Wrong
By nightshift

The usual disclaimers. All hail Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. for making the world more interesting. None of the characters are mine. I own nothing except a beaten up 1992 Fort Escort. Want it? Take it. No, really, the doors don't lock and the tape deck doesn't work.
Spoilers: Um, yes. Up to halfway through Hell's Bells (Season 6). Then it takes a weird slide into my version of reality.
Distribution: If you want it, please ask. But flattery will get you everywhere. I do own this story and like to visit occasionally to make sure it has a good home.
Rating: R to be on the safe side-mostly for language. (most of the chapters probably PG-13. I'll make sure and mention at the beginning of a chapter if things slide into the NC-17 range, although I doubt it will happen.)
Title: Wrong
Author: nightshift
Email: kalliebailey@hotmail.com
Summary: Buffy's confused about Riley, upset about Spike, and worried about Dawn. Not to mention the whole "came back wrong" thing. Tara can't possibly be right, it's time for someone better versed in magic to take a look. Sounds like your cue, Giles.

He went over and sat beside her. "Buffy, what happened?" She looked down and kept sobbing. He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it to her. She finally settled down, with occasional shuddering sighs for control.

"Bathroom?" He pointed to it. She got up and made her way there. Giles watched her go, looking extremely worried. What had his Slayer gotten herself into that had made her such an emotional wreck?

A few minutes later, Buffy reappeared. She looked a little better, more composed. She sat down next to him and looked down at the floor. She sighed, deeply. "I'm not sure where to start. It's very complicated. I want to tell you this, but I don't want you to think I'm a bad person. I can take you mad at me, but I don't want you to be disgusted with me. I know it was wrong and stupid, but I..." She took wavery breath. Then she burst into tears once more.

Giles moved off the couch and knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Buffy, I could never be disgusted with you. I have been disappointed and occasionally dismayed by your behavior, but never disgusted. Please tell me what happened. Both Willow and Tara approached me last night, asking me to talk to you. What is it? What's wrong?"

"Giles, I can't even look at you I'm so ashamed of myself." She looked away from him, still crying.

He leaned forward and gently took her chin in his hand, turning her head so she was looking at him. "Buffy, I'm very concerned for you. Please, tell me what has you so upset. I was told that he came back, did Riley say something to upset you?" She slowly shook her head. "Is it Dawn?"

"A little. But that's not the worst."

"Why don't you start at the beginning. Smallest problem first. I find that if I solve a small problem or two, the big ones don't look quite so daunting."

She gave him a watery smile. "I've missed you so much, Giles. Nobody else could use 'daunting' in normal conversation without sounding all stuffy." She hugged him and nestled her head on his shoulder. "Giles? Can I just stay here for a minute and feel safe? I can tell you like this, because you're not looking at me."

"If it will get you to talk, you may stay there until my poor old knees give out."

"I happen to know that your knees are neither poor nor old. Geez, Giles, you talk like you're ancient or something."

"Why don't you start. I'll risk my knees," he said dryly.

"Okay. Here goes. I'm starting now. Right now. Starting. That's me, getting started."

"Buffy, you're stalling. Will it help if I ask questions instead?"

"You would have no idea what questions to ask. Believe me on this one. Okay, here goes. Dawn has been shoplifting. From the Magic Box, from regular stores, even from the Scoobies. She even shoplifted my birthday present. I'm afraid they're going to take her away from me. I did stall things when I was invisible, I changed case notes and tried to make the caseworker crazy." At his 'I'm still listening' murmur, she continued. "And then there was the murder. When Spike tried to stop me from turning myself in, I beat him up. He never even defended himself and I just kept hitting and hitting him--I couldn't stop. Only I didn't actually kill her, it was Warren. He and Jonathan and some other guy think they're these big evil guys and they've been making my life even weirder. I mean, Jonathan. I can't believe it, he was such a nice guy and I always liked him. Willow found them without magic--she's been magic free for a while now. Can we solve this part first? I want to wait to tell you the rest. Please?" She loosened her grip on him to look at his face, terrified that he was going to show some sign of distaste for her lack of control over herself and Dawn.

His face was calm and he had that patented 'thinking through the problem' Giles expression. "Have you talked to Dawn yet? What kind of punishment was brought to bear?"

"Yes. She's grounded for the rest of her life. She's working at the Magic Box to make restitution. I think the thing that bothers her the worst is that nobody trusts her anymore. I mean, she stole from friends. Anya recognized a pair of her earrings in the box. She knows that they were at home when they disappeared. You should see how uncomfortable Dawn is while working for Anya. The funny thing is, she isn't mean to Dawn. Just very verbal in her distrust."

