Sp-ev and Sp-em were having a dandy time one night at a groovy party given by their mutual best friend, Keith John Moon. Sp-em was dancing with Keefers (as he was called) and Sp-ev was doing The Freddie with John Alec Entwistle (better known as Junnykins). Suddenly, who of all people but DONOVAN should walk in the door! Sp-em promptly ditched Keefers and began to chat up Donny-babes (what his more *hintimate* friends knew him as). Keefers pouted at Sp-ev, but she unintentionally ignored him because she was having so much fun kicking random things with Junnykins. Keefers sulked into his room and slammed the door. "Whoa, what's his problem?" asked Sp-em in her American accent.
"I dunno, babe," replied Donny-babes in his Scottish accent. "Maybe he's not wearing his love like Heaven."
"That could be it," agreed Sp-ev in her English accent.
"Yeah," Junnykins mumbled in his incoherent accent. "Ah well, let's keep dancing!"
"We should see what's wrong with Keefers, shouldn't we?" Donny-babes suggested.
"Nah, I vote we go over to your place," Sp-em began. "He'll be over it soon enough," Sp-ev finished.
"All in favour say 'Aye'!" the two halves of the head declared.
"Aye!" they all shouted. Then they hopped into Donny-babes's psychedelic groovicar and were well away before they heard Keefers's grumbling 'Nay'.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Two--by Sp-ev}
As Sp-ev, Sp-em, Jo-hn and D-on (Sp-ev and Sp-em had hyphonated their names too because they felt left out...) were happily wearing their lav laik 'eaven (which, I am told, means love, not lav as in lavatory...) on the way home, they heard a noise behind them. "Wot's that?" asked Jo-hn in a little mumble, pouting at Sp-ev.
"Heeeeeee! Don't DO that!" she squealed.
"What did he do?" asked Sp-em. Sp-ev looked at her and pouted. "Heeeeee! Don't DO that!" Sp-em squealed.
"See I knew you'd see it my way!" Sp-ev replied.
"Someday, some way I'll find a way to make you see my way!" Roger sang as he ran along the side of the psychedelic groovicar with his HH (horrific hair) flowing out behind him.
"Eh, I wonder what that noise is?" D-on wondered.
"I'd say a noise like that would be Roger singing See My Way by the side of the groovicar with his HH (horrific hair) flowing out behind him," Sp-ev replied.
"Wow, how did you guess so accurately?" D-on asked.
"Well, I'm the one writing this part," she answered honestly.
"Oh..."
Suddenly who should start banging on the rear view mirror but Keith? "Keefers!" Sp-ev squealed.
"Keith!" Jo-hn growled.
"Heeeeee! Don't DO that!" Sp-ev and Sp-em squealed at Jo-hn.
"I wanna cam in!" he yelled.
"Will you wear your lav like heaven?" Sp-em asked.
"Sp-em, it's love if you're not a cockney," Sp-ev explained.
"Well dumbass me!" she laughed.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! NEZ!" Sp-ev and Sp-em squealed together.
"Are ya gonna lemme in or wot?" Keith asked, gripping onto the back of the groovicar for dear life.
"Oh, yeah, surry..." Jo-hn mumbled as he opened his mirror wide enough for Keith to crawl inside the groovicar.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Three--by Sp-em}
"Wew 's about taim! Y'know, the partaiy, 'S ALL OVAH!" Ke-ith told them all (he had hyphenated his name as well).
"Heeeeeeeee! Don't DO that!" Sp-ev and Sp-em helplessly chuckled.
"I'm gettin' kinda sick of that, man..." D-on sighed. Sp-em couldn't help but smile when she saw the cute face D-on made.
"C'mere boy, let me kiss you!" she demanded and plopped a big kiss on D-on's cheek.
"Aww," he blushed.
"I feel bladdy left out!" Ke-ith pouted.
"Gerrover here!" Sp-ev commanded him, then plopped a big kiss on Ke-ith's cheek. Ke-ith, however, did not blush at Sp-ev. He turned her around and gave her a kiss on the lips.
"THA'S 'ow ya kiss a person!" Ke-ith said and smiled. Sp-ev grinned contentedly as well.
"I wanna drive," Jo-hn mumbled. "Th' rest o'you are jus' kissin' each othah."
"Wew we can fix tha' dear boy!" Ke-ith got a maniacal grin on his face as he left a messy kiss on poor Jo-hn's cheek.
"You bladdy git!" he roared and proceeded to chase Ke-ith out of and around the car in a silent-movie-from-the-20s-style chase.
"Get in here, silly boys!" Sp-em told them and picked up Jo-hn by his ear. Sp-ev did the same with Ke-ith. "There you go."
