bleakness Can you lace my boots dreamlover fallen Him Judas Kiss longing arabella more My Orion need Nighttime Elegy now sacrifice song to an angel stubborn Turn Untitled No. 1 when i was a child...

Poems

bleakness I reach out in the darkness but you're nowhere to be found I strive to find the footholds to stand on solid ground I reach out for forgiveness but repentence plays the fool my sins know no dilution my soul knows nothing true I reach out for the promise of your everpresent love but fall short of your glory and quiver here alone I reach out for tomorrow hoping today's bleak truth will break but when tomorrow comes, I've not yet seen your face I crawl on stony desert my lips have kiss'd the sand my feet are pierced and aching I need your loving hand I wonder where you're hiding and why you've forsaken me the promise of your presence has long been obsolete Or is it me that's hiding and am I the runaway have i blindly been escaping while i profess to seek your grace? O lift me up and hold me I'm tired and almost dead this barren landscape's foreign And I long for home instead. (top) Can you lace my boots up tight... Can you lace my boots up tight, The way he used to do? And can you make the planet shrink Until there's just us two? Can you make me laugh with you, Can you make me cry? Does the thought of losing me Bring a teardrop to your eye? Do you feel as if we share One heart, one soul, one mind? If you were able to open me up, Would you love the Me inside? Can you make each moment count, Simply because it's spent with you? And can you lace my boots up tight, The way he used to do? (top) dreamlover I sought you and I found you But yours was not the face of my dreams Your twisted cataclysmic mockery Belied my fears, it seems I needed you to be my lover I needed you to be my friend Instead you opened up your soul And offered me a steep descent Swallowed up, I became you Deep inside you I defamed you Choking on your bitter bile, With disgust and loathing I did claim you A parasitic thing, I ate you My life was yours and it sustained you Deep inside a hades just for me, I lost myself and therefore gained you. (top) fallen Innocence is robbed, And time becomes my God; Penance due for avarice and need. The rose is torn to shreds, And life hangs on a thread - You've left me here alone with time to bleed. Innocence is robbed, And I become the fool; I've suffered skin and blood To let you take it all. You played me like a king, All my dreams you stole; My innocence has gone and I Became the one you know. (top) Him I went wandering the shores of Gallilee Sand drifting into my sandals Mudflats sucking greedily at my toes Briney wind pulling at my hair With cold and relentless fingers I went in search of the one they call Jesus I looked for him in the manger And didn't find him... I looked for him in the fishing boats And didn't find him... I looked for him on golgoth's hill And at the tomb where his spice-wrapped body laid And still I did not find him... I looked upwards to the heavens Hoping to glimpse his face in cloud-pictures Or hear his whisper on the wake of dove's wings But still I did not find him. I studied the painted pictures Of celestial wreaths and mary's virgin lap Of ruby hearts and wooden crosses Of blood- and sweat-drenched brows And nail-scarred hands I found paint and canvas, marble, stone But I did not find him. I thought perhaps he was a man of mystery And peeked beneath the faces of buddha and of krishna But all I found was empty eyes beyond the veil of smiles. I wept because I could not find Jesus, And my tears tasted as bitter As those shed in garden of Gethsemane And then I understood; I looked at my scarred hands Felt the thorns in my brow I looked within myself And there I found him. (top) Judas Kiss Hurt like a vise, squeezing my chest How can others not see past my smile To your false accusations That echo in my eyes? Your loyalties lie in question, This relationship growing like a foetus - Incubating in the womb of our enmeshed minds, Its birth culminating, Growing bigger than the both of us. How could you push me aside For the love-child of our imagination? You're gone And in the place where you stood, a monster Tearing me in two with the claws of your determination; My world is confetti, Sprinkled to the wind like a child's fancy But it meant more to me than that. My tears are evidence to your betrayal, Not one of flesh but one of mind. Logic flees in the face of your mad delusions Words are thick and flow from your Judas Kiss. (top) Longing Arabella I seek a grace I cannot see I seek your face Your loving me I touch but can't Afford to hold Lest one so icy Should freeze you cold I hear but am Afraid to crack The fear is glued To hold me back To keep you out To keep you safe Although I still Long for your taste... (top) more someone please put thoughts in my head I am emotionally dead I feel as useless as a one-armed man's violin my strings gather dust how long has it been? since I've felt forgiven? how long since every care was a distant memory? have I ever loved life? was there ever more than this for me? (top) My Orion A complete surprise to meet you there When first I caught your sultry stare