moon gets bumped up to the top of my list for being a true pioneer of the instrument. All rock drummers that have come since are products of Keith Moon's creativity, innovation, and musical genius.

Meaty Beaty Big And Bouncy (1971)

Rating: 9

Best Song: “I Can’t Explain”

This is a compilation of all the best early Who singles. Song for song, it’s pretty much the best Who record you can get. So, why no 10? Well, a few reasons, none of which in involve the actual quality of the music (which is ORGASMIC, by the way). First, it’s a compilation, and I’d feel all dirty and slutty giving a compilation a 10. Second, it’s out of print, so you’ll have to download it or find it on E-Bay or get an import or something (take a WILD guess as to what I did…), because you WON’T find it in a regular record store (though I saw a copy in Newbury Comics a few days ago!). Third, it’s more or less obsolete, since the My Generation: The Very Best Of The Who compilation has twelve of the fourteen tracks here, plus all of the Who’s best late-period songs (and “Squeeze Box,” which sorta sucks). It only leaves off “A Legal Matter” (eh, no biggie) and “The Kids Are Alright” (BIGGIE! VERY BIG FUCKING BIGGIE!), but it’s got everything else. I still stand by my declaration that, on a song-by-song basis, this is THE BEST WHO RECORD YOU CAN HAVE. But it’s an out of print obsolete compilation, so I can’t in good conscience give it a 10.

Oh, I should probably tell you what songs are on it, shouldn’t I? Well, since the ‘60’s were weird and stupid, more than half the material here ISN’T on the Who’s regular studio albums (though a bunch of it was on Live At Leeds). From their albums, we’ve got “The Kids Are Alright,” “I Can See For Miles,” “My Generation,” “Pinball Wizard,” “A Legal Matter,” and “Boris The Spider.” Then there’s EIGHT MORE SONGS that were only released as singles! Look at these puppies: “I Can’t Explain” (best early Who single EVER), “Happy Jack,” “Pictures Of Lily” (about MASTURBATION!!!), “The Seeker,” “Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhere,” “Magic Bus,” “Substitute,” and “I’m A Boy.” Just typing out all of those song titles in ONE album review nearly made my head explode. MAN, are those GREAT SONGS!

But it’s an out of print obsolete compilation.

And it doesn’t have “Baba O’Riley,” “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” or “Who Are You” on it.

BUT IT FUCKING RULES MY ASS!!!!!

But it’s still an out of print obsolete compilation.

Who’s Next (1971)

Rating: 10

Best Song: “Won’t Get Fooled Again”

Who is this band playing in my speakers? It says “The Who,” but didn’t they just release Tommy two years ago? Even though it was a rock opera and all, it still sounded so young and immature and fun! The band sounds like they aged ten years in between albums! So MATURE and such! Oftentimes, this can be a bad thing, but on this record here, my personal favorite Who album, it is not at ALL a problem, because the material is just so fucking GREAT.

And our old friend Pete has discovered synthesizers! But don’t fret, with the exception of two songs, they’re VERY far in the background and only serve as light (and super-duper!) embellishments to the tunes. And the two songs that are very much synthesizer-based? Well, they’re “BABA O’RILEY” AND “WON’T GET FOOLED AGAIN!” The two best songs the Who ever did, and two of the best songs of all time! And, since when you have two songs such as this it’s what you SHOULD do (I’m looking at YOU, U2), they serve as the album opener and closer! “Baba O’Riley,” which you might know as the “Teenage Wasteland” song, uses the 2^nd cleverest synth loop I’ve ever heard as one of the best intros EVER, before the “BUM…BUM BUM!” chords come in, and awwwwwww man, it’s the SHIT. And there’s a fun fiddle solo at the end! Boo-yeah. Then the closer, “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” which you might know as “YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH” (Roger’s SURE found his voice, alright), uses the 1^st cleverest synth loop I’ve ever heard, along with some of the loudest guitar chords I’ve ever heard, to create a truly and surely ORGASMIC experience. And don’t you love how the song goes away for like two minutes, and all you’ve got is the synth loop, then Keith Moon does like four false drum intros before it comes back, and Roger yells really loud, and sings that “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss” line? That’s cool. Just as cool as the rest of the song.

Oh, but look, there’s thirty minutes of space in between those two tunes! How do they fill it up? VERY WELL, grazie! “Bargain,” which you might know as the “best I ever HAAAAAAAAAD” song from the Nissan (was it? Some car company, anyway) commercials, rocks HARD. Keith’s drumming is especially neat here. He uses lots of rolls all over this album (sometimes a little too much, but ALWAYS fun to listen to), but he REALLY goes roll-happy in this song. It’s a TREAT! Ofcourse, we’ve also got “Behind Blue Eyes,” which you might know as the “Nobody knows what it’s like, to be the bad man…” song. It starts out real purty and acoustic and such, then starts kicking ass. And John Entwhistle contributed his second best song ever (after “Boris The Spider”)! “My Wife,” beyond being a great fucking song, is just so goddamn (what else would you expect from John?) FUNNY! “My life’s in jeopardy. Murdered in cold blood is what I’m gonna be. I ain’t been home since Friday night, and now my wife is coming after me!” Fucking bitch wife. Can’t you be a little more trusting? Bitch. I think I’ll call you… “Courtney.” Because you’re a BITCH.

