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SECOND THOUGHTS
(PG)
Kathryn dismissed the senior staff as she rose from her chair then turned to gaze out the viewport, crossing her arms. Chakotay paused at the door to look back at her and felt his chest tighten. Stepping away from the door to allow it to close he softly cleared his throat to alert her to his presence. "Are you alright?" he asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. She turned slowly and rested her arms across the back of her chair. "I'm not sure." "Can I help?" "Maybe," she answered with a half smile. "Tell me we haven't made a huge mistake." Chakotay lowered his head for a moment trying to still the panic gripping his heart. "I can only tell you that I don't think it was a mistake." he said then lifted his eyes to hers. "You have to decide for yourself." "I'm having a little trouble with that," Kathryn said as she turned back toward the viewport. "Although it's a bit late." There was a long silence. Chakotay resisted the urge to go to her. He had never pushed or tried to influence her when it came to their unspoken feelings. As frightened as he was she'd change her mind, he wasn't going to try to sway her now. They had both wanted what had finally happened between them but obviously Kathryn was having second thoughts. This was her battle and the ultimate decision lay with her although it would impact both their futures. "During this meeting I kept thinking about...last night," she said quietly then tilted her head back slightly, drew a deep breath, exhaled. "It's exactly what I was afraid of. Being distracted from my duty." Chakotay saw no harm in sharing with her his thoughts on the subject, how he was dealing with the step they had finally taken. "It's still so new, Kathryn. I've been thinking about it too, but I think that's perfectly normal. All couples only have one first time." He waited for a response but she remained still and quiet. "Regardless, I know that until we get our crew home, duty comes first. I accept that." Finally she turned to face him. "Is that fair?" she asked urgently though almost in a whisper. "How so?" "In an intimate relationship, a loving relationship, aren't the parties supposed to come first to each other?" "In an ideal situation, or maybe I should say a normal situation, yes," he said, taking a few steps toward her and never breaking eye contact. "But ours is far from normal and it's certainly not ideal. We have to make allowances." His voice softened even more. "I can live with that." "Is it truly what you want, Chakotay, or are you just settling?" The sadness in her voice tugged at his heart and he moved closer. The need to touch her was intense but he held back. "What I want is all that you're willing to share with me...and I'll never push you for any more than that." Most of the sadness left her face, replaced by a loving gaze and a small smile. She closed the distance between them and placed a palm over his heart. "You are the most patient man I've ever known." Her smile grew. "I guess I just need a little time to get used to this." Chakotay covered her hand with his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." A flicker of mischief entered her eyes. "Except maybe...the bridge?" "Yes. Right. Bridge." Losing his grin, he stepped aside and gave an 'after you' gesture. "Captain." "Thank you, Commander." she said, her expression becoming serious except for the smile lingering in her eyes. The command team exited the briefing room and stepped onto the bridge, ready to face whatever the Delta Quadrant had in store for them today.
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