Title: Mother, May I? Number 2 in the "Phantoms" series :-)
Author: Joanna C
Summary: Joyce talks Dennis through a rough night (sorta angsty). There'll be one more part sometime in the future, then an
epilogue after the season finales.
Distrib: At my website (see sig) and elsewhere if you ask first
Disclaimers: Not mine, Joss is god, etc
Spoilers: The Body and implied, Epiphany
Timeline: Part-way through Epiphany. She's home post-Skilosh attack, but it isn't morning yet.
Feedback: PLEASE!!!!!!!


Mother, May I

Demons, Demons, Demons On-Line
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jsummers: Oh, thank god. How is she?

phantom_dennis: Sleeping, finally. How did you...

jsummers: Friend of yours...Luck-o-the-Irish?

phantom_dennis: Ah, right. Had to bail on him when Milady...well, she's been keeping me busy tonight but I knew you'd be on-line, so I told Irish to keep an eye out for you.

jsummers: Well, he found me, but I'm glad you made it. He wasn't very clear on what exactly happened, and I was getting worried.

phantom_dennis: Well, it's been a rough night. Poor Irish got an earful when Fang stopped by earlier, and that was just the beginning.

jsummers: Fang...he's the friend she's mad at, right?

phantom_dennis: Uh huh. And he's not just her friend either. They worked together, and when he had his little tantrum and abandoned her, he kinda left her on the hook.

jsummers: Ouch. My oldest and her friends have that kind of friendship, very intense and close-knit. Working together with those kinds of bonds can be deadly :-)

phantom_dennis: Well, Milady isn't in the kind of work that you can walk away from just because you have a fight. And if anyone should know that, it's Fang. If he thinks he can just abandon her, then turn up again when she's finally...

jsummers: I know, I know. But Dennis, I've been going crazy here. Just calm down for a second and tell me what happened! Irish said you logged off very abruptly when the "lads" brought "Princess" home. Did anything...is she all right?

phantom_dennis: For now, I think. But it was bad, J. Dude lives on the other side of town, so it's usually English who sees her home. Tonight...well, I'm not entirely clear on what happened, except that it took the two of them to get her home, and by then she was only half-conscious and near insensible from a migraine to end all migraines.

jsummers: Poor thing! I never had headaches until...well, I know how she must be feeling. Awww...

phantom_dennis: Well, she's used to it. It's kind of an occupational hazard in the sort of work she does. But of course, knowing what they are doesn't make it any easier to watch her going through them. And something about this one...it didn't seem like the usual kind. She was...off.

jsummers: How so?

phantom_dennis: Well, normally, she'll let the guys fawn a little, make her tea...if she's feeling up to playing the charmer, she can usually get a massage out of English. But tonight, she wouldn't let them touch her. Dude only left because English said he'd stay, but she got rid of him too as soon as they were alone. Threw such a fit that he gave in and left because he was afraid she'd hurt herself...

jsummers: Oh dear.

phantom_dennis: You should have seen it, J. Nobody throws a tantrum like Milady. She finally wound up collapsed on the couch, all pale and shivery, near incoherent with pain and gasping out epithets between miserable sobs. She exhausted herself to sleep about half an hour ago, and that's when I came on-line to look for you.

jsummers: Sounds like the sleep will do her good. After a day like that.... I'm sure she'll feel better in the morning.

phantom_dennis: I hope so. It's been awhile since she's felt the kind of better you mean. Fang...he really did a number on her, and it was the last thing she needed. He forgets that in the grand scheme of things, she's still a baby.

jsummers: Believe me, Dennis, I know what you mean. My oldest...nothing's too tough for her, not school, not work, not even saving the world. But when she had fights with her boyfriend, she'd come to me for a hug and a kiss and a bowl of vanilla ice cream.

phantom_dennis: Mmm, ice cream is one of the few human things I still miss.

jsummers: I miss a lot of things. I still catch myself opening my non-corporeal mouth to talk to my girls when I see them.

phantom_dennis: That'll pass. By the time Milady came along, I was well over talking.

jsummers: But your lady knows you're there. Surely you must talk to her.

phantom_dennis: How could I?

jsummers: Lipstick on the mirror? Scrabble tiles? Ouija board?

phantom_dennis: None of the above. Lipstick is too messy. Scrabble tiles are too slow. And Oujia boards are too...well, try it one day. You'll see.

jsummers: But you don't...on the computer?

phantom_dennis: It isn't healthy. I mean, she likes having me around, but having me intangible...she can remember me only when she needs me. It's easier for her that way.

jsummers: But how about you? Isn't it hard for you to have her, but to know that she's...

phantom_dennis: What? Alive? It's important for her to have living friends, J. As her guardian ghost, it isn't my place to be a person to her. Ghost code of ethics :-)

jsummers: Same code of ethics as no names, no places?

phantom_dennis: Right. It doesn't bother me at all because I know my place in her life, and it is a special one. I know that I can't talk to her, can't hold her, can't even leave this apartment with her. I'm not totally real, even to her. But sometimes...and I know this will sound weird, but when she's really hurting, when she's deep inside herself...I feel like she can see me. Only very faintly, only when she's so desperate that she needs someone she can reach towards...