Anyway, now that I’ve addressed the “A+ level” songs and the “A+++++++ level” songs, I’ll get to the merely “A level” and even (*GASP*) “A- level” material. “Love Ain’t For Keepin’” is a little two minute acoustic throwaway, but it’s perfectly fine! It’s probably my pick for weak link, just because it’s so unsubstantial. “Going Mobile” is a fun little song and is about as profound as my left testicle, but it’s fun! I like it much. “The Song Is Over” and “Getting In Tune” are the most reviled (by those who are crazy enough to PUT DOWN this album) songs here, simply because they’re really big and soaring and bombastic without being as good as a lot of the rest of the material. But I like them both! All the shit here was intended for a rock opera (hold on…I’ll get to that), so OFCOURSE a lot of it is gonna be all about the bombasticness. Ain’t nuthin’ wrong wit’ that. I have nothing wrong with something being all weighty and bombastic if it’s GOOD. If it sucks, then I hate it all the more, but these songs are GOOD.

But you know what? Even though this album is so fucking awesome, it could have been even BETTER. See, Pete wanted to “out-Tommy” Tommy with his next project after the little story about the pinball messiah, and he came up with Lifehouse to do it. The plot of this thing is so complicated (think science-fiction and, um…I have no idea what the plot is, actually) that whenever I read supposed synopses of it online my head explodes, which is a shame because it exploded in the last review too. And not only did he come up with the most complicated storyline in the history (to THIS DAY) of rock music, but he was also gonna make a MOVIE of it! Filmed footage combined with live footage of the band, or something. They started playing shows, hoping to “connect” with the audience or some shit (which is somehow involved in the plot…which I don’t understand), but things weren’t going as planned, and so, naturally, Pete had a nervous breakdown, which he did often by the way. But they still had the MUSIC! And so Pete convened the band in the studio still with the intention of making the double-album rock opera, but got talked out of it (GODDAMMIT!) and put the best material on what became this album. See, my theory is this: Take the best half of Tommy or Quadrophenia and sequence it in a way in which the storyline of the opera is completely and totally lost. I think these two theoretical records don’t NEARLY match the originals, and so I figure that the same theory applies here. If Who’s Next is THIS good, imagine how good Lifehouse would’ve been! Hot DAMN!

And look at the cover! No, look at it CAREFULLY. Do you see what they’re doing? They’re TAKING A PISS! Cool, yo.

Barrett Barnard (okeydoke0@yahoo.com) writes:

thanks for the whos next review.it gets bashed a lot nowadays by the cool crowd but this album is just about the best thing that came out in 1972 which was a great year in music."Baba O'Riley" is still a great song.

Quadrophenia (1973)

Rating: 9

Best Song: “Love, Reign O’er Me”

Even though Pete got thwarted in attempt #1 to out-Tommy Tommy, he was one persistent little big-nosed son of a bitch. He didn’t again try a project as ridiculously overblown as Lifehouse that would most likely collapse and cause him to have ANOTHER nervous breakdown, but instead he went back to the good ol’ double-LP rock opera without any superfluous movies, stuffing, cranberry sauce, or other trimmings. The plot this time isn’t about some retarted pinball freak or crazy sci-fi shit that my feeble, feeble brain can’t comprehend, thank god, but instead it’s much more personal. This rock opera is about a mod in mid ‘60’s England named Jimmy. Essentially, then, Pete wrote this album about the Who’s original fan base (or even himself, maybe!). Either way, he has more personal experience with this than, say, PINBALL. Unlike Tommy, I can’t really follow the plot in this one, since (I guess this is a good thing) Pete’s done away with the little stupid plot-moving tracks like “There’s A Doctor.” About all I can tell is that Jimmy likes the beach, he rides a scooter (which went along with being a mod), he debates about cutting his hair, and he has no luck with the chicks (HEY! Something we have in common…). WHO THE FUCK KNOWS. I sure don’t. Oh, yeah, there’s also the one part of the plot that tends to turn people off. See, just a simple mod coming-of-age story must’ve been too fucking SIMPLE to Pete, and so he gave Jimmy FOUR SEPARATE PERSONALITIES (hence the title), each one representing one of the four band members. Roger is the “Helpless Dancer,” Keith is the “Bell Boy,” John is the “Is it me, for a moment?” line that keeps coming up, and Pete is the really loud and bombastic “LOOOOOOOOOOOVE, reign o’er me!” thing. Whatever. It does make for a cool listen, hearing these themes pop up here, there, and everywhere, even if it may sound really goddamn stupid to you just hearing it from me.