D-on then pulled the car over as they had reached his house. "Okay, everyone in!"
"Sing for me, my angel of muuuuuuuuuuuusic!" Sp-em demanded of him, and D-on pulled out his guitar and began to play "Sunshine Superman."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Four--by Sp-ev}
"Sing for me, my angel of drumming!" Sp-ev begged
Ke-ith. Ke-ith grinned and started singing "Naked Man".
As he did, he started to take his clothes off. At
first Sp-em was a bit worried but she was okay when
she saw Sp-ev's tongue was safely on the floor.
"Eh, we're gettin' nekkid?" Jo-hn asked, with a...
GRIN!
"OHMIGOD, Jo-hn just smiled!" Sp-em declared, in
shock.
"Yeah and he's stripping too. Is it a Wh-o thing?"
Sp-ev asked.
"Wew, yeah, I'm a stripper. I strip wallpapah,
paint, sofas and various avvah fings," Jo-hn
explained. "It's my job on the side cos I don't earn
much bein' the bassist," he explained.
"Oh that's refreshing!" Sp-em told him happily.
"I know, let's sing some Kinks songs, seeing's we're
on a Kinks trip at the moment," Sp-ev decided. So
Ke-ith counted everyone in and soon they were all
singing The Village Green Preservation Society when
who should walk in D-on's house but.... THE KINKS!!!
"Wot're we doin' 'ere, Ray, I 'ate 'ippies," Peter
complained.
"Oi, tha's MY line!" Ke-ith told him.
"Petah!" Sp-ev swooned.
"Sp-ev?" Pe-ter asked.
"The same!" she declared as she snogged Pe-ter
(you're only allowed to be mentioned in this story
un-hyphenated once...).
"Oh lawd..." Ke-ith grumbled.
"Oooh, Dave's here too!" Sp-em squealed.
"Yeah!" Da-ve answered. (see?)
"Well let's all 'ave a sing-song rahnd the camp-fire
wiv our mait, Plastic Man!" R-ay decided. "Siddahn,
Plastic Man!"
Mick did.
"You okay, Mi-ck?" Pe-ter asked, worried.
"I'm melting," Mi-ck answered quietly.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Five--by Sp-em}
"Are you?" asked Jo-hn, bewildered. "Wot can we do?"
"Move 'im awaiy from th' campfire!" Sp-em shouted.
"Darling, you're not Brit-ish," D-on reminded her.
"Oh right," Sp-em remembered.
"It's still a good idea," Sp-ev told everyone, and then dragged Mi-ck away from the fire.
"Thanks, Sp-ev," he thanked her.
" 'Ey, is yer bum meltin'?" Ke-ith suddenly asked out of nowhere.
"Why would yah ask tha'?" Da-ve frowned.
" 'S in the song..." Ke-ith pouted.
"Yeah, I do 'ave a plastic bum, fer yer information..." Mi-ck did not look happy. As a matter of fact, he looked rather bored.
"D'yah need annavah piece o'gum?" R-ay asked to be pleasant.
"Tha'd be nice," Mi-ck mumbled.
"I'm th' only one s'posed t'mumble!" Jo-hn pouted and looked cute.
"HEEEEEEEEE! Don't DO that!" squealed Sp-ev, who WOULD'VE had Sp-em squeal with her, except for the fact that Sp-em was busy off snogging Da-ve somewhere.
"I thought she liked me..." D-on got the cutest little sad look on his face.
"She likes you all, don't feel bad! C'mon out now, Sp-em!" Sp-ev comforted him.
Sp-em did not come out.
"Sp-em!" she tried again.
Sp-em did not come out.
"Sp-em and Da-ve!" everyone shouted.
Nothing happened.
"They're gone!" everyone gasped in unison.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Six--by Sp-ev}
"What are we going to do?" R-ay asked.
"We're going, well, I'm going to find them," Sp-ev replied.
"Why?" Ke-ith asked.
"Why? Well, because Sp-em shares my head and I can't be away from her for too long," she replied.
"Who are you going to take with you?" D-on asked.
"Wew, Da-ve's me bruvvah, so I fink I should go," R-ay suggested.
"An' I'm maid aut o' plastic, so I can mould mesewf intah fings ter 'ewp ya!" Mi-ck muttered.
"An' I'm yahw one true lav, so I should go wiv ya!" Ke-ith told her.
"I could seek 'em aut wiv me broodin' powers," Jo-hn mumbled.
"Nom-y-oh-ho-ringy-qyo..." Sp-ev chanted.