Your confidence and debonair Held me spellbound, awkward, to my chair I watched the hands I longed to touch And wondered why you cared enough To try and teach me how to trust And make me want you, oh so much! The copulation of our minds The erection of our souls entwined Made my need for you sublime And the touch of skin on skin divine You penetrate my deepest fears You hold nothing sacred that I hold dear My defenses you do not revere But something keeps me standing here You'll make me risk my heart and soul And accept nothing that is not whole My craving need for you is bold And my resistance weakens, and grows cold Replaced now by a fierce desire A need to feed your tongues of fire To watch the blaze in your eyes burn higher To lust for things, to love aspire. (top) need Can you hear me Calling out your name? I can't reach you, You're in a wall of glass. Reach out tonight - I need you to need me, I'm scared to be Alone here at the last. I'm scared I'm free - I'm afraid to know myself - And I'm scared that I'm The wall that holds you back; See the tears, And try to see the pain... Don't leave me here Or I'll slip through the cracks. (top) Nighttime Elegy Dusk glides into night As smoothly as a teardrop Rolls down a tombstone The ink flows down the page And glistens there, alone The melancholy memories Ring out a wrenching cry That dies before it's born The moon smiles once her crayon smile And fades with coming morn. (top) now Whisper words into my ear Tell me the lies I long to hear That you care That you'll always be here A fabrication that's insane You don't even know my name But I need it Need to feel it Need to believe it now Hold me in your arms of steel Make me love how you make me feel This is the only comfort I'm going to get Tomorrow's soon enough to repent But I need it Need to feel it Need to believe it now Let me substitute sex for love Let me claim passion as my drug Let me pretend I'm someone else Let me purge the demons from myself Because I need it Need to feel it Need to believe it now And if I should close my eyes Don't ask me why, just let me cry Because I need it, Need to feel it Need to believe it now (top) sacrifice Hell is here - It's just a step away; I lose control And drift along its tide... I feel its heat, Is it coming here for me? What have I done, What secrets do I hide? You have to know, I did it all for you! I bared myself To shield you from the blast; I tried to live In such a way that you Could be at peace, Even though I can't. Tell me please That you're okay and I Will be content To give it up for you. No need to cry - It was my destiny; I was alone And alone I'll make it through. I'll walk your path, The stones will cut my feet; It's penance for The things that I have done. Comfort me In my dying hour By telling me You knew I was the one. (top) song to an angel My secret lust My deep desire To feel your kiss To take me higher To touch your skin And feel your heat To taste your lips And feel complete To feel so right To be so wrong To want you hard To want you strong Your god-like eyes Your childlike soul Will wrap me in Your golden glow A little of your warmth is all I ask I who wonder aimlessly about No home, No soul to call my own My heart a trophy on your diadem-strewn shelf - Don't cast it out. (top) stubborn No cry for help I descend into myself No outstretched hand I've cut it off from you You push at me You probe within my soul You're not content With all I give to you No warning sign I siphon out my blood No peace of mine I breathe my toxic air My counter move In this game of love and life My obstinence I've never learned to share (top) Turn When I come near you in the dark When absolution's too much to ask When my tear-stained face touches your shoulder When my eyes sadshine through this masquerade mask When my wings are torn and dirty When I've forgotten how to fly When I've stopped the carousel party When the flames become too bright When I've slipped and fallen over When my life has crashed and burned When the waves have ebbed around me It's to you I turn And you're always there to love me Even though I have no love to give And you're always there to hold me Through this crazy life I live And you're never one to judge me And you're never one to care About my emerald-jaded history Or all the scars i bear And you're the one i come to When life's lost its luster'd yearn When I need someone to love me It's to you I turn (top) Untitled No.1 Ink on paper spreads a stain Listen to the crying rain Hopelessness is my best friend Loneliness lies round the bend Both take my hands and help me through The days when I cry over you The jaws of life are closing in Trapping me inside my skin Unrelenting freedom In a big black box. (top) when i was a child When I was a child I dreamed pink faery floss dreams... Now my world is granite, And the smell of cigarette smoke Permeates the air. When I was a girl Unicorns danced upon my bed... Now they are replaced By sweaty, sex-stained men - Who do not know the unicorns were ever there. When I was young and innocent I ate rainbow-flavoured sno-cones... Now my belly is full of bitterness, I'm pregnant with desire, And I give birth to sadness Yet again. (top)