So, now that the obligatory plot summary out of the way, does Pete actually SUCCEED in out-Tommying Tommy? Well, yes and no…but mostly no, at least to me. See, comparing the two rock operas presents me with a rather interesting paradox. Tommy had the weird, “out-there” plot that had nothing to do with Pete at ALL, but had (relatively) simple and subdued music. Quadrophenia, on the other hand, is a much more personal album to Pete, but he complements this plot with loud, bombastic, operatic music that is most definitely NOT “subdued” in ANY WAY AT ALL. Now, obviously I still dig the album a LOT, since I gave it a 9, for the love of Vanilla Coke (which tastes JUST LIKE REGULAR COKE, by the way), but the multiple synth (though not cheesy, Pete knows what he’s doing with them, as always) and horn overdubs in pretty much EVERY song here, for eighty consecutive minutes, can get a bit tiresome.

The album fucking RULES, though. Originally, I was gonna give it an 8, but I think I was just over-influenced by Prindle’s negative (he gave it a 6!) review on his site. I sat down to listen to this puppy again a few days ago…and, spank my scrotum, it was GREAT! I like Tommy a bit more, but I still say this (along with Live At Leeds, Who’s Next, and Tommy) is a must-purchase (or steal over the Internet, like me) if you’re just getting into the Who. Even though at times it gets a little samey (specifically the different songs’ intros), and it is most definitely a bit overblown, there’s just so many good songs on here! “The Real Me” and “5.15” (where Jimmy goes fucking INSANE on a train, for some reason) both RRRROCK as much as anything on Who’s Next. “Bell Boy” is one of the frickin’ funniest things I’ve ever heard. Being Keith’s theme, he gets a short vocal showcase, and you haven’t LIVED until you’ve heard Keith’s cockney voice as he keeps getting summoned. “BELL BOY!” “I gotta keep runnin’ now…” “BELL BOY!” “Keep my lip buttoned down…” “BELL BOY!” “Carry this baggage out…” Keith is fucking hilarious.

There’s lots more to love on here, too, like little Pink-Floyd-esque sound catches that appear now and again. Sounds of ocean waves are everywhere, ofcourse, since Jimmy loved the beach and all. Then there’s the faux-radio broadcast at the end of “Cut My Hair” that goes “South Coast police have warned that if the fights between rival gangs of mods and rockers continue…” And how at the end of “Helpless Dancer” a little sample from “The Kids Are Alright” comes on (Jimmy was a Who fan!). Or how “I’ve Had Enough” ends the first LP with Roger (or, I guess, Jimmy) yelling all-pissed-off-like “I’ve had enough of LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!” Man, that stuff is the shit. And instrumentals? Yes, there’s two of them. “Quadrophenia” serves as the equivalent to “Overture” from Tommy, and “The Rock” (“Winners go home and FUCK THE PROM QUEEN!”) serves as this album’s “Underture,” even though it comes near the end of the second LP. They both go about six minutes, run through all four musical “personalities,” and RULE. During “The Rock,” Jimmy is on the beach (again…), all hot and bothered because he doesn’t know WHAT personality is, like, the TRUE him. Then, ofcourse, he decides it’s Pete’s (ofcourse…what, did you think Pete would let John have the glory? Or ROGER? Puh-leeeeze), and so “Love, Reign O’er Me” closes out this bitch and rules more than anything else on the record. The ending is quite possibly the most bombastic thing I’ve ever heard. That final “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!” followed by the climactic Keith drumming and synth chords, and then it all gets stopped by those LOOOOUUUUUUD horn blasts. Wicked.

Tommy’s still better, though. Listening to this all the way through, no matter how awesome it is, can sometimes just be a CHORE, albeit a highly entertaining one. In becoming all arty and mature and professional and shit, Pete lost all the fun innocence that was in Tommy (except for “Bell Boy,” I guess. Keith is cool!). I still love them both, though. Tommy is probably a better bet to get first. It’s easier to like. However, though I’d wager that more people would like Tommy, I’d also wager Quadrophenia has a higher ceiling. There’s a lot more going on here than in Tommy. A lot of people in the Web Reviewing Community just completely WORSHIP this record, and though I can’t QUITE agree, I can certainly see why. Tommy is easier to like, but Quad has a better shot of becoming one of your favorite albums of all time, even if it just misses cracking that barrier with me. At least that’s what I’d bet.

Now, if you’ll let me be an anal-retentive prick for a moment, I’d like to point out a linguistic error Pete made. You see, the title, Quadrophenia, mixes up its etymologies. Quad is from Latin, whereas Phenia comes from Greek. To be more etymologically consistent, he SHOULD have called it Tetraphenia. Ofcourse, Quadrophenia sounds cooler than Tetraphenia, doesn’t it? Yeah, it does. Fuck what I just said, then. I’m such a smart-ass little bitch!

The Who By Numbers (1975)

Rating: 6

Best Song: “Slip Kid”

OK, Pete, fine. I know you have all sorts of personal problems. You drink too much, you’re surrounded by sychophants, etc, and I also know that, after Quadrophenia, you thought you’d one-upped Tommy (you hadn’t, by the way). So I know you were depressed, and I know you didn’t have really much motivation to go make another Who record. But you did. And so, if you were gonna go and make a Who record anyway, WHY COULDN’T YOU PUT MORE GODDAMN EFFORT INTO IT! I mean, there are some good songs scattered throughout this album, and two tracks (my two favorites, no less) rock pretty darn hard (though one was written by Entwhistle), but, CHRIST, this album is just, like, dull. It’s by FAR the dullest with-Keith Who album. I mean, you couldn’t do better than “They Are All In Love?” “How Many Friends?” OK, fine, your life sucks, I get it, but TRY TO WRITE SOME BETTER MUSIC, GODDAMMIT.