Giles looked at Buffy. She seemed to be relaxing a bit as the explanations went on. "Sounds like the shoplifting problem is under control. The punishment seems appropriate for the crime. I don't think your mother could have done any better." Deliberately avoiding the whole murder thing until she was a little calmer, Giles seized on the lesser of the two remaining things she had mentioned. "Now, what's this about a caseworker and invisibility?"

She plunged onward with the whole Evil Trio explanation. The invisibility ray, the black van with the Star Wars theme horn, and their disappearance after the invisibility fiasco. Willow tracking them down with DMV records she'd hacked into, how they had announced themselves proudly as her archnemesis-eses, and her behavior while invisible (except for the whole Spike thing). How their violence had escalated with Trina's murder and the time altering demons. That Spike had told her to run, that he would take care of Trina's body and that she actually had run from the crime she was sure she had committed. The battery she inflicted on Spike when he tried to prevent her from turning herself in and how worried she was because she actually enjoyed the violence. Giles just kept looking at her patiently and making encouraging noises as she paused. When this particular portion of the Buffy Summers soap opera was over, she stopped and sat back on the couch. "Giles, you probably should stop kneeling now. Your knees have got to be hurting. Mine would be." He got up to walk around for a bit.

As he paced around the hotel room, he questioned her about her feelings while invisible. She tried to answer as honestly as she could. "Sounds like you had the opportunity to do something others only dream of and lost control for a while. While I do not condone the way you treated Dawn, she seems to have come through it without injury. Other than that, you tried to solve a problem while you had an unprecedented opportunity to do so. Dawn cannot go to your father, and foster care is out of the question. From what you said, it also made you start caring that you were alive again. Buffy, did you ever think that the giddiness may have been a side effect of a significant dose of whatever they were using to make you invisible?" At her startled look, he continued. "I didn't think so."

"As for the murder, your first impulse was to run. Once you thought about it you were willing to fight to turn yourself in. You ran away, hesitated, thought things through, and then ran the right way. I don't doubt that you were in a mood for violence when you encountered Spike. Your body was probably in full fight or flight mode with adrenaline pumping, something that would be extremely dangerous for any vampire when encountering a Slayer. I don't doubt that you would've controlled yourself had you encountered a human. I think subconsciously you knew that Spike could take anything you could give." She visibly winced; Giles didn't have a clue yet how wrongly that could be interpreted. He looked at her puzzled. "Something wrong?"

"No." She looked around for a clock. Almost noon, Dawn would be getting hungry soon, and she wanted to avoid telling the next part until she had some food in her stomach. "Giles, you're making me feel better just by listening; but if we don't feed Dawn soon she'll get really bitchy." He put his hand out to help her stand. She took it, marveling at how much she missed the sure knowledge that whenever she needed someone he was right there. Unconsciously still holding his hand, she led him to the door. "Hotel restaurant still okay? You're still buying and I don't want to make you spend more..."

"The hotel restaurant will be adequate. What you and Dawn can manage to eat won't break me." He smiled reassuringly at her.

She smiled back. "Dawn's been going through a growth spurt. I wouldn't be too sure about that. I can barely keep her in lunch money." Then her smile dimmed. "I can barely keep her in clothes, or in water, electricity, a home..." She gave a little shrug and a sigh. "She would be better off if I was still..." Giles stopped and let go of her hand. He turned her to face him and hugged her to him in a crushing embrace.

"Don't ever say that, Buffy," he said fiercely. "The world is a much better place with you in it. Your smile, your determination, your spark. Don't ever let me hear you say that again."

She put her arms around him and snuggled under his chin. "You say the nicest things. I've missed you, you know. Nobody else knows exactly what to say like you do." A couple passed them in the hall. He could hear the muttered "pervert". He released her rapidly and self-consciously. She looked up at him, puzzled. "Giles, what's wrong? Was it something I did? Oh, geez, I didn't mean to embarrass you with the PDA's. I forgot the whole cool British reserve thing. I just missed my favorite Watcher."

He took a calming breath. "You did nothing wrong. I don't wish to ruin your reputation. Affectionate with a much older man in a hotel hallway..."

"Giles, you are sooo smart and can be sooo wrong sometimes. They were probably just jealous because I was hugging the sweetest guy in the hotel." She looked up at him and smiled again. "Now let's get lunch." She grabbed his hand and headed for the swimming pool.

Dawn was already dry and dressed. "About time. It must be two o'clock. I'm starving."