jsummers: Poor thing. These chats we've been having, they make me feel like I know her, Dennis. As well as I know my own daughter. Like...if she came into my house, I would recognize her in an instant.

phantom_dennis: I think you'd like her, J. In spite of everything, she's still a kid, for worse, but sometimes for better. She's had stuff...her parents left, and then she left, for a strange city where she had to make it on her own. She's lost friends, some permanently, some not...and yet, she still smiles when Dude or English takes her to a club. Still looks forward to the day the new fashion magazines come out. On one day, angst and drama. On the next, without batting an eye, shopping and hot chocolate and a movie on cable. Still a kid...

jsummers: They're always kids, aren't they? The good ones...my daughters...your lady...they never lose that. They always...

phantom_dennis: Oh, shit.

jsummers: Dennis?

phantom_dennis: Oh no. No, no, no, no...

jsummers: Dennis? Is it her? Is she...

phantom_dennis: Nightmares, she sometimes gets them on nights like this. Oh, sweetie...

jsummers: Dennis?

phantom_dennis: She's shaking, J. I don't know what to do. I can't...oh, hon, don't cry, don't scream...

jsummers: Dennis, we can handle this. You need to calm down so we can handle this.

phantom_dennis: Nononono. I can't stand seeing her like this. Oh J, the guys, I knew they should have stayed, she can't see me, I can't hold her... I don't know what to do.

jsummers: Well, I do know. I'm a mother, Dennis. I've handled a lot worse than this. Now, are you with me?

phantom_dennis: J, she's...oh god, she's...ok, I can do this. I have to do this. J?

jsummers: All right. Now, let's get oriented. Where is she?

phantom_dennis: On the bed.

jsummers: In clothes? Pajamas?

phantom_dennis: T-shirt. Soaked through with sweat, she must be terrified. Oh, hon...

jsummers: No more of that, Dennis. I know she is, and I know it's awful, but I need you to focus on calming her down. Now... Is she fully awake yet?

phantom_dennis: She's...yes, I think so. Her breathing is...a little fast, a little strained, and she's still shaking, but it looks like she's coming out of it.

jsummers: All right, that's good. So our first step is to ground her. Get her back to the here and now and calm her down. Now, can you find a blanket?

phantom_dennis: Yes...

jsummers: Wonderful. Around her shoulders, very gently...there you go. Nice and easy. Now, pick up the bottom corner and flutter it gently, in as slow and rhythmic a movement as you can.

phantom_dennis: Slow and rhythmic. Like...breathing?

jsummers: Exactly. Nice and slow, in and out...deep breaths...how's she handling it?

phantom_dennis: Quieting down. I thought she'd never...J, if you could see her, she's so small and scared and...

jsummers: Uh huh. One problem at a time, Dennis. You're doing great. Now, does her head still hurt?

phantom_dennis: Does...what?

jsummers: Well, when she fell asleep you said she had a killer migraine. Is it still bothering her?

phantom_dennis: I don't know. J, I...

jsummers: Look at her eyes.

phantom_dennis: Ok...they're teary. And creased right above the...yes, it's still bothering her.

jsummers: All right. Can you manage a glass of water?

phantom_dennis: She keeps bottles in the fridge. I'll get her one.

jsummers: As gentle as you can, buddy. Let's not startle her.

phantom_dennis: Ok...here, hon...she's taking it. And the pills.

jsummers: Keep the blanket moving, Dennis. You're here. You're with her. Deep breath in...

phantom_dennis: She's with me, J. And, oh my god, this is freaky, she's...

jsummers: Nice and easy, Dennis. What is it now?

phantom_dennis: Well, I told you how sometimes it feels like she can see me? Well, right now, I think I'm not the only ghost she's seeing. Oh hon, just breathe, no more tears, no more talking...let's not go there...

jsummers: Dennis? Tell me what she's saying.

phantom_dennis: She's calm. She sobbing pitifully, but she's calm as can be. Half-lucid stream-of-consciousness, cathartic crying...for her life, for her friends...Fang who has left her, but who she utterly believes will return. My buddy Irish, whom she knew in life, and who never will return. And with his death...he ended her innocence, gave her adulthood. She's crying for all the times she's helped someone, and for the briefest moment, earned his faith. And for all the times she's failed, failed
tonight, and in failing, earned her nightmares. She's crying for the curses, for the gifts, for the gods, the devils and the Powers-That-Be, for her mother, lost mothers, lost friends, lost loves, lost lives. And J...oh god, she's crying for me. For me...

jsummers: It's ok, Dennis. Just keep the blanket moving. One, two...

phantom_dennis: She's settling, she's settling...oh, sweetie...

jsummers: Dennis? Is there a phone nearby?

phantom_dennis: The cordless, it's on the table. Should I...oh god, I knew this was too much, but I can manage the phone, I'll call English, he'll come...

jsummers: Now, none of that. Just...put the phone in her hands, Dennis. I want to see what she does with it.

phantom_dennis: Ok...she's...J, she's wiping away the tears and shrugging off the blanket. And...English, she's calling English...

jsummers: See, there you go. She's ready for him now, and she couldn't have gotten there without you.

phantom_dennis: I'm just glad she's all right. I...thank you.

jsummers: No, thank YOU. It was nice to act like a mother again. Sounds like both you and your girl could use a bit of that.

*end chat*