Now, this record’s really not that bad at all. In fact, it’s pretty enjoyable (well, parts of it), but you KNOW the Who can do better than this. Pete wrote Quadrophenia TWO FRICKIN’ YEARS AGO! Imagine hearing in 1975 that your favorite radio station was about to play the new Who single, so you’re all excited for another “Baba O’Riley” or “The Real Me” or something, and then they play “Squeeze Box.” I mean, fuckin’ A, “SQUEEZE BOX!” “She goes SQEEEEEEEEZE ME! Come on and SQUEEEEEEZE ME!” You’re probably thinking, “Is this some sort of joke? Where’s the power? This is a dumb banjo (yes, a fucking BANJO) ditty, it’s dirty, it’s dumb, yes it’s catchy, but THIS is the best they could do?”

The good thing is, though, even though “Squeeze Box” is stupid (but catchy in a dumb sort of way), there is a good bit of better material on this album. The Who only really rock out twice (though neither time with the sheer POWER they’d displayed previously), and these two tunes, placed at the beginnings of the album’s two sides, are my personal favorites. “Slip Kid” is fun like “Squeeze Box,” but not NEARLY as stupid. It’s got a great count-off intro and some fun piano (Pete ditched the synths for an album, by the way) work throughout. I like this tune a LOT, though it’d probably get lost in the “Bargain”/ “My Wife” shuffle were it on Who’s Next. The other good rocker is Entwhistle’s “Success Story,” which has the same sort of bitter lyrics as all the Pete tunes, but manages to be FUNNY (because fucking Entwhistle wrote it, ofcourse). The bitter old rock star in this tune (“Back in the studio to make our latest number one, take two hundred and seventy six, you know this used to be fun!”) actually sounds like a fun guy to go get a drink with, as opposed to the whiney drunken fuckhead in everything else. Plus, John breaks out his “Boris The Spider” voice to impersonate the band’s manager! “I’m your fairy manager, you shall play the Carnegie Hall!” Cool.

Oh, but that Pete material. I’ve said it about ten times in this review, but if you’re gonna bare all your problems out in your songs, at least write some INTERESTING MUSIC to go with it. Only ONE of the slow Pete “my life sucks” songs manages to hold me rapt with interest for its entirety, and that would be “Blue Red And Grey,” which is SOOOOOOO simple it ends up being really fucking PURTY. He plays the whole thing on a ukulele! Like that high-voiced freak Tiny Tim used to play! I like this song. PARTS (not the whole thing) of other songs are damn good too. “However Much I Booze” has a KICK-ASS sort of country-twangy guitar riff going on that’s probably the most fun thing on the whole album, but, when Pete sings the verses, whatever melody there was completely vanishes as he sings overly verbose lyrics like “I lose so many nights of sleep worrying about my responsibilities, are the problems that screw me up really down to him or me.” “Imagine A Man” is dull for the most part, but the “yoooouuuu wiiiiiiill seeeeee theeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeend!” chorus almost manages to out-purty “Blue Red And Grey,” but not quite. “Dreaming From The Waist” is alright, but mediocre, and “They Are All In Love,” “How Many Friends,” and “In A Hand Or A Face” (all in a span of four tracks on side 2, which DRAAAAAAAAAAAAGS) stink like the shit I leave in the toilet after nacho day. Ewww, MAN that stinks. I love nacho day, though, even if the aftermath is usually unpleasant.

I guess every band has an album like this, most likely, where they just don’t seem like they put much effort into it, and they were capable of better. The Beatles had Beatles For Sale. Led Zeppelin had Presence, which, come to think of it, is one HELLUVA comparison for this album! That and this one were released around the same time, and were followed up by synth-heavy records that are BIG improvements over their predecessors. Oh man, to make a connection like that? I’m so fucking smart. You know I am. Don’t deny it. ACCEPT IT! I AM THE GOD OF USELESS MUSIC-RELATED CONNECTIONS! JUST BECAUSE I MADE ONE THAT ANYONE COULD HAVE MADE!

Who Are You (1978)

Rating: 8

Best Song: “Who Are You”

OK, MUCH better, even if Pete carted the synths back in and a FEW times makes them sound a little cheesy, which he had managed to avoid before. He’s still pissed off like the last record, but he’s not so fucking DEPRESSED, and so he manages to combine his bitter asshole lyrics with, holy crud, INTERESTING MUSIC! To me, the key difference between this and the last album is this: On By Numbers, if a song started out sounding cool (think “However Much I Booze”), it most likely turns boring and dumb at least for a part, even if the cool part comes back later. Also, if it starts off dull (think about half the record), it will stay dull. On THIS one, however, if something starts out great, it will STAY great and not lose its momentum, and if it starts out dull, it will NOT stay dull, and if you keep listening, something interesting will come along to grab your attention.