"This is incredible. I feel as though I were being inmpelled to move by a chant from the transendental meditations of an Indian mystic!" Sp-em told Da-ve.
"No, Sp-em, I got it from a cereal box-top," Sp-ev called.
"Oh," Sp-em mouthed.
"Well, I've decided I'm going to take Pe-ter," Sp-ev decided, grabbing Pe-ter by the hand.
"Why?" everyone asked.
"Because he's my new crush and I might want to stop every now and again during my Sp-em and Da-ve hunt to snog him," Sp-ev explained.
"Oh, I see," R-ay answered.
"Maiks sense," Ke-ith agreed.
"Le's go!" Pe-ter laughed, running out of D-on's house with Sp-ev in tow, as they started their quest for Sp-em and Da-ve.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Seven--by Sp-em}
"Wow, this is great! I never knew your sister was so cool, Sp-em!" Da-ve excitedly told Sp-em as they sat down in front of Katie's television.
"It's good to have you both over!" Ka-tie giggled. "Except... where is R-ay? He is my favourite Ki-nk you know."
"R-ay's still at D-on's house, I'd imagine," Sp-em mused.
"Oh, I see." Ka-tie said. "Well let's get him over here!" Ka-tie then proceeded to use the same type of Great Mental Capacity that Blackman uses and willed R-ay into the house. He seemed happy to see Da-ve, Sp-em, and Ka-tie.
"Hello you all!" R-ay smiled. "You know, Sp-ev is worried sick about you Sp-em. You shouldn't run off without telling her where you go."
"I told her through our inbuilt telepathy!" Sp-em pouted. "I thought she knew!"
"Was she snogging Pe-ter when you told her?" Da-ve asked.
"Actually, yeah she was," Sp-em replied honestly.
"That's why she didn't remember," Da-ve finished firmly.
Just then Sp-ev and Pe-ter ran through the door into Ka-tie's house. "I thought you'd come here Sp-em! After all, Ka-tie is brilliant."
"I know," Ka-tie smiled.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Eight--by Sp-ev}
"Why's Ka-tie brilliant?" Pe-ter asked. Sp-ev didn't hear a word he said because she was too busy being mesmerised by his big brown eyes.
"I love your eyes..." she began.
"Not that bladdy Mankais fing again?" R-ay sighed.
"Well, why not? 'S fan!" Pe-ter answered.
"I'll TELL you why I'm brilliant, Quaifey boy!" Ka-tie began. "Because I am the one who is the brains behind this whole operation! If it wasn't for me and the powers I've nicked from Blackman, you wouldn't be here! You'd still be in your house playing bass!" she cackled.
"I was enjoyin' playin' bass!" Pe-ter complained.
"I love your neck..." Sp-ev murmured.
"Oooh, that neck..." R-ay agreed, his mouth watering. Pe-ter shuddered and pulled the collar of his shirt up.
"Sp-ev, waik AP!" Pe-ter begged. Sp-ev looked at him and slowly came to.
"What?" she asked.
"'Ow do I get rid o' R-aiy?" he asked.
"I know! Here, R-ay, take this nice clove of garlic off me!" Sp-ev offered, handing a huge clove of garlic to R-ay. R-ay took one look at it, screamed and ran away in tears.
"SP-EV!" Ka-tie yelled angrily. "You lost me my vamp! Go find him NOW!" she ordered.
"What, when I've got Pe-ter with me? No, siree, Bob baby, I'm goin' nowhere!" she replied. "Send Sp-em!" she suggested.
"OKAY!" Sp-em yelled a little TOO enthusiastically and bounded off to find R-ay. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Nine--by Sp-em}
"'Ey, I'm 'er greatest lurve, shouldn't I be gowin' too, nevahmind the fact R-ay's me bruvvah?" Da-ve asked, slightly annoyed. He then charged out after Sp-em and quickly found her... along with R-ay and D-on and Ke-ith and Jo-hn, all playing strip poker.
"I'll see yer faive... an' raise yer ten!" Jo-hn threatened.
"Ooooh, you'd better have a good hand Jo-hn," Sp-em smirked. She was the only one fully clothed, and she seemed to be enjoying the fact that the four men seated there had already lost their shirts.
"Awready?" Da-ve asked in disbelief. "Eh, can you 'ang on a second fewas?"
"Sure, man," D-on said, happy that Ke-ith's party was still in full swing.
"We'w plaiy yer 'and!" Ke-ith giggled.
Sp-em was pulled into a deep corner by Da-ve. "Oi, this space 's OCCUPIED!" Mi-ck mumbled from somewhere within the depths of that corner.
