Barely any sore muscles at all.

i do it for the joy it brings

Actually, Anya had done it. To the world of the trolls. Or shrimp. Damn stupid shrimp!

because i'm a joyful girl

She starts to brush her hair, starting on the left side, after taking out the remaining pins keeping it in place.

because Are they happy all alone?? Just other shrimp to keep them company? Who would want them anyways???! Who could love a world with just shrimp? the world owes me

Dreams have always plagued her. Tears are flowing freely now- but she hasn’t gotten to use the cream to take her eye-shadow away. Light mascara. Why is it running like a black, brackish river? She barely used any at all this morning. At least she didn’t think so.

Sometimes she doesn’t know why lately she’s been dreaming of ice cream, -maybe lack of Riley kissage? Riley-massages?? Riley white noise? Mom-all-the-way back to almost-all better now?? - waking up with a funny ache in her stomach. A funny, empty ache. The not-so-funny kind. It couldn’t possibly be because of unfulfilled Ben-and-Jerry’s cravings?

She doesn’t know it, but she dreams while her eyelids flutter unto and in oblivion in some forgotten plane of that Lethe-world, where Morpheus dwells to coax the forbidden into form and shape, into play of dancing Impossibility.

Where swords still can’t send- NEVER, they *Never Send- * True Loves into Hell; where those still neither caused Jenny-deaths, nor left without saying goodbye...

nothing

Big, brown chocolate eyes. With sympathy for Faith.

and we owe each other the world

Riley’s heart going thump-Thump, thump Thump. Why is Dawn here?

i do it because it's the least i can do Glory, glory.

Mom went out with Dawn for something.

The left side’s all brushed out and looks frazzled from all the brushing, the other side’s all frazzled out from being neglected.

i do it because i learned it from you I kicked Dracula’s ass. And he told me you were a loser.

i do it just Because i want to

Lots of lights in Hellmouth. Cemetery lights. Flashlights. Willow-spell lights. Ugly-Acathla opening lights. //why not dark? just makes it more confusing; damn portals// Hospital waiting room lights. Making-love-to-candles lights. Angel-eye lights...

because I want to

She is sobbing, sobbing on the floor.

everything i do is judged

Crawls back up to her knees, to stare at the mirror. Let’s have a pity-party, Chosen One. Party of one.

and they mostly get it wrong but oh well

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Riley, I’m sorry.

'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged

Clean break. Howler monkeys?

and the woman who lives there can tell
I wish stupid Parker was a stupid vampire so I could break his fuckin’ neck.

the truth from the stuff that they say
Mom, I love you. Love you. Love you.

Her face is all crumpled. Aftershocks rock her frame. And she wonders when it will be good enough. And she wonders how long the death wish will be shelved.

and she looks me in the eye
Throw me a bastard I can kick in the ass.

and says would you prefer the easy way?
Starts wiping, there’s a lot of wet on face. Snot, even. If they could see her now...

no, well o.k. then don't cry

Unbends. She’s short, but she unfurls to her full height. Stands tall.

and i wonder if everything i do

Starts to take off her clothes.

i do instead of

Takes the hair off her face, ponytails the stray bits and puts all the frazzled in a neat bunch.

something i want to do more
No.

the question fills my head
No.

i know that there's no great plan here
Stop it.

this is just the way it goes
and when everything else seems
I’m fine. Honestly OK.
unclear
No trace of all the smudges.

i guess at least i know
A strand of hair hides a bit of shadowed face, she pushes it back impatiently.

In doing so, a stray tear trails slowly down.

She whispers, “Miraculous love.”

i do it for the joy it brings...

note: ani difranco is a righteous babe.