A PERFECT example of this would be the opener “New Song.” For the first thirty or forty seconds or so, good lord, this song SUCKS. I mean, it fucking SUCKS HORSESHIT. Dumb guitar line, cheesy synth. Ugh. If it were on the last album (though it wouldn’t, because it’s got a fucking synth in it), just give up and move on, but it’s on THIS album, so keep paying attention! When the “I sing the same old song with a few new lines, and everybody wants to hear it!” chorus comes in, it immediately begins to KICK ASS. Man, is that a fun chorus. Great synth-stuff going on. Fucking great.

Two more Pete songs, “Sister Disco” and “Music Must Change,” manage to do this too. “Sister Disco” probably has the cheesiest-sounding synth riff on here, but there’s a quiet Pete-sung “Goodbye…goodbye, sister disco!” part followed by an acoustic guitar part that’s reaaaaaaaaal purty. There’s some dumb parts to this song too, but at least the songs have PARTS, for god sakes, unlike By Numbers. “Music Must Change” is a neat song, too. It starts off with someone flipping a coin, and there’s some footsteps, and it’s pretty slow (no real drumming for the most part), but it’s just, like, interesting. It just grabs my attention, even if some of it sounds a little stupid. Ofcourse, a lot of it sounds fucking GREAT, though. And so does “Guitar And Pen,” which would be my pick for #2 tune if not for Entwhistle. It starts out with some light synth backing, a little guitar solo, Roger comes in, then some more stuff, and it’s just a good, fun, rock and roll song. The “In your CADILLAC!” line fucking RULES, my friend. Pete’s other composition (besides the title track, which I WILL get to…), “Love Is Coming Down,” is completely fucking TERRIBLE, though. It’s a stupid slow ballad like “They Are All In Love” from the last album, but it adds all these fucking DUMB synthesized strings and stuff in the background, and goes from a regular run-of-the-mill suck to a big, unusually GINORMOUS suck. It fucking sucks.

And John got to write THREE of the nine tracks on here! Yay! One of them gets my vote for #2, and that would be “905.” It’s about a TEST-TUBE BABY! Who’s STILL IN THE TEST TUBE! From ITS PERSPECTIVE!!! “Mother was an incubator. Father was the contents of a test tube in the ice box in the factory of birth.” I will NEVER cease to love John Entwhistle. Too bad he’s dead, huh? That sucks. His other two songs are fine, but nothing really that great. “Had Enough” (not to be confused with “I’ve Had Enough” from Quadrophenia, ofcourse!), lyrically, actually sounds like a Pete song (“I’ve had enough of bein’ nice!”). “Trick Of The Light” is a vintage John song, though, about a man desperately asking a prostitute he just shtooped how he did in bed. “Was I alright? Did I take you to the height of ecstasy?”

And that just leaves the title track. The AWESOME, INCREDIBLE, GODLIKE title track. You’ve heard it. YES you have. I’ve heard it on approximately 47 different commercials I can remember, and not on ONE was it mis-used. Good lord, it’s incredible, starting out with that repeated synth loop (a la “Baba O’Riley” and “Won’t Get Fooled Again,” after which it was obviously modeled) and the “Whoooooooooooooo are you? Who who! Who who!” Did you know it’s a true story? It’s about a night Pete was fucking TRASHED at a bar, and ran into two of the Sex Pistols, neither of which was Johnny Rotten (but he was too drunk to know that). After drunkenly yelling about god-knows-what to them, he stumbled outside and passed out in alley, where a few hours later a cop found him, woke him up, and told him he wouldn’t have to go to jail if he could walk home himself. “I woke up in a SoHo doorway, a policeman knew my name. He said ‘You can go sleep at home tonight if you can get up and walk away.’” Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and NO, I am NOT gonna mention how, on the album cover, Keith Moon is sitting on a chair that says “Not to be taken away,” and then he died like the same time this album was released. I will NOT mention how fuckin’ eerie that is. Not at all.

Did you see that trick I just did? Saying how I’m not gonna talk about something, but then actually talking about it? That’s a rhetorical device, baby! It’s called “praeteritio.” Man, I’m tellin’ you, me and Cicero…

Face Dances (1981)

Rating: 4

Best Song: “You Better You Bet”

Why the Who decided to carry on and release two more albums no one has and no one wants to have after Keith Moon died, especially considering that John Bonham died about the same time and Led Zeppelin broke up almost immediately, is beyond me. But they did, and since they’re the Who and not a random bunch of douchebags, these generic, wimpy, poorly-written eighties keyboard pop albums are readily available for your purchase today (along with Yes’ classic 1991 release UNION!!!!!! But not that Television reunion album that actually rules. You can’t get that anywhere). And since I’m an OCD completist with a website that I’d like to become somewhat reputable, I’m here to tell you what you already know. Namely, if Keith Moon is not the drummer on an album, but it still says it’s by the Who, it’s probably not the best idea to buy it.