"It's not even noon, Dawn. Let's go get something before we have to listen to your stomach growl. It sounds like a cat caught in a blender." On cue, Dawn's stomach made a noise. The two girls looked at each other and giggled.

Dawn looked at her sister. Buffy looked more relaxed than she had in a while. "Giles, I'm so glad you came back. Buffy hasn't been the same since you left. She got all weird on me. I think she needs a grownup to talk to. That and a boyfriend." Buffy looked at her and just shook her head.

"Dawn, believe me, the last thing I need right now is a boyfriend."

"So, does this mean Carlos is out of the question?"

"Absolutely out of the question. He's a civilian and I have the whole Slayer thing going on. How am I going to explain to him that I can't go out tonight, I have an Apocalypse to prevent?"

"It's a shame Riley's married. He knew about the whole thing."

"Actually, I'm glad he's married. He wanted it so bad. I don't think I could've been the one he married, though. He had this whole macho 'protect the wimmenfolk' thing going on. Plus I think it bugged him that I could wipe the floor with him at any time. I'm happy for him." At Dawn's dubious look, she smiled. "No, Dawn, seriously. I am happy for Riley. I'm glad he found what he was looking for."

"Spike knows you're the Slayer, and he loves you. He's helped us before, even. What about him?"

"Dawn, we are SO not having this conversation right now. I want to eat and forget about things for a while. Please." At the quiet desperation in her voice, Dawn dropped the subject of Buffy's love life.

Dawn looked at Giles. "So can I get anything on the menu? I'm starving and might want a whole lot to eat."

"Dawn, you may have whatever you wish, as long as you eat everything you order."

She smiled at him. "Buffy, can Giles adopt me? He can afford to feed me." At Buffy's hurt gasp, Dawn thought for a minute about what she had said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out that way. Please don't be mad. I know you're doing the best you can." She pulled Buffy into an awkward hug. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that you were doing a bad job. I just meant that I know things would be easier for you if I was gone." Buffy started crying again. "I'm so sorry Buffy." Dawn started crying, too. Giles looked helplessly from his slayer to the former key. Buffy looked up and saw the dismay on his face and started laughing a little hysterically. Dawn tried to see what set her sister off, saw Giles' expression and started giggling.

"I can assure you there is nothing wrong my face," he stated huffily. "It has always been serviceable in the past." Buffy and Dawn continued laughing until they collapsed on the floor. He looked at them, puzzled. They looked back at him and burst into gales of laughter again.

"Isn't he just..." giggle."Yeah, and the look on his..." giggle, giggle. "And he has no clue..." giggle, giggle, snort. "Oh, geez. Stop..." giggle, snort. "Ow, my sides..." giggle. "Try not to look at..." giggle. "But he looks so cute when..." snort, giggle, giggle. "Giles, turn around." Buffy's best command voice. He looked at them, still confused. Then he complied. "Okay, control." giggle, giggle, snort. "It's better when he's not watching us." giggle. "At least you've stopped snorting." giggle. "Okay, standing up now." He heard them shifting and a couple of deep breaths, like someone was fighting for self-control. "You can turn around now." He turned, watching them warily.

"Better?" They both looked at him and nodded, neither one looking at the other nor saying a word. "Well then, let's go eat." They each took one of his hands and led him to the restaurant. Occasional giggles could be heard from either sister and they determinedly did not look at each other. They were seated and ordered their food without losing too much control after their strange bout of giggles.

"Geez, Dawn. No wonder you're so tall. If I packed away that much food I'd be six foot tall or more likely three hundred pounds." Buffy looked at her sister's empty plates. Two cheeseburgers, fries, and a salad. Not to mention the huge chocolate shake.

Dawn shrugged, unembarrassed. Giles had told her she could order anything as long as she ate it all. "Yeah, I've seen how much you've eaten lately. Not much. I'd be surprised if you weighed more than a hundred pounds. In a soaking wet coat. And boots. Big, stompy boots like Spike always wears." Buffy flinched at the mention of Spike. He didn't always wear those boots.

Giles looked at Buffy, concerned. "How much weight have you lost lately?" Dawn gave a satisfied smirk. Giles would make her sister eat. Buffy looked at her plate. Most of her salad was just rearranged on her plate. She hadn't really been hungry.

She looked at them defiantly. "I just can't stand the food I can afford. Doublemeat, eeew. How many nights in a row can one person take it? Your personal best is three nights in a row, Dawn. Now I can't even stand food I can't afford. It's not like I don't want to eat. I'm just not in the mood for it. I'm not in the mood for the obligations that come with accepting it. I mean, 'will date for food' is a little tacky, and 'let's take my sister, she needs to eat, too' is such a huge turn-on."

