IN A HEARTBEAT (G) ~*~ Kathryn stood gazing out the large window which made up almost the entire outer wall of her new office. The view of the bay was lovely, but it did not compare with the glitter of stars against the velvety blackness of space. No matter. This was her life now. Grounded, tied to a desk with far too much time on her hands. Time to think of what might've been had she not let it slip right through her fingers. She had gambled, and lost. The voice of her assistant over the comm interrupted her thoughts. "Admiral, Mr. Chakotay is here." Kathryn straightened and drew a calming breath. "Thank you, Julie. Send him in." When he entered she did not turn but watched his reflection in the glass. He stopped several feet behind her, lowered a bag to the floor and put his hands on his hips. "That's quite a view," he said with a half smile. Kathryn gave a small shrug. "I suppose it'll have to do," she said, then forced up a smile and turned to face him. "Already missing the stars," he said knowingly. His eyes traveled over her before settling on her face. "The new uniform suits you." She uncrossed her arms and ran a hand over her sleeve. "Do you think? I always thought red was more my color." "No. The gray goes well with your eyes." They were making small talk and both knew it. Kathryn suddenly felt the need to have it done, to send him on his way to begin his new life. She glanced down at his bag. "So, you're on your way to Dorvan." Chakotay took a step forward and Kathryn felt herself stiffen, seeing in his eyes that he had noticed. He stopped and clasped his hands behind him as if to put her at ease. "There's still a lot of work to be done there." She nodded then moved to a set of comfortable chairs in a corner. "I thought Seven might come with you, to say goodbye," she said as she sat down. When she looked back at him, he was tugging at his earlobe. They had never even touched on the subject of his relationship with Seven. "Actually, Seven is not going," he said. Slowly he approached and waited for an invitation to sit. Kathryn nodded at the other chair. "She and I...parted company a few weeks ago," he added as he sat down. Kathryn hid her surprise and instead offered a look of compassion. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I didn't know." "It's nothing to be sorry about," he said dismissively as he crossed an ankle over a knee. "It was a few dates, nothing more." He watched her closely as he added, "You could've just asked." She bristled. "Asked what? Your personal life is none of my business." She hadn't meant to sound so sharp and the hurt that crossed his face stabbed at her. As she rose to go to the replicator, she asked in a gentler voice, "Can I get you something?" Chakotay had been surprised by her reaction and took a moment to answer. "No, thank you." He watched as she ordered coffee, picked up the steaming mug then moved back to the large window and gazed out. "How long will you be gone?" "Indefinitely." "I hope you'll stay in touch." She lifted the cup to her lips and from the corner of her vision saw him stand. "I'll be in touch," he said with a sigh as he went to pick up his bag. "It's what friends do." Something in his tone made her turn around. She slowly lowered the cup to her desk as she peered into his sad eyes. A battle raged within, her mind telling her she had to let him go while her heart screamed at her to stop him. "It's funny," he said softly. Kathryn blinked, his voice pulling her from her thoughts. "Excuse me?" "I can't seem to get past this feeling that I've betrayed you." He didn't need to say more. They both had paid a heavy price for leaving too much unsaid for too long. Kathryn swallowed and lowered her head for a moment, summoning the last remnants of her resolve. As desperately as she wanted him to stay, she had to let him go. He had moved on. The relationship with Seven, although short, was proof. "Chakotay," she said with a gentle smile as her eyes met his again. "There's not a hurtful bone in your body." He seemed more saddened than comforted by her words, as if he had hoped for something else, and Kathryn did not understand. He started to speak but changed his mind and placed the strap over his shoulder. From the sadness on his face, Kathryn thought he must have the weight of the world in that duffel. He gazed at her for a long time as if burning the image into his mind then spoke very softly, his voice thick with emotion. "Take care of yourself, Kathryn." Chakotay was almost to the door when Kathryn's body betrayed her, taking a step forward and calling his name. He stopped but did not turn around. She began to tremble, told herself rejection couldn't possibly be worse than letting him walk out of her life without knowing... "Take me with you," she said softly. His chin hit his chest and he whispered something she couldn't make out. Kathryn watched with her heart in her throat as he slowly turned around. Even from across the room and through misty eyes, she saw the tears in his. A corner of her mouth turned up. "I don't eat much, and I promise not to..." The rest was lost in a sob as he dropped the bag and rushed to her. Again her body betrayed her and her knees gave way just as he reached out to haul her into his arms with a shuddering breath. They clung to one another, his face buried in her hair, hers in his neck. Unable to speak they could only hold on and rock gently. Chakotay was the first to pull back but only far enough to hold her face in his hands and look into her eyes. "You'd leave Starfleet...for me?" She answered immediately in a whisper. "In a heartbeat." He seemed unable to believe she would walk away from everything she'd strived for her entire adult life. "The admiralty..." Kathryn found her voice. "Starfleet has more than enough admirals. They won't miss one." "I don't want you to regret..." he began. "The only thing I regret is not telling you five years ago that...that I'm in love with you." At first he only heard she was in love with him. Slowly, the other part sank in. She had fallen in love with him on New Earth, something he had suspected but been too afraid to hope for. Hearing her say it filled him up, sent his spirit soaring. "We've so much lost time to make up for," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss her. As their lips met, Kathryn knew one thing for certain... THIS was the homecoming she had dreamed of. ~ end ~ -- Camryn, June 2006 Flip back to the Poems & Prose Index page!