So, Face Dances, a not-at-all funny pun on the band Kenney Jones was in before this one and an album derided as lifeless eighties keyboard pop swill by most of those who have heard it, a characterization I will not argue with. Thing is, though, this album’s really not that bad if you’re not paying all that much attention to it. The production is clean and sparkling, if lacking bite and power (thanks to the producer of…the Eagles!!!! Derrrrr!!!!!!!) and the songs are all “professional,” if not very Who-ish. It’s not like the guys weren’t trying on this one, I mean, like they obviously weren’t trying on a bunch of the numbers from the next album. Problem was, they were trying to make a generic, commercial bunch of lifeless eighties keyboard pop, and while I can certainly say they succeeded in this endeavor, this album is so lacking in power that if it didn’t have Roger Daltrey’s unmistakable golden god growls and yelps (which occasionally sound retarted, but I’m not gonna spend a paragraph ripping into his vocals like others have done) you would have no idea the Who wrote this stuff. I mean, “there ain’t no bears in there?” The hell is that? That’s possibly the single most retarted chorus I’ve ever heard.

But enough about “Cache Cache,” which is pathetically one of the better songs here, even with the stupidest chorus refrain ever written by someone other than Scott Stapp. There are actually a grand total of three tracks from this bad boy that I can honestly say I enjoy, though I don’t think any would be a highlight on any previous Who album. The obvious choice is the opener “You Better You Bet,” which, while not “the last classic Who track!” or something equally absurd (it’s just a catchy keyboard pop song; the last “classic” is, was, and always will be “Who Are You”), is certainly fine ‘n’ dandy, if occasionally stupid. You’ll cringe mightily when you hear the line “with open arms…and open legs!” line. Oh, Roger, you douche. Whatever. While that one’s the easy winner of best track here, those looking for something entertaining but less humiliatingly moronic might want to look at “Don’t Let Go the Coat,” which has about as much energy as Steven Wright, but is certainly fun and well-written and might be the only song on this record that isn’t idiotic in one way or another, so I say thumbs up all around. The other one I’d give a positive rating to (but not all that much) is “Daily Records,” which at least has an interesting guitar intro section and catchy verses (although the “my balls are achin’” line is fucktarted), albeit with a chorus that doesn’t really do it for me. The guitar line in the bridge is ace, too, by the way. Possibly the only really nice guitar line on the album. Fart.

Not everything left sucks, but none of it is any good to be sure. One problem is that when Keith Moon bit the big one it seems that he took John Entwhistle’s songwriting ability with him, and John’s two contributions (“The Quiet One” and “You”) are atrocious, ham-fisted, powerless pseudo-heavy-rock garbage. How did the producer make Pete’s guitar riffs sound that weak and powerless? Oh, that’s right, he’s the Eagles guy. Anyway, the songs suck, and if that’s John singing on “The Quiet One,” what the hell happened to his voice? Sounds like some tech guy they pulled in off the street. The material left over, except for the abominable “How Do You Do it Alone?” (easily the worst song on the record…what, pray tell, is that marching drum/synth bridge supposed to represent? My vomiting on my keyboard? If so, mission accomplished!), is just…dumb. Even the (comparatively) good songs on this album are dumb. So much of this record tries to have some sort of bouncy, jumpy, early-eighties new wave feel, but the band just can’t pull it off because the songs are MORONIC. So it’s got no power, it’s got no spunk, frequently it’s lyrically embarrassing (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except Roger is so far out front in the mix that every “Did you steal my MONEY!!!!!” or “did you ever JIMMAAAYYYY a paper door?” example of idiocy is unavoidably right there), and whatever interesting musical tidbits there might have been were excised by that Eagles moron manning the production board…so do I really need to keep writing this review? The album certainly doesn’t jump out and yell “I AM BAD!!!!!” at you when you hear it, and I was gonna give it a mediocre 5 rating, but every time I listen to it I find less to like and more to annoy. If you ever hear it playing, stay for those first two songs (which are really just okay, but they’re catchy, so whatever), and then get the hell out of there before bears start getting stuck in people’s closets and John Entwhistle tries to sing. A Who without Keith Moon is no Who indeed.

It’s Hard (1982)

Rating: 4

Best Song: “Eminence Front”

Most people tend to rate this one even lower than Face Dances (although Capn Marvel actually rates it higher, somehow), but I’m gonna be non-committal and give it the same rating as the other bastardized pseudo-Who crap album reviewed above. When comparing the two, once you toss out the fact that they both suck and you’d rather be listening to Who’s Next or Tommy instead of these shit things and concentrate on, you know, comparing them, you’ll see definite advantages and disadvantages to both. First, it’s pretty clear that the band didn’t give a shit about this one, at least in comparison to the previous one (or maybe just Pete didn’t give a shit, since he’s the only one who could write anything anyway, now that Entwhistle had turned to crap). The songs, as a whole, are skimpier and less-detailed than those on Sit on My Face, Nancy, and in particular the second half of this record is a total wasteland full of songs that were clearly tossed off in about 10 minutes apiece. As such, however, since the band didn’t give a shit, the production (by Glyn Johns, who produced Who’s Next, among others, and should really take that Eagles guy out behind a shed and fuck him up a little) isn’t nearly as neutering as the radio-ready glossy sheen that made Face Dances so thoroughly uninspired. The songs have PUNCH, you see. Most of them may suck balls, but the handful of times the songs do turn out to be good, I don’t have to sit here and think “man, that’d be better if that Eagles asswipe wasn’t back in the booth.” Instead, I can simply think “wow, most of these songs really suck.”

