Krohska.

Warm sand.

Sickly smell of damp sweat. Air so thick and heavy it hurt to breath.

Hisses and rustles that seemed a thousand - even more - times louder than what the reall were. Cloth brushing against wood in the stands; she didn't know how she heard it. She heard it, though, louder than anything had been before.

Eggs.

Rocking.

She wanted to run. She didn't want to be here. She was deluding herself; no dragonet would want her. No dragonet would want her and her disturbed mind. No dragonet would want her and her horrid scars.

Who was she kidding?

Krohska's eyes shifted from looking at the eggs to looking at a random point in the sky. She didn't want to be watching when the hatchling Impressed, and their gaze slipped past her without even noticing. She didn't want to be rejected. But she was going to; she may as well face the inevitable. She didn't want a dragon as a lifemate. She wanted to get away from the Weyr.

Forever.

A sudden silence; but it was silent to Krohska's suddenly acute hearing. She could here intaken breaths being exhaled, the creak of a seat as someone in the tiers shifted position.

The faint whisper of someone commenting.

She could feel them staring at her, wondering why there was a monster on the hatching grounds. Because that's what she was; a monster. No dragonet would want a monster.

Sharp creeling; it took all Krohska's self-control not to look at the first hatched dragonet. She didn't want to look as it Impressed someone else. The almost sickening delight on the new dragonrider's face.

Hisses, sharp, and whispers of disbelief - the first hatching had obviously been a strange one. Krohska dared a glance towards the other candidates - they were looking at something in the galleries. A Impression from the stands, then.

Someone from the stands, not even Searched, was apparently more worth-while than her.

Krohska brushed the thought aside; of course they were. Anyone was better than her. What was she doing on the Sands?

Though she'd made a resolve not to watch, now that she'd looked down from the sky Krohska couldn't tear her gaze away.

Green.

White.

Brown.

They weren't for her.

Gold.

Green.

Blue.

It was over so fast Krohska took a moment to realise that she and two others were left standing. She didn't have a bond. Everything was for nothing.

It hit her hard, so hard that she flinched away from it. Despite her thought that she wasn't going to Impress, didn't want to Impress, once in the position that she had had her chance and had been left standing, she knew that above all she wanted a lifemate. Someone to confide in. Someone to live your life with, despite the risks.

She wanted to Impress. And she hadn't.

Slowly the young woman knelt on the ground, not crying - she still didn't remember or didn't know how. Anyone else might have - but everyone was more moved by the girl kneeling with such desolation in the Sands than tears would have affected them. She may have been one of three; surely the other two candidates were feeling the same.

But nothing was comparable to be looked over. Having a chance and losing it without knowing how precious that chance would have been.

It was when she looked up around her that she noticed that there was only one candidate with her. There had been two. Her eyes darted to the entrance, and then she saw one of the males who had been left walking off with a bronze dragonet.

It only made her feel worse as she looked up to meet the eyes of the last candidate - Truthair, she recalled vaguely. He must now how lonely she felt.

She looked away from him almost instantly; she didn't want to meet anyone's eyes. She didn't want anyone to see her face. Her horrid, scarred face. How could anyone love her with such a face?

The air was thicker still, trying to smother her. She could just give up. She could end her pointless life. She would, as soon as they let her go. It wasn't worth it anymore.

If a dragonet had approached her at that moment, she would have rejected it in her selfishness; or what could only be described as selfishness, though it was something more, something bigger.

It was just lucky that the little green-white and her brother hatched long moments later, punctuated by a haunting, eery howl. Krohska thought it was just in her mind, expressing the anguish she couldn't put into words; she was never good at expressing emotions physically.

But then the howl became real. Slowly, so slowly, Krohska raised her head - her eyes; eyes so eerily similar to a physical incarnation of the haunted howl.

There was silence in Krohska's ears, though the crowd, filtering back from leaving when the hatching had appeared to be over, was abuzz with the hidden eggs and the howl. Utter silence to Krohska; she could only see herself, an oddly from an aerial position, as if she was in the sky watching down on her physical self. She saw herself as others saw her, a cold and distant scarred animal. She saw the ocean green hatchling with snowwhite wings, coming from the shadowy part of the hatching grounds.

She saw it approach her, though not through her own eyes. She saw it pause in front of her, evaluating, serious, seemingly sad. Seemingly ageless, though she was only a hatchling. Seemingly perfect.

Yet, nothing was perfect. Had she not said - thought - that a thousand or more times? Nothing was perfect; yet here was perfectionism in its physical form.

It didn't seem real. She was seeing things from the vantage point of a spectator. Herself, Krohska, seemed blank, gazing at the hatchling as if it were something distasteful.

But the green-white wasn't. The dragonet was perfect.

She saw things from above, as if she were watching down from a dream, as if it weren't real.

But the voice that spoke was real. So, so real, and so perfect it was almost painful.

That was my brother. He will reveal himself later. The white-green crooned at Krohska, and the young woman was abruptly back in her own body, staring at the dragonet with wide eyes, as if to ascertain that it was really her - her dragonet in front of her.

Krohska gazed for a moment while the green-white was silent. Cringing, Krohska remembered why she'd not wanted to be a candidate. She didn't want to love; she didn't deserve love.

She didn't want to lose it. She didn't want to have it if she could lose it.

She didn't want pity. She just knew the dragonet was going to give her pity. She didn't want it. Didn't want pity.

I know you desire to be accepted. I desire it too, but I won't smother you with it. But now we're both in the light, and I think I like what I see. But I don't see you with just my eyes, and yet, I'm not getting a clear picture...

Krohska gazed stupidly at the dragonet, blinking back tears. Tears. She had to raise her hand and check that that's what they were. Real tears. Salty, wet tears. She was crying. She never cried.

The green-white continued to approach, almost as if she were stalking Krohska. I know your fears, I know your losses. I have to know, I wanted to know. I will have no other rider, Krohska, but if you reject me, I will accept it. The dragonet turned, to where now dimly Krohska could make out the form of another dragonet, watching, always watching.

Tears continued to fall from her eyes, spattering on the warm sands at her feet. She didn't know what to do; the green-white was offering that she didn't have to Impress her, didn't have to love her in case she lost her.

Krohska didn't know what to do, and yet she did - already she loved the dragonet. Losing the precious green-white through her own fault would be even worse than having what she loved taken away from her. How could such a precious thing want her as a lifemate? Tears increased tenfold, and Krohska couldn't cease them. They just kept falling.

My name is Procionth. I cannot fear rejection. I want you to make the decision for us.

Procionth. The name echoed i Krohska's mind. So perfect, just like her lifemate. Yes, her lifemate. Almost without thinking, Krohska started, as if waking up from a dream. Procionth...

The green-white knew instantly. Crooning in delight, Procionth came closer so that Krohska could once again drop to her knees, this time not the crestfallen, disturbed yung woman, but a delighted, understanding dragonrider.

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