PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay, everyone, smile for the camera!
RAY: Ooh, Pete, you've got a gorgeous neck, it's so... BITEABLE... *slurp* Oh, S***, now I've let it slip! I'm really a... [whispers] vampire!
DAVE: Mick, er, WHY do we have all these belts or ties draped all over us? It's just not natural. People are going to start understanding WHY we called ourselves The Kinks!
MICK: Dave, they aren't belts. They're tapeworms.
DAVE: URGH! Oh, I feel violated!
RAY: Such a beautiful neck...
MICK: Erm, Pete, please don't kiss me. Not now, not in *public*!
PETE: Oh, go on, Mick. Just a little one, with only a weeny bit of tongue... You know you want to!
MICK: Oh, Pete... ERM! Ahem. No, wait till AFTER!
SPEV: [jumping in from nowhere] Did I just hear Pete Quaife asking for a tongue-y snog?
PETE: Yes but it -
[SPEV doesn't wait to hear any more excuses but takes it upon herself to snog PETE senseless]
PETE: Oooh...
RAY: What a neck!
DAVE: Bloody tapeworms... They get everywhere!
MICK: Pete?
PETE: Spev... [snogs SPEV]
DAVE: Well, if you can't beat 'em... Spem?
[enter SPEM, eyes gleaming]
SPEM: You called?
[DAVE snogs SPEM]
RAY: What a neck!
PETE: [to SPEV] I love your hair...
SPEV: [to PETER] I love your hair...
PETE: I love your eyes...
SPEV: I love your eyes...
PETE: I love your nose...
SPEV: I love your nose...
PETE: I love your mouth...
SPEV: I love your mouth...
PETE: I love your neck...
SPEV: I love your neck...
RAY: So do I...
PETE: I love you!
SPEV: My handsome prince!
[PETE snogs SPEV, with just the tiniest bit of tongue!]
CAST:
IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE:
PHOTOGRAPHER - John Lennon
RAY DAVIES - As himself
DAVE DAVIES - As himself
MICK AVORY - As himself
PETE QUAIFE - As himself
SPEV - As herself
SPEM - As herself