OK, OK, it’s not unlistenable or anything, and the 4 I’m tossing out here is probably higher than a lot of other people are willing to give this thing. Truth is that I’d probably give the first half a solid 5, because it’s really not that horrendous, with the only exceptions being the comically bad Entwhistle tunes “It’s Your Turn” and “Dangerous” (someone needs to tell Mr. Entwhistle to stop writing songs). “It’s Your Turn” in particular sounds like the worst outtake ever possible from Quadrophenia. Just horrific. The remaining five tunes in half #1, though, aren’t awful! They’re frequently stupid, the production is bad (but in an unprofessional, lacking-in-clarity way and not a generically neutered way), and Roger is still an ass, but I don’t mind listening to a good chunk of this material at all. There are dumb horns (“Athena”) and dumb lyrics (“Cook’s County” and its “PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING!!!!!!” refrain, although Pete has a few riffing moments in there that are genuinely exciting) and dumb keyboards (everything, but especially the title track, which is cutesy and moronic-sounding enough that it should probably be on Face Dances), but all three of these songs end up being relatively OK almost in spite of themselves, and the mid-album duo of “Eminence Front” and “I’ve Known No War” are both, actually, quite solid without any reservations. “Eminence Front” totally self-rips the “keyboard intro” thing that made “Baba O’Riley” and “Won’t Get Fooled Again” two of the greatest songs ever written, but it’s possibly the only keyboard usage on either one of these records that sounds like it took any brains at all and wasn’t just automatically generated from some computer program set on “crap eighties generic ass music.” I sense a little tension in the song, as well, and Pete’s vocals are a welcome change from Roger’s stylings (“It’s VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY HAAAAAAAAARD!” Nice, Rog…). “I’ve Known No War,” then, is repetitive and overlong at six minutes, but Kenney actually works up a nice groove behind the kit, the organic piano is key, and it’s one of the few recent Who songs that’s truly epic enough to warrant Roger’s over-the-top ridiculousness. Along with “Don’t Let Go the Coat,” they’re two of only three songs on these albums I wouldn’t be at all humiliated to play in front of people. So that’s something.

Fuck the last five songs up the ass. I don’t even want to talk about them. They’re so bad. “One Life’s Enough” is supposed to be a “piano ballad,” but is instead one synth chord hit over and over again with some guy tinkling randomly on a piano and no melody at all and it only lasts for two minutes, and I still think it took longer to play than to write. “Why Did I Fall for That” is middling generic eighties cheese of the worst kind. There’s another Entwhistle song that sucks. There’s a few more, but I don’t care. They suck. Fuck ‘em.

Although less embarrassing and dorky than its predecessor, It’s Hard is probably objectively worse than the first Kenney Jones Experience record, if only because, you know, the songs are worse. Until the end, though, for some reason it doesn’t piss me off as much, and it’s definitely got more energy and punch than the last one, so giving them equal ratings seems the right move to me. And now I’ve successfully removed another Epilogue section.

Endless Wire (2006)

Rating: 6

Best Song: “Endless Wire”

You know, it’s never a good sign when one of the 10-15 best bands of all time is all ready to release a new album and all you can think is “gee, I hope they don’t embarrass themselves too much.” I hate to make the Led Zeppelin comparison that I’m sure everyone’s heard ad nauseam, but while Jimmy Page used the death of John Bonham as an excuse to break up the band before they began to suck, Pete Townshend used the concurrent death of Keith Moon as an excuse to do nothing BUT suck, and considering the relative quality of some (Empty Glass) of his solo output around the time, quite possibly ON PURPOSE. Come on. And when John Entwhistle went ahead and died too, Pete used that as an excuse to do a brand spankin’ new Who tour with Zak Starkey on drums and some people I can’t identify on bass and keyboards! And then, when we all thought this would be the end, here comes the announcement that Pete’s in the studio working on a new WHO album! Without Keith or John! Goddammit. And yeah, it’s basically a Pete solo album with Roger giving vocals to, what, half the songs? Something like that. So maybe it’s not really a Who album, but it’s still going around calling itself a Who album, and that’s just silly. You think people would buy a Townshend & Daltrey album as much as a Who album? Page and Plant didn’t call their silly shenanigans “Led Zeppelin,” did they? Nope, they called them “Page & Plant.” Ofcourse, John Paul Jones was still alive and they didn’t invite him to the fun, so maybe that’s a mitigating factor, but THE FACT REMAINS that these two diverging career paths give every aspiring rock musician a clear lesson. If you become one of the greatest hard rock bands of all time and part of this is due to one of the most famous and unique drummers to ever walk the planet, when he dies, break up the fucking band. And if your bassist happens to be one of the two or three best bassists to ever live, and he dies too, don’t release the first album by your half-assed pseudo-band in 24 years. You’ll only induce poor internet record reviewers to write long-winded introductions to your crap album with no analysis of the music whatsoever, and that’s something nobody wants.