"Oh, surry mait," Da-ve apologized and pulled Sp-em into another corner. "Look, lurve. Shall we gow an' get everyone togevvah an' we aw can 'ave a fab taime singin' D-on's songs by a campfire an' be out in th' woods? Wot d'yer think?" questioned Da-ve.
"Ooh, CAMPING!" Sp-em shouted excitedly, then threw her arms around Da-ve and gave him a huge snog.
"'Ey, Sp-em, you lost!" R-ay called with an evil grin from the poker table. Sp-em walked back over with Da-ve and smiled seductively at each of them. She kicked off her shoes and sat down again, ready to play.
"No, Sp-em, yah gotta cam wiv me an' get everyone!" Da-ve said as he picked Sp-em up and carried her away.
"Wait for me before you continue!" she yelled to D-on, Jo-hn, Ke-ith, and R-ay as she waved to them from her position over Da-ve's shoulder.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Ten--by Sp-ev}
"Ooh, you've got a really nice arse, Da-ve!" Spem told him from her position over his shoulder.
"I know," he replied.
"Not as cute as Pe-te's!" Sp-ev informed him, walking over to him.
"Mine's cuter!" Da-ve told her.
"Tisn't," she answered firmly.
"Tis," he answered.
"Tisn't."
"Tis."
"Tisn't."
"Tis."
"TISN'T!"
"TIS!"
"IT BLOODY WELL ISN'T!" Sp-ev yelled.
"IT F***IN' WELL *IS*!" Da-ve shouted. Sp-ev swooned.
"Shouting in a cockney accent..." she wibbled. Sp-em giggled.
"Having fun up there?" Sp-ev asked.
"Almost too much!" she replied, laughing.
"'Ey, I've 'ad an 'ot flash!" Ke-ith declared from the poker room. Sp-ev fainted.
"Ke-ith, don't you mean a straight flush?" Sp-em asked, finally getting off Da-ve's shoulder because the blood had all settled in her head.
"Oh yeah," he muttered, going back into the poker room. Sp-ev woke up.
"I thought he meant, well..." she began, confused. Suddenly Pe-te came into the room.
"I've had an idea. Why don't you look at both our arses and make an informed decision yourself?" he suggested. Sp-ev's eyes gleamed.
"I love the way your mind works!" she told him, then thought, 'Nope, I just love his mind...' She shook her head and giggled. "Okay, trousers down!" she ordered.
"I've still not decided," Sp-em told Sp-ev.
"No, me neither," Sp-ev agreed.
"Come on, Sp-ev, I'm going numb!" Pe-te told her.
"Shut up, Pe-te, I'm perving!" Sp-ev answered sharply.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Eleven--by Sp-em}
The mutual perving of Sp-ev and Sp-em over Pe-te and Da-ve (somewhat respectively, but in truth, they both were nice arses!) was suddenly cut short by the tromping in of Herman's Hermits, circa the movie Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter, complete with Mrs. Brown (the dog) and Trollop (who looks like a dog).
"Bladdy 'ew, is it THAT 'ard to decide?" Pe-te (Qu-aife) complained.
"Oh, it's easy. Da-ve's," Bean said simply.
"Suppose tha's it, then," Da-ve remarked and pulled up his trousers as Pe-ter did the same. Sp-ev and Sp-em sighed, then congratulated Be-an on making a wise decision.
"Oi, I like Petah's!" Trol-lop declared.
"Shut up!" Peter Noone answered, "To everyone 'ere, I'm 'Erman." He rolled his eyes at the stupid girl.
Sp-em sort of floated over to the lovely wonderful gorgeous prettiness shagability known as Karl Green. "Ka-rl, I love your last name..."
Da-ve pouted cutely. "I fort she loved ME in 'is stowy!"
Sp-ev would have answered, but she was staring and smiling at Keith Hopwood. Suddenly Ke-ith (Mo-on) leaped into the room.
"One: I'm the Ke-ith in 'is stowy! Two: ...Sp-em, we're waitin' for ya so we can finish our pokah game!"
"I 'ave an idea," Ke-ith Hop-wood announced. "Ke-ith, you can be Ke-ith O-ne and I'll be Ke-ith T-wo."
"Smashin' idea," Ke-ith O-ne replied.
"Shouldn't I get any wuv?" Da-ve continued to pout.
"I'm no' gettin' any eivvah," Pe-te sighed.
"I kinda fancy YOU, 'Er-man!" Trol-lop said quietly.
"Shurrup, Trol-lop," Her-man (hey, those are two actual words! Neat!) answered.