Giles examined her, measuring this brittle, sarcastic Buffy against the one he remembered from a year ago, before her mother's death. Her face was painfully thin and she looked exhausted, practically at the end of her rope. "Buffy, what would you like, really like to eat?" She cautiously looked up at him. His sincerity and concern were evident in his expression. This was Giles. He wasn't going to pressure her, wasn't going to expect some kind of favor in repayment for the meal. She wasn't going to have to worry about garlic or onion breath. It's not like this would be a date. He knew she was the Slayer, he'd seen how much she could eat. If she spilled soup on her blouse, oh well. She closed her eyes and relaxed, gathering her thoughts for a minute.

"What I want more than anything else is Italian. From Delmonico's. Big bowl of French onion soup with the melted cheese and the huge crouton. Fettucine with the little shrimp in it. One of their huge salads with sunflower seeds and those big purple onion slices and ranch dressing. With a glass of wine and the garlicky cheese bread that they make. And a huge piece of Tiramisu for dessert." She smiled whimsically. "Then some Ben & Jerry's for more dessert."

He nodded decisively. "You shall have it for dinner. You will enjoy every bite because there will be no obligations that come with accepting the meal. Dawn will eat whatever she wishes, also. But only if you finish your salad, now." She looked down at her mangled salad. It didn't look so bad against the promise of fettucine. She started eating, concentrating on her plate. Dawn looked at Giles and smiled. She mouthed 'thank you' and blew him a kiss. He mouthed 'my pleasure' and returned to watching Buffy eat.

When she had finished her salad, she turned to Giles. "See?" She said brightly,"finished. I should call now to make reservations. They get pretty busy on Sundays." She left, her step a little lighter.

Dawn looked at Giles in awe. "You got her to eat. And smile. She hasn't done much of either since she came back. She's been even more miserable since you left. Moping, disappearing until all hours of the night, coming back home sore and limpy. I think she's been picking fights with lots more demons, maybe trying to get killed or something. I've seen scratches and teeth marks on her shoulders, and she had marks on her wrists the other night when she came home. I think Spike's trying to help her, but he's getting beat up, too. You should've seen the black eye he had at her birthday party. I don't know how many of what they're fighting, but they just keep getting pounded on. Oh, here she comes!" Dawn clammed up. Her sister was happy, she didn't want to depress her with slayer talk.

"Dinner will be at seven. Three people." She smiled again. "Now, back to the pool, you remember the rules. No deep end for at least half an hour. Then you'd better work off the two cheeseburgers and the fries, because I remember how much you like their deep dish white pizza." Giles paid for their meal and they dropped Dawn back to the pool. Then they went once again to his suite.

As he opened the door for her, she looked around. "Feels even weirder now that you've actually promised me dinner. I mean, I know you don't think about me that way, but I've been around some real jerks lately, working at the Doublemeat Palace." She took a big breath and stepped back into his room. He followed and closed the door. "I'm sorry, Giles." She stepped forward and hugged him.

Cautiously, gently, he hugged her back. "Whatever for?" She snuggled in under his chin. He could barely hear her muffled voice against his chest, but he could most assuredly feel her warm breath as she spoke.

"For thinking of you with the same brain as the jerks I've met recently. I mean, you're different. Special. I've missed you so much." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I wish you would never leave." His shirtfront was getting wet again. "But after what I tell you, you'll leave. Anyone would." At his wordless denial, she whispered, "just don't look at me when I'm telling you this. I can't tell you all of it if you're looking at me. I couldn't stand to see the look in your eyes."

She took a deep breath. "Riley came back. He's married and they're perfect together. Even I like Sam and I was prepared to hate her. He just showed me how screwed up my life is. Especially when he caught me in bed with Spike." At his jerk of surprise, she tightened her grip on him. "It's been going on for a while. Since shortly after you left. He can hit me since I came back, so he knows I came back wrong. Not human, not right. I don't feel right. My skin keeps buzzing and itching, and I need—no, I crave the violence. I don't feel evil yet, but it's probably just a matter of time. I did it the first time to shut him up. But I can't seem to stop. I mean, I initiated it. I know better than to have sex with a vampire. Very bad things happen. We do things that I've never...I mean I didn't even know that...I've read about but I just...never thought they would feel so...but I broke it off. It was killing me. He kept telling me how I didn't belong in the light with everyone, how I was a creature of darkness. So now do you understand? I know I'm disgusting. I know getting involved with a vampire again was stupid. I do such degrading things with him and I can't seem to stop." She clutched him tightly, sobbing as though her heart was broken.

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