OK, now that my rant’s out of the way, let’s get to the album at hand. In a way, you can compare it to the new Rocky movie. Was it anywhere near as good as any of the first four Rocky movies? No. Was it passable and moderately enjoyable? Yes. Was Rocky V a complete embarrassment, a black mark on the franchise, and quite possibly the worst way for that character to go out you could imagine? Again, yes. So while nobody really needed another Rocky movie, and the announcement of its imminent release produced more than a few chuckles from a good number of people, including yours truly, Rocky was such a memorable character that, at the very least, it’s nice to see him go out on a moderately successful, decent, unembarrassing note. There was also the added benefit that everyone had such horrifically low expectations for the movie that its decentness and watchability led to more positive press than it probably deserved. Endless Wire is Rocky Balboa, only on a much smaller scale because of the differences between the movie and music business. The two Keith Moon-less albums in the eighties are Rocky V (not quite as horrible, but still relatively embarrassing for all involved…and pay no attention to the fact that this would make the 2^nd-tier Who Are You and the mediocre The Who By Numbers the equivalent of Rocky IV, CLEARLY the best movie in the series…the dude ended fucking communism!), and the ridiculously low expectations that most people probably had for this album meant the fact that it turned out halfway decent was equivalently surprising. However, it didn’t get the boost and “wow, great album!” reviews that Rocky Balboa did, mainly because music critics are much more cynical douches than movie critics, but also because this comparison has completely fallen apart and I’m gonna move onto a new paragraph.

This is a nice album. I can safely say I will never consider listening to it again once I post this review, but it’s certainly a nice album, even if it’s better than not a single one released while Keith Moon was still involved (I’ll put By Numbers above this one even). The good consists of the immaculate and tasteful production, Pete’s vocals on every song he sings that’s not called “In the Ether” (read Prindle’s commentary on this song; I have nothing to add to it), and much of the guitar work. The bad consists of all of Roger’s croaky vocals and the fact that half of these songs sound so much like old Who’s Next/Quad/By Numbers ripoffs that it’s fairly sickening, including the opening “Fragments,” whose keyboard intro and drum entrance might as well be called “Hey, remember that song ‘Baba O’Riley’? Wasn’t that a great song?” Pete’s been recycling the same chord sequences since the early seventies, so it’s not like these way-too-obvious echoes are surprising or anything, but it’s still silly when the segue into “Pick up the Peace” sounds like the segue into half the fucking tracks on Quadrophenia, among other examples.

The album is split into two parts, the first of which is pretty crap and the second of which is surprisingly good. Tracks 1-9 are a bunch of random Who songs that sound exactly like what a computer program trying to write Generic Who Songs would come up with, and though they all sound nice, and only some of the vocal parts (which are mixed much too high) and the entire aforementioned “Fragments” can be called embarrassing, they’re simply not that good. The slow, sparse ones like “Man in a Purple Dress” and “God Speaks of Marty Robbins” go absolutely nowhere (although the latter has some nice acoustic pluckin’ and well-done vocals courtesy of Pete), and the more bombastic rock tunes like “Mike’s Post Theme” and “Black Widow’s Eyes” have about as much originality as Bush (you know, that band with Gavin Rossdale? Don’t they suck? Yeah, they totally suck, don’t they?). They sound great, with the multiple guitar tones and timbres and crap dancing around your head all pretty-like, but sit down and consider them as full songs and they come up pretty lacking.

Part 2 (tracks 10-19…there are also two “extended” bonus tracks at the end, and this the end of my discussion of them) is the token mini rock opera, and you know what? It’s pretty good. Perhaps it’s because half the songs are so short that it doesn’t seem to matter how much they develop, and perhaps it’s because it seems like some kind of bastardized marriage of Tommy and Quadrophenia, only with songs as long as the separate parts of “A Quick One,” but I like to think the pretty damn OK-ness of the rock opera part comes down to two things. First, the energy and excitement on display in some of its songs, while not up to the peaks of the early seventies, I can safely say match the better tracks on, say, Who Are You or The Who Sell Out (not the songs, remember, just the energy). Second, there are some interesting styles and musical chances taken here that the first half of the album sorely lacks. What’s that pseudo-electronic snare sound in “Unholy Trinity,” and why does it sound so good underneath the jaunty acoustic guitar rhythms? Why does the banjo/drum groove in the title track sound so cool, and why do Pete’s vocals sound so excellent? Why do I enjoy the semi-ridiculous “We Got a Hit” so much? I don’t really know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know they stem from actual thoughts I’ve had about this album, and its second part specifically. It’s not like I’d give the rock opera half anything more than a 7, but a 7’s not bad at all considering how long it’s been since anything approaching “good” with the Who’s name attached to it has come out.

This review is too fucking long, so I’ll end briefly. The first half is only marginally better than the last two crap Who albums released after Keith Moon died, but the second half finds a band called the Who, against all odds, constructing pretty energetic and entertaining music. Overall, it’s either mediocre or barely above so, but it’s certainly a better way to go out than It’s Hard.

Dont cry! Don't raise your eye! It's only teenage wasteland!