"Just be glad she didn't bring in Monty Python..." Lek sighed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Twelve--by Sp-ev}
"So, anyway, Kei-ith T-wo, how is it you play the
guitar to Holiday Inn again?" Sp-ev inquired. Ke-ith
T-wo got his guitar out and started playing it. Spev
beamed. "Moo-nie, darling! Come here, this song is
for you!" she called. Ke-ith O-ne came dashing into
the room where Kei-th T-wo was playing the song.
"Just two minutes from the sea, ev'ry room equipped
with H&C, life is fun, for ev'ryone, down at Holiday
Inn!" she sang to Kei-th O-ne.
"This song IS abaht me!" he beamed happily, dancing
with Sp-ev around the room.
"What about our poker game?" Sp-em asked, raising an
eyebrow.
"'M DAHNCIN!" Ke-ith O-ne replied (he could never
decide where the hyphen should go...) happily.
Suddenly Kei-th T-wo (neither could he) stopped
playing guitar.
"Sp-ev, I want to dance with you now," he told her.
Kei-th O-ne cuddled Sp-ev tightly.
"You can't mate, she's wiv ME!" he replied. Ke-ith
O-ne was possibly the most cuddly person in the world
and so Sp-ev didn't want to let go of him.
"Sorry, Ke-ith T-wo, as much as I'd love to," she
began. Kei-th T-wo gazed at her with those gorgeous
deep blue eyes of his and bit his lower lip. Sp-ev
was on the verge of a seizure and had to breathe
deeply once or twice. "Moo-nie, darling, just one
little dance?" she begged.
"Wot abaht ME?" Pe-te asked, pouting at her. Sp-ev
squealed.
"Don't POUT AT ME, for God's sake, man!" she pleaded.
"Sp-ev, please don't stop dahncin' wiv me!" Kei-th
O-ne pleaded, gazing at her with those brown eyes that
possesed powers which no other eyes (except Sp-ev's of
course) possesed.
Sp-ev could take it no more. She fainted on the spot.
"Oh NOW look what you've done!" Sp-em yelled angrily
at them.
"Wot're we gunnah do?" Ke-ith O-ne inquired, looking
at everyone.
"I have a plan..." Ke-ith T-wo replied, his gorgeous
blue eyes gleaming.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Thirteen--by Sp-em}
"You have a plan?" Ka-rl asked, amazed. "I always thought you were the thick one!"
Sp-em sighed, happy that her Ka-rl had gotten another line, but then remembered the severity of the situation. "Well, what's your plan, Hop-wood?" (She had decided it would be easier to use each Ke-ith's last name instead...)
Hop-wood looked confused, then answered, "I've forgotten."
"Oh, how wonderful," Da-ve added sarcastically. Of course, his not being literal for once thoroughly amazed Sp-em and caused her to faint as well.
Pe-te rolled his eyes. "Never's too far a time between the both of 'em faintin', eh?"
"No," everyone agreed and answered in unison.
D-on (remember him? The story was supposed to be a Donovan story, bwahaha) smiled, "Hey, that whole unison thing was kinda groovy, man! If we harmonized it, it could flow like Heaven..."
Moo-nie grinned wildly, "Yeah, and I could add a drum beat to it and everyfink! Kinda like kerthumpshaahsmashsmashsmashCYMBALCYMBALshoopshiwaddawaddabing!"
"Er... yeah," D-on finished. "But now I've gotten an idea on how to wake Sp-ev and Sp-em up, and it's almost definitely going to work!"
"Why almost definitely?" R-ay asked, narrowing his eyes.
"Cos it hasn't been tested yet!" he replied triumphantly. Then he tested out his plan: "Colour in sky prussian blue / Scarlet fleece changes hue / Crimson ball sinks from view / Wear Your Love Like Heaven..."
Sp-em awoke, as if in a trance, drawn up by the strange, haunting melody of D-on's song. Almost immediately afterward, Sp-ev also sat up, smiling her widest. "I've got a great idea!"
"Ooh, I think I know what it is, Sp-ev!" Sp-em yelped excitedly.
"TO THE BATMOBILE!" guessed Jo-hn (hey, remember him, too?), although he was wrong.
"No... let's dance with D-ON now!" Sp-ev yelped excitedly.
"YAY!" shouted Sp-em as the two Headsharers (TM) jumped up and took D-on with them. They all proceeded to dance about madly. "Hey, who's gonna play us a tune?" Sp-em asked.
"We wiw!" proclaimed Da-ve as he and the rest of The Ki-nks magically got their instruments from nowhere and started the opening notes to "Ev'rybody's Gonna Be Happy."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
{Part Fourteen--by Sp-ev}
Meanwhile...
BACK IN D-ON'S HOUSE
Half an hour later...
Back to BUDCDIES UNITE!