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 1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and
 scream, "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
 
 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes and then suddenly stop and
 look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
 
 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty
 that you can't get the darned thing to work. After he/she's turned it
 on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a
 good half hour.
 
 4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you
 evilly.
 
 5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a
 different screen than the one it's set up with.
 
 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at
 the highest volume possible over and over again.
 
 7. Work normally for awhile. Suddenly look amazingly startled by
 something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
 
 8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret
 Pentagon files.
 
 9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
 
 10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it
 on.
 
 11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have
 it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
 
 12. Type on VAX for awhile. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes about
 everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
 
 13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if
 they're crazy while typing.
 
 14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
 
 15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone
 agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."
 
 16. Every time you press return and there is processing time required,
 pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!"
 when it finishes.
 
 17. "DISK FIGHT!"
 
 18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (it
 helps if you know them,but this is also a great way to make new
 friends).
 
 19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type
 by hitting the keys with the straw.
 
 20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion
 Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
 
 21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper and tape it
 to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then
 complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
 
 22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge in the 3.5 disk drive. When it
 doesn't work, get the supervisor.
 
 23. When you are on an IBM and when you turn it on, ask loudly where
 the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
 
 24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all
 done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
 
 25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After
 doing this for awhile, spit them out at the feet of the person next to
 you.
 
 26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person
 next to you. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the
 person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is
 far more effective to let them linger.
 
 27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends,
 cut them, and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
 
 28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British royal family on
 your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
 
 29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and
 place them on top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and
 drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the
 aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
 
 30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper
 like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad
 working conditions.
 
 31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and
 continue working.
 
 32. Bring some dry ice and make it look like the computer is smoking.
 
 33. Assign a musical note to every key (ex. the delete key is A flat).
 Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper
 this way.
 
 34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
 
 35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse
 me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard, and
 taking it.
 
 36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
 
 37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes
 the old ways are best.
 
 38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
 
 39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again
 until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space
 bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's
 keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire
 word. While you do this, ask: "Does your delete key work?" Shake your
 head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing
 this until, you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document.
 Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the
 space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print
 out your document and leave.
 
 40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor
 and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects,
 put some Elmer's glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the
 computer is drooling.)
 
 41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled,
 burst out laughing and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab
 your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
 
 42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making
 elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the
 mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRR!" Peek up from under  
the
table,  walk back to the computer and say "Oh, good. It worked this
 time," and calmly start to type again.
 
43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
 
 44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to
 them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a
 chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
 
 45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound
 effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
 
 46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the
 lead doesn't work.
 
 47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of
 flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh
 happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat
 this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the
 keyboard. Finally, hug your nieghbor, then the computer assistant, and
 walk out.
 
 48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then
 calmly sit down and begin to type.
 
 49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker
 chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and
 say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for
 the next week."
 
 50. Two words: